Two lines.
It confirms the two years of independent life.
That one night that I leaped beyond the red line. The time I have let go of the shackles that has been binding me.
Regret?
No, I don't.
What I did is what I want, no one told me too, I have the reason to decline but I did not. I won't deny the fact that I am really tempted and deep inside me, there are my suppressed feelings that I've always wanted to break free from.
"I have gained another life…" I whispered to myself while seeing the plane landing at the place where I was born. I am back in Vanda.
"Juri! My daughter!" A week before my flight, I told her that I'll be going home for the first time since I've left. Her voice seems so enthusiastic over the phone. I insisted that she not pick me up at the airport since I'll be directly going to our hometown, North Iris. Now, here she is waving her hands to me, a mother who's been longing for her daughter. She looked older and thinner, wrinkles were more visible and gray hairs started to grow.
"Mom, it's been a while." I smile faintly.
"Welcome back!" she gave me a tight embrace, it pricks my heart, is this how it always felt when she hugged me? It feels warmer and the corner of my eyes kinda heated. I started to imagine myself, will I be like this in the future as well? A child that resembles me and that person?
"Come my child, I will prepare your favorite dishes at home." My mother's hand is skinny and rough, it must've been hard for her living alone, knowing she hates having a maid or any attendant, she will do the housework by herself.
"Mom, do you still do the laundry? What happened to the skin products I bought for you? Your hand is dry." I teased her, knowing she would only scoff at me.
"This child, you just met me and you'll insult my hard working hand like that."
"What about the house helper? Did you fire them?"
"No, they are still working, I just find myself bored if I don't move around the house."
"Mom…"
"Hmm?"
"I'm glad you're doing well."
"Of course I am! I even told you not to send me any money anymore since what you gave is too much. I also started a business last year with the money you send us monthly."
"Wow, you are a business genius mom!"
"Don't flatter me, it is just a small one but it is enough to cover the expenses at home." She gave me a tender smile, has our conversation always been this light? Two years must have matured me a lot and so is our relationship.
Arriving at our home in the city of Starry, which is the capital of Vanda, we were met with children playing at the side road.
"Oh, those were our neighbor's children, they have quite a big family and even the cousins are staying at their house since it is summer vacation." My mother told me she knew that I am not fond of children, since the seven year gap between me and my younger brother, but it doesn't affect our relationship, she just knows that I have the least patience and so does my brother.
"We've kept everything the same and your room was kept clean, so you won't have to worry."
"It's fine mom, since I'll be in North iris tomorrow."
"Ah…You're right." Her eyes wavered as she answered, we left North iris when I was ten years old and lived the rest here in Starry. The city life and culture is much more elevated compared to the countryside of North Iris, that is where those prying eyes of your neighbors stressed us out. A single mother with two children.
In society, through continuous innovation and the maturity of culture, we cannot erase the fact that some people remain the same. It put quite a toll on my mother during those times. Stricter on house rules, going to school, not being picky with food and no fighting with other children. Mother worked hard to raise us the best she can, so that people surrounding her won't have any say about her children.
I have grown in a cage where my actions are controlled and numbered, you cannot do this, you cannot do that. It is also what has pushed me to the cliff that I decided to leave for Amsonia.
"Though I have come back home, I have no thoughts of staying here in Starry. I will use the house in North Iris."
"Will you really not stay here?"
"Yes mom, you know I don't like the people around us here. I was still surprised that despite that you and Deri stayed still."
"Well.. Let's get to eat, I have prepared your favorite dishes!"
"Do you smell something mom?"
"What is?"
"Something smelled foul like sour and mixed with rotten meat?"
"Ah, maybe it's these fermented pickles, our neighbor made it and gave us some, I thought you would like it so I prepared some." While my mom was talking, I felt the churning of my stomach, so I immediately drank the glass of water to calm it down. Then the doorbell rings that distracts us.
"Who is it?"
'Oh Rima, I have heard that Juri came back so I brought some dishes I made." It was the annoying neighbor number one, she is talkative and always brags about her children about studying in law school and medicine.
"I see, thank you Mrs. Millers, you won't have to do this far."
"Well, it just happened that my son is visiting this coming weekend, it would be nice to have a family dinner since it's been a while right?" My eyes widened at what just my ears have heard, is she setting me up with her son?
Looking at mom's back I know she is troubled and doesn't know how to put her off, I plan to stand and push away Mrs. Miller when the sourness reaches my throat. I immediately run towards the lavatory and puke out those acids, it hurts so much.
"Oh my, Juri!" her worried call seems so faint, I know that she's calling me at the same time I don't understand what she's saying.
"I'm sorry Mrs. Miller, but she is not feeling well due to the long flight, we may talk again some other time." Not giving her any chance to answer back, I heard mom closed the door. She ran to me and patted my back.
"Let's go to your room and have a rest, you must be tired from the flight." I did not reply and just let her pull me all the way to my room. Once I lay on my bed, she prepared water and medicine for my stomach, she insisted that I take it but I refused.
"You have to drink medicine, you'll be travelling again tomorrow, better condition your stomach."
"No need Mom, it's fine." I thought that fermented pickles must be the reason.
"You were not this stubborn with your medicine when you were younger, come on, drink it."
"The doctor said it's not safe for me to drink it Mom."
"The doctor?"
"Yeah…"
"Are you ill or something?"
"No, just a general check up."
"Do you not feel well? Is that why you came back because you are ill?" Not letting me off the hook, I gathered all my courage to tell my mom. The fact that I dare not want 'that person' to know, at this moment, where the only person I can trust is my mother.
"Mom…" I held her hand and I could feel the burning sensation in the corner of my eyes.
"J-Juri, you are scaring me… What happened to my child?"
"I…. I'm sorry…" I felt her hand stiffened, so as her face, it is easy to tell, since she is also a woman. I took a deep breath and spoke with all my might.
"I'm pregnant."