She's not okay. I don't think I've actually ever seen Kiera this shaken up. She was silent the entire drive home but she couldn't stop shaking, I'd barely managed to strip her down and push her into the shower twenty minutes ago and I've been sitting on her bed listening to her cry ever since. I don't know what to do, I've contemplated just giving up and calling Emma but that feels like taking the easy way out so I've been sitting here waiting for Kiera to tell me what she needs. I hadn't realized her episodes were this bad, when I found her she'd looked like she'd been stumbling around in the woods for a week, she'd had scratches on her face, her nails were cracked and caked in mud and grime and her eyes had looked so distant and vacant I'd wanted to hold her until they shined with that familiar light I'm so used to.
Kiera walks back into her bedroom, wrapped in a towel, she looks slightly more herself as she shuffles into the room and comes to a stop just inside the door. Her eyes fall to me where I'm seated at the edge of her bed with my elbows braced against my knees. Keeping my fingers locked so I don't do anything stupid like reach for her, I just watch as she steps further into the room her eyes taking in the space and there's something in them I can't quite understand or decipher.
"Do you need me to call Emma?" I ask, trying to keep the strain out of my voice. I don't think it works because her head snaps around to me so fast I'm afraid she's going to crack her neck in half. She gives a frantic shake of her head looking distressed. "What's wrong?"
"Don't call Emma," she says her voice trembling as if she's about to cry again. "I can't- don't. Please…" is all she manages to say as tears start to stream down her face. I watch for a moment unsure of what's happening. She's always gone to Emma when she's had even the slightest inconvenience, the two of them are practically inseparable in a weird codependent way so, why doesn't she want me to call Emma?
Not wanting to upset her further I give her a nod and then get to my feet reaching out to her tentatively. I shouldn't be here, doing this, it was one of her big rules that we don't get too emotionally involved but I don't think I can walk out of here with Kiera in this state. I tug the arm she's got wrapped around her middle and she comes willingly, "I won't call her but honestly bub, I don't know how to make this better," I say pulling her closer and tucking the strands of hair that have come loose behind her ears. "Please, tell me how to make it better." I hate how desperate I sound but there's nothing I can do, I am desperate. I just want her to be okay, it breaks my heart to see her this way. My heart aches for all of the horrible things I said to her about not being able to remember, all the jokes I made and the whole time this is what she's been going through. I feel dirty, I feel like an absolute monster and I don't deserve to be standing in front of her right now while she looks at me like I'm some kind of savior.
She looks up at me then, looking for all the world like an injured puppy. Her turquoise eyes are huge and watery in her face, her cheeks pink from the heat of her shower and tears I know she's shed. Somehow, I still think she's the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on. She does nothing but watch me for a long moment, it's so long that I start to think I've done something wrong. Just as I open my mouth to apologize she places her hands against my shoulders and pushes me back down so I'm sitting at the edge of the bed.
Confusion races through me as she steps between my legs and then drops her towel. I attempt to do the respectful thing by craning my head back so that I'm only looking at her face but that doesn't do me much good when she climbs into my lap, straddling me with her hands wrapped around my neck. This is wrong, she's not in the right frame of mind and I can't allow this to happen. I move my hands to the side so I'm not touching her in any way and say in the gentlest voice I can manage; "Bub, you've just been through something traumatic you need to deal with that." It comes out strained as all the blood in my body rushes south, as much as I have noble intentions I'm still just a man.
She leans her forehead against mine, closes her eyes and speaks so low I barely hear her. "No, I need a distraction," she says, her cool breath fanning over my face. A distraction, right, because this isn't emotional for her and I'm the idiot that keeps letting my heart get involved. I'm about to say no, to tell her that I'm not doing this because she needs to actually deal with whatever's going on with her right now but then she reaches out and takes my hand, placing it against her waist and then she grinds her full weight down into my lap, dropping kisses on every exposed inch of skin she finds.
I'm powerless to stop her as she pulls my shirt off, her tiny hands roaming over my fevered skin. There's a voice in my head that reminds me I shouldn't let it happen but there's a louder one saying that I should let her take what she needs from me. For one I decided moment, I let those voices battle in my head while Kiera makes a whimpering sound at not being touched. That sound, it's my undoing. Of their own volition my hands slide down her perfect, silky smooth skin grabbing handfuls of soft flesh at her thighs and situating her more firmly in my lap. She rocks her hips into the rough fabric of my jeans looking for friction and moans as I turn her head to capture her lips in a bruising kiss.
Any reservations I may have had disappear when her eyes connect with mine, they're clouded with lust, half-lidded, the pupils blown wide with need. Tangling my fingers in the loose hair at the nape of her neck, I wrench her head back and suck hickeys into her throat amongst the faded ones from last time, my other hand exploring her skin. She moans again, the sound like the sweetest music, her fingers scrabbling for purchase against my shoulders and then she whines letting me know she needs more. God, this woman will be the death of me. "Use your words, baby."
"More." She says, in a breathy whisper that travels along my skin like a caress.
"Take what you need," I tell her and that's all the invitation she needs to push me flat on my back, her little fingers fumbling with my belt. I don't reach down to help her, instead I watch as she works it open and then moves on to unbutton my jeans. She looks up at me as she pulls them down my legs and I help her by kicking them off and scooting further onto the mattress. She follows positioning herself above me as she locks eyes with me and sinks down onto me. We both groan at the feeling, her eyes closing on instinct as she bites down on her lip trying not to make too much noise. We can't have that. I let her take control for a little, watching as she loses herself in the feeling of pure bliss. Her body bouncing so hard as her hips rock back and forth, her pale skin is flushed a glorious red, glistening with a light sheen of sweat, she rests her hands against my chest for leverage and I arch my hips off the bed at the feeling causing her to moan louder. That's it.
I realize at some point that I started saying things, though I'm not entirely in control of the words falling reverently from lips as I watch her above me. Every once in a while I catch phrases like; "Just like that," and "Good girl," but I can't seem to stop myself and I don't bother trying because each time I speak Kiera let's out a soft sound of pleasure that tell me she likes it.
"Dastan," my name falls from her lips on the end of a moan and that's my undoing. My patience snaps and I grab ahold of her hips, keeping her steady as I thrust up into her. Kiera flings her head back, eyes falling shut as her fingernails dig into the tattooed lines on my chest so hard in convinced she going to draw blood. "D-" she tries again but it's cut off by another moan as I feel her body tense above me. I don't stop, I keep going until she shatters with shout of; "Dastan." Her voice breaks over my name, eyes rolling into the back of her head as her body shudders.
And that's when the last of my self-control snaps too. She slumps against my chest exhausted and her entire body shuddering. I roll us over, toss her legs over my shoulder and keep going, her eyes flutter open, glazed with pleasure but looking far more herself than she had all day. "What-" she groans but I cut her off with a kiss.
When I pull away, I simply say; "You wanted a distraction, now let me make sure you remember nothing but my name for the rest of the night." I spend the next few hours making good on that promise.