"I don't believe you."
"Hanako, please don't make this any harder than it has to be."
"You're lying to me. I know you are. That's one detailed story you came up with, I'll give you that. But it's a lie. It had to be....there's just...no way....."
My chest was burning—but this was no mere heartache. It was far worse, as though acid had at last devoured my heart, as though death itself were upon me.
Jeremy was struggling desperately to even look me in the eye, guilt being the only identifiable emotion in his expression. That was the way it should've been, I told myself. He deserved it. For all the lies having fallen from that despicable mouth of his, Jeremy deserved any and every hardship that came across his path.
At least, that was what I wanted to believe.
"I'm sorry," he uttered softly. His eyes were now fixed on the ground, hands and lips visibly trembling. "Hanako, I was wrong. About everything. My entire life...was spent in vain effort trying to accomplish what I deemed right. So I'm sorry for every day I've stood by your side, making you believe I was your friend. I thought I was protecting you. I only wanted you to have the opportunity to live like a normal human being, but I-..."
Jeremy tore his gaze from the floor and finally exerted himself to make eye contact with me. It must have been painful for him. No—I was certain it was painful. Tears were on the verge of spilling over his eyelid to stream down just the one side of his face. I had never thought I'd see a side of Jeremy so close in resemblance to the way I used to be. Desperate, heavyhearted, virtually feeble, hopelessly fearful of losing his only friend.
His soul was crying out to me, and I could hear its voice as clear as day. I didn't think it would go this far, it said. Everything you've dealt with till this very day has been my fault.
He only had good intentions. That was what my inner voice was whispering ever so subtly in my ear. Jeremy had never meant to hurt me. He, a cyborg of sorts by design, had some human qualities. He made mistakes. And so did I.
"I only wanted a friend. But now I see that I was just being selfish." Jeremy smiled in spite of himself, and a faint laugh escaped through his clenched teeth. "I've dragged you down to my level, and I'm sorry."
Even though he continued to speak words of regret, all I could hear in my head were those first five words and how deeply they cut me.
I only wanted a friend.
It hurt. My entire being ached, sorrow flooding out any pleasant emotions or memories I once held dear.
"This...this isn't..." My throat became instantly clogged with tears, and speaking was slowly becoming harder and harder, with each agonizing second that passed by. "So you are...you aren't just my guardian, like you said you were. You're...you're my real father."
I felt like a helpless little child. Unable to figure out these shapeless emotions inside me now, I held on to Jeremy for dear life, not even trying to hold back my tears anymore.
All of a sudden, the door flew open, and in came Suri and Morgan, both with frantic looks on their faces. "Alright, what the heck happened here?!" Suri shouted as she scanned the room with watchful eyes. "I heard somebody scr-"
"Suri...be quiet..."
Suri snapped her mouth shut upon hearing Morgan's tender voice, and her gaze softened as it fell on Jeremy and me. I tried not to look at her, fearing that her expression would somehow make me feel worse, but I couldn't help but take a quick glance. Morgan, too. He and Suri were both staring at us with deeply concerned and distressed faces, and I wasn't sure if I should have spoken at all. To my relief, someone else opened their mouth.
"Don't ask...it doesn't concern you..." Jeremy released his hold on me and slowly pulled away, then began wiping away his tears on his sleeve.
"Well, will you at least be alright?" Morgan asked. "Is there anything you need? Can I do anything for either of you?"
"Bring Gabriel and Levin in here. Tell them I want to speak with them. And then I want you two to leave the room."
Morgan tilted his head slightly, still gazing at Jeremy with wonder in his eyes. "Sure..." He said slowly. "I'll...do just that." He faced Suri and whispered something in her ear, and I saw her nod. Then she and Morgan left the room.
About five minutes later, Gabriel and Levin walked into the living room, but something was off about them. Gabriel's head was hanging low, and as he walked, his steps were small and shaky. Levin's brows were drawn together, his lips bent into a frown. The room was silent for a minute, as the black cat and the little boy stood in the center of the living room, just a few feet away from Jeremy and me. The silence was broken by a quivering voice.
