I don't typically write dates on calendars...I've always been good at remembering stuff like birthdays and holidays and such. To be honest, there really isn't a reason for me to keep a calendar in the first place. And yet...I have one, hanging right over my nightstand, with a red circle around the 5th of November.
It was the 4th of November now, and I couldn't help but stare at that circled date with a frown on my face. Tomorrow...was the 3rd anniversary of my wife's death...as well as Hiro's. For the past two years, I had made a tradition of going to their graves at the cemetery, and I didn't plan on skipping out on that this year, either. However, I did come across a dilemma...
"What am I gonna tell the others?"
Clutching Suri's photograph tightly, yet carefully, in my hands, I sighed deeply upon remembering something very important. None of my friends knew I once had a wife. And none of them knew about my child who lived for only a few minutes. What could I possibly use as an excuse? I didn't want to lie to them, but at the same time, there was no way I could tell them the truth. There was no reason to. In fact, just talking about it would no doubt make me feel even worse, and they wouldn't want that...would they? I knew for sure that I didn't. It was hard enough showing my face before Suri's grave without bursting into tears and becoming an absolute emotional wreck. Telling them...would most definitely make things more complicated. Especially our relationship. Especially...my relationship with Yuta. Now I wasn't one to get a big head over things like this, but I guess you could say I had a hunch that Yuta was in love with me. The only reason I say that, is because the way she looked at me...was just like the way Suri used to look at me. And what scared me the most about it...was that I was beginning to fall in love with her, too...
"Maybe..."
I stared at the wedding ring I had atop my night stand and felt my heart nearly sink in my chest. "That can't be right, though...can it? I mean, I still love Suri..."
I still remembered what she had said to me shortly before she died.
"Maybe you'll find someone who could be a better wife to you."
"How cruel..." I muttered. "How cruel of Suri to say something like that. There's no one else who could be fit for me. Not like she was. Suri was an angel that just so happened to come into my life...and it was all because of Hanako. And yet..."
Even though I tried to convince myself that Suri was the only one in my eyes, I found myself reminiscing on all the kind things Yuta said to me that got me back on my feet again. All the times she encouraged me, smiled at me, and most importantly...accepted me. Whether or not I admitted it, without her, I wouldn't even be here right now. I would have never had the privilege of meeting Kyo and Ushio. And I wouldn't be even one step closer to finding my best friend. It was all thanks...to her.
"No one deserves to be sad. Not even those with the darkest of pasts. Everyone deserves happiness, and that means you, too."
That's what she said to me. That was where it all started. In that lonely bar, where I had once again been sulking about my depressing past. If Yuta hadn't come over to talk to me, I would probably still be there. And then...there was what she said to me when I first came to the cafe...
"I already told you why I came over to talk to you last night. I told you why I invited you to this shop. And I told you why I wanted to rid you of that sorrowful look you had on your face. That look is still on your face. I swear I won't stop until I can see what true happiness looks like on you."
It seemed impossible to me. How could someone like her have had such an important role in my life? There was once a time when I thought that the only person I ever needed was Hanako. In a sense...I suppose that still applies to my current situation. Hanako is the one who tied together everything in my life. He was the one who introduced me to Niall, to Suri, and so many others. He was the one who opened up the doors in my life...one of those doors having led to Yuta.
"I can't be in love..."
My words seemed to get lost in the gentle breeze that blew through my open window. I just couldn't shake this awful feeling I had...the feeling of betraying Suri. Would she think of it as betraying her? Despite the fact that she had urged me to find someone else, I still couldn't help but feel this way. It was slowly eating me up from the inside out.
"What should I do, Suri?"
I closed my eyes and sighed deeply as I gently ran my thumb across Suri's face on the photograph. I wished that I could hear her voice...even if it was just one last time. I needed to know what she thought about the whole situation. I wanted her to wrap her arms around me and tell me that it was all going to be okay. But because that would never happen, I was left to figure it out on my own.
