Ever since I was a little girl I have always wondered what my death would be like. When I was 5 years old I wondered if I would die at the hands of my parents, both alcoholics and drug addicts. At 7 I wondered if I would die of cold and/or hunger. At 15 I wondered if I would finally die at the hands of the yakuzas that I joined a few years earlier and today I finally got my answer.
"Well this long awaited answer is not as interesting and eccentric as I thought it would be, if not quite rotten...cough cough !"
My name is Freya AIHARA, I hate my last name because it proves my relationship with my bastard parents. I was born in Tokyo in December on a snowy and extremely cold day in my parents' shabby house. My father was an unemployed man who spent his time drinking to forget his miserable, meaningless life full of mistakes, while my mother was a heroin addicted prostitute.
Sigh...not easy you might say and for good reason...for as long as I can remember I have been on my own in this world, struggling to survive without anyone's help. Beaten by my parents for nothing, I understood very quickly that I would not have a normal childhood but rather a chaotic one devoid of parental love, attention and benevolence. In fact, it was quite the opposite:
At the age of 4 I had to learn to heal my first wounds, my father in a drunken rage threw his glass on my shoulder leaving me with a bleeding and painful wound.
Two months later my mother decided that I would serve as a punching bag to evacuate her stress and unhappiness.
Bruises, contusions, scars were my daily life and my reality.
One day, when I was 7 years old, I came home from school, which I only attended to escape and learn in order to leave this vicious circle, I found my parents dead in the living room of our dingy house. My father had smashed his head against the whiskey cabinet (how ironic) and died instantly (I wish he had suffered more though). My mother had probably died of an overdose, at that point it was only a matter of time before that happened.
I obviously never mourned them and even if I had wanted to, it would have been impossible! You see, I don't feel anything but anger anymore... no more sadness, pain or even joy. For my survival and the sake of my sanity I forced myself years ago to close my heart to all emotions capable of breaking it into a multitude of small pieces.
Ahem, I digress! All this to say that from the age of 7 I was already mentally very strong... I had to live on the street, sleep under cardboard boxes, steal to eat and even fight to not stay weak. This whole circus lasted 3 years before a certain RYU (dragon in Japanese) made me join the yakuzas as his lackey. Apparently I had attracted his attention because of my cold, unruffled and fierce eyes. To tell the truth I didn't care at all and at that time I thought that as long as I could eat I wouldn't have to murder him (yes, at 10 years old I was already a heartless bitch aha).
For 14 years I survived in this environment where I was nicknamed "the Empress of ice" because of my cold, distant and ruthless personality. And that's how, at the age of 24, I was able to take over the Tokyo organization by my strength and intelligence alone! I was more feared than appreciated because I am not a nice person. With me it's "talk if it's important otherwise shut your mouth" because indeed I'm not talkative and I don't trust anyone, that's how it is and that's how it will stay.
Which brings us to today...I was finally the victim of a coup d'etat within the organization wanting my immediate removal. I put up a good fight but my "closest" subordinate (if you can call it close considering my personality) shot me right in the lungs.
That's why you can call it a pathetic death. Mmh finally I don't care, it's not like I can do anything about it anymore and life here was pretty rotten. That's why I hate humans, they're selfish and rotten to the core...I've been bathed since birth in the murky waters of violence and human nature. I know only too well that no one is your ally down here, not even your own parents!
Aaah, the moon is beautiful today, pure white and unattainable, I can only look at it from where I am and feel absorbed by this magnificent white.
"Sigh, frankly, seeing your life flash before your eyes is not funny at all, especially when I'm the one telling the story aha I had buried those memories deep in my heart and brain. And f*ck, I never thought a bullet in the lungs would hurt so much!
I would have liked to discover the world and why not conquer it...too bad, my life ends here but I do not regret anything. Even if I had to do it again..."
During a full moon night, Freya AIHARA, 25 years old, with a smile on her face (the only one she ever gave to this world), breathed her last.