Heartache
*****
For the first time, I was able to laugh freely again. It's all thanks to Maria.
It was Maria who made me excited again, after almost four months of lying helpless.
Maria always accompanies me, giving me the impetus to get back up. Yes, all this time I just gave up.
Maria is a very gentle and spoiled woman. If only I had known her first, long before she died.
I regret having met Metta. A sly and clever woman plays a play.
Ah, what is this feeling? Am I in love with her? Impossible!
"What's wrong?" Maria asked startling me.
"You, always come all of a sudden!"
"Why are you smiling to yourself?" She teased.
"I'm allright. Oh, yeah, don't you have the slightest intention of visiting your father?" I asked carefully, seeing her gloomy lately.
"For what...?" She answered quietly.
I know he misses his father very much. It's just that she doesn't want to be honest with his heart.
There was silence for a few moments, we fell into silence.
Maria and I spent time in this lake, my little heart really admired her figure. Like I've known her for a long time.
"Do you really love Metta?" She asked looking at the lake.
What question is that? Of course I love her, but she doesn't deserve to be loved.
"Of course," I said hesitantly.
"When I'm near him, it's like remembering someone from my childhood," I continued again, my memory was far away.
"Who is he?" Maria asked again.
In addition to being beautiful, it turns out that she also wants to know so much.
"I don't know, I don't really know her either. I only met her a few times, I didn't dare to meet her."
"Is she your first love?" She asked again.
Maria turned to me and looked deep. Instantly there was an unusual feeling, when his eyes met mine.
The look in those eyes... so shady and sad. Like the eyes of someone I've always longed for. The same eyes.
"Back when I was seven years old, I accidentally met that girl. She is beautiful and sweet to me. I've met him several times."
"The first time I met her was when I accidentally took a picture with her," I continued, remembering my childhood.
"You mean? Accidentally took a photo?" Maria wrinkled her forehead, a sign that she didn't understand.
Her face when she was confused looks so cute and beautiful. Again I praise her. Huh, what's wrong with me?
"At that time, our family took pictures. Accidentally, the girl was photographed. A few years later, I met her again by accident. We're in the same tutoring building," I explained to her.
I think he understood my explanation just now, she nodded in understanding.
"That's, uh, not first love, kale!" Maria laughed.
"Even now, I can still clearly remember his face. She's much prettier than you." I teased her and saw his face turn sour.
"Let it be, that, right, when he was little? Try it when you're an adult, it's ugly!" She said with a frown.
At least I can forget a bit of my troubles. His smile disguised my grudge against Metta.
"Why is that? She will still be beautiful, though, even though she is old," I replied back, again she looked displeased.
"Parents said long ago, if you look good as a child, it doesn't mean that your size is good!" She snapped.
"Hahaha, yes, okay. Maria is a ghost who can--" I couldn't continue my words.
Suddenly, my chest felt tight.
"What are you doing?" She asked looking panicked when she saw me holding my chest.
"I-don't know, n-suddenly... I-I-I-I can't breathe," I replied, panting in excruciating pain.
"Come on, let's hurry to your room now!" Maria shouted so panicked.
I don't know what happened, am I going to die? Really, I'm not ready to accept it if that's true.
How about my brother? I still want to live, really. God, don't you take my life now, please....
I followed Maria, enduring the pain. Forced to step. I'm not like Maria who can disappear, I'm still not a ghost.
The pain is getting worse, I can't continue my steps. I fell to the ground, feeling my breath getting thinner.
Like a fish deprived of water. That's how I am right now.
"Tino!" Maria's scream sounded so faint in my ears.
"Tino! Hurry up, you have to come here quickly!" Maria's voice sounded panicked.
I tried to get up again, even though I was out of breath. Until one more step ... and ....
"Doc, what's wrong with my sister?" Sister Vania's voice sounded so worried, like Maria's face earlier.
"Just a moment, yes, ma'am. Let us check first," replied the doctor.
My body is like a spasm, what the hell is this? Doctors and nurses also tried to help with the help of medical equipment.
Lord, don't take my life. Give me a second chance to fix all my mistakes.
I kept praying for forgiveness to the Owner of Life. I hope God hears and grants my request.
Twenty-five minutes, the doctor and nurse came out of the room.
Sis Vania immediately approached the doctor who had just left, "How is it, Doc?" Sis Vania's hoarse voice sounded so hoarse, I don't know how long she's been crying for me.
"Mr. Tino has calmed down, just pray to the Creator. Hopefully there will be a miracle for him." Said the doctor before he left my sister.
"Never mind, instead of being bothered by it, it's better to just sign the letter!" Roni again persuaded Sis Vania to sign the injection letter.
Does it have to end like this? Can I die, can lighten my brother's burden and tears?
Am I too selfish to want to survive? I still want to live...
I didn't feel the tears starting to fall slowly, rolling down my cheeks. Warmer and hotter.
"Never!" Sis Vania answered with a look full of anger at the man.
"How many times have I told you! You... don't ever talk about this again!" snapped Vania to her husband.
The man smiled sarcastically.
Maria came closer to me, the corners of her eyes seemed dewy.
"I'm such an idiot, aren't I?" I asked Maria, holding my chest tight.
Maria patted and gently stroked my shoulder.
"No," she said quietly.
"Look at my brother, I made her cry for days like that. What if I die, everything will be okay?" I asked no less softly.
"Am I selfish, if I want to stay alive? Even though I know the truth..." I continued.
Sister Vania stroked my cheek, and tightly gripped my fingers. As if to strengthen me to survive.
"Listen Tino, you are my sister I really love. You are the only family left..." Vania's sister cried in pain.
"So I'm begging you, hold on and get well soon," his voice was so hoarse, it broke my heart.
I tried to hug her, but couldn't reach her. My heart hurts so much... it hurts so much!
I could only see Sister Vania weeping, her back was shaking strongly. As if there was a heavy burden she had been carrying all this time, continued to cry hugging the helpless body.
Maria hugged and strengthened me. As if he understood my feelings. I don't know how to shed all this pain without Maria.
*****