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Chapter 12 - Healing Massage

- "Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier and simpler" -

~ Friedrich Nietzsche

From what she could remember of being in the dimly lit grocery store was the feeling of fatigue nibbling at her strength and weighing down her body. Even the shadows in the store seemed heavy on her back. She was drowning in a pool of heat and she fought desperately with the trails of sweat that climbed down her cheeks. Berty sure knew how to whack when he swung his stick, she thought. She was still sore from the bruises and wounds she had received but was determined to creep through. Though, in all honesty, she knew this was the worst she had been in a long time. Things right in front of her seemed out of focus and the colours which engulfed her began to merge, transcending her into a spiraling tunnel of darkness. She had no control over her body for a split second and she felt herself falling to her misery, in a carpet of Cherry Blossom petals where Nanna, who sat on a bench, tilted her head and watched with arms crossed in her laps and did nothing. Contact with some foreign object sent ripples of pain through her skull so much so that she was certain that she was probably dead.

"L-Liam.."

Someone not too far away shrieked, petrified at what they had witnessed, causing a rippling effect of frozen positions and heads spinning in the direction of the sound. Chaos was evoked right at that moment. Life seemed to move at a faster pace as employees scampered and rushed to her aid. They scooped her lifeless body off the floor like a sack of potatoes and it was funny to see how emergency situations could make even enemies into temporary friends.

"Ma'am, are you alright?"

"Ma'am, speak to us... Ma'am??!"

"Where exactly did she fall?"

"Is there blood? Do you see blood?

"Someone phone an ambulance!"

"Ma'am? Are you alright? Tell us anything if you can! You need to take this ice pack as soon as you can!"

Their voices were booming from all directions and although she had climbed her way out of the shell of her body and was floating amongst pink tinted clouds, she could hear them. All she had to do was give them one answer but the strength to talk was not there. It had already seeped out through the pores of her skin the moment she fell. She continued to watch them from up there, however, and it was only when she made out the words 'ambulance' and the quick outstretched arm that was about to make contact with her face, that she quickly thought of the only thing she found suitable to say-

"Liam."

It came out as barely anything like a whisper but was enough to blow a huge stack of fear off the shoulders of the many terrified and concerned faces that bombarded her.

"Liam? Ma'am, who is Liam?"

"Is he your boyfriend, ma'am?"

"Is he here so that we can call him? Do you have a number for the person?"

There were their questions again, thought provoking questions. She dunked under the sea of thoughts and wondered "Who was Liam really?". We are just two different souls in our own worlds, communicating based on a bargain made, she thought, but even so, who was he?

"Ma'am we are sending for an ambulance asap! Try to stay calm and keep this ice pack on the swelling please! You'll be okay!"

"Who is Liam?"

"Ma'am we are sending for an ambulance asap! Try to stay calm and keep this ice pack on..."

"What was that? He's your friend? He's outside?"

"Ma'am we are sending for an ambulance asap! Try to stay calm and..."

"He is also in school uniform? We'll get him asap! Hang on!"

"...sending for an ambulance asap!"

"EMMA!"

Her eyes snapped open and covered in a cold sweat, her body tensed up and jolted up immediately. Her heart was pounding in her chest heaving with panic. The rapid rise and fall of her chest were the only signals reminding her that she was back in reality where she was conscious and aware of what exactly was happening. Random tremors ran through her body, reminding her of just how weak she truly was and it was only when she felt the ripples of goosebumps that flooded her skin, the moment she felt the bite of the crisp air around her, harsher than ever, did she realize that she had been stripped of clothes.

She felt as though she was trapped in time, glued onto the boxes as the many terrified faces of the employees interrogated her. She felt like she was in the cinema, watching a replay of her incompetent self depend on Liam to rescue her out of the situation, something quite out of her comfort zone. His phone was not one of those recent models but she particularly recalled the photo that he had trapped inside his transparent phone case. It seemed to be a picture of himself wrapped in the arms of a woman and a man she did not know but assumed to be his parents. She had also noted the small glowing face in the midst of them who was frozen with a large grin. Maybe it was his sibling, of which gender she had no idea, but didn't care to know.

She glanced around the room paranoid that the voices were waiting for the right time to swallow her. Scanning her eyes about her environment, she made out a dimly lit room that looked familiar, one she couldn't yet put her finger on. Just then, out of the blue like an unexpected quarry blast, hands from the semi-darkness cupped and squeezed her shoulders and she yelped, shriveling in fear like plastic near an open flame. When she instantly averted her gaze to the hands on her shoulders however, she slowly became calm and the terror written all over her face immediately disappeared. She knew that she was safe.

"Emmie, don't be afraid. It's okay now."

She looked down at her body stripped of clothes, bare and ugly. The elderly woman stepped away, reached out for a couple of candles and lit them. The light began to slowly consume the darkness and her soul more so. She knew the room once the dancing light which sat on the candles began bouncing off the walls. The Chinese wallpaper, the apple blossom and lavender scent, the mixed pungent smell of some types of special oils boiling and the large bed which supported the weight of her body... it was a room she would be carried to often.

"Emmie, you need to be more careful, dear. You can probably buy prosthetic limbs but not a brain," she chuckled.

"Technology is advancing... you never know..." she replied weakly.

She looked up at the old woman with an expression reflecting her empty soul. The woman was still smiling like she'd always. She then gazed at her own body and she began to recall everything all over again. The way their voices had overwhelmed her, the trance she was locked in and the way Liam's touch shook her out of it. She didn't fancy him. She hated being around him but... he also saved her in a sort of way. She remembered the way he looked at her softly with concerned eyes as he dialed the number. It made her sick in her stomach but she hated to admit that she needed him then. They made a deal after all and so it was nothing significant really.

"Thank you, Nanna... for coming in time," she felt her throat clench and burn.

Nanna looked down at her and cupped her chin, smiling gracefully. "Why, Emmie dear, was there ever a time I was never there for you?"

Emma forced a smile and looked away. She felt the steam approach her back and she prepared for the sting of it. The old hands grasped her sore head and drenched her with the special solutions. The oils ran down her chin and crawled down her neck. She felt her grasp her feeble chicken leg arms and rub her muscles in just the right places that made her feel a sensation of restoration, as though her blood was absorbing the goodness of the potions from her skin and directing them to all the areas that ached. It was a healing massage, a massage renown in their family for removing pain, quickening recovery and giving healthier looking skin.

Come to think of it, she wasn't sure how Nanna had done it, and she was certain she may never learn how but as far as she knew, she had showed up before the ambulance and took both Liam and her away from that place, away fast enough to have another terrible memory buried beneath a stash of many other horrible ones. Nanna was the best. She was always there for her unlike everyone else. She was always there for her, right?

"You liar..." she muttered inaudibly as she felt her vision grow blurry, "You liar Nanna..."

The massage continued, the heat increased steadily and the woman kept smiling. She bit down on her lower lip until her teeth pierced the skin, "You liar... You're not always there for me. You can't always be... you won't always be..."