took a step and looked from afar, the hole was not visible.
"Where have you been?" said Arogil
"Nothing, I just wanted to take a walk"
"A walk?
"I just wanted to see the fields below from here, that's all"
Arogil studied me silently. I could tell he was thinking about the lie I was telling, and he knew I was lying too.
"If you must know, I went out to look around. Now I'm back for buckets of water. I want to take a bath if you don't mind."
Arogil ran his tongue between his teeth in thought for a few minutes. What did he really know about Alpinarian? He knew that there were a few purified people in the village, but he didn't know whether he was a member of this sect or not, and there was no need for separation when there was a unit to attack the Turks. The whole village knew that he was very good friends with Abdullah. Could Alp work for the Turks in the gang?
It was necessary to watch him carefully in his first actions.
"Alp!" said Arogil as he cleared his rifle;
-Do you have any idea why we are in the caves of the safe mountain overlooking the town of Zeytun?
ALP looked with blank EYES.
-"No," he said, with the air of wanting to cut the conversation short;
"This is where our first armed rebellion against the Ottomans took place," said Arogil.
-"When our grandfathers killed the governor of Varosha, they sieged the town for 7 months and massacred them, and we will avenge those days on August 30th!"
2014,Eskişehir/TURKEY
NECIP
I have no hope anymore. I have to forget the past. I'm tired of playing the role of a husband alone with a 19-word farewell letter one morning, and I'm tired of writing unanswered letters...
The strange thing is that the psychological state I'm in is the same as the mood of the hero of the book I'm reading, maybe I've told you this is my secret talent, the talent that the spiritual entity that appeared on my sister who was hanging down from the 4th floor in my childhood - a gift she gave me without expecting anything in return...
It was as if this spiritual being was formed by thousands of small soap bubbles; there were perfect circles, and it would perhaps make more sense if I said that each circle - just because it was not superficial - was filled with bubbles.
Suppose the person you love leaves your life one day without any explanation, here is the new hero I started to live with, Galip, someone who earned his living as a lawyer in the eighties, a lawyer who lived in the past, who did not give up on his childhood love, and finally managed to become the second husband of this beautiful girl, what kind of feeling does being second actually feel? This unfortunate hero, who reads until the morning, suffers from insomnia and watches his wife while she sleeps and thanks God for being in her life, goes on a journey with his wife leaving him. Thanks to him, I became the hero of many books, but it was difficult to be an abandoned husband-who knows, maybe this difficulty is a result of being abandoned in my real life. The most important feature of our book, which is ideal for getting to know the Istanbul of the eighties, in my opinion, is your feelings and understanding when you read the same page at different moments. Changing your relationships according to your psychological state, it's like a 500-page poetry book!
Vathek is a pocket book that will be finished in half an hour for me, for some reason, which the author states that he always reads fondly.
The Turkish equivalent of this word is that it is a "picturesque" book, the art of painting with words, as the author stated, which is different from the book that I found absolutely boring at the first moments when I started reading the same sentence a few times and left it unfinished.
Of course, the same question comes to our minds. What impressed you the most in the book you read? The moment the car fell into the water and the fish eggs that took a place and sheltered in the moss-covered seats are beautifully depicted. If you are interested in the lying subject of our book, which is the main subject and the false subject, you can read the first and last chapters and reach the conclusion. After all, the beautiful woman who left does not return to her home. And our story comes to an end. Then what's the point of reading the four hundred pages in between?
At this point, the real plot of the story begins. A man reliving his past is sometimes revealing the effect of Yeşilçam on people between the lines of the book, in which you returned to university life and sometimes to the Ottoman empire in the complicated days before the coup. You don't have to be rewarded!
I think everyone who browses the pages of the Black Book is curious about Saim's magazine collection, and I am also curious about the story of Ahmet Yılmaz.
Is this story entirely a figment of the author's imagination, or is it all or part of it taken from another source? I think this would be the first question I would ask if I had the chance to talk to the author. Some sentences in the book impressed me a lot. I remember the moment I dripped jam on the cover; I am reliving that moment. Another picture that comes to mind is the basement filled with mannequins by Master Bedii.
While I was writing these lines, another picture appeared in my head of plastic dolls that open and close their eyes, sold in Aladdin's shop.
Dark-type men who suddenly buy these plastic dolls one night...
