Numb.
I can't feel anything. I see that the winter this time is very vicious. Coldness envelopes this carriage but I can't feel a thing. It seems that all emotions has already left me. My body is unconsciously getting ready for what is to come at the end of this trip.
My trip where my childhood home is my destination.
I should be elated that after years of training and schooling, I am now going back.
But I don't feel an ounce of happiness.
I see familiar trees in the carriage window. Slowly being covered by snow.
In just 30 minutes, I will see a familiar mansion, familiar servants and indifferent relatives.
Relatives huh. I can't call them family as I have never felt that they are my family. They never made me feel that I am part of their family. Sometimes I wonder… maybe I am not.
But this golden eyes and black hair begs to differ.
This is a strong proof that I am part of the Clandestine Dukedom.
As the carriage still keeps on going to this familiar path, the numbness keeps getting stronger and stronger. Now I am seeing the familiar mansion.
I am nearing this hell hole and I cannot do anything about it.
For the mean time I think.
The carriage stops and so does my heart. I suddenly realized that I was holding my breath since the time the carriage entered the main estate up to the time it has stopped in from of the main wooden door.
"My lady we are here.." the coachman said. Stressing the obvious.
As the footman guides me down the carriage, I looked at his hand and slowly look up to the lined up servants in front of me.
Here it is.. Clandestine Mansion. With all its glory and all its taunting memories.
Memories I really wished I never had. But what can I do.. I am a Clandestine Monarch.
This. I. Shall. Never. Forget.