I pass faces, faces shining with anger, not towards me but for me.
I see some sympathy and then pity on some who don't know me and don't care but are trying to act like they do.
I swallow the lump in my throat and cast my eyes downward as tears pinch my eyes.
I don't want to see their faces.
News travels fast and this news seems to have become the gossip of the school within a period.
It takes everything in me not to bawl my eyes out in the hallway.
But I can't do that, I am stronger than that and nobody needs to see me as a looser, I am a champion.
I am awesome. I am awesome.
I kept on chanted the same thing in my head like a mantra. Subsiding the self pity with confidence.
I am awesome. I push back the tears.
I am awesome. I raise my head and look everyone square in their eyes.
I am awesome. I slowly press an easy grin on my face.
Some look visibly surprised that I am not crying at my misfortune.
I take a deep breath in and a real smile graces my face, yes I am stronger than that, I am awesome.
I am Ariella Perez after all.
The hallway is filled with whispers, a stark contrast to the usual chatter.
Some of my friends approach me, to me console .
I brush off their concern with my grin. Acting as if I didn't just got kicked out of the AceCrest team because of a not so legit reason.
The bell rings , I had to console people instead that I am fine. And now I am almost late for class.
I round a corner and there stands Thane, blocking my way to the class.
No surprise here, I knew he would come to talk to me after I walked out of the Glass Stadium without so much as a glance at him or Maven.
I couldn't look at her, Maven . The least I expected of her was a fair chance.
I am not really mad at Thane, it wasn't his fault.
But standing here, facing me I notice the guilt circling his eyes.
His balled fists and tousled hairs are a clear give away that he is feeling guilty and somehow stressed by it.
I would have told him that it wasn't his fault.
I would have shook my head at him and called him a shoe lace for worrying so much.
But I can't, not now, I need some time and fifteen minutes is not enough so I sidestep him moving towards my class.
" Ariel" he whispers, loud enough for me to detect his desperation and apology dancing at his lips.
I turn back to face him.
" Not now, I need to get to class" I tell him simply, walking away to my class.
The classes pass by in a blur, though I usually would have been attentive during classes problems aide, I just couldn't concentrate as everyone kept glancing at me.
At one point I wanted to snap at everyone to mind their own business but a teacher did that for me.
" What are you doing, you should support her instead of showing pity, she didn't loose." Mrs.Haymitch snapped at the class and I barely suppressed my laugh at that ,instead I slapped a hand at my face but I couldn't help it, I laugh when I am told not to so I did start laughing.
The class followed as the atmosphere lightened in the room.
The bell rings and everyone starts to leave.I pick up my things to head for lunch.
" Mrs. Haymitch is cool. Well you are her fav student so that is understandable" Valenia chuckled as me made our way out in the hallway. She hasn't left my side, partially because we had all the periods together.
But I am grateful for that. She knows I don't want to be pitied and so she steers clear off the topic. Usually Valenia is not this chatty but I think she is trying to fill the conversation from my part.
I chuckle occasionally at with her but my mood is still a little sour.
We enter the cafeteria with the rest of the ongoing student body.
The cafeteria is just like another room in Clauferry, made up of pristine white marble from floor to the tables so spilling ketchup here is not really a good idea. The students of every division sits in the same hall.
I immediately spot the team,occupying the same center table.
Sadness washes over me and Valenia grabs my hand, leading me to our table.
Every member of the team is popular so they automatically reserve the main table.
I used to sit there too, jumping from their table to my friends because I didn't wanted to leave my group for popular people and also because my team mates have grown on me, becoming strong friends.
But today the laughs are muted, no one is goofing at the table.
Their attention snaps to me and I free my hand from Valenia's grip.
" I will be back in a minute" I mumble softly to her and nod in their direction.
They are my friends too and just because I am no more on the team doesn't mean I have to ignore them, when they are all expectantly looking at me.
I approach the table, I don't even try to mask my sadness with a smile.
I don't need to, they are all in the team they know what it means to get selected, the effort it requires.
Prim and Fintan make space for me ,scooting over. I should not sit here, only team mates are allowed on this table but I do so without a care in the world.
I take my rightful position and place my hands on the table,waiting , because I know they want to say something.
Fintan slams his hand on the table, " I don't care that he is a member of the board ,he has no right to make Ariel and Thane fight to secure their positions. It was rigged. It is not fair." he announces and each word echoes in the canteen.
" Fintan" Niel speaks sternly, planting a firm hand on Fintan's shoulder.
He is right, there is no need to create a scene.
We can't create a drama, we have to think about the reputation of our school as well.
Fintan breaths through his nose beside me but Niel's warning is not enough as sounds of protest breaks out on our table.
" No one was considerate enough to get me ice-cream" I blurted out to divert the attention and it worked as everyone suddenly quietened down, looking at me as if I had suddenly sprouted an extra limb.
I laugh a little as Fintan farrows his eyebrows, trying to figure me out but clearly failing.
" I will get you ice-cream" he mumbles while standing up from the table, a confused expression prominent on his face.
" Mr. Popenson can't do anything about it I have already talked to him, I don't think it is in his hands. I know don't how much help the Principle is going to be" Niel expressed his worry and I took in a breath.
I already knew that Mr. Sorin is a member of the board and I did't think anything can change his decision but hearing Niel confess like this.
" That is not fair"
" The finals are coming up and we can't win without Ariel"
" He did this on purpose"
"There is nothing that can be done" that hushes down everyone.
" I just wanted to say that you are always going to be a part of the team" Niel says with sincerity.
Beside me Prim noded at the statement. Mummers of agreement spreads on the table.
As a team Caption and a team member he knows the struggle and he understands it.
I snatch my cup of ice-cream from Fintan's hands while I step away from the table.
" You are not sitting here?" Fintan questions but I just shake my head at him and move away.
I spot Ash near our table and my heart instantly clenches at my stupidity.
He is supposed to go for the identification tomorrow. I know nothing about his condition and I have no solution at hand.
I have no time to throw myself a pity party when he is on line, I need to keep my head straight.
He finds me and immediately walks forward to hug me.
I wrap my arm around him with the cup in the other.
Patting his shoulder I pull away.
" I heard" he mumbles.
" Yes but we don't have time for that" I whisper only for his ears.
I need to start searching in the library ,there has to be something about this.
How can someone be colourless.