One of my earliest memories is from an orphanage.
They were all around me like a pack of hyenas, preying on my nerves and fear. They didn't laugh. They didn't jeer. They just stared. With their scrutinising eyes.
One of them eventually scurried forward, grabbing my sleeve and dragging me towards my dorm. Towards more stares. At that moment, fragments of memories came flooding back to me. Memories of similar experiences. Similar feelings. Similar horrors.
That's how I know that it wasn't my first orphanage.
The lady with the large pointy nose, the haunting eyes that were hidden behind a pair of bright red glasses, the blonde plait falling right in the middle of the back of her pinstripe suit, unlocked the door before shoving me through it. It was a dormitory. Like every other one I'd ever seen in my previous orphanage. I heard the lock immediately click behind me.
Numerous heads turned simultaneously. This was the worst part. I put my head down and walked towards the only empty bed on the other side of the sloping ceilinged, dark, wooden dormitory that must've been converted from an attic.
I was nearly there when someone stopped me. It was a tall brown-haired girl with a stuck up nose and puffy lips. Her eyes were squinting at me as she stuck out her hand and barred my way. All of a sudden, she jumped down onto her grimy hands and did a handstand right in front of me. The wooden panels beneath her hands creaked as she tried to maintain her balance.
"Can't get past now, can you, loser? What about some manners? A hello would be nice."
She fell backwards and unsteadily swayed to her feet, trying to stay upright. "Jessica. What's your name?"
"Dani."
"Well then, Dani, this is my dorm. You stick to your bed and you don't come near me or anyone else. Or we'll get you. And don't ever think of going to Miss Harding. She'll just tell you to get lost." She slowly grinned, showing her dirty yellow teeth. "Good luck, loser."
After she walked away, I hurriedly stumbled towards my bed, quickening the closer I got.
My bed was right under an open window that was passing in the bitterly cold night air. A voice came bellowing from downstairs to say 'Lights out!' before the lights flickered off, leaving me alone in my corner of the darkness. I felt around until my fingers found the bed and I was able to crawl under the covers: still in my daytime clothes.
"Goodnight, loser, don't let the bedbugs bite. I'm sure there are a lot in that bed. Ain't no one cleaned it out for years." I heard her sneering voice.
A few giggles followed.
That night, I cried. Silently, of course, so no one could hear. I didn't sleep. I was afraid to. Not that I could sleep even if I tried.
4 years. It was 4 years till I got out of that hellhole.