Were these dark-type men wearing long coats and carrying a huge cigar in their mouths and a fedora on their heads, or were they unbuttoning two of the top buttons of their shirts and putting their hairy breasts in people's eyes, pressing the back of the shoes into their egg-heel pointy-toed shoes that acted as slippers, squeezing their smelly feet in one hand and waving a rosary lightly on your shoulder? Were they the men who made someone succumb to gravity?
This spirit creature that gave me talent has given me a new surprise; my dear friend "grandmother" with whom I spent my youth is back, he left this world on April 17, 1994.
I said, "Welcome, grandma!"
It was so nice to see him again after twenty years, but it was so sad that he didn't recognize me. Actually, it wasn't wrong. My thick curly brown hair, which the comb had difficulty in advancing, disappeared with a hocus-pocus. I told what happened while I was gone, sometimes I gave good news, sometimes I gave bad news, I gave news that would interest him from afar. I stated that his physics teacher, whom he resembled to a turkey (turkey), died, but there were still survivors despite the passing of time. On the same day, one year after Özal my dear friend who passed away did not wish well that day, that is the day the President passed away, but he was surprised that the shepherd of Isparta Sulo was still alive, I kept the worst news for last, as he repeatedly stated, when I told him that his favorite child - my uncle - had cancer He stayed, his thick glasses looked as if they were going to fall to the ground, it was obvious that he was sad. I tried to reassure him that the treatment was successful, the disease progressed very slowly, I didn't need to mention them as he saw his first daughter and second son "on the other side", he was already assigned to separate his second son from this world. I told him that he left this world years later.
I used to see him alone in his dark hut as usual in my dreams. After death, the soul comes to our world for a short time from the hereafter and we see our relatives who have passed away before in our sleep. In the first years when I lost my nephew, I dreamed of him. As a result of the loss of a ten-year-old child, it caused me to have post-traumatic behavioral disorder and this disorder opened the door to sleepless nights. The author, who fell into the grip of the disease called the first light of the morning, reads and writes until the first light of the morning and leaves himself tired in the warm arms of his beloved wife towards the morning. The best proof for me that the author is a picturesque writer is the first page of the book. is to read It is as if the young lawyer Galip watching his beloved childhood love is happening right next to us. Who knows, maybe I draw beautiful pictures in my novel, which tells about my grandfather, whose real name is Andre, was brought up in a Muslim family and changed his name, and tells about the innocents who were deported, the Armenians who formed a gang and started a rebellion. The important issue, of course, is relocation. This issue has been written many times in its centennial year, and both sides tried to prove its rightness. In my opinion, it is a debate without a winner, and when I decided to write the story of my grandfather, who passed away at this late hour of the night without knowing his family, I only had two pictures of him and an Arab I have a collection of information consisting of official documents written with letters. Maybe my only helper in this matter is the spiritual being. The ability to live the books I read The spiritual entity that allows me to meet with the dead, who gives me the opportunity to use my right to "change" whenever I want, if only for once in my life.
-"You can change it, just once, remember!" said the spirit entity. His face was like unused white paper like his body, he had no eyes, nose and lips, but looked human from afar.
"What is the moment you want to change in your life, Necip? "
You're in high school, do you remember your classmate who always looked down on you?
"Four-eyed Necip!" Secaeddin appeared in front of me saying, he had curly hair, big teeth,
He humiliated me by saying, "Necip was blowing in the classroom!" even though I didn't do it, I didn't know who did it, does he have to say these words in front of my first love?
"He humiliated you, he deserved it," said the spiritual being.
-"Yes she deserved it, but I didn't want it to be like this!"
"You can change it, you don't want to suffer for the rest of your life, do you?"
You started a fight with him, you are right in front of the chalkboard in the middle of the class, your classmates formed a circle around you, watching carefully, as it was a moment that should not be missed, somehow you stayed behind for a moment, and you threw a punch you didn't know where,(Necip has returned to the class in high school years, blackboard and Mathematics formulas written on it) even though he called you four eyes, the left glass in his wire-rimmed, thin-glass glasses broke with your fist and bled his left eye. After the fight, he went to Ankara for treatment, Secaeddin, long journeys, long expenses, despite everything, you caused vision loss in your eye, the years in front of a young person -almost -you caused him to live with one eye! 'Perhaps you would like to use this disposable right at another time,' said the spirit entity.
