They walked back to where I was and the nurse woke me up as Jack kept his distance staring hard at me.
I had expected that at least he would come hug me and tell me everything would be okay by he didn't and it pained me. We had just lost a baby we didn't even know existed. I needed him by my side but he cared less.
The nurse came beside me and took my hand in hers and felt my temperature with the back of her hand.
Nurse: how are you feeling Roxana?
Me: I honestly don't know, but the pain has stopped.
Nurse: that's good. The doctor already gave you a discharge.Jack is here to take you home. If you continue taking the medication you will be okay.
Me: thank you nurse.
She walked out and left the two of us. I couldn't look Jack in the face because from the look in his eyes, I knew he was mad at me.
Jack: How long have you known you were pregnant?
He asked immediately the nurse stepped out.
Me: I didn't know until the doctor told me yesterday. I would have told you had i known earlier.
Jack: I don't believe you.
Me: what does that mean; you think I would intentionally take alcohol and kill my unborn baby?
Then all over sudden I was so emotional. Tears found their way down my cheeks and he wasn't moved by the fact that I was hurt by his words. Jack had been very loving and supportive but after that incident, he became a totally different person.
Jack: those tears are not going to move me. You don't get to cry because no matter how you put it, you killed my child. You have never drunk alcohol before, what changed yesterday?
Me: I need to go home.
I said amidst my tears because Jack was only making the situation worse. I had lost a baby too and the last thing i needed was him giving me lectures over something i had no control of.
Jack: Home, No. I don't even want to see your face anymore. I suggest you figure out how to pay the bills because all this was your doing and I played no part in it.
Me: Are you serious right now?
Jack: yeah, and you might want to find a new place to stay. We are done because if you can kill my inborn baby, I don't know what you are capable of doing to me..
He put the dress he had brought me on the bed and put my phone on top of it then walked out of the room and didn't think twice about it.
I buried my face in my hands and sobbed even more. I was heartbroken. I took my phone and called Leila who picked the call almost immediately.
Leila: Hey doll, I was just about to call you.
Me: Hey, are you busy today?
Her: No, but I will be later in the afternoon.
Me: can you come for me at the hospital? I was admitted yesterday and i have just been given a discharge.
Her: hospital, what happened to you girl?
I made a long sigh and the emotions overwhelmed me again. The pain of Jack walking out on me cut through me and i couldn't see a good reason why he had to be so hostile towards me.
Me: just get here please. I will tell you everything in person. This is not something i want to talk about over the phone.
I cleared the bills as I had some money in my phone then changed into the clean set of clothes and when Leila came, i broke down again and she ran up to ne and hugged me.
Leila: I'm here doll, whatever it is just know I'm here for you..
Me: he left me Leila, he walked out on me when i needed him the most...
Laila: shhhh!...
She hugged me even tighter and soothed me untill i was calm enough.
Leila and I left for her place. She had a very big house to herself as her parents had left it to her when they went to work abroad. Leila's parent's relocated but Leila was left behind because she felt like there was so much to do here and so her parents only visit once in a while.
We walked into her house as she held me from the waist to support me because i was not strong enough. She helped me sit on the couch then had me lay as she put a pillow on my head and got a shawl then covered me.
Leila: what really happened, yesterday when we parted ways you were okay.
Me: I got home and got into this huge fight with Jack. He hit me and I fell on the floor and as a result of that, I started bleeding.
Leila: wait, he hit you. What kind of a man lays his hands on a woman?
i ignored her question.
Me: the doctor ran a few tests on me and said the alcohol i took yesterday caused a miscarriage.
Leila: you were pregnant?
Me: yeah, and I totally had no idea. I didn't have any signs that indicated I was.
Leila: Am so sorry, Jack...does he know?
Me: yes he knows and he doesn't want anything to do with me. He claims I killed his baby intentionally and he walked out on me and didn't even bother to clear the bill.
Leila: that idiot, that good for nothing idiot! Just wait until he shows his face here.
Me: i don't think he will, he made it so clear that he was done with me.
Leila: come here....
One week later I had recovered from the physical pain but not from the pain of losing my unborn baby or being kicked out by my long term boyfriend.
On Friday evening I decided to go and collect my clothes and belongings from Jack's house. I never heard from him after leaving the hospital and he never picked my
calls or respond to my messages.
When I got to Jack's place, I knocked but there was no response and since the door was not locked, I let myself in and even though the music was a bit loud, I could hear giggles coming from the kitchen and out of curiosity, I decided to go and see who it was.
