After the day was over, I met Mae-chan at the front gates. She waved a few papers around and handed them to me.
"There you go, Mado-chan! I took good notes, so tell Yuko-chan I worked hard today for her!"
I sighed, ready to scold my childhood friend.
"You should always take good notes, Ma-chan! That's how you got so far behind in history in the first place."
I rubbed my head, turning to Saya-san and Saki-chan who came up behind me. Together the three of us made our way to the meeting spot with Hana-chan. There, standing alone was my little sister. She was like one of those soldiers you'd see in England, guarding the royal palace, awaiting orders.
"Hana-chan!"
I called out and she perked up, rushing over to me like a puppy.
"Madoka! How was your day?"
As much as I wanted to tell her it was fine, the truth was, my mind was racing about Yuko-chan. So, I decided to be honest with her.
"It's been up and down. I'm going to Yuko-chan's place so I won't be riding home with you today."
Curiously, she tilted her head.
"Oh, did something happen with Yuko-chan? Did it stem from the chat she and mom had the other day?"
I nodded, confirming my little sister's suspicion.
"Yeah. She lives near our old house, so I'll be taking that train to get there. So, Saya-san and Saki-chan will keep you company instead."
I glared at the psychic who gave me a wry smile. Saki-chan put both thumbs up.
"Don't worry, Madoka-chan! I won't let Senpai do anything weird to her again!"
Shocked, I put both hands on my hips.
"W-What did you do to my little sister during the New Year's celebration, Saya-san?! Tell me right now!"
Hana-chan got between us. My Onee-san mode was in full bloom, and if it wasn't for my cute little sister, I'd have Saya-san in a headlock right about now.
"It's okay Onee-chan! You just worry about getting through to Yuko-chan, alright?"
After making our way to the station, I waved them goodbye. But before Saki-chan got on the train, she called out to me.
"Make sure you both come back tomorrow as good friends, you hear me, Madoka-chan?!"
I waved as the doors shut to their train, taking them away. Friends, she said. I knew what she meant, but I wasn't even sure if I was ready for a relationship with anyone. Everything was still in the air… but that didn't mean I couldn't hear her out, understand her feelings, and let her know mine.
It wasn't fair that she was suffering alone…
Not someone as kind as her.
"I'll do my best, Saki-chan."
I whispered as I stepped on the train I was so accustomed to. I sent Mary-san a text, telling her that I'd be home a little later than usual. She responded faster than I expected, telling me to be safe and she'd see me later.
As I rode this familiar train, I thought about when she approached me. Scared, like a dove looking for food, before running off. Yuko-chan used to get on before me and from the directions I got, she lived a little past my old home. As I rode the train, I saw that stop at my old home. I felt Hana-chan pulling me along, out the door to our home, but it was all just an illusion. Things had changed, and I wasn't going back to who I used to be.
Just like with Yuko-chan. No matter what, I wasn't going anywhere, and I wanted to bring her to the present with me.
Whatever happened between us could be settled. I just hoped she was willing to meet me halfway and walk with me instead of following behind me. When the doors to the train opened, I got off making my way to the command of my phone.
"I've never been to Yuko-chan's place."
I started to wonder how it looked. How her parents are too. She told me about how she didn't get along with them due to their dislike of her grandmother. I… just hope I wasn't overstepping my bounds by visiting her like this.
"No, you have to stay focused."
I pushed myself, as I made my way through the cold afternoon. Snow started to fall around me, something I wasn't expecting to happen today. The last thing I needed was to be out too late in this weather, so I picked up the pace.
When I turned the corner, a modest home stood tall before me. It was painted crème white with black iron gates and a red mat at the door that read "Welcome." It was simple and pleasant on the eyes. I walked up to the door and knocked. My heart started to beat, I didn't know how I would answer, and it started to make me a little nervous.
"Hello?"
A woman with short ash hair answered the door. She had glasses and beautiful teal eyes that drew me in. In a long white sweater and leggings that stopped before her ankles, the woman before instantly reminded me of Yuko-chan. I knew it had to be her mother, standing before me.
"Oh… I know you, don't I?"
The woman approached me suddenly, causing me to back up.
"Eh? Ah…"
She nodded.
"Yes, I've seen you in some of Yuko's pictures. You're that Nakagawa-san, aren't you?"
I bowed deeply.
"Yes, it's nice to meet you. I'm Nakagawa Madoka, Mihara Yuko-chan's friend. I came to give her the work she missed today in class."