How would you like to use it when you live far away from the city center on the days you live in a quiet country house?
-I didn't know that he would die that night, he was cheerful all day" said Necip (he started to cry)
--"You can change it, you don't want to suffer for the rest of your life, do you?"
The hospital was too far from your home, you lost it on the way, maybe you could have made a change in your life, instead of living in the forest like a secluded convent nun, you could live in the city with people – close to the hospital – so that your ten-year-old nephew would not bleed to death until he arrived at the hospital," said the spiritual entity.
"You can change it, you don't want to suffer for the rest of your life, do you?"
The room had now turned into a room in the country house, a little girl with heavy bleeding in front of the door… Necip continued to cry.
"Will he live then?"
"It's totally up to you, at least it will still be alive when you reach it."
-Didn't you hear the doctor, he said that there is no chance of survival in sudden bleeding a week after the surgery; -even if it's three in a thousand-
"You can change it, you don't want to suffer for the rest of your life, do you?" said the spiritual being.
You are in the exam that determines the spouse you will live with for the rest of your life, and you have the right to change it, think about the great gift I gave you! Instead of living as a miserable candidate for academics as you are now, -like Sücaeddin and your other friends- you choose a comfortable life in the exam, you choose a comfortable life, your family will be proud of you in every environment.O You can be the sole heir of the rich family.
The room had turned into a classroom, while the teachers in charge were walking around, Necip was trying to answer the Mathematics questions at the back, believing that if he came out with a question paper in front of him, Dilek was smiling next to him, the only thing he had to do was to lie to his family in order not to lose this smile. They would end it with marriage. Dileğin would keep her past a secret, and she would not tell her family about her deceased first husband, but she failed and lost, she chose Neslihan as her spouse candidate.
- "Don't decide to get married without being sure," said Dilek
-"You can change it, you don't want to suffer for the rest of your life, right? You can change the turning points in other people's lives if it will affect your life," said the spiritual entity. I suppose you don't want to go to prison for a traffic accident?"
Necip remembered his prison days, his first day was troubled, he first met Arif Baba, who was mentally unstable. He asked why he fell and how long he was going to lie down while Arif Baba was hitting the concrete pavement with his rake. he would often repeat the same question, where is your original hometown? The driver man must pay attention to four things, son, he said, one insomnia, two carelessness!
"Why didn't you pay the compensation?"
I said I didn't have money, I added that the numbered days go by quickly, he kept raising the rake often and hitting the pavement hard, he was trying to remove the short grass between the paving stones, to disperse the petrified mud puddles, when my hometown was Nizip, he suddenly shouted, Bici Bici!
Islahiye, Adana, Bici Bici! He told about his angry friend, and then he talked about his sister-in-law's brothers, who often escaped.
-"Is it befitting at this age to be here?"
sometimes when talking rationally He started to raise the sky and shout sometimes at me and sometimes at the prisoners who were walking in front of him.
If it will affect your life, you can change the turning points in other people's lives," said the spiritual entity.
Dear GOKSEN;
02/02/99
Lesson hours are so short that they end by watching you. There is no time to write to Virtual Gökşen, because the truth is sitting right in front of me.
If your silence is nothing more than a sign of comfort to a large extent, manifested as a reluctance to write, I would be extremely pleased. You are trying to teach alone in that dreary village, it touches me that there is no one by your side, do you like the gift I sent you with my letter?
I wish you to use it in good days, I hope you will remember me every time you take it in your hands.
In our last short talk (3min.52sec), the restlessness and anxiety had completely caught up with you, I remembered our conversation between classes in our freshman year, many years ago. After this conversation, did we walk together or pass each other?
I don't remember; the difference between these two possibilities shouldn't be too big. Is your house nice?
You sounded like your voice was hoarse on the phone, if you look a little bit, you won't have a thing, what wouldn't I give to be with you right now to take care of you! In this sick state, you will have to read the written papers, if you spend even a minute of your sleep on this job, I will be hurt again like the day you broke and hurt me in front of my friends .You ask about my engagement status, I got engaged twice—in fact, we can say three—I got engaged once, I was on the verge of marriage, of course, this process wore me out. The first one is all in the past, it's a pleasure to watch those letters ignite while I burn them one by one!
My last fiancee is still single, there is no possibility of marriage, he lives a detached life on behalf of his family.