I stood by the kitchen door and I saw her, the same lady who had visited the other day. The same lady who had told me stuff that sent me on a drinking spree resulting to the death of my unborn baby. I hated her, I wanted to walk in there and strangle her but I kept my cool. She was seated on top of the kitchen counter and Jack was all over her kissing her and nibbling on her ears.
How I wish I had a gun to shoot both of them dead and forget I ever loved Jack.
I cleared my throat and they both turned to look at me. he kissed her again as I watched just to annoy me then he took a mouthful of whiskey before walking up to me. I took a few steps back in fear that I could get another unexpected slap from him. He stopped and held his waist with both hands staring at me and I felt goosebumps all over my body..
Jack: I thought I made it clear that you are not welcomed here.
Me: yeah, I heard you loud and clear.
Jack: and you are here because?
Me: I came to collect my stuff.
He walked past me, went into the bedroom and dragged my suitcase out. he left it by the door then went back to get a small bag and handed it to me.
Jack: all your make up and jewelry are packed in there and if that's all, you can take your leave.
I started to walk away but on second thought turned to look at him one last time before I walked out.
Jack: what?
Me: did our relationship ever mean something to you?
Jack: you can't revive what we had if that's your plan.
Me: that is not the answer to what I have asked.
Jack: yes it did. But not anymore, now get out of my house before you know what I'm like when am not in love with you. Oh, and don't show your face at the shop anymore. Your presence is not needed there.
Daisy, the ex who had claimed back her place in his life came to where we were standing and hugged him from behind to make me feel jealous or whatever her intentions were. Jack showed me the door and I picked my suitcase and dragged it out in tears.
I got back to Leila's house and the look on my face as I walked in made her refrain from asking any questions. I didn't feel like talking. The shop Jack was talking about wasn't even his. We had both raised the money and started a fabric shop and I also did interior decors and business was doing so well. I was there managing the shop as he managed the other businesses he had. Why had he changed all over sudden, why would he trash four years of us dating I mean I know we had our ups and downs with him being the sole contributor to the downs but I stuck with him through thick and thin. I fought for us because I saw a future with him. Why would he treats me like something he scraped off his shoes?
In the final year of campus, one of their operations went wrong and five of his gang members were shot dead, he escaped with several bullet wounds and was in hospital for some time. He had no money and his mum back at home could not afford money for medication or the bill. I took care of him, I was with him when he had nothing to show off, I took soft loans from my Dad
just so that I could clear his bills buy medication and give him a foot hold. What was my mistake? Why did I have to love him so much yet he added no value into my life?
My thoughts were interrupted by Leila who knocked on the door and let herself in even before I could respond to the knock. She looked at me and shook her head then sat on the edge of the bed so I wiped my tears and afforded a not do convincing smile...
Leila: I know you are not okay, and I know you don't want to talk about it but am here anyway and am not leaving so don't Even think of sending me out.
She got into the bed and tucked both of us in as she hugged me. Leila was such a gentle soul and i loved her for that.
A few months later as I was busy walking around the streets of Nairobi looking for a job and dropping my CV's everywhere a car hit me and even though I was not badly hurt, I was rushed to the hospital just to make sure I was really okay.
I called Leila and she came for me together with her boyfriend Joe. I was limping but the doctor told me it was only going to be for a short while. I was given some pain killers and we went back home. I'm not sure how the news about my accident got to Jack but the following day he had come looking for me at Leila's place.
Leila was on her way out to see Joe off as he was hurrying to go watch a match that evening.t
Leila went down the stairs and when she got to the gate she saw Lenny who was making his way in and stopped abruptly when he saw her.
Leila: you have got some nerves showing your face here.
Jack: what happened to Roxana, where is she?
He asked ignoring her and Leila didn't bother answering that. She went behind the stairs where there was a small room that the landlord had kept some building materials that were left after the building was completed. She found some buildings stones that were broken and could no longer be used, She picked one of the big stones and when Jack saw her raise her arm to throw it, he ran out and the stone hit the gate instead causing a loud bang that got Joe rushing down the stairs. I got out too but I didn't go down.
Joe found her fetching some more stones and hurriedly went out of the gate hoping to find Jack.
Joe: Babe what is going on?
I could hear Joe ask but Leila did not respond. Joe followed her out to see what she had carried the stones for.
Leila: you are still here?
She threw another stone at him but it missed hitting the windscreen to his car.
Jack: are you in sane, what is wrong with you?
Leila: if I ever see your face here again, it will not just be stones, I will set your car on fire.
Jack got in his car and drove off. I laughed from where I was because i had never seen Leila go insane..she was something else that day. She saw Joe off and came back to the house and we could not help but laugh at the speed at which Jack left.