"You told him everything, didn't you, Jeremy?" Levin bit his lip nervously, taking in a sharp breath. "My fun is finally over isn't it?"
Gabriel forced a crooked smile. "I can't lie, it was nice while it lasted."
My heart couldn't handle the sight of these two in broken spirits, especially Levin, who I had never before seen in a state like this. They sound guilty, I thought. Why? Why do they have to be involved, too?
"Hanako, allow me to formally introduce you to Ylverys. He's the one that raised you in that little house in Bluegate. He's the one that really deserves the title of being your father."
Gabriel took a step forward and lifted his little head to look at me directly. As I stared into his eyes just now, I could almost see my father staring back at me. But it seemed impossible. It had to be impossible. He was a cat. A...talking cat. My mouth fell open, and I managed to force out the words, "But how?"
"I had to disguise myself," said Gabriel. "Nine years ago, my whereabouts were discovered by a group of demons that had apparently been hired by another member of the Midnight Legion. They knew I was in the Bluegate, but they did not know what house I was occupying. So I fled the city and alerted Ironmage immediately. I had nowhere else to go, so Ironmage agreed to let me come and live with him, which I was eternally grateful for. However...when the time came around...and your demonic powers were awakened...I knew I only had two options. I could either choose to run to ensure that you never saw my face again, or make it so that you would not recognize me." Gabriel closed his eyes and hung his head low again. "I was a coward. I hid my true identity from you, Hanako. But now...at last...you know the truth. I am indeed Ylverys, and I am the one who saved your life on that cold, seemingly hopeless day thousands of years ago. But I'm not the one who deserves credit. After all, Jeremy is the one who created you."
My mind was racing faster than ever before, but I somehow was able to keep it from showing on my expression. "And what about you?" I said, looking at Levin and fighting back the sadness in my tone. "What are you hiding in significance to my life?"
"Nothing really," said Levin, fixing his eyes on the ground to avert my stare. "Ylverys is my guardian, that's all. When he told me about you, and about what happened the day he made that promise with Jeremy, I became instantly obsessed with you. Jeremy was kind, and he let me stay here in the Safe Haven with him and Ylverys, so long as I said not a word about either of their identities. I'm so sorry for lying to you, Hanako. But as you can see, I'm not Jeremy's brother at all."
The room became silent once again. Mercilessly silent. And with each second that passed us by, the sharp pain in my chest only grew larger, until I felt like I would break. There were no questions running through my mind anymore. There was no anger locked away in the back of my head, waiting to unleash itself on those who had done wrong to me. There was no feeling of intimate relief after finally being told the truth about why my father had left me. There was only one thing I was sure of, and that was that I couldn't let them see how hurt I really was.
+++
So I smiled. I smiled like everything was okay. I smiled like I was still happy, like my heart was still in one piece. "I'm glad...that everything is finally cleared up. Thank you, everyone."
They all looked at me like I had grown another head. But despite the fact that I was severely aching on the inside, I continued to feign being happy.
Jeremy slowly reached up his hand and gently placed it on my shoulder. "H-Hanako...don't do this...please, just stop. You're scaring us-"
"But really," I interrupted him, keeping my positive tone of voice. "Why would I be mad? It's Christmas. No one should be upset on Christmas."
"....perhaps...." Gabriel began, sighing deeply. "...perhaps you should take a step outside, Hanako. I think you'll find what you want there."
I squinted at him, tilting my head in question. "What do you mean?"
"Just do it."
After hearing the sharpness of his words, I didn't need to be told twice. I left the Safe Haven immediately and stepped into a painfully familiar field of white. Of course, it had begun to snow. Just my luck. The snow was falling rather slowly and peacefully now, and the world outside the Safe Haven was silent and calm. It was...actually nice.
I walked and walked through the endless snowfield, not knowing where I was going, not caring. I really just wanted to get away. I wanted to get away from everyone. I had told myself I would look passed all of their lies, and all of their secrets, but now that I had thought about it, how could I? They had lied to me my entire life. Literally. The man who I thought to be my father was a demon. The woman I believed to be my mother was a fake. And the boy I thought to be my little brother was just a stranger. In truth, I was all alone. There was nothing good left for me in life...not anymore.