Looking at this topic and other things in general, I realized that maybe men suffer more, or from another point of view, they have less power to resist on this issue. Whereas women always suffer innocently, not "out of their hands" but in the real sense, which in fact maybe this again comes out without their hands. Just like the willingness to make an effort to overthrow a single cauldron in hell; even if the first one is useless and the second one works, one will burn in the hot substance flowing out of the cauldron, but hell stays in all its glory. First of all, lie down in your warm bed and enjoy the sickness. If you ask me, it's been two weeks. I am struggling with insomnia and headache attacks, there were those who suggested that I seek expert help, but psychiatrists only prescribe drugs and when I see those who use these drugs, I feel sorry for the poor!
I wrote the poem "I wish I could say" to you on the last page, every time I read it, I think of your different side. While I was working as a teacher, I spent my nights reading poetry and novels because I had to cram into the dormitory with the students. Gökşen, Do you know the story of Dostoyevsky's first work? At that time, he was sitting with his literary friend. His friend saw a pile of manuscripts on the table for months, but he received the original text only after the novel was over. The critics who came hugged and kissed him, talked about the novel for two hours. The writer, who said that that night was the best night of his life, shed tears of happiness. Where did my insomnia take me?
I will write again tomorrow; today I am writing only for myself, to have done something for myself, just to get rid of the happiness effect of your letter, otherwise I will feel its weight on me day and night.
03/02/99
When I call you, it gives me courage to talk to me, even if it is very short, will we read these letters and show them to our grandchildren years later? I have hopes that we will get married, don't you think that the feelings that I had for you when I was in the second grade continue even on the day we started life, don't you think it's a harbinger of this? It was the first day of summer school – albeit for a day. I felt that you were interested in me, you asked how my holiday was and what I was doing, you welcomed me to come to you from the back row as an ordinary event, the next day while waiting for you in the same line, I saw you waiting at the door and smiling at me, what a beautiful day!
Consider also that maybe the best times of your life were the first days of summer school, we recorded our short conversations with you on the phone.
I listen to your voice over and over, now whenever I want to hear your voice, it's enough to press a button, long live technology!
I listened carefully to his voice, that is, the conversation we had on Sunday (5 min. 33 sec) I paid attention to the changes in the tone of voice in this conversation.
In our conversation, you said that you thought I was getting married, that's why you preferred to be more "friendly" Gökşen instead of the "distanced" Gökşen in his old school days. Even if I got married, does it make no sense for me to call you and find your school and your number? That speech that fills two minutes of the conversation – the same At the time, it had a pure and proud air – it is as if you have met steel, not your heart.
If you meet someone you know and ask him how much two and two are in a careful tone, the other person will probably think that you are out of your mind, but the same question makes sense for a child who is studying in the first grade of primary school. I couldn't find you.
You underestimate the effect of your words, darling, I love you so much, I wrote your father's name on the envelope, I don't want your friends at school to read my name, I will also pay attention to the envelopes I use, the envelope will be made of straw paper - as you wish - in the last conversation I put my letter in a thin envelope. You said that you read the sentence "I love you" without extending the envelope to you. The school principal may have wondered if a father would write a letter to his daughter containing this sentence. Of course, a father can use sentences expressing his love and longing for his daughter who works alone away from home.
Just before I woke up this morning, I had a dream that Murat had returned from Bosnia and you would meet him, you would laugh together at the memories that will remind you of that innocent love you had in high school, your years in Marmaris. You told me. (fortunately, the effect of the dream is severe in the first minutes, but then it passes quickly). Yes, I just had a bad dream. One wakes up from such a dream only when it ends, you can't get rid of it before it, it holds you tight. You came to the meeting place first, actually you didn't seem clear, I don't know why you Murat You were a bit white and ghostly next to . You opened your arms, but not to stretch, of course - it's shameful to stretch while eating cake! - you were ready to hug him, it was a ceremonial gesture, right after you came to me on the street, you looked at me with contempt. Just like you looked at it in your classroom, when you talked to Murat on the phone and said "I love you" to him, then he threw it at me. It was one of the humiliating glances.
I don't remember what we talked about in my dream, only the first sentences remained in my mind, "Did you have a lot of fun, Gökşen?"