"Mihara Hikari, it's nice to finally meet you."
She looked at me up and down, curiously.
"Hm, I've seen you in her basketball photos too. You must have known her for a while, haven't you?"
The wind blew, causing me to shiver. Likely noticing my reaction to the cold, she opened her door wide, inviting me into the warm home.
"Please, come in. I'll make you some tea, Nakagawa-san."
"Oh… thank you, Mihara-san."
I took the offer and went inside, removed my shoes, and followed her down the hall.
"Yuko came home sick today. She's been in her room ever since, so it might not be good to go in there, Nakagawa-san. I wouldn't want you to catch what she has."
We reached the living room and Mihara-san offered me a seat on a couch. I took the offer and sat down. The room had paintings on the walls. There were plants and a fish tank to the side. Beautiful fish swam around and the room had a very serene feel to it.
"Is that right? Ah… do you mind me asking what she's sick with?"
I asked. The mother groaned in response though.
"Who knows with that child? She doesn't tell me much if anything these days."
Mihara-san stopped herself with her hand to her lips.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to say that. Do you like matcha, Nakagawa-san?"
"Anything is fine."
I didn't want any tea, but I had to be polite. If she was offering me into her home, the least I could do was get to know her.
"So, tell me how you met Yuko, Nakagawa-san."
She asked from inside the kitchen. I raised my voice a bit for her to hear me.
"We were on the same basketball team. That's how I got to know her."
I assumed. I didn't know when we first met… but that was the most likely way we got to know one another.
"It was strange when she asked us to join the basketball team. And from what I saw, Yuko wasn't really into it."
Mihara-san said as she came back into the room and sat on the loveseat across from me. Her teal eyes gazed into mine, they were mesmerizing. The soft look on her smile reminded me of Yuko-chan's.
"Is that so? Yuko-chan told me she didn't enjoy it much either."
With her arms crossed, Mihara-san nodded.
"I couldn't put my finger on why she'd drop everything and join. I just assumed she probably found a friend or maybe even a boy she was into at school and wanted to stay late with them."
The mother shook her head, trying her best to think of a reason.
"But that wasn't the case. A few months after she joined, she quit and became more of a recluse. I was worried about her during that time."
I perked up.
"Oh, Yuko-chan quit that fast?"
Mihara-san tilted her head suspiciously.
"Wouldn't you know since you both were on the same team?"
I scratched my cheek. Explaining my coma to every new person I met was becoming taxing. So, instead, I went around the subject a bit.
"Well, due to medical reasons I had to quit also, before her. Only a few months ago did I reunite with Yuko-chan."
I smiled, thinking about that coy girl. The day we hugged in the hallway of the school fluttered into my mind. The day we became… better friends.
"Ah, Mihara-san, did Yuko-chan ever mention visiting me in the hospital?"
Surprised, she shook her head.
"Not that I remember. You were in the hospital? Oh my, I'm sorry to hear that. When was this?"
I waved my hand, trying to de-escalate what I accidentally started.
"This was around two years ago now. So, don't worry. If she never brought it up, then it's fine. Yuko-chan brought me flowers, so I just assumed that you might have helped her get them."
The pot of tea steamed up, causing Mihara-san to stand up and walk back into the kitchen.
"Oh wait, that was around the time when she went and helped her grandma with work."
Coming back with a steaming hot pot of tea, she carefully poured it into hers and my cup. The aroma of the matcha struck my nose.
"I see, so Yuko-chan worked hard for my carnations."
I thought about all the pictures I had in my bag. The feelings behind them weren't something that I could let go of. Hearing that she worked hard to buy me a bundle of flowers too only showed me that I was special to her.
"My mom said, 'Yuko is a smart and motivated girl.' I… sometimes didn't believe that woman. Bless her heart that she isn't with us anymore."
I felt conflicted, hearing her say that. I knew from Yuko-chan that her father and Mihara-san didn't care much for her grandmother. But it would be rude of me to bring that up. Instead, I tasted my tea, a light smile coming on my face.
"She is a smart and motivated girl."
I agreed, recalling all the times she worked hard and helped me and our friends out.
"I know she's sick but please, would you allow me to give her the school notes? I-I have something I want to ask her."
Her mother leaned back in her seat and smiled softly.
"Did you girls get into a fight?"
I looked up and gazed into her tender eyes once again. Just like a mother, she could read through the lines and see the truth of the situation.