It was then that my phone rang. I stretched out my arm and grabbed it, then held it up to my ear. "Hello, this is Morgan speaking."
"Morgan? You sound pretty sluggish. Is everything alright?"
I flinched. Curse me for never checking the caller ID! "Oh, h-hey, Yuta," I said nervously. "No, I'm fine. Just woke up a little earlier then normal, so I'm still a bit tired."
"Is that so?" Yuta hummed thoughtfully to herself for a moment, almost as if she didn't believe a word I was saying. "Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to go somewhere with me today."
"Go...somewhere?"
"Well, multiple 'somewheres' actually," she corrected herself. "I was thinking, you know, since neither of us have work today, that we could hang out."
"Are you...asking me out on a date?"
Wait! Why did I just say that out loud?!
"Sure," said Yuta, sounding slightly amused by my tone. "If it's alright with you."
I can't believe this...talk about unbelievably bad timing...
"Uh, Y-Yuta, I-..."
What was I just about to say to her? Turning her down would be rude, wouldn't it? Not to mention it would probably hurt her feelings and make me feel bad as well. But I can't deny that I don't sort of want to go out with her...maybe. It's just...now is not a good time. I would most likely spend the entire date down in the dumps and ruin it for her. Or...would this actually be for the better? Yuta does have her ways of cheering me up when I'm feeling miserable.
"Uh, Morgan? You still there?"
"Yeah, I'm here," I sighed. "Sorry, I've just been a little...depressed lately, that's all."
"Is it 'cause of something that takes place tomorrow?"
"Huh?" My eyes grew wide and my hands started to shake upon hearing her accusation. Immediately my mind began to race and fill my head with irrational thoughts. Does Yuta already know about Suri? But how could she? I never mentioned Suri even once to her. This is bad...I'm already beginning to freak out without even knowing the facts first. "Uhm, w-why would you say such a thing, Yuta?" I stammered, laughing nervously.
Yuta laughed with delight. "Oh, no reason," she said. "I was just gonna tell you that if that were the case, then I have something planned for tomorrow that's bound to cheer you up. Well, Ushio is taking part in it, too, but still..."
"What are you talking about, Yuta?"
"I can't tell you that yet," she said in a hush voice. "It's a surprise."
This isn't good...I have plans for that day... "Is there a reason for this?" I asked her. "Is tomorrow a special occasion?"
"Yup!" She replied happily. "It's my birthday. Ushio and I have been saving up our money for a long time, and we're finally able to do this. It did require the both of us working part time jobs aside from the cafe, but it was worth it."
You've got to be kidding me. It's her birthday tomorrow? How unlucky can one guy get?
"So is that a yes or a no?"
Her voice seemed pretty relaxed, making me wonder just how disappointed she might be if I declined. My mind was racing at a mile a minute, and I honestly didn't know what to do. I owe Yuta so much...so maybe I should just-....
"Listen, Morgan, if you don't want to then all you have to do is say no," Yuta sighed heavily. "It's not like I'm gonna run over to your house and kill you or anything like that."
"I'll go."
Yuta was silent for a moment, and I could only picture the look of surprise on her face once I had given my abrupt answer. Then suddenly she exclaimed, "Great! How about you meet me outside my house whenever you're ready?"
"S-sure..."
"Alright. See ya then."
As soon as Yuta hung up, my phone slipped out of my grasp and landed on my lap. It was almost as if my mouth had been moving on its own, without listening to the reluctant thoughts of my mind. "What am I gonna do now?"
My train of thought was suddenly cut off by what sounded like fingers tapping against glass, and for some reason, the first place my brain told me to look was down at my phone. After quickly unlocking my phone, I noticed that Seraph was, in fact, knocking his fists against the screen to get my attention. I shot him a confused glance.
"Ya never told me you married her."
That was the first thing that came out of his mouth, and it was no surprise that I was left in a state of shock. "What are you talking about, Seraph?" I asked him.
