The twinkling stars in the dead of night barely shone against their white faces, both eyes differing in color, for the emerald ones of the Wilder sister could reflect the scenery. Her mouth wide, corners watery, standing to her left, there stood her friend, letting the smoke air out from her nostrils gradually to infect the stench the duo absorbed.
"What'd you come to talk to me about?" Kim's words were calm, for June hid her head, earning a tilt of Myers' neck for her purple eyes to examine the way her lips barely moved, following her face, too,
"It's… I don't know how to describe it," June's confession was one she'd heard thousands of times before, whether it be her distant family when she stood with them before the Agents' rise or just hanging with friends.
It was simple- expressing emotions is always difficult when it's with people that see nothing but the mask. This was something more, she could sense it in her bones, for she had done the same thing, when in the arms of her brother, no less. A familiar chuckle spilled out her lips, painted red as if she were a professional businesswoman, she released her knees and got into a crouching stance. Blunt between fingers, she turned her head to the right just slightly so she could stare at the back of her friend's head.
"I'm gonna guess because I know you so well. You've realized that you wanna be your person, because you feel the way you live isn't valid when everyone else had their journey to find the way they lived- now you have to, as well. In other words, you have a desire to find a 'reason to live, am I right?" Kima's curious inquiry was met with an answer she wasn't expecting, however, considering she was speaking to her ex's sister… maybe she should've,
"No, it's just my period. Been cramping more than usual, lately," June commented as she was handed the joint for herself, putting it to her lips, just as she was about to inhale- they burst out laughing.
The smoke out her lips flew like a bullet whisking through space, for she didn't have the chance to suck in the moment she pushed the joint to her lips. More time passed, a shooting star passed over the sky, a silent wish made… a dream, or better yet, a fantasy.
"You're right. You, Ace, Kay… you all went somewhere for the sake of getting to know yourselves better, dedicating your hearts to doing it. But- I don't have anything like that, because you guys are so happy. For so long now, ever since that day we were let off the hook, I've been moping and feelin' bad about myself. But I want to stop… I want to change… and be a capable individual," June's confession was teary, shakiness audible in her vocals, while Kima stood there, blinking every so often as her eye changed to look down at the endless abyss of the city below them.
"Did you know somethin'? I'm a writer. And it's successful. To the point where I feel like I'm on top of the world. I'd always had a desire to write, to create worlds, and after seeing the Evolutionary Capital before my eyes; Fantasia incarnate, I couldn't stand by and hide my true self anymore. I saw someone die before my eyes... I killed others… it's not suited for me. I'm not a destroyer. I want to give hope to people and ensure them that they're not alone. In this world, where chimera griffins exist and fly through the sky like something out dreams. What do you enjoy doing the most in the world? Talking to others? Become a therapist. Creating worlds? Become an artist. Whatever path you choose, in the end, I'll always support you. No matter what terms we're on."
But she had nothing to say. Maybe there was some transcendental entity manipulating her way of thinking, how she processed herself, and the things she felt. Was she crazy for not figuring out anything? That no matter how far she searched, she couldn't find any remnants of physical desire? What she wanted most in life.
"I just want the people I love to love me. I wish we were all back together again, with Mr. Amara teaching us."
Kima understandably gave a resounding nod, slowly turning her head in that general direction, she thought for something. Being hung up on the past was never a good sign, however, if she had nothing to do, no hobby she could find- maybe there was something else she could aid with.
"Do you wish to protect others, and if you do, would it be for yourself or them?" Kima's words sent a reverberating shockwave through June's being, to the point where all she could do was stare ahead baselessly in absolute silence. There was nothing more than what lay ahead for her. Why would other people matter to her when she didn't know their names? So, she'd have to answer honestly,
"For myself."
"When I say 'I love you, how do you feel?" Asked Kima gently, one hand on her friend's shoulder, caressing her as she moved her fingers gradually, side to side,
"Happy…" June turned back to Myers with a nervous blush spread over her white cheeks, sheepishly hiding a smile just barely able to conceal the delight at those words,
"That's how I feel when I tell myself those words. Tell you what, there's a good gym nearby the Nest, I'll give you my membership, I don't go there anymore. Working out… well, works, for someone who's looking for self-love," Kima handed her a card with the gym's logo on it, reading 'Persistence Is Key' with a bear simple on it, or rather, the silhouette of the animal roaring.
"B-but I don't wanna love myself. I want others to love me. Capable and lovable enough to catch and be worthy of the attention of others… of my brother… Katie… Mom… Dad…" June was openly sulking again, now at the cost of her misfortune, to which Kim grabbed her by those cheeks and sunk her fingers into them.