- "It's none of your business, we'll go to the beach after the cake, in Marmaris"
Those were the first two sentences, we all (you, me and Murat) arrived at the nearby station, we were standing in front of the big train schedule, you were constantly showing me the station names, by the way, I had a chance to look at you, I looked at you in my dream as I did in school years. Actually. Your appearance didn't matter to me, you didn't look like yourself, you were much darker, your face was fuller, (you can't be so cruel with your full cheeks anyway) The fabric of your outfit was the same as the fabric of my jacket, in my dream.
We sit side by side, you push me, but not angry like in real life, but friendly (in real life, when I sat next to you in the first lesson, you would immediately change your place and leave me alone in the row) I was very unhappy, not because you pushed me, but because you and Murat will get on the Marmaris train and swim there. Then I walked away hopelessly.
When I woke up and inhaled the smell of feet mixed with a sharp smell of breath, I said to myself, thank God, it was a dream, my roommates were in the sweetest place of morning sleep, snoring a little and blowing a little, the chemistry student on the bottom bunk slept with his socks on, as always, on my pillow telling him that I had to wake him up early. He had left a note.
I remembered the short walk I took with you, it's nice to even write it, I promised to buy you a soda on the short walk I took with you, you bought plain soda and I had fruit juice, but I don't know how, we encountered a production error that was left half filled. What did your best friend Anıl drink? I don't remember. When a person is sleepless, he remembers the past more strongly than when he fell asleep. I can't bear the pain I feel when I remember the times you hurt me. Whenever I write to you, I can't sleep before and after it.
p happens. When I'm not writing, I'm just tired and slow.
I beg you for mercy, luckily there is no law forbidding me to write to you, at least for now, but I don't want to think about what I'll do if you get married one day. , trembling on the verge of exploding , i feel like i'm going out of my mind with sadness but i don't know what it is, why i'm acting this way . . . it's quiet , it's dark , I snuggle up in my top bunk bed and I can't help it. It's an explosion and it goes by, like a smoker's seizures during quitting, The forces that created this seizure of writing are constantly shaking me, before and after; my life, my existence consists of this threat, if it ends, I'm finished, this seizure is my way of participating in life, it's as natural as closing my eyes. Wasn't this threat there since the day I met you?
Will I be able to get out of this business by saying, "Here it is, I will choose a suitable wife for me from now on and I will be happy"? When you get bored slowly, you say "Yes, I will continue this disgraceful life", just like him.
If you equate what I'm doing now with what I've done before, you're right; I can always experience the same thing. The only difference is now that I've gained experience, I can't wait for the screws to be tightened enough to force confession, instead I start shouting as soon as they hit my temples. I can tell you all kinds of truths about myself in a way that I can't tell anyone else. .I live because of your gaze.
10/05/2015
I was wandering around the city this Sunday, I was so bored, I sat on the bench next to a tree, watched the people walking around, when I got bored of this job, I started writing with a pen and paper. I learned that you did not come to your family this weekend, you chose to stay in the village, your mother answered the phone and told that it is difficult for you to go on a trip every week, so you will come to Eskişehir every fortnight, in addition, she said that she will spend this weekend at home eating popcorn and watching movies with your fiancee. I don't believe what your mom said, she says she got engaged to get rid of me, a few days later I called back and asked if she was really engaged, your mom said she wasn't kidding, I didn't believe it again, I didn't want to believe it when my classmate told me that he saw you at the bus station and there was a young man in a lieutenant suit next to him tall in uniform When I saw you waiting in front of a young man, I believed that what was told was true. People sometimes want to challenge the whole world, they wish that what everyone knows right is wrong, mine was a similar mood. Your back was turned to your fiancee, you were waiting for someone, I couldn't see his face, At the beginning of your career, you were a young officer, you finally decided to marry a soldier like your father. Your engagement was short, you got married, you had a daughter, years later, you were walking hand in hand with your daughter, who was half your height, on a rainy day, you suddenly started running to avoid getting wet, so did I. I saw you running towards me for the first and last time in my life because I was coming from the opposite direction. You were running towards me holding your daughter's hand. It didn't matter to me that I got wet in this spring rain, so I was walking as slowly as possible. I had a hard time getting to know you when you came across me. I knew you worked in the east for years, but eventually the compulsory service was over and you came back to Eskişehir. Years ago, if I found enough courage to translate foreign books for the lessons you had difficulty in understanding during your school years, I would have succeeded in giving it to you. Some translations would have remained with me, and this letter will remain with me just like those article translations. I wish you happiness in your life with your wife and daughter.
who always loves you;
Necip.
