How draining can it be knowing that everyone and everything you stand for just vanished in one day. For a moment it feels like the whole universe just ganged up against you for a sin you can't actually fish out that you committed.
Anita barely able to breathe after having to stand and watch her parents and younger brother being put to rest, walked with trembling feet into her family apartment in a verge to be away from the numerous church members showering her with words of condolences outside.
She needed some time alone and little space to breathe and think through what was happening to her.
She couldn't help but question why the universe had decided to be so cruel to her and why God had allow them to do such to her. For goodness sake her parents were proud and dedicated members of the church, her younger brother who just died at 13 was violinist in the church. So why? Why did God allow them all die in a ghastly motor accident leaving only her behind.
In as much as she tried processing all this the more the answers were far from her reach.
She had just returned from choir rehearsals in preparation for a big church concert four days ago when she was barely even through her family apartment door when her cell phone rang.
"Hello am I speaking with a relative of Mr Eddie Brown?" the individual on call with her asked as she wondered who it was but had to reply first while still trying to figure out who it was.
"Yes " she replied confused while standing by the door.
"Please this is the metro police, we are calling from the general hospital, we want you to come over please if the individuals who were just rushed in here few hours ago are your family members " the individual explained as she stood frozen for a moment with her heart pounding fast while she tried to process what she was hearing.
She felt like interrogating further but there was no time for all that.
"Okay which of the general hospital please? " she asked already trembling in fear.
"1st general hospital " the caller replied.
"Okay I'll be there in a while " she replied as she took a deep breath seeing she was already panicking then she turned around to the road to get a taxi to the given location.
*******************
"Good afternoon please I just got a call to come here that my family..... " she said trying to explain to the nurse at the reception while breathing so fast.
"Please calm down Miss, what's your relatives name? " the nurse interrupted politely trying to refrain her from panicking any further.
"My...my dads name is Mr Eddie Brown " she stammered panicking.
"Please just wait a minute OK Miss " the nurse replied after getting the name as she picked the land-line to make a call. "You can have a sit while waiting please " the nurse added waiting for the call she was making to be responded to.
"Don't worry I'll stand" Anita replied swallowing hardly.
"Ma just wait a little you'll be attended to" the nurse said after dropping the call.
In a while a police officer arrived the reception.
"Miss Anita Brown " the female officer said pointing at her.
"Yes... Yes" she responded fidgeting.
"Please follow me " the office said walking ahead of her as Anita joined hurriedly.
"Noo......" Anita screamed as she was led into the morgue and shown her family all lying dead on individual trolleys.
She trembled so hard that she lost balance and the officers around had to hold her in order to calm her down.
She couldn't imagine that lying in front of her dead was her entire family. What has she done to deserve this cruelty in fate. Why has life decided to treat her so badly, she was just a year old in this city of Canada, Vancouver to be precised. Her family just immigrated into the state newly and she barely had anyone to turn to. She was a Negro of both parents from same ancestory too, her relatives where no where close and they had to relocate to this new environment because her dad just got a job there and her former environment wasn't that conducive.
She was hoping on enrolling into nursing school later this year when she saves up enough money to start but with this how was she going to fulfill any of that.
She couldn't help but keep asking why God allowed her simple family go through this tragedy, for goodness sakes her mum was a Bible study teacher at church, her dad was a worker too at church, her brother was a violinist in church and she herself was a member of the choir so Why?.
As she walked into her room after the funeral she couldn't help but feel like ending her life because she loved her family so much and always prayed to go through school on time and finish so she could cater for them more.
Her mum was her world because she was more than what she could pray for. She was a friend to her and always had a leaning shoulder for Anita to rely on. She taught her majority of the morals that made her a decent Lady. Her dad on the other hand was a father to dream of. He was one who was willing to go hungry so his family could feed well, he was not only providing but a loving father that taught them morals under the umbrella of love and understanding.
Her younger brother was a darling, even if he was headstrong at times, he was an understanding child that made sacrifices to ensure a smile on his family's face.
So tell me who would be willing to easily let go of all of that in a hurry.
As she laid faced up on her bed, she gazed into infinity thinking of how to pick her life pieces but all her efforts seemed futile.
"I need to get my mind of this for a while " she said sitting up as she tried to console herself while wiping her tears even off her face even as they flowed down uncontrollably.
"I'm sorry mum, but I don't have a choice " she said considering the idea in her head to calm herself down a bit.
Standing up from her bed at around 7pm, she changed into a ribbed black jeans and a crop top. Pouring her wonderful curls around her neck and face she picked up a purse and headed away.