Niall died believing that you would be safe, that you would go on living with your friends in a life full of happiness and security, but I'm afraid that is not the case, not anymore.
I clenched my fists in remembrance of what Connie had told me. "Niall..." I whispered, watching my breath freeze in the air. Did he know about all this? Did he know about the secrets they were hiding from me? I felt like I was about to cry again, as strong memories of Niall started to make me hallucinate.
"Hey, Hanako!"
I could almost see him waving to me, just afar off. I waved back to him. "Hi, Niall!" I called, and he smiled widely. I noticed he had begun walking off somewhere, so I asked him where he was going. He didn't answer, but rather gestured for me to follow him. In a trance, I dragged my feet sluggishly behind me, my half shut eyes fixed on a hazy image of my blue haired friend. I followed Niall for about ten minutes or so, and before long, another person came into view.
It was Jean.
"Connie will be here soon. Or at least, she said she would..."
"Jean. When did you get here?"
Jean pulled down the hood of his dark green coat and let his thick blonde hair out. The snowflakes landed softly on the surface of his head, soon coating it in a thin layer of white. He tilted his head to the side, and I was pretty sure I saw him voice something, but his words were tangled in the gentle wind and carried away. When he finally turned to face me, I noticed a trail of tears left behind in his eyes, red circles beneath them. He lifted his foot and took one step forward, then said something to me in a voice so quiet, I could barely hear it.
"You know, Connie was the one to tell me," he said. "Not you. Even though you were the one who saw him die, you kept it to yourself. You selfish, good for nothing scoundrel..."
"Says the one who handed me over to the demon twins."
"I did what I had to!!"
"Oh? Then where is Sebastian?"
"Who?"
My eyes grew wide in shock. "What do you mean 'who?' You handed me over to the twins so that you could save your friend, right?"
"I don't have any friends," he said coldly. "Not anymore, now that Niall is dead."
A feeling of nostalgia washed over me, just faintly. This situation seemed...somewhat familiar, in a very strange way. Jean didn't recognize the name Sebastian, almost as if the Sebastian he claimed to be his loyal friend had never existed in the first place. I closed my eyes, thinking deeply. However, Jean soon broke my train of thought.
"So did she tell you? Connie, I mean. Did she tell you about that whole deal with this reality falling apart and stuff?"
"Yeah," I replied. "Although, I'm still not sure I understand it."
"Yeah, me neither. But I believe her. I don't know why, but there's something about Connie that makes me want to trust her. Not that I'm happy the world is ending, but you get what I mean."
"The world isn't ending..." I said, in a slightly wavering tone. "Is it?"
"I don't know. All I know that something big is going to happen today."
"Well that's not much help in solving the mystery."
"Well, excuse me for not knowing the answers to the universe."
Jean let out a sigh of exasperation, then plopped down on the ground. He began drawing something in the snow using his index finger, but I couldn't quite make out what it was. I cautioned over to Jean and carefully sat down beside him, eyes fixed on his face just in case he shot me a warning glare. When I realized he wasn't going to shoo me away, I decided it was safe to ask him what he was drawing. "Connie is somebody's guardian too, you know," he mumbled. "She mentioned him to me once, and apparently he died in a plane crash before she even met him. Connie's such a nice girl...I feel bad for her."
Jean dragged his finger along the snow in a semi-circle, forming what looked to be a head. He dotted two eyes, a nose, and a frown for the face. Then he stopped. It almost seemed like he had stopped breathing for a minute, too.
"Jean, are you okay?"
"No," he said, voice low, expression gloomy. "And I never will be."
"Jean, I'm s-"
"Was Niall happy?"
I flinched, caught off guard by his sudden question. "Was he...happy?" I repeated the question, confirming that I heard right.
"Yeah. What was he like in his last moments?"
I thought about it for a moment, and the clear memories that resurfaced made my chest burn. "He...he was happy. Before he died, Niall.....he asked me to sing a song with him."
