We got up headed our way back to the car and I wanted to stay outside a little longer, but at the same time, I just wanted to go back to the comfort of my home. The trip back was silent but I think that's because we're still trying to get used to each other and finding out how we can be with each other without making things uncomfortable or awkward. I can tell he's trying and somewhere inside me felt a little happy because I never really had a friend that wanted to get to know me. Once arriving at the house, I got out of the car and fixed my jacket before turning back to him. He was about to get out of the car but I put up my hands to stop him. He doesn't have to follow me everywhere.
“I'll see you tomorrow?” he asked.
I nod, “Yeah.” I answered.
“Seven on the dot. Be out here or I'll be knocking at your door,” he said, smiling.
I know he was joking but imagine him trying to pull me out of the house was giving me a tight feeling on my chest. “Okay.” was all I can say.
Elliot must have noticed my hesitant response and paused for a second. “I'm not going to force you to go to school, Michael. I didn't mean it like that,” he said.
I shook my head, “I know... I know.” I said and tried to give him a small smile. “I'll see you tomorrow.”
He nods, “Tomorrow.” he said.
I made my way to the door and saw that Elliot was there waiting until he saw me unlock the door before driving off. I walked inside, exhaled heavily, as I moved to sit down on the couch and kicked off my shoes. Why did today feel like it was so long when I didn’t do anything? Maybe I was a little stressed out from earlier and the long conversation we had. I closed my eyes as I tried to imagine how it would be tomorrow, but I realized that it would only make me feel nervous so I got up and began cleaning. We still have things in boxes so I started emptying them out and washed the dishes that were wrapped up with newspapers. This occupied my mind for about two hours until my mom came home and she began to cook dinner.
“Thank you for helping, baby,” she said smiling as she saw me folding the empty boxes.
“No problem,” I answered before looking at the old family photo that I took out from the last box.
Mom glanced over at the photo before turning to me. “Do you want to keep that?” she asks.
“Sure. I don't think I actually have a picture with all of us.” I said as I sat down at the dining table still admiring the photo. “Dad looks a little younger here compared to how he looks now,” I say before turning to her. “Are you still mad at him?”
She sighed as she continued cooking before turning to face me. “Of course I am. I know I wasn’t involved enough, but I trusted him.”
“Dad didn't know...” I mumbled.
“But how could he not see? How could he not have noticed his own son was hurt?” she said, shaking her head.
I took a deep breath before getting up and wrapped my arms around her. “Mom, I forgave you for leaving, but you also have to forgive him as well,” I tell her.
She held me tighter and smiled. “So now you're giving me the advice?”
“Yeah, I guess so,” I said, breaking into a smile.
She looked at me and smiled softly, “I love you.” she tells me.
“I love you too, mom,” I replied back.
I woke up around five-thirty in the morning and slowly got out of bed to grab some clean clothes trying to find something comfortable to wear. I felt a little calmer compared to two days ago, but that anxiety is still there when I think about my day and I'm trying hard to not freak out just yet. I tried taking deep breaths as I’m getting myself ready and during that time I’m playing with the rubber band on my wrist trying to calm myself down a bit. Mom left me breakfast on the stove before leaving to work and I was standing at the door after I ate. It's only been a couple of minutes before seven and I checked my backpack to see if I had everything; checked if I had my house keys in my pocket and double-checked if I turned off the lights in my room. I finally stepped outside and made my way when I saw Elliot already there.
“How long have you been waiting?” I asked.
He shrugged his shoulders, “Five minutes, maybe.” he said before smiling. “I'm glad you decided to come to school today.”
I sighed as I got inside his car and put my backpack in the back seat. “Don't remind me. I'm trying to not freak out.” I told him as I closed my eyes and lay my head back on the headrest.
I can hear him chuckle as he turned on his car and began to drive. “It's okay. Just relax and I'll be there,” he said as if he was the solution for all my problems.
It was quiet for the rest of the ride, which was relaxing, and when he parked Elliot turned to me. “Alright. So we'll just walk inside the building, go to the door, and when you're ready we go in,” he tells me. “I'll be there and I'll be sitting next to you, but remember, I'm only there for the first period and I'll be seeing you again in PE.”
I took a deep breath. “Right,” I said like it's that simple.
“Do you want me to write down my classrooms just in case you ever want to find me?” he asked.
I felt my face blush as I nod, “Yeah, please. Just in case.” I answered and I watched him reaching for a piece of paper in his backpack.
I took it once he was down writing it and shoved it in my pocket glancing at the school building. There were people already walking up to the building and I began to play around with my rubber band as a distraction.
Elliot watched me before slowly reaching a hand out to place it on top of mine. “Michael, it's okay,” he said.
I turned to him and took a deep breath before nodding. “I know.” I finally answered and he removed his hand.
We got out of the car and began heading inside the school grounds. Elliot was beside me as we made our way to the second floor until we finally reached the door to the classroom and I moved to the side while other students passed by. I can feel people glancing over at me and I couldn’t look up from staring at the floor worrying about what they could be thinking of me. Obviously, they'll remember me because I was the new student who had a panic attack and threw up on his first day, but I’m also the freak, the loser, the sick one. I shook my head before turning to Elliot and he already had a concerned expression on his face.
“You're okay. You made it to the door,” he said as if this was an accomplishment.
“And that's not progress because I still need to go inside and sit through the whole period,” I said and I began to run my fingers over the rubber band. “I'm now starting to panic.”
“Alright. So what should we do? Want to go to the restroom? Go back outside?” he asked.
I shook my head, “I have to go inside. If I don’t push myself to go in then I probably won’t handle it later.” I tell him.
“Okay,” he said.