"Kinda. I just… want to apologize to her. Sorry for not being honest."
That was half the truth. If I was hurting her by not remembering how we were in the past, then I needed to apologize. But it was her obligation to be truthful to me and tell me her feelings. Mihara-san sighed deeply. With a "goodness sake" coming from her mouth, she pointed towards the steps.
"Okay, run up there and knock on her door. She's in the room in the back, to the left."
I stood up and bowed deeply.
"Thank you, it was nice meeting you, Mihara Hikari-san."
"You as well, Nakagawa Madoka-san. If I don't see you on the way out, don't be a stranger, come by any time."
With a giggle, she confessed.
"I would love it if my daughter would bring friends around more. It's nice getting to know the people she keeps by her."
I don't know anything about Mihara Hikari-san, so I couldn't say if she was a kind person or not. But the conversation we had was pleasant. I wouldn't mind coming back and seeing her again.
I followed her directions and went up the steps. The hallway was dim and when I reached the back, there was a sign on the door. It read "Knock first, please." With a cute cat on the side. This was definitely Mihara Yuko-chan's room.
I put my hand up to the door. From this point on, I knew that things weren't going to be the same between us. I was either going to push our relationship forward… or shatter everything we've worked to build today. But my resolve was set, I wanted to see Yuko-chan, no matter the outcome.
My hand tapped on the door twice.
"The doors open…"
Her cute and coy voice echoed from within the room. Taking this chance, I opened the door, revealing a room with wonderful drawings hanging all around. There was an easel and a chair set up and Yuko-chan was sitting on her computer. She was sketching on the artistic tablet I gave her for Christmas. It made me smile, seeing her so engrossed in it.
She swirled around and met my gaze.
"M-Madoka!"
Yuko-chan shouted as she slipped from her chair, hit her head, and fell to the floor.
"Ah, are you okay, Yuko-chan?!"
I rushed inside and went to the floor with her. It looked like she hit her head on her desk when she fell. The poor girl was in pain.
"Aaahhh…"
"Yuko, you hit your head. Are you alright?"
"W-What are you doing in my home?!"
Yuko-chan was wearing pajamas with cute bunnies on them. The kind a kid would wear during a sleepover. Her hair wasn't brushed, she wasn't dolled up at all… and it showed me how naturally cute she was. I pulled in closer to her, our noses nearly touching. I wanted to make sure she knew, I was only here for her.
"I came to check on you. You left early today, and I was worried about you, Yuko-chan."
I helped her up and guided her to bed. She sat down and I stood over her, still rubbing her head to make sure she was okay.
"Nnngg… I'm so embarrassed."
I felt a little bad, cornering her in her room like this. But if I asked to meet anywhere else, she could have run from me. With a pouting face, she looked down, away from me.
"Yuko-chan, I came here to give you notes for school."
I handed her those notes, and she set them to the side. She didn't even look me in the eyes, so worried about what I might say to her. So, I got on my knees and touched her soft cheeks with my hands.
"Yuko-chan…"
I whispered her name, begging her to look at me. But she turned away, closing her eyes. It's like she believed if she wished hard enough, I'd vanish and it would all be a dream.
"Yuko-chan."
Again, I begged her, but she shook her head, forcing me away from her.
"Yuko-chan. Please, listen to me."
I pressed her until she did just that.
"What! What do you want from me?!"
She shouted and it surprised me… But I pressed on. I looked in my bag and took out the pages of carnations Saya-san gave me.
"Look, I… I know your feelings, Yuko-chan. You don't have to run from me anymore."
Surprised, she reached out and took them from me. With a worried look, her eyes darkened as she looked back at me.
"Y-You saw these?"
I held her hand as she set them on the side of the bed.
"I want you to know that I care for you! So, whatever you're hiding, it doesn't matter because I'll… I'll always care for you!"
Yuko-chan bit her lips as the sides of her eyes started to water.
"Y-You can only say that because you don't remember everything! Y-You don't remember what happened."
Reflexively, I touched the top of her hands and rubbed them gently.
"You're right, I don't remember everything. But that doesn't matter. You shouldn't be afraid to tell me what happened, Yuko-chan."
"Nnnnggg…"
Her lips quivered.
"I-It does matter. B-Because of me y-you lost so much. I-It's my fault you lost everything!"