"Was it 'Brave Soldier'?"
"Yeah..."
Jean chuckled. "He sang that to me before, too, claiming it was his favorite song in the whole world. To be honest, I'm not too much of a fan, but I really liked Niall's singing, so it didn't matter to me what he sang, just so long as I could listen to him..."
"You two really were close, weren't you?" I smiled at him, but he turned his head away.
"Wipe that grin off your face," he spat, eyebrow twitching. "Happiness is a thing of the past now."
"But I'm not happy."
"That's good, then. Now you won't be let down if somebody dies today."
"Yeah....."
About five minutes had passed before a certain pink-haired girl came into view. She trudged on through the snow, lifting her legs high with each step. When she finally reached us, Connie smiled at us. "Hello, boys."
"Hey."
"Hello, Connie."
"Do you mind if I sit down?"
"Go ahead," I said, patting the ground beside me. "It's not like this land belongs to us or anything. So anyway, what did you want tell us, Connie?"
Connie stared into my eyes for quite some time, and I found myself unable to take mine off of hers. She wasn't wearing the eyepatch like the one she wore in the last dream I had of her. Her eyes were open wide and twinkling brightly with wonder. "You're...you're much more calm than I expected you to be. I thought for sure you'd have drawn Destiny's Song by now..."
"You sound...disappointed." I swallowed my breath, struggling to hide the annoyance in my tone. "Isn't it a good thing that I'm controlling my anger?"
"No," she said, shaking her head slowly. "You being strong is not what we need here. It's just extending reality uselessly."
"You know, Connie, you say the strangest things," I said. "And frankly, I don't understand a single word of them."
"What I'm saying is that you need to hurry up and kill yourself."
My heart skipped a beat. "What are you saying?" I asked, my voice shaking.
"I'm sorry, for I don't know of a more subtle and kind way to put it..." Connie took a deep breath and held it for a moment, then let it out in a sharp exhale. "I'm afraid that if you don't kill yourself now, I'll have to find ways to make you want to kill yourself."
"Connie, what has gotten into you?!" Jean exclaimed, his nose crinkling in disgust. "It's like you're a completely different person!"
Connie's beautiful eyes flashed a deep shade of red, and her pretty pink hair slowly began to change to black, all signs of her once innocent appearance vanishing without a trace. Jean and I leapt back in fright, the same time exchanging horrified glances. "Connie!!" We shouted in unison, as the demon girl began to crawl toward us.
"Draw the sword...draw the sword...draw the sword...draw the sword..."
"No!! I promised I would never do that again!"
Things grew quiet all of a sudden, not a sound but the low snarling of the beast that was now on all fours right in front of me. Connie's eyes were filled with intense fury, and her breathing was becoming heavier with each second that passed. Jean gripped my arm tightly, and, thinking he was trying to get my attention, I whispered, "What?"
"I see two people behind her...I can almost see their faces..."
I narrowed my eyes and peered into the distance. Surely enough, Jean was right. Two figures were coming towards us, but their faces weren't clear enough to make out. However, their voices made it quite obvious who they were...
"Hey, crazy lady!! Back away from Hanako or the back of your head gets pelted with snowballs!"
Morgan?
"Whoever you are, you're ugly as heck, and if you don't get on your feet right now, I'll makes sure he throws the snowballs caked with pointed rocks."
Suri?!
"Guys, get out of here!!" I shouted. "This girl has gone insane! It's not safe!"
Connie's eyes shot open, and her hand stretched forward and seized my collar. She craned her neck so that she could see Suri and Morgan out of the corner of her eye. Then she cackled, loud enough for everyone to hear. "One more step and I'll make sure you two never see Hanako aga-...ACK!!"
A gun was fired.
+++
Connie's mouth fell open, and blood began to trickle down to her chin, then onto the ground, staining the pearly white snow in a crimson red. Her hand released my collar, and I stumbled backwards again, eye twitching in confusion. "W-what...the heck..."
"Don't worry, she's not dead. If she is who she says she is, than her life can only be taken by a demon's hands, or by Destiny's Song."