-Do you remember the letters you wrote, Necip?" said the spiritual being. I have the right to change it, even if it's only for once in my life, but I don't want to use it, it would be deceiving myself, Gökşen didn't love me in real life, she won't love me anymore. I have a family to go back to the past. I don't want to be treated like a cheating gambler. The spirit entity keeps doing the same thing to me.
It tells what, if an event that will affect my life is happening in someone else's life, then I would have the right to change that person's life. Who could this person be? This is the same question that has been bothering me lately. The spirit creature introduced me to this person, but my name is Satenik KIRKIRYAN. What can I do with an Armenian woman?
I asked the spiritual being, how would a person who lived a hundred years ago have an impact on my life, he was born in Satin Halfetinin Saylakkaya –then called Cibin –village, he was a beautiful girl, married to Alpinarian from Cibin, like him, from this marriage a blue with curly blonde hair named Andre. they had a baby with eyes, they looked like a very happy family; however, Alpinarian had a relationship with Abdullah, who had given his soul to demons and evil jinn, Abdullah deceived him and entered into a relationship with his wife Satin. They entrusted them to Lebanon and set off for Lebanon, but Meryem was burning with the desire for revenge, while raising little Andre, she abused him every day after he reached puberty, little Andre could not find anyone to tell about his sexual abuse of his own mother's intercourse with him, she closed in, Mary finally did she realized the mistake, she caused a sinless baby to get depressed and have identity confusion. She explained that her real name is not Abdullah, her husband Abdullah is not her real father, she is not her own mother, and apologized to young Andre. All her youth, when they were alone with the aim of washing him, he had played with little Andre's masculinity and made him ejaculate, poor Andre boy. At an early age, his birth mother had received practical sexual education by a woman he knew, but the surprises did not end there for Andre, while little Abdullah (Andre) was drinking tea with an old friend of his father's Armenian return, in the village cafe, the old man suddenly took the floor;
"God forgive me, my son, don't be angry with me for saying this, I used to go to the village bath with your father a lot, it's up to you how much you believe what I say, my child," he said, sweat drops accumulated on his forehead, he continued,
"While your father Abdullah and I were bathing, I stopped washing for a very short time and watched him, I don't know why I did this, I don't know why I came to this age, maybe God or God ordered it so, your father's feet were looking at the basin, not me. Forgive me for telling you," he said.
This person, who came to the world as a Christian Armenian named Andre and said goodbye as a Muslim Turk named Abdullah, is your grandfather Andre, the son of SAtenik." said the spiritual entity. It is entrusted to your Turkish neighbors, I give you a chance to change this, if you use this right, Satin and ALp will agree to take Andre with them and leave the village, and without being harassed by little Andre Meryem, he will grow up without the son of Abdullah, who sold his soul to the jinn; he will live as a Christian, marry and become your father. "Of course you will be a Christian, not the Islam you are now," said the legend.
-Taurus-1914
-Alpinarian-
After our attack on Zeytun, the siege began and we resisted as much as we could. We choked in a small cave, but we were disciplined: the women of each freedom fighter had their own place. The soldiers had a smaller place, everyone had a specific task, the cook, the barber, the priest and the warriors. The food was equal for all. However, we were crowded in a narrow space. As time passed, our patience was running out and the soldiers were starting to get nervous. At first, we waited for support forces from the eastern Anatolian side, we could break the siege with their help, we hoped that the Dashnak gangs there would not leave us alone, we were wearing out and waiting at night. We were starting to get cold. It was difficult to get out of the cave at night. We were starting to crawl more and more into the fire. The Sultan's army hoped that our supplies would run out and we would surrender of our own accord. Last night, the sleet was turning into snow with the wind. A well-formed path was so narrow and winding that it could easily guard the road. The enemy could not climb this hill. They were pushed back one by one before any force could form a group to attack.
We took possession of the mountain and at first we did not take the siege seriously. There were those who carried the news by wandering the mountain and crossing the enemy lines. Sometimes I dressed like an old shepherd and passed through the enemy soldiers. I was trying to get eggs, vegetables, bread from the town. It took a lot of time and expense to feed four hundred people. I was the enemy. I was one of the few messengers who made eye contact with his soldiers, albeit from a distance. At night, we all as a group helped carry the filled baskets up the steep face of the mountain. We did so in excited silence, afraid we would be seen. Our morale was still high.