Suddenly, Yuko-chan stood up, causing me to fall to the floor. In a rush, she ran out the door. I didn't expect her to run out of her own room. I was too forceful, and I felt guilty. But I pushed those feelings away and chased her down the steps. She was already out the door when I reached the bottom.
"Y-Yuko?! Where are you going, dressed like that."
I heard Yuko-chan's mother call out to her daughter. In a rush, I ran past too.
"I'll go get her. S-Sorry for the inconvenience!"
Quickly, I put my shoes on and rushed out the doorway. The snow was getting heavier, and the wind was blowing harder. In the distance on the sidewalk, I saw Yuko-chan running towards a nearby embankment.
Something needed to change and tonight, it was going to happen. When I finally reached her, she was panting, standing next to a railing where the embankment sloped downwards. On the sidewalk, I approached her.
"Yuko-chan, stop running from me!"
I called out to her, finally reaching her. The sun was nearly gone, and the streetlights illuminated in the twilight night. Snow fell around us, and it was way too cold out for what she was wearing. This… was a sad sight, seeing her crying in this state.
"B-But I don't want to talk about it! I can't talk about it!"
I shook my head, the cold wind blowing my hair to the side.
"How long are you going to hide things from me?!"
I raised my voice, tired of being lied to. Yuko-chan was the last person I thought I'd have to do this to. But nothing would change if I coddled her anymore.
"You don't get it Yuko-chan! I love you! You've done so much for me, why do you think I'll just hate you for whatever happened between us?!"
Yuko-chan cried, not answering me. She just screamed at the cold sky. It was desolate and lonely.
"Yuko-chan… you don't trust me, do you? You… you never trusted me, have you?"
With her head down, she covered her face and admitted it.
"N-No. I… I don't. I'm… I'm sorry, Madoka. I-I don't believe you."
This hurt more than anything. I let out my feelings… and she wouldn't reciprocate them. I reached out to her and touched her shoulders, trying to wrap my arms around her. Anything to show her that whatever happened, I'd be there for her.
"What did I do to you that makes you… not believe me, Yuko-chan? Did I…"
My glasses got foggy due to the tears as hiccups escaped my mouth. Nothing was going the way I hoped and if anything, we were drifting further apart. My chest was on fire and I felt that if I stopped breathing the icy cold air, the fire inside would destroy me. This pain was becoming too much and I didn't know how I could stop it. So, I pleaded, one last time...
"Did I hurt you so bad that we can't be together anymore, Y-Yuko-chan?"
My hands were shaking but not from the cold. No, it was from the turmoil rampaging through me. The fear that no matter what, we couldn't be together anymore. I was too hurt by her distrust in me, and she was too scared to tell me the truth.
"What did I do to you? Why won't you tell me what I did... so I can try... try to make it right?"
My voice was becoming hoarse.
"I'm so sorry I hurt you, Yuko-chan! I'm so sorry, Yuko-chan!"
Hot tears streamed down my face. My voice was strained and I couldn't breathe. I screamed whatever feelings would come out but the pain wouldn't stop. It... it just wouldn't stop. If Yuko-chan wouldn't talk, our friendship or whatever else could be was gone. The cold mirrored the distance between us. And this pain in my body was becoming unbearable. As I wiped away my tears, her eyes opened wide as she finally reacted to my words.
"N-No, y-you didn't do anything, Madoka-senpai!"
Yuko-chan moved towards me but slipped on the snow. I tried to reach out to her, hold her in my arms but I couldn't. Yuko-chan stumbled, pushed me by accident, causing me to slip back too. The snow wouldn't allow me to catch my footing and I fell backwards. This horrible sensation was all too familiar to me…
"Ahh."
I screamed.
"Madoka-senpai!"
I saw the surprised look on Yuko-chan's face as she reached out to grab me. But it was too late, I was already stumbling backwards. This scene before me was like déjà vu, too familiar to explain into words. Everything was coming to my mind and I couldn't process it all. My heart sank as I hit the rail and flipped over it, falling down the embankment, towards the ice cold river.
As if someone was stuffing photos into my mind, that day flashed before my eyes. I rolled, falling down the snowy embankment as vivid memories flooded my mind. The pain was unbearable with every bang of my body to the cold ground. And when I finally got to the bottom, I hit my head on the icy ground, just shy of the river next to me.
My vision went blurry, then gradually dark, but everything was clear.
I knew why, at that moment, before I passed out…
Why Mihara Yuko believed that...
I would never forgive her for what happened between us two years ago.