These words didn't come from Suri, nor Morgan. It obviously wasn't Jean, so I was left to wonder...who? As I stared at Connie's motionless body on the ground, my heart only started to beat faster. Who had done this?
"It's been a long time since I've used this thing...it feels nice to hold it in my hand again."
It took me a minute, but I soon realized who it was. "...Jeremy? Jeremy, is that you?"
"You shouldn't have left the Safe Haven, Hanako," the deep voice said, and it rang throughout the entire snow field until it reached me. "I should have warned you about Connie, Hanako. She's not just a pretty face. She's a liar. The queen of deceit. She'll drag you down to her level using her charms, but everything she tells you is a lie."
I clenched my fists and used all the strength I had left to stand up. My legs felt like jello. I thought they would collapse at any second. But I ignored them, and instead spun around clumsily in a desperate search for the eye-patched man. "Everything she tells me is a lie? What about you, huh? You're the one who's been lying to me my entire life! Why should I believe anything you say?!"
"I never said you had to. I never expected you to. I only came out here for one purpose, and that was to apologize to you one last time, before I'm gone for good."
"What...Jeremy, what are you saying?"
"I never thought he'd do it...I never thought he'd have the guts to do it...but he did....and now.....now I don't have much time...."
My head began to pound, and my heart continued to hammer against my chest. "Who?!" I shouted. My voice was beginning to break. "Who did it? What's happened to you?!"
"My eyepatch..."
"What about it!?"
"...Ylverys took it off."
The world around me seemed to stop, as a man I could barely recognize emerged from the shadows. His body was limping. His face was darkened by a blackness that seemed to be looming over him. With every step he took, I could hear him groan in excruciating pain, and he looked to be growing weaker with every second. I saw him stretch out his arm, almost as if he was reaching out to me, but his arm soon fell to his side, and he collapsed. He dropped his gun in the process.
"Jeremy!!!"
Without even giving it second thought, I raced over to him and fell at his side, flipping him over on his back so that I could see his face. And what I saw...was absolutely horrifying. His eyepatch was gone, just like he had said, and for the first time, I could finally see his other eye. It felt like I was staring into a black hole, except there were things actually attempting to crawl out of that hole. Lines shaped like crooked branches were running slowly down his face, and as they did, the pale skin on his face began to rot. He opened his mouth slightly and started to choke out blood. My whole body shook like crazy at the terrifyingly disgusting sight, and I could barely find words to speak. "What...what is happening to you...?"
"I told you already..." He whispered, his voice raspy and dry. "...about why I wore that eyepatch. If I ever took it off, my power would be expelled through my eye, and this human body would crumble..."
"So you're dying then...?" I said, unsure of what emotion to express through my words. Worry? Sadness? Revenge?
"In a way," he answered. "I'll no longer be living on this earth. My mind and soul will return to Hell, and I'm sure to be punished for what I've done." He let out a forced laugh-which sounded more like a wheeze-and cracked a smile. "No doubt I'll be spending the rest of eternity in a dungeon of torture...who knows what kind of treatment Satan has had waiting for me down there."
Suddenly, I felt my heart sink deep in my stomach, and all the pain I had felt in my head disappeared. "Don't say that...t-that won't happen..." I took his hand and gave it a tight squeeze.
"But it will..." He coughed. "Unless..."
"Unless what?"
"If you kill me with Destiny's Song, then I'll be free..."
"You know I couldn't do t-"
"PLEASE!" He screamed, and his eyes changed from red, to black, to blue, then back to red again. "JUST KILL ME!!"
As I stared at his wide, blood red eyes, I didn't sense anger in them at all. All I could see was fear...fear, and deep...deep regret. I knew he truly was sorry for all he had done to me, I didn't doubt what he said one bit. But sitting there in front of him...staring at him in his helpless, desperate state, I was unsure of what to do. He wants me to kill him. Would that be helping him? Do I want to help him? Is there another way to save him? What's the right thing to do here?! My mind began to wander, my eyes drifting to the sky above, which had just begun to grow dark with storm clouds. I could've sworn it was snowing just moments ago, I thought. Is it really going to-...
