All I could see was darkness and silence, it was more peaceful than I imagine. I realize that the darkness will always be on my side, and it seems it has always been there to hide my broken shadow.
I couldn't help but call out
"MOM."
To help me from my loneliness, or maybe it was to ease my guilt of knowing that I was the reason for her death and unhappiness, tears started running down from my cheeks, it wasn't long till I felt those warm hands Wiping away my tears and that soft voice singing
"Here a pretty baby lies, Sung asleep with lullabies: Pray to be silent and not stir, Th' easy earth that covers her."
(Robert Herrick)
The voice was warm, but the lullaby was questionable, then I realized that it was one of my favorite poems by Robert Herrick being turned into a lullaby by a familiar...
"mom…mo..m…. mo...my"
wait why does my voice sound which of a child, wait what's happening my body hurts so bad, my eyes are heavy...
"BABY!!!! Yes! Its mama, please wake up for mommy"
The voice is pleading, my heartache upon hearing such words, I want to hug that person and tell them not to cry, that's what was going through my mind, wait why does this voice sound like mom's voice,
"MOM! Is…th…aaat you Mommy I want a hug, please hug me!!"
I fought hard to open my eyes, when I finally had the strength to do so, she was looking at me with a smile on her face but tears in her eyes, my body was similar to this of 9 years old and I still had my memories both of them.
Some people might view loneliness as a disease that eats away at your heart, but I see it as the time where the sky turns into a milky way and the wind is blowing through the flower field softly and gently, it's nothing but peace.
I drifted away with that thought. When I opened my eyes, it was surprising to find that I have been sleeping for five days, it was refreshing to wake up seeing my mother's bright smile. I sat up to get a better handle on the situation, my hand was as small as when I was 9 years old, my skin was pale and my wrist was thin, I immediately asked for a mirror
"I want to see!!"
screaming
"Please give me a mirror"
When I saw my face, I thought I was dreaming, that I couldn't possibly be back to when I was 9 years old and struck with illness, no it can't possibly be, it is just my imagination playing tricks on me, yes that must be it that is the only logical explanation for this situation.
"sweetheart, are you okay? You're scaring mommy, please say something"
Warm hand touches my arm. This warmth I'm feeling can't possibly be a dream.
"He did send me back"
"What honey?" My mother said.
"Nothing mom"
"ah, you call me mom, you never call me that, you always call me mother"
She said with sadness shadowing her pretty smile, it hurts hearing that from her my heart sink, my ears ring as if my past selves were cursing at me.
"It was nothing but a childish faze, from now on you are MOM and always will be"
"she smiled brightly as if the sun was shining after a rainy season.
It was time for me to take a bath, I went with the maids and sat in the bathtub, while I was sitting in there, I was looking at my hands, I still couldn't believe it this was surreal that I was back, maybe this was my little fantasy after death. While my body was under the water, I noticed something unfamiliar that was not there before, there was a foreign object on my body, I had this feeling that this can't be seen.
I asked the maids to go out of the room, they were reluctant, but I was impatient, so I yelled, they were perplexed but went out unwillingly. I stood up abruptly while making my way over to the mirror, that naked figure was standing there it was me. Straight beautiful auburn hair that match my dark caramel-like skin, but it was nowhere to be seen since I've been sick for so long, when I saw those two red marks on my hand, it was two red dots about two centimeters apart below my middle finger knuckles in my left hand.
"am I dreaming? Is this real? No this can't be"
I don't remember having any marks on my body so how come this is here? How can this happen?
"Wait"
-------------------------------
While pacing around the room naked without realizing, it has been thirty minutes since she kick the maids out, her mother was starting to get worried so she burst into the room with a worried expression thinking something was wrong, as she glanced upon her daughter's fragile figure, she couldn't help but tear up.
"Sweetie are you okay, please tell me, are you not feeling well? Are you hurting anywhere? You stayed too long in the cold air."
She wrapped her daughter in a towel carrying her back to her room worried she might get sick again.