*****************
As she walked into the strippers club, the sound of music felt quite awkward because she wasn't used to this kind of environment. Like a novice, she walked confused within the crowd till she got successfully to the bar stand.
"So what would you like to order Miss " the bar attender said smiling at her as she looked at him quite nervous.
"Anything hot that can get me high enough to forget my sorrows " she replied not even knowing what to order because she wasn't a fan of alcohol in anyway. Her mum always advices her against them.
'Anita what are you doing here!, this is so wrong' she argued within herself while waiting for her drink. 'But I just can't go back to that house allowing myself to think into more tragedy' she said within herself in bid to convince herself to sit back.
"Here you go, something good enough to fulfill your heart desires " the bar attender said dropping a bottle of wine and a glass for her.
"How much " she said sticking out her wallet.
"$50" he replied as she brought out the amount without even arguing and gave him. She doesn't know how a beer cost so she doesn't even have a clue how this will cost either. All she wanted was to start ending her sorrows already.
Like a novice, she took her first sip of the wine and couldn't help but squeeze her lips to its bitterness as she thought twice about continuing. As she was about dropping the glass, she remembered her predicament and without even minding or thinking, she ran the full glass of wine down her throat. Each round of glass she took, she thought of her sorrows, running it down until she couldn't understand herself anymore. As expected she became drunk and sat on her seat unable to move as her eyes spun in confusion. All of a sudden she found everything amusing. She recalled laughing and chatting with someone while under the influence of alcohol but the rest information was as blank as an empty jar.
****************
"Ouch... " she groaned waking up to a strong headache. At first she didn't notice she was on a bed until her sight cleared a bit. "Oh no !" she exclaimed discovering she was in a strange room.
It was at this moment she looked down and saw herself covered under a bed cover. With her heart pounding fast she viewed under the sheet and noticed she was naked, it was at the moment she noticed the pain down there. Raising her thigh a bit under the sheet she could notice little traces of blood.
Having a hard swallow she couldn't help it as she start tearing up.
What has she done?
Has she actually lost her golden virginity to a total stranger?
Did she dissapoint her mom by giving her body to man outside wedlock?
As she tried to process every question running through her head, she couldn't help but shed more tears.
Confused and demoralized she sat upright on the bed crying not even remembering to look for this stranger she just had sex with.
"You're awake " a male voice from a male standing in front of her said as she immediately covered herself properly with the sheet on hearing his voice while she wiped her eyes quickly.
Without saying any other word he walked towards a dressing table in the room and got out a check book and after writing and signing on it he walked towards her again.
"Here " he said sticking out the check to her" This is for the night, you can have this for the bill " he said sounding so nonchalant.
It was at this moment that little tears trickled down her eyes again as she couldn't imagine to be seen as a hoe after loosing her virginity to this guy standing in front of her.
Was he really this heartless to think he could pay me off for my virginity he was probably just a scavenger she thought to herself as she for the first time actually she looked up to have a glance of him before she spoke.
She was quite stunned to see who was standing in front of her. Despite her present predicament, she couldn't help but admire his level of handsomeness. He was a red guy, half Negro and Caucasian. He was handsome beyond doubt and to her was more reason to feel pity for herself because guys like this don't care much about ladies they hook up with.
"Thank you " she replied with her voice almost swallowed in sorrows "I'm not interested " she added bending her head down again as she felt so ashamed of herself.
"Why? " he said sounding confused at why she refused taking a pay. "Hey I don't like owing people okay " he replied sounding rude as he threw the check at her. "Get dressed so my driver can drop you off " he said walking out of the room.
His treatment towards her only made her burst into further tears as she couldn't believe her virginity meant nothing to this guy, to him she was just nothing. She couldn't believe she had lost something precious to someone like this.
Thinking about her misery, she remembered his departing words and had to get fixed to avoid more embarrassment. Standing up to head to the bathroom to have a shower, she recalled her blood stains on the bed and was bothered about leaving them behind but what could she do this wasn't her room. Confused on what next to do, she walked slowly into the bathroom and freshened up.
Getting little tissue paper from the bathroom, she padded herself up a bit to avoid any stains while heading home.
Done with dressing up, she just sat on the realm of the bed still thinking of how to clear the stains when the door swung open.
"Are you done " he said standing next to the door.
"Yeah " she said faced down as she responded with a low cracking voice.
"Well get up then so you could get going " he replied in a nonchalant tone as she stood up gradually following after him as he walked away. "Close the door behind you " he said walking away.