After starting hormone blockers, my body began to change in ways both subtle and profound. The male hormones that had once driven my development were now suppressed, allowing the female hormones to take center stage. It's a common misconception that men don't have female hormones, or that women don't have male hormones - in reality, both sexes have both types, but in differing levels. For me, the blockers allowed the naturally occurring female hormones in my body to flourish, enabling me to develop in a way that felt authentic to my identity. It was a turning point in my journey, one that brought me closer to the woman I knew myself to be.
The hormone blockers brought an end to my height growth, but they also ushered in a new set of challenges. I experienced intense salt cravings, drank water constantly, and found myself making hourly trips to the bathroom. Mood swings and emotional breakdowns became my unwelcome companions. But all of that changed when I took my first dose of estrogen - a moment of truth that brought me immense relief. Let's just say I had my ways of accessing the medication. I carefully crafted my own pills every day, a ritual that became a beacon of hope. And then, the transformation began. Over the course of a year, my face changed in ways both subtle and profound. I started wearing baggy clothes to conceal the changes in my body, all while keeping my secret hidden from the world.
As I continued on my hormone therapy journey, I began to notice the subtleties of feminization. My skin softened, my hair grew longer and thicker, and my features gradually became more delicate. The changes were incremental, yet profound. I felt as though I was finally coming home to myself, like I was shedding the skin of someone I never truly was. But with these physical transformations came a complex array of emotions. I struggled to reconcile the person I saw in the mirror with the person I had been told I was supposed to be. I grappled with the fear of discovery, the anxiety of being found out, and the ever-present dread of rejection. And yet, with each passing day, I felt myself becoming more confident, more self-assured. I started to embrace my femininity, to revel in the softness and vulnerability that came with it. I began to see myself as beautiful, not in spite of my transness, but because of it. The journey was far from easy, but with each step, I felt myself becoming more fully, more authentically, me.