"Suri Adams," he said. "I'm sorry if I invaded your privacy, but you had a date marked on your phone calendar, so I may have a little research in your photo library. I never knew you two actually got married."
"You...you knew Suri?"
Seraph nodded. "Yeah. She was another friend of mine in my past life. She used to be general of an army. Don't you remember? Yet somehow, in this life, she managed to walk a different path and lead a different life. I'm thankful for that for both of your sakes."
"Hey, Seraph..."
"Hmm?" The hoodie-wearing boy lifted his chin and looked directly into my eyes. "What is it, Morgan?"
"If what you say is true...and you really did know Suri...than do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Go ahead. I don't mind at all."
"Do you think Suri would be upset...if I fell in love again?"
Much to my surprise, Seraph's reply came quickly. "Of course not," he said, his tone seeming somewhat kind. "In fact, I'm sure all Suri would have wanted was for you to be happy."
And somehow, him saying that didn't make me feel any less guilty. That response was so predictable...anyone would have said that just to make me feel better. But it wasn't working at all.
"If you love Yuta, why are acting so hesitant?"
"Because I don't want to betray Suri!!" I hadn't intended to raise my voice, but in the moment I had never felt so confused in my entire life, and I was unable to control myself. "I still love Suri, and besides, I can't know for sure that I'm in love with Yuta, so I don't want to-"
"You've clearly moved on," Seraph said in a hush voice, which made me calm down immediately. "You've broken free of the chains that confined you to the past. You're slowly learning to let go. Just accept it, Morgan. That's what Suri would have wanted."
"But I-"
"Listen to me." Seraph's voice was much more stern now, but at the same time it still held sincere concern behind it. "Morgan...from past experiences, I want to teach you something. If you love someone...truly...from the bottom of your heart...no matter how many times you deny it, you mustn't push aside your feelings for too long. If you do, then it just may end up being too late before you finally get to say what you've wanted to say for a long time. So, carrot-top, I'm gonna ask ya a question, and I want ya to answer it truthfully, okay?"
I nodded slowly.
"Do you love Yuta?"
"Yes...yes, I do love Yuta."
+++
10:30 a.m.
Crap...I can't be getting nervous now...
My hands were shaking like crazy as I readied myself to knock on her door, but I just couldn't seem to get myself together. Luckily for me, Yuta soon opened the door and joined me outside, wearing one of her signature smiles. On top of that, she was dressed in a very cute black dress beneath a jean jacket, as well as a dark blue scarf that hung loosely around her neck. I thought I should probably compliment her on how nice she looked, but of course, once again I was unable to find the right words to say. Much to my relief, she spoke up first.
"I got permission from my brother to use his car while he's at work," she said, taking the car keys out of her jacket pocket. "I'll drive."
Before I could realize what was going on, Yuta had grabbed my wrist and was pulling me in the direction of Ushio's car, urging me to get inside as if she simply could not wait any longer. When I finally got into the car and had buckled my seatbelt, I asked Yuta, "Where are we going?"
"You'll see."
I should've known she'd say something like that...
+++
Yuta ended up driving us to a peaceful little park a few miles away from her house. There were plenty of trees and benches, as well as a pond filled with ducks and a fountain spewing with sparkling water. I recalled being here once, but it was a long time ago, when the park was in desperate need of cleaning up. I had never seen it in such a beautiful state...
"Do you wanna go feed the ducks?"
I glanced at Yuta and noticed she was now holding up a plastic bag that contained small pieces of bread. The look on her face as she waited for my response made it almost impossible for me to say no. I smiled as she held open the bag so that I could take out a handful of the bread pieces. Then the two of us made our way over to the pond and began tossing the bread pieces into the water and watching the ducks swim over to eat them. It was such a simple activity...yet if provided a tranquil and satisfactory feeling inside of me. I could tell by Yuta's expression that she felt the same way, too.
"Mommy! I wanna do what they're doing!"