Her mother couldn't help but worried as she almost lost her daughter, her worried expression, her stiff movements, scared that she might hurt her while dressing her.
Her mother proceeds to tuck her in bed and waited until her daughter falls asleep to leave the room, "good night sweetheart" she whispers while kissing her forehead. As she was walking out of her daughter's room her husband was waiting out in front of the door, as they gaze upon each other she couldn't help but broke down crying in her husband's arms.
She was joyful knowing she was not going to bury her little girl, but sad knowing she was suffering but couldn't ease her pain, she was tired from having a sick daughter and a 4-year-old son at the same time her husband carried her to their room to comfort her.
Morning comes, Caera was sleeping peacefully, but she had a dream of something she could not remember, she only knew she had a dream about a woman with red hair with a blurrier face.
She sat up in her bed, she turn to her right reaching to the gold like string, she pull it signaling her maid to come and tend to her needs, as her maid Loya walk in carrying a white basin filled with water in her hands, she glanced at the bed and said "good morning my lady" as she put the basin on the little table under the window she proceeds to open the curtains and let some air in the room, her wide hips, beautiful black hair, her curvy figure made her gestures seem graceful, her beautiful pale skin that resemble jade, and her beautiful height.
She walked over to the bed with her thin lips she spoke "how was your night my lady, did you have a good dream" Caera looked at her and smile, she felt relieved that her lovely lady was smiling once again. She helped Caera walked over to the window by the basin she sat her down in the chair in front of the mirror, as she was putting her hair up to wash her face, she said "my lady, the young master wanted to see you, he woke up early today without a fight just to see the lady" Caera's smile brightened as she was going to see her little brother for the first time since she came back.
She hurried Loya to get her ready so she could spend time with her brother as she was getting ready Caera reminisce about the tragic past where she ignore her little brother, but instead always with her fiancé and cousin she felt guilty since he gave up his life so that she could escape, she felt her throat closing up and tear started to cover her vision, but she did her best not shed any.
As she was in her train of thought there was a loud bang on her door that broke her from her train of thought, her little brother was calling her at the door, she jump up and run to the door, as she open the door she saw her little brother standing there, he was the cutest toddler she had ever seen, he was short with chubby cheeks his beautiful red hair, big round grey eyes, he was ecstatic calling "Rara, rara, morning" smiling brightly while he handed her two little daffodil flowers, she took them and said "thank you, my little savior" she took his hand and walked to her room proceeding to get dress.
On their way to the dining room two guards and her maid were following them to the dining room, she stop in front of that big decorated Golding door froze in awe admiring the door as if it was the first time she was seeing it, the head butler receiving them "this way young lady and young master" as he gestured for the two guards by the door to open it as she walked in, tears started flowing down her face as her eyes met with her fathers a sense of guilt and longing filled her heart.
Their worried expression made her feels like she was a burden.
"what happened are you okay?" her mother and father ask, she said "I'm okay, I'm just happy that I can eat with my family again" she tried her best to hide her sadness with a smile.
The family proceeded to sit at the table to dine.
Caera wanted to ask her father to let her learn how to wield a sword, the table came to complete silence. She knew that it was unusual for her to ask to learn how to wield a sword, but she knew she had to make different choices so that her past did not repeat itself.
Her mother said, "but sweetheart you love reading, what makes you change your mind?" she took a deep breath and said " I get sick easily so I want to do something to help my health" her father knew that her daughter love reading books seeing as how she's been spending her days in the family library since she was 3 years old, so hearing her daughter wanted to learn how to wield a sword was music to his hears.
Her little brother not knowing anything said "father me too I want to learn" his mother responded, " you are far too young, remember we said not until your fifth birthday" he pouted his lips complaining, the duke and the duchess couldn't help but laugh at how cute their son was acting.
Caera was lost in thought, thinking about how she must change everything, her heartaches upon the realization that she has a secret she could never share.
Her sinful memories, she wouldn't dare share with anyone made her feel lonely and guilty.