I've been sitting here for ten minutes. Ten long agonizing minutes. I need to stop this, crying about the things Dastan said isn't going to fix anything. If it's upset me then maybe that's a sign that I should do something to change it. I pull in a deep breath, feel my chest expand. The sobs make it difficult to inhale properly, I hiccup repeatedly. Scrubbing at my, probably, ruined face with shaky hands, I try again. It's easier this time and easier still, the next.
At some point, I realize I hear voices. Shoot. I'd been so caught up in the tornado that was blowing through my brain; I hadn't even paid attention to my surroundings. I attempt to listen a little closer. They're male; I can't tell much else over my harsh breathing. Focus, Kiera. I need to know if I can leave this hiding spot without being seen.
I concentrate on the sound of their deep voices, they're definitely older. There's something about the quality of their voices that's familiar. I guess, that isn't unusual considering I've met a lot of these people before through both dad and Haider. Slowing my breathing becomes easier now that I've got a clear objective. I'll take the win wherever I can get it. They laugh raucously; it's a friendly, inviting sound. I press closer to the wall. Was it just me or did that sound closer?
Okay, you need to figure this out and quick. If someone sees you like this, it won't be long 'til the whole ballroom and every guest in attendance hears how I was crying over Dastan in a deserted hallway. Terrific. That's exactly the type of story I need getting back to Anne. If he hates me now, just imagine how much more he's going to hate me if Anne starts accusing him of getting into a fight over me. From the look on her face when we were leaving that seems to be exactly what she was thinking too. He literally just accused me of ruining everything I touch and now I've gone and proved him right by possibly ruining his relationship.
Then there's Connor who I just abandoned in there. I need to pull myself together and get back in there so I can at least apologize to him. He was just trying to defend me. Sure, it was unnecessary but I still thought it was sweet. Even if it didn't end well. Though, I could've told him that starting any kind of fight with Dastan never ends well, he never fights fair. He's always been extremely good at zeroing on that one insecurity a person has and he never hesitates to drag it into the light kicking and screaming so he can expose it to everyone. Actually, the thing that set Connor off was Dastan calling him Blondie. Who knew Connor's one insecurity was that he was blonde? I want to laugh but that might start the tears up again so I refrain.
I've resolved myself to going back out there if only to let Connor yell at me. He deserves to; considering I invited him right into the middle of all this drama. The thought is sobering. All of my actions recently just consolidate Dastan's point. The voices cut through my thoughts, they're louder now. Is that because they're moving or is it because I'm finally calmer.
I listen harder, "-deserve this, you know. I've always known you'd be a magnificent captain. You had all the right stuff from the very beginning." So, it's a Captain of one of the precincts. "It was just criminal how you got passed over for that position the first time." Maybe, if I just walk out with my head down, they won't notice my sorry state.
"Thank you, sir." I stop. I know that voice and not in the 'I've had one conversation with this person before' way. I actually know that voice, it's Haider. But that doesn't make sense Haider never got passed up for the position of captain. He took over after my dad died.
Maybe, I'm misunderstanding. I should probably stop listening in, this is wrong. I pay closer attention. "I knew you were the right man for the job from the very beginning but Peter had better credentials on paper. You know how the others are." What? My dad was not just "better on paper." He was an amazing officer, and a brilliant detective. I wait for Haider to tell this guy that, he doesn't. He doesn't say anything at all. He must be so disgusted with what he's hearing that he's speechless. I know I am. I should probably stop listening, this seems like a private conversation. I should mind my own business. The jackass goes on, undeterred by the silence; and I keep listening. "And when you found that error he made in those case files in his first month and brought it to me; that just proved my point." Huh? That doesn't seem right.
My ears are ringing. My head aches from the crying and something else, something more. It's blinding pain that beats in my skull. A plus throbs in my temples and I have to fight against the discomfort to pay attention. I'm sure I've misheard, if I just listen harder, focus a little more, all of it will start to make sense. There's no way he said what I think he did, did he? Haider would never go over my dad's head like that. Thy trusted each other, supported each other. They were partners. Best Friends. They were practically brothers. Haider would never do that to him. Haider's next words prove me wrong.
"It was nothing. I just noticed the mistake and knew it needed to be rectified." My heart does a weird little thing in my chest. I think it might have finally given up on me, I know my lungs have definitely collapsed because every breath burns in my chest right now. This doesn't make sense.
Maybe, he's just being polite because this is clearly one of his superiors. Maybe, I don't understand because I missed the beginning of this conversation. That's it. Yeah, that definitely it. That makes a whole lot more sense than Haider was after my dad's job and went over his head to get him in trouble right before my dad was murdered in cold bold. Haider is a lot of things but he isn't envious or greedy. He never goes after what isn't his, I know this for a fact. He's not like that but this sounds an awful lot like motive to me and I'm not sure what to do with that.
"Well, the position went to the right man in the end," the other man is saying. Did he really just congratulate Haider on stealing a dead man's job? That's despicable. I know this time Haider's going to say something. He's as hot-headed as Dastan; this guy's going to get it now.
"Thank you, sir. I appreciate your confidence in me."
Everything shatters. The ground slides out from under my feet. I throw out a hand to steady myself against the wall beside me, laying my head against the smooth surface. The cold texture of the paint grounds me. My ears are ringing worse now, I feel like I'm trying to listen from underwater. What did I just hear? I start counting backwards from ten to control my breathing. I need to stay calm. Ten, nine, eight... None of that made sense. Seven, six five... What did he mean? Four, three, two... Why didn't Haider shut him up? One... More importantly, why did that sound like Haider was after my dad's job all along? I knew Haider had ambitions of becoming a Captain and my dad got it first but there were other posts available and he would have eventually gotten one. So, why would he actively try to sabotage dad by going to someone in a higher position?
That doesn't sound like something Haider would do. But he agreed with everything that was said, he didn't defend dad, or correct the other man. He basically confirmed it all. He was practically preening. I can't, I just can't think about this right now.
I hurriedly make my way out the alcove and walk in the opposite direction of the voices. I don't know what'll happen if I see Haider right now but I can't trust myself to not do something drastic. I make my way into the ballroom from a side-entrance I hadn't noticed before and stumble my way over to Connor who's planted himself at the bar. He looks me over and there's obvious alarm in his eyes. And that's when I remember I was crying and probably look like it. I duck my head in a futile attempt to hide my face. I honestly, can't bring myself to care what I look like right now. Everything's gone to shit. "Let's get out of here," he tells me gently and all I can manage is a meek nod. I'm not sure what's going on right now but I suddenly feel like there's something important I'm not seeing.