When Jack got back home, he went straight to the kitchen cabinet got a glass and poured himself some whiskey. He walked back to the living room, switched on the TV and took a mouthful of whiskey then he got up and started pacing up and down in his bedroom.
He then took the whisky, drunk as much as he could then threw the bottle to the wall and it broke into pieces.
When Daisy heard the glass break she went into the living room and found Jack with both hands to the wall with his face down like he was thinking about something.
Daisy: Baby are you okay?
Jack: pack all your belongings and leave my house.
Daisy: what?
He turned to face her with tears balancing in his eyes.
Jack: are you deaf, I said get out of my house.
Before she could utter another word, He took her by the arm, dragged her to the door bare feet and pushed her out and closed the door.
She banged on the door begging Jack to open but he did not. He got down on his knees and broke down to tears..
Weeks later I got a call from one of the companies I had dropped my CV to and they called telling me there was a spot available for an office cleaner. I decided to take the job. It was better than staying at home and besides I could work there as I looked for something better to do.
I shared the news with Leila and she was excited. She told me that it didn't matter where I started. The important part was where I was headed. I loved Leila because not once did she put me down and make me feel less. She was there to bring me back to reality when I wandered off into the world of unrealistic fantasy. She always told me the truth and at times I would get mad at her for it, but she was always right and she never gave up on me. She was the really sober one in this relationship and we had each other's back. She is that sister I never had.
All these things happened but I couldn't tell my parents. they considered me a rebel because I never took part in their church activities because am not into these church business and don't get me wrong, am not an anti-Christ, just that church has become complicated with people living double lives, shouting hallelujah the loudest on Sunday and the rest of the days they are totally different people.
I preferred to be real and live my life my way even though my way always got me in trouble.
* * * *
Hours later I woke up and the first face I saw was my dad's. He sat on the chair next to my bed and held my hand. I looked around the room and there were several other faces. My best friend Leila was there and so was mum and Lenny's parents and two sisters.
I tried to get up but dad pushed me back and rested my head on the pillow. my head was heavy and I had a bad headache. It must have been the medication, I then remembered Lenny.
Me: where is he?
Trying to get up as dad pushed me back again.
Me: where is Lenny?
I didn't get an answer but when Lenny's mother started to cry, I knew there was a problem. Dad shook his head then mum started to cry too. I think I already had a clue that Lenny didn't make it but I was in denial. Lenny couldn't be dead!
Me: Dad, I want to see Lenny.
Dad: am sorry Roxana, Lenny didn't make it. The bullets went deep into his liver and he died on reaching the hospital.
Me: No.... it's a lie. Lenny can't be dead. Go and check again...he can't be dead.
I pulled the needles that were stuck on my hands as I hurriedly got out of the bed and this time not even dad could stop me.
I made my way toward the door pushing off anyone who tried to stop me.
Leila: its okay, I will go with her.
Leila followed me closely behind afraid of how wild I had become she was too careful not to get in my way. On our way to the emergency room where I left Lenny being attended to, we bumped into a doctor.
Doc: where is the patient going?
I left Leila to answer the questions as I went inside to look for my Lenny.
Leila: she needs to see her fiancé. They were brought in together.
Doc: Haven't you people told her that he is dead?
Leila: she is in denial. She was to get married to him tomorrow.
Leila's conversation with the doctor was cut short when they heard me scream. Leila came rushing in and found me hugging Lenny's body which was lying on the bed lifeless. They had covered him with a white sheet ready to transfer his body to the morgue.
Me: Lenny please wake up, this is not funny at all. Everyone says you are dead but you said you would never leave me right? Why did you leave me hours to our wedding, you said you loved me Lenny why leave me today of all the days?
What am I supposed to do without you, where do I go from here, how do I face the family and friends who badly wanted to witness our union?
Why do you have to die on me like this Lenny why?
Leila came and held me in her arms. I raised my faced and looked at her.
Me: why are you crying Leila, Lenny is not dead, am sure he will wake up. He is just asleep right?
Leila did not respond but hugged me again. I couldn't stop crying and I couldn't believe that he was really gone.
My dad came in and found me holding Lenny's hand in mine. I wanted him to wake up and find me there.
Dad: Roxana, we need to go home. You need some rest.
Me: I want to stay. Lenny will want to see me when he gets up.
Dad: Lenny will not get up. He is dead dear, don't you remember what happened?
I shook my head as I caressed Lenny's face and watched him sleep.
My dad realized talking me into going home wasn't going to work so he went out and came back with the doctor to help convince me to go home. it was their work to handle patients like me who were stubborn and in denial.....