The eager voice of a child caught my attention as soon as I realized Yuta and I were the ones it was referring to. A little boy with black hair was tugging on his mother's sleeve, pointing at us as we had been feeding the ducks. His mother shook her head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, Nai, but I don't have anything for you to feed the animals. You'll just have to do it some other ti-"
The mother's sentence was cut off abruptly once a certain black haired woman knelt down in from of the boy. Yuta reached into the bag and took out some bread pieces, then handed them over to the boy, who was now brimming with happiness. "Thank you, miss!" He cried, running over to the pond. The boy's mother gazed at Yuta with a look of gratitude on her face.
"That was very kind of you," she said.
"It's no big deal," Yuta insisted. After waving to the woman, she turned around and returned to my side, where she then resumed feeding the ducks with me. I couldn't help but stare at her for a moment. After all, I was very fond of this kind and generous side of Yuta.
After we had run out of bread pieces, Yuta suggested we take a walk. I agreed, and the two of us ended up circling the entire park before finally returning to the car. When I asked her where we were going next, she replied with a one-word answer.
"Shopping."
"Shopping?"
"Yup. It's nearing lunch time anyways, so I thought we could get lunch while we're there."
Once again, Yuta's expression made it impossible for me to turn her down. After I seconded her idea, Yuta set our course for Aobasani's Goodyear Mall.
+++
"This place brings back memories..." I said under my breath, after taking a glimpse of the mall's interior. "I haven't been here since...well, since the first time I went to Aobasani in my past life...come to think of it, what was I doing here then?"
"Morgan!" Yuta called to me from outside a fast food restaurant. "Are you coming or not?"
Now that she mentions it, I am pretty hungry... Not wanting to call out in public, I simply waved to Yuta as I began to make my way over to where she was standing.
The rest of our time spent at the mall seemed to go rather nicely. We ate lunch at that restaurant, we went inside a furniture store simply to sit on every piece of furniture we could before we eventually getting kicked out. We stopped inside an arcade and played several rounds of foosball, all of which were won by me. Along the way we made sure to stop by a place that sold ice cream, which we both enjoyed eating together.
It was some time late in the afternoon now, and Yuta and I were sitting on a bench just outside the furniture store we had been kicked out of. As I tossed my empty carton of ice cream in the trash can beside me, I asked Yuta, "So is there anything else you wanted to do here before we leave?"
"Yes, actually," she replied quickly. "There's one more store I'd like to go to. One I haven't been to since I was a kid."
"Alright then." I stood up slowly from the bench and held out my hand to Yuta, smiling at her as I gestured for her to accept it. "Lead the way."
Yuta quickly seized my hand and practically leapt up from the bench, then took off towards...well, whatever place she wanted to go to so badly. I soon discovered that this certain place happened to be the dollar store. Yup, that's right. Nothing extravagant, just a plain old dollar store.
"Seriously?" I couldn't help but laugh as she dragged me into the store, finally letting go of my hand as she disappeared down the candy isle. "H-hey! Wait up!"
"I've always loved this place," she said quietly, eyes wide and filled with excitement as she browsed the assorted candies. "Just look at all this stuff...and it's so cheap, too. When I was a kid, my mom used to take Ushio and I here all the time."
"Is...is that why you love it so much?" I asked hesitantly. "Because of the memories of your mother?"
"Partially," she said, taking a box of tootsie rolls off the shelf. "That, and because I have a major addiction to these."
"Tootsie rolls?"
"Yeah." Yuta grabbed one of the small green baskets that was conveniently placed in a stack in the middle of the candy isle and tossed the box of tootsie rolls in it. Then she took off once again, leaving me to chase after her to avoid getting lost.
"Why do you seem to be in such a hurry?" I said breathlessly, after she had just run in and out of another three isles. Her basket still had nothing other than the candy in it, which really made me wonder if she was doing all this just to wear me out.
"I'm not in a hurry," she replied, dodging around the next corner and nearly causing me to stumble into an old lady's cart.
"Sorry, ma'am.....Yuta!"
