Chapter 121
Chasms Form and Chasms Close
Sylas found himself back in the forest, Agnes walking by his side, still on the half-speaking terms with him since he refused to tell her what happened, as they made their way toward the north. He continued to observe her carefully, just in case; after a brief thought, he realized that he missed the most important factor the last time around--that her Halo activated. This meant either of the two things: someone was trying to enter her mind, which was unlikely, or... her own body perceived a threat from her emotional state.
The source of that emotional state was likely a vision. However, the issue was that Agnes herself had said that she hadn't had a new vision ever since she 'joined' him in the loop. Yet, by all accounts, it appeared as though she had a completely new one the last time they made their trek toward the north. What was different? Them traveling north--that's all. If it happened once again, he'd have to scrap taking her north with him since whatever was triggering the vision existed in the forest.
And, just as he feared, he was right--virtually at the same place as the last time, shortly after she fell asleep, the world blighted once again. She floated, suspended in the air like a marionette held by the strings loosely hanging from the heavenly gardens, her fingers clutched into fists, nails digging into her skin.
Her expression was a canvas of pain, horror, and searing anguish. Watching her, Sylas sighed as the color blue swallowed the world for a moment, washing over him. Once again, he burned, yet didn't ache. He was largely numb to pain by this point, his brain effectively refusing to even recognize its existence for the most part. He suspected he could walk into the fire and stand still indefinitely without even flinching.
"Fuck... should I just ask?" he sighed, walking up to her as she slowly began to wake up. Just like the last time, she yelped in shock and ran away like a rabbit when she saw his face. "Oi, oi, oi, you're breaking my heart here!"
"W-what happened to you?! Who did you fight?!" she looked around, noticing the leveled forest.
"What vision did you have?" he asked instead.
"V-vision? What are you talking about? I didn't have a vision," judging by her expression and her complete lack of ability to lie with any ingenuity, Sylas figured she was telling the truth. Her memory's really been wiped clean? Shit. Just how bad was the vision? What if it had something to do with the castle or our trip north? "I... I did, didn't I?" she mumbled, her eyes dancing around. "And this... this was me...? No, no, they told me it wasn't. They lied? They lied to me? Why did they lie?"
"..." she'd all but started ignoring him, spiraling. Something dawned on her and before she could completely lose herself, Sylas took out a dagger, aiming toward his throat.
"DON'T!!!" she screamed at him so loudly he was shocked, dropping the dagger, his eyes finding her. "Don't!" she repeated firmly. She was shaking, yet clearly desperately trying to control herself. Her muscles worked overtime to stop the shaking as did her eyes with crying but to no avail. "This was it, wasn't it?"
"..."
"... you're an ass."
"You said that already."
"Because you are."
"..."
"I deserved to know," she said, tears streaming down. "I deserved to know."
"Know what?" Sylas asked.
"... it's going to happen again, isn't it?" she asked, looking at him. "You'll reset it... and won't tell me anything. "
"That's right," he nodded honestly.
"Fuck you. You don't have the right to keep this from me."
"Maybe. But I have the ability. You have a Halo," Sylas said since the walls had crumbled already. "Something inside of you that protects you from specific kinds of harms. Do you know what?"
"... halo? Protects? What are you talking about?" she asked half in confusion and half in anger. "Oh. You mean... this? I don't know anything about that. All I know is that this is the second time I've seen a sight like this. And you should have told me."
"You don't want this, trust me," he said. "Sometimes, ignorance is bliss."
"Maybe," he said. "But it should be my choice, not yours. And I don't want to choose ignorance."
"Tell me what happened."
"Only if you promise you'll tell me."
"I promise."
"I don't believe you," she said. "For a wordsmith, your word means so little."
"What were the circumstances when it happened the first time?" he asked. The conversation between the two was... unlike any prior. It was cold, direct, disinfected.
"I know you think you're protecting me," she said. "Because that's what you do, Sylas. You want to take everyone's sins, and encumber yourself with them in their stead. But sometimes people want those sins. Sometimes those sins empower them. Just like you. You use your sins as fuel."
"But if someone offered to take them, I'd give them up in a heartbeat," he said.
"You can spew sophistry as much as you want. It is easy when it will never be challenged and tested."
"..."
"The first time it happened... I was six years old," she said. "I may have... misspoken about my childhood. Slightly. While it is true that my parents were wary of me, they didn't exactly kick me out into the woods. Instead, they chose to sell me."
"..."
"On the day it happened I... I passed out. I... when I woke up, there was nothing around me. Just like now. And they told me that a natural disaster happened and that they saved me. And thus my tale began. Are you happy?"