A drop of rain landed on my forehead.
"...rain."
And so, as the rain began to fall, slowly at first, then all at once, memories flooded my mind like a bursting dam. The times I had spent with Jeremy, the good and the bad, the lies and the truths, the happy days and the sad ones, and...all the times he had been there for me. Could those really cover up for his lies? Was it even possible for me to look past the pain and suffering he caused me? Would being around him only remind me of the days I spent brokenhearted and lonely? Would I ever be able...to forgive him?
I looked down at Jeremy's face again, just in time to see a single tear of blood fall from his eye. His breath hitched, and before long streams of crimson tears began to flow. "Hanako...please...this is the last thing I'll ever ask you to do for me. I promise...that after today...you'll never have to see or think about me again...I'll be erased from your memory...forever..."
Erased from my memory? Forever?
For some reason, the thought of this happening didn't relieve me. In fact, it hurt. It caused pain in my heart like I had never felt before. "But I don't...I don't want to forget..." Tears welled up in my eyes, and I tried my hardest not to let them fall. "I don't want to forget about you...that would be...inhuman."
"But Hanako, you'd finally be freed from the nightmares I've given you. You wouldn't have to suffer anymore..."
"I would rather die!!!"
"H-Hanako?"
Just like that, my whole perspective of this reality had changed entirely. It was as if the rain had washed away all doubt I held in my heart, and I was finally sure about what I wanted to do. I let go of Jeremy's hand, then leaned over him and picked the gun he had shot Connie with. I brought the gun up to my head and pressed it against my temple. It took me a few minutes to gather up the courage, but eventually I was able to load the gun and place my finger over the trigger. I looked over my shoulder and saw Jean on his knees, shaking his head slowly. I could almost hear him saying, 'Don't do it, Hanako. Don't pull the trigger.' However, what he said didn't matter.
"Hanako...have you gone mad?"
I couldn't look Jeremy in the eye anymore. It was too painful. So I squeezed my eyes shut. "I don't want to forget about you, Jeremy. It's not right. I don't want you to have to experience torture in Hell for the rest of eternity, but erasing you from my memory is just...it's too much for me to handle."
"But Hanako, you don't understand, I'm dying anyway. There's nothing you can do to save me, so why not just do this for me? It's that simple. Take my life, then-"
"I'll take mine as well."
"Hanako, no..." Jeremy's voice was falling apart along with his body. Yet his desperate attempts to change my mind were a waste of breath.
I channeled all of my energy into my empty hand and materialized my sword. Still holding the gun to my head, I grabbed the handle of Destiny's Song and held it tightly. It was still in its sheathe, and I knew that the moment I took it out, my inner demon would be released. The Shadow Keeper.
"I'll do this favor for you, Jeremy..." I said to him, forcing my eyes open to look at him one last time. "...as a friend. Because...we're still friends, right?"
Jeremy's expression was filled with deep sadness now. He nodded his head once, then whispered, "Yeah...of course we are. That'll never change, Hanako."
I allowed one last smile to break through my tears and reach Jeremy. "Well, then I guess...I'll see you in another life, my friend."
After I unsheathed the sword, everything happened in a blur. I transformed into the beast that killed Reiha all those months ago, the bloodthirsty demon that stole Niall's sister away from him...and I felt incredibly disgusted with myself. It hurt me so badly, but all the while I held on to the gun. It felt like I was holding on to a promise. I stabbed the sword into Jeremy's chest, and The rain quickly washed away the blood that followed. Seconds before he drew his last breath, he voiced his last words using the last of his strength.
"Thank you..."
His eyes fluttered shut, and his head fell to the side. I smiled at him, biting my lip to stop myself from crying out. I dropped my sword and placed my hand on his cheek, my gaze fixed on his eyelids, and I convinced myself I was still looking at his eyes. I clutched the gun with all the strength I had in me, then whispered, "No...thank you, Jeremy..."
With one last smile of gratified relief, I pulled the trigger, then fell to the ground beside Jeremy.
"Thank you...for everything....Jeremy."