"Ah! Here they are!" Yuta suddenly stopped in front of a rack that displayed various types of glasses. She immediately began spinning the rack in circles as if she was searching for a particular pair. "I wonder if it's still here after all these years. This place closed down once or twice, but even after all this time, the mall has never gotten rid of this store entirely. Ushio and I used to take turns trying on our favorite pairs of glasses...I still remember it being a lot of fun. Even my mother joined in occasionally."
"So basically you want to relive a part of your childhood?" I asked, smiling softly at her as I reached out to grab a pair of black sunglasses. "You wouldn't mind if I join in, would you?"
Yuta looked at me over her shoulder and laughed as soon as I put on the glasses. She then took a pair of blue sunglasses and put them on. "How do these look on me?" She said jokingly.
"You look stunning, Yuta."
"Aw, d'ya mean it? Well how about these ones?" She took off the blue sunglasses and put them where they originally were on the rack, then grabbed another pair to try on. These ones didn't weren't tinted, so I could actually see her eyes as she turned to face me.
A sudden jolt in my chest caused me to turn my back to Yuta and nearly lose my breath. That thin red frame around the glasses, the way her beautiful green eyes shone behind them...even her smile. She reminded me so much of Suri...I could barely look at her without wanting to cry.
"Morgan?"
No, don't talk to me now...I won't be able to hold back the tears anymore.
"Morgan, is everything alright?"
"I need to go home. Now."
I hadn't meant to sound so urgent, but I was so caught up in the moment that I wasn't in control of my voice anymore.
"I'm not feeling so well all of a sudden. I want to go home."
Yuta was silent for a minute, and although I wasn't looking at her face, I guessed she was staring at me with a deeply concerned expression. "Okay..." She said quietly. "We can leave...if that's what you really want..."
+++
Yuta drove me back to my house immediately after we left the mall. I felt really bad about the way I had been acting back at the dollar store, but after that little incident with the glasses, I felt as though I needed to leave as soon as possible.
"Yuta, I'm sorry-"
"Don't apologize," she sighed, shaking her head. "I don't want you to feel sorry. After all, I had a lot of fun today with you. And tomorrow, I'm hoping that we'll be able to enjoy ourselves again."
Oh, that's right...she did mention something about tomorrow...
"What's going to happen then?"
Yuta's smile grew bigger at my question, and soon she couldn't help but stifle a laugh. "I suppose I can tell you know," she said. "Ushio and I...are planning a little concert of our own. With all the money we saved up, we were able to rent an ice skating rink here in Aobasani. It's not big, but it does have a piano, so it's perfect in Ushio's opinion."
"A...a concert...?"
"Nothing elaborate," she told me. "Just a little show we wanted to put on for you and Kyo. And for our own entertainment as well."
"But...but tomorrow..."
For some reason my brain wasn't telling me what to say. I was left a hopeless, stuttering mess as I tried to explain myself without the help of my thoughts. "Tomorrow is...I-I mean...I can't..."
"You don't want to come?" Yuta's tone seemed utterly heartbroken, causing my eyes to shoot open in a panic.
"N-no! That's not what I meant!" I exclaimed, shaking my head rapidly. "It's just that...tomorrow is...what I mean is...it's a special day, and I-"
"Well, yeah it was supposed to be a special day." Yuta slowly turned her back to me and let out a prolonged sigh of disappointment. "I was hoping that my birthday this year...would be special. But if you're not there...it won't be nearly as special as it should be..."
Oh, now she's just guilting me into going...
"Yuta, wait."
I stretched out my hand and grabbed her arm just as she had begun walking back to the car. She spun back around swiftly and shot me a curious look, then asked, "Have you changed your mind?"
I'm probably going to regret this...but nonetheless, I have to do this. For Yuta. "I never said I wouldn't go."
Her expression lit up immediately after hearing these words come out of my mouth, and she threw her arms around me to give me a tight squeeze. "Thank you, Morgan. Thank you so much..."