While the Turks were waiting, they set traps for rabbits and sometimes deer.
Similarly, we were shooting wild boar, thank God the enemy did not eat pigs!
There was now a shortage of food and we were eating roots and seeds as if we were being purged. Boredom was terrible. Being shut down caused fights among ourselves: during dice or chess it could turn into shouts or fistfights, even going as far as drawing guns or knives. Then the others were separating those who were fighting because We couldn't bear to fight among ourselves. After a while, we started to fight because the support did not arrive. All our calls were inconclusive.
One day I saw a group carrying supplies up the mountain. As usual, the crowd had gathered at the entrance, some of them halfway down to greet the visitors. Life was so boring!
I came out of the cave to welcome the visitors and watched as they struggled along the path. One of the visitors looked familiar to me. My heart stumbled. I recognized him immediately. His head was bowed and his body was covered with a heavy woolen coat necessary for the winter. He was carrying a package on his back. .He was advancing slowly upwards. Perhaps he was looking upward as he paused to breathe and measure the distance to climb. Perhaps he was raising his hand to his head to protect his eyes or to straighten his scarf. It was as if everyone was sending a sign or hugging me in a color that was obvious to me. I recognized him right away with a simple glance through the pine trees.
I looked back through the heads of the others in the crowd. I greeted him with a kiss and ran down the mountain to get his package. I walked towards the back of the crowd.
-"How are you Satin, how are you not seeing each other?"
-"I'm fine"
We looked like thin-legged, cautious, thin-tailed dogs that sniffed the air, combed hair, didn't growl, and made buffoons before petting.
"I came to see you again," said Satin.
"I tried to pretend I didn't see you when I walked by but realized I missed you"
He paused for a moment, turning his gaze in front of him.
"I realized that I love you, and I'm also curious about you."
I watched his hands tremble in his lap. His eyes were watching the heavy stormy clouds and gliding towards the sprawling greenery below, bowing to the ground with horses roaming the green and white and brown tents, and enemy soldiers who looked like little ants.
"I risked my life for you, but I'm with you, freedom is worth fighting for, I came to show my support, because in the end I had to take responsibility and fight too. I'm talking about fighting for Armenia, for our way, for our way of life. If I'm not a coward, I don't own it either. There's a lawsuit needed"
The next night, we woke up with the warning sound of the guards, we all came out of the cave in astonishment, in the dark, under the guidance of a treacherous Armenian with the moonlight, the Turks had achieved the unexpected, they started to cross those steep and steep rocks, they were trying to crawl on their hands. Who would have thought that they could do this and get out of this terrible abyss?
They wouldn't have the guts to do that during the day, and the night had been of use to them because they couldn't see the dreadful chasm below, if only a few of our vanguard were still alive!
The path leading to our cave ran through the cliff, at one point the road was too narrow for two men to walk side by side. This meant that one of the Turkish soldiers could have blocked the road. One of our men could not hold on to the edge of the cliff and fell. At that moment, I was thinking whether it was because of the bone fragments that shattered his heart. Fear enveloped us all like a dark smoke, I had even forgotten satin. We were waiting desperately in the cave. The sound of battle and the sound of rifles in the lower parts of the cliff seemed to remind us of the last moments of our life. And then there was the sound of gunfire again. We prayed for our soldiers waiting at the far ends. They were injured or tumbled down a cliff - who knows? Others, fearing for their lives, had reached the cave quickly and informed us of the situation. What if God wanted us to be defeated? put it on We were literally trapped in the cave. The times when we could roam the top of the mountain were past. Now we were imprisoned inside, and this situation was very dangerous. Previously, to get information from the enemy camps, we went down the steep slope under the moonlight - the secret path that belongs only to us - or the cave below. We were able to send messages to our men in the extreme regions by passing through the tunnel opened. The Turks had set up catapults below, we could not breathe anymore.
"I heard it was a treasure" Satin's voice was lost in the darkness of the cave. The kerosene lamp emits a thumb-sized light, the extinguishing fire a reddish glow.
was giving light.
"Yeah, that's right," I said.
We were too scared to flirt or even care about who loved whom.
"The legend told me years ago that you and I found it in a cave in this region," said Satin.