"... I'm sad," he said. "You're so awful at holding back... and yet, a blinder man than me might even miss it."
"I killed--"
"No you didn't."
"What are you on?!" she exclaimed angrily.
"They killed them," Sylas said simply. "It wasn't you who told 'em to do it. It wasn't you who begged 'em. It wasn't you who activated the Halo. They deemed it themselves worthy of activation. And you know what? They were right."
"They weren't right," she gritted his teeth. "This is what I hate about the both of you. How little you value human life. To you, it is just a piece, an abstract. You forget the soul, the person, the thoughts behind the flesh and skin. Even if my parents deserved it, which they didn't, what about the rest of the village? Did they deserve to die?"
"..."
"I stay by your side because I believe in you, Sylas," she added. "Believe in the good that's hiding beneath all that garbage stirred together through guilt and pain. But even the good seems... misshapen. Don't take people's choices from them, good or bad."
"... this has been bubbling for a while, hadn't it?" Sylas chuckled, taking out a gourd of wine from his belt and wetting his parched throat. "I didn't think you were still holding out on me."
"I am begging you," she said, biting her lips further as tears began to stream once again. "Begging you, Sylas. Don't... don't make me forget. Please."
"... fine. I won't."
"Really?"
"But this is where we part ways."
"... w-what?"
"You just told me that you value each and every life unquestionably," he said. "And that you want every person to make choices for themselves. That's noble, beautiful even, but it's also beyond idiotic."
"I--"
"You're a child, Agnes," he interrupted her. "A naive, hopeful, rosy-eyed child who thinks the world will magically fix itself as long as we do the right things. I can't for the life of me figure out how you remained so naive, what with the constant visions of violence and pain that plague your mind. But... you have. I'll tell you right now--on my way to crowning Valen as the King, tens of thousands will die. Probably more. A lot of them--nay, most of them will not deserve to die. They'll just be ordinary soldiers following orders of their Liege. But I'll kill them just the same.
"When I saw Tenner die, and when I saw Valen become a cripple, and when I saw Ryne go blind, I made a resolution with myself: to do whatever is necessary to make their lives the best they can be. But ever since I started spending time with you, I saw that resolve wane. Your whispers began to get to me, naive though they may be. Your songs about the good of men, your ideas of good men rising to the occasion, and now your belief that I need to let others make their choices."
"... you're telling me that you want me to leave because I... make you want to be good?" she asked having stopped crying, her voice turning numb and low.
"Yes," he nodded. "And no. Ask your gods. They'll explain it to you."
"Then make me forget."
"H-huh?" it was Sylas' turn to stumble over his words, not having expected her response.
"Make me forget," she repeated. "You're a good, good man Sylas. You have a good heart, a good soul, a good mind. You can become a herald of true change in this Kingdom. And even if my naive little self wants it to happen blood-free, I know that's not an option. But I can't let a good man slip down the ladder of madness because he somehow convinced himself it's his burden to bear. You're not a messiah, you said so yourself numerous times. So, stop pretending to be one. Make me forget and let me delight in continuing to make you want to become a better man."
"... haaah," Sylas sighed deeply after a few moments of pause, drinking a few gulps of wine. "You're fucking insane is what you are. Come on, let's go. I should heal back up by the time we reach the dead's city."
"H-huh? What? You're not resetting?"
"We're here already," he shrugged. "And we'd have to go through all of this bullshit all over again if I reset it. May as well go on."
"Wait, I'm confused--what's going to happen? Are we done after this?" she hurriedly ran over and joined him as they began walking, their pace matching. "Or will you not tell me what happened?"
"Who knows?" he shrugged. "I'll wait and see how I feel in the moment."
"Heh," she grinned suddenly. "I got to you, old man. You like having me around so much that now that the excuses are gone, heh... oh my, could it be that you're falling in love with me? Oh gosh, whatever will we do~~"
"..." Sylas glanced at her hollowly and looked her up and down without holding anything back. Agnes paused for a moment, never having experienced a man dot each of her 'I's' so distinctly. "Nah," he shook his head. "I still prefer big milkers, some fat thighs that can suffocate my soul, and less of this... girly-girly shit you've got goin' on. I mean, you're fine to look at, but bonin' you, y'know, there'd be a lot of bonin' goin' around with how skinny you are. Not to mention you have the mentality of a kid. Thank the gods, I never leaned that way. Big, fat milkers for me, thank you very much."
"..." for the first time since the two met, Sylas had managed to carve out hours of uninterrupted silence. And it was delightful.