It was time for the fake wedding. Ted had everything all thought out, the fake priest, the guest lists, everything, and Eknie had agreed to take on the more tedious responsibilities.
Little did she know that she was about to be royally humiliated.
Ted had not slept much due to being busy with Mad. He didn't remember anything about the actual marriage ceremony afterwards, and perhaps that was for the best. He was nodding and listening to people talk about what a great guy he was. Whenever the talk took a turn towards Eknie, he would interrupt and somehow turn it towards something unpleasant that she had said or done. Eknie was crying.
She did not look like she was having a good time.
Everyone was oblivious to the fact that tact had just been thrown out of the window.
Then the mad girls came.
Of course Ted had invited them, and when the first stocking came off due to the punch being kind of strong, he explained the situation as if the girls were Eknie's friends. The chaos caused by a dozen lunatics was more like an apocalypse in a bottle than regular mayhem. They toppled over everything that could fall or break, they flirted with all the men and women, too, and when the flirt did not go as expected, they drank more. It had been told to the service workers taking care of the mundane needs of the guests that due to their position as friends of the bride, the madwomen were to receive special treatment and the best booze they had to offer.
Eknie had never cried so hard in Ted's presence and he thoroughly enjoyed the situation. He didn't understand why Eknie couldn't just roll with it and have fun, though. He had thought of her as a rational woman who shunned needless and hypocritical rituals.
A woman who was definitely in the cult, judging from the sun-themed jewelry she was wearing, was sitting next to Eknie, with her thighs spreading so wide apart that Ted had to look away to remain a proper gentleman.
"Say, sister, do you have use for your husband tonight or are you just going to cry?"
Eknie could not reply – she was crying too hard.
"I would rather not be an adulterer, thank you," Ted said, pretending to be enraged by the mere suggestion. "It would be a huge disappointment to my wife. But Eknie…why on earth did you invite your friends? You had to be aware that they would cause us trouble."
The crazy lady glared at him. She had striking dark eyes and a dominant presence. She ate big, yet her waist was narrow, she talked with a low voice, and still, she was the most attractive of the crazies, her unapologetic ways were sultry and dangerous in a way that would have made a sane woman look incredibly tempting.
Ted had no doubts about her being able to make men break their promises.
"You ain't treating her right, you scoundrel," the madwoman growled. "I know a sister in need when I see things like that. Leader…real leaders don't lead with fear. Or shame. You ain't got nothing, not below or above your waistline. You're -"
"You COME to my WEDDING to tell me this?" Ted bellowed.
All the festivities around them stopped.
It was as if time itself had frozen.
"Oh, come on, by the looks of it, you'll be running to the woman next door within a week. Ain't no way a man who talks like that to his OWN WIFE will be faithful. Or any good in any way."
The woman was bold. Had he not been on the receiving end, Ted would have liked her a lot.
"GUARDS!" Ted shouted. He was sweating, but that was more because of the sunlight than any emotional reaction. He just feared what he would look like to his guests, all bothered by a single mad lady with a filthy tongue.
"I will not…" Eknie tried to say something between her sobs. "I will not have this. I need to rest."
"Yes, darling, go rest," Ted said. There was no need to humiliate her further. She had already internalized the lesson he wanted to teach her.
"Have you reflected on those things before?" Eknie's uncle asked with an eyebrow raised so far up his forehead that Ted thought it would get stuck in the brim of the man's hat. "Because…to me, it sounds like a valid concern."
"You're DRUNK, that's what you are!" Eknie's father roared, raising another toast for the sake of heavens knew what. "Meanwhile, Ted has not been drinking at all!"
"I had a couple of beers," Ted said, faking a meek expression.
"A couple of BEERS at his OWN WEDDING! This will not do! He is barely able to stand us! Someone give that man a bottle!"
The guards escorted the madwomen away. Eknie said she would take a nap.
Ted was forced to enjoy a cigar, although it could hardly be called enjoyment. Otherwise, he had fun pretending to be a good husband.
The social status he had just received gave him a nice confidence boost. The gifts came pouring in, too, and luckily, they were of the practical sort.
Gold, status, attention from strange and dangerous women, some danger. That was all Ted ever wanted.
The night stretched and spilled over into the wee hours before dawn. When the sun was gone, Ted felt so much more powerful. He had fun watching Eknie's family fight over absolutely inane things. There were instances of the men ending up wrestling on the ground. When the last of the brave and the strong had succumbed to an intoxicated slumber that was a bit dangerous, Eknie showed up with a huge bottle of homemade wine, her eyeliner running all over her face. She looked pitiful as she took a big swig from the bottle and a puff out of her cigarette.
Ted laughed so hard that his sides hurt and left to check what Mad was doing.