"This area is full of caves, but rest assured the treasure is the safest. Tonight, Legend and I will take the treasure out, we'll have three rangers with us."
Satin was trying to digest the news she had received.
-"Is there no support force? Will you be able to do this without the support of the Dashnaks?
"It's not too far from our current position," I said, in an attempt to convince him.
"Who knows about it?"
-"The cave? Just me and the legend."
"What's in the treasure?"
said Satin. The fever was so low that I could no longer see his face.
"The treasure was in sacks. Besides the manuscripts of the scriptures, gold and silver ingots, money bags, some antiques, deeds, and the HOLY GRAIL, a priceless relic"
-"what's that ?
"The bowl in which Jesus drank wine at the last supper."
Satin took a deep breath, then whistled.
-"Did you see him?"
"Yes, only once so far it was a heavy tall silver bowl. The fancy handles curved like ears on either side. It had scenes from the Bible on its base. One scene had Adam's creation, the other his expulsion from the garden. The scene that caught my attention the most was the crucifixion of our great lord. there were three women who suffered while stretching. I think contrary to what the Purified say, this cup must have come from modern times, I think Jesus was not a silver chalice covered with biblical scenes including his own crucifixion, but a captain made of earth like ordinary people, or of oxhorn or pewter. He must have drank from a cup. It was wrapped in purple silk.
"Go on," said Satin.
It was obvious that he was curious.
-"What happened then?"
He came a little closer and revived the fire. A single tongue came out, blue and yellow, then another spark; the fire was tasting the wood, licking and eating the dry and dead food.
The moment I had been waiting for a long time had come. There were five of us. Legend, me and three rangers gathered at the west exit. A nice sleet was falling. We had to be careful not to wake the Turks before we left the cave. Satin kissed me on the cheek. One of the rangers, nicknamed the priest, blessed us. Our friends were praying, light I shuddered then put on my wool cloak. The priest said to each of us, God be with you. He touched my ankle the way a man gives peace to a woman, and we turned and we set off, walking in single file. I took them to my cave, where we buried the treasure.
It took longer than I thought to carry the heavy sacks into the cave. The next day we had to hide. The next night we came through enemy lines, avoiding the tents and horses as much as possible in the dark. We were moving carefully in the neutral zone between the enemy lines and the groves at the foot of the mountain. The shadow of the moonlight was fading over the shadows. We went up the steep mountain. We were exhausted when we arrived.
After that I was tired and dejected. It had been a difficult journey and I had a hard time coming back. The gunfire was torturing me. I didn't want to talk to anyone for days.
It's human nature, if you think you can't make it to the next day, something happens that causes you to lose what you have, and then you look back at events that seemed unbearable to you before, and in the light of your fate, which is now getting worse, you will see that those moments that you thought were bad times in the past were heaven. We waited. We waited. We were walking, lost in melancholy. We were paralyzed with fear and anguish.
We helped each other, spruce up each other, and sometimes we told stories to keep our spirits high. The legend told us about the reinforcements that would come very soon. It told us that the holy spirit would also come to help us. But the stories of the legend did not change our lives. One of the rangers fell ill. His tongue had turned into a huge lump in his throat. The next days, the rangers heading west returned. As we were climbing the dangerous slope behind the cave, we heard a noise and ran to meet him. Two guards were climbing the mountain after him. We were staring at them in amazement. The Turks were gone!
After leaving the treasure in the Taurus Mountains, we set out on the way back. The Legend and other groups would continue to stay in the cave. We started the journey together with the Armenians of Eastern Anatolia. When I returned to the village, I wanted to get married. I realized that I could not stay apart with Satin any longer. It is difficult and creepy for me to build a home. I don't feel safe in this land, it's mandatory from July It is said that we will be taken to death, if we are lucky, we can be train passengers, crossing Syria on foot means that the old people are left to die this season, however, the only way to stay at home is to accept Islam, in medieval Spain Jews and Muslims were exiled to Africa, the only way out of exile was to become a Christian .Starting a new life in a new country will perhaps be the best for both of us. It has become clearer day by day that we cannot shelter in the Ottoman state. I miss the fig and pistachio trees, I miss the great plane tree in front of the village coffee house where I sit in the cool shade and sip my coffee, some nights I think of Abdullah, I miss being with him too.
Although my desire to be with him increases, marrying Satin excites me.