"Don't gimme those sad puppy-dog eyes! Look, June, Imma give this to you straight-up. In truth, you can only piece up undervalued data on yourself and others. You'll never see yourself reach the peak of your potential if you're stuck at the bottom, begging for the attention of others. Being who we are, when we need to fight for our lives, allies will always be important. However, there's one thing you need to consider above it all. And that's for when you die... you'll be alone.
So fuck everyone else. Be greedier and leave 'em all in the dirt… because you're your person."
The next morning, the Nest witnessed her body walk by, a duffle bag strapped over her chest, she reached the end of her short journey. Indeed, this was the gym Kim had proposed, she could sense her presence on this place, likely from a past venture. Cracking her neck from side to side so she could moan in satisfaction, the neon sign of 'Persistence' reflected in Convergence's grassy palette.
"Welp… here goes nothin'."
June began her training.
The days were hard, the nights were sweaty, her knuckles bled; it was like she could feel her life force oozing away with every passing moment she lifted these weights. The next week of April had come. As she stood in the gym, the sunset was shining through the widened window and wiping sweat from her lip, she couldn't even let out a heavy breath from her lips. Turning her head as the lights flickered on to reveal her chiseled chest, abs sprawled out over her stomach, she looked to her watch.
"SHIT! Oh, I'm so so sorry! I was so into it, I didn't even realize how late I'd stood! I'll leave right away!"
June packed up her things and speed-walked past the janitor, luckily, he hadn't heard a word she'd said, and she was able to get out scot-free. Without the time to change out her gym attire, she stuck on the hoodie over her chest and zipped it to her neck, walking down the block as the orange tint of the Sun's rays shone against her head's rear.
'Been about a week since I started… I like the way my body looks now, more than ever. But I'm still worried about my brother- Kay, too. I hadn't heard any news about Ace since that riot in Paradise last week. Stay strong, big dummy… I'll be coming for you, eventually.'
As the music played into her ears so elegantly, the beats flowing like the sounds instruments so carefully made thanks to humans' intervention, she thought. Her brother, her cousin, her friend. They all had something to live for, they all left for something, striving for the truth they'd so painfully desired. But she doesn't have to leave anywhere; all she wanted was for the people she loved to love her back and surround her with that warm embrace, like that of a mother hugging her beautiful child. Was Kima right when she said the things she said?
'So fuck everyone else. Be greedier and leave 'em all in the dirt… because you're your person.'
'Right.' 'Wrong.' The differences were so nauseating, she felt she was spiraling, locked in a checkered room with messed proportions; stabbing a pit in your stomach from the repulsion. She was her person, she'd heard that so many times before, it was starting to sound like a lie. Why was Kima so determined on getting her away from Ace and the prison, to focus on herself? There remained something behind the scenes that she was missing, maybe not with Kima, but with her brother. This feeling of dread hadn't subsided, that whisper she felt when she visited her, was so familiar.
"I want to… be a capable individual."
June was determined to become 'the strongest.'
At the same time she was walking back home to the Nest, tired from training her muscles all night, there was her brother.
Not below the ocean, but strapped to a chair with black fingernails replacing the usual transparency. The tips of his spiky hair were no longer fully crimson but replaced with a snowy tint like that of the winter's fate. The light infiltrated the darkness in the shape of a door as his trench coat moved behind his ankles hidden by military leggings, more steps, more deafening booms he was dreading to slide apart. The present was always so gloomy, there remained nothing here for him but despair. Katie had arrived; he couldn't wait to see his cousin's smile… for it had reflected onto his very lips, head hung at the aftertaste of pain coursing through his nerves.
"Alright, alright. Time to wake up, it's morning. How ya feelin', Acey?" The sadistic tone of the Jester echoed into his ears, like nails on a chalkboard, the maniacal laughter of a feral creature intruded upon his sinister vocals… to his confusion.
The blindfold restricting his vision burnt to ashes, the chains shattered to pieces and the chair exploded into fragments. Chrollo took one step back, quirking but one brow upright at the curious awakening he'd just witnessed.
"After a week of torture, you're still up and kickin'? Here I thought you'd be all… sad or whatever, like my toys usually are."
Icarus took his fingers from the concrete ground as he reverted to a tall posture, now watching as Ace squeezed his fist, then raising his flat palm so he could just easily tap the side of his pointer with the thumb.
"Couldn't care less. Shut up and die."
To Be Continued.