"Hm, you mentioned that you don't know Linda that well. I'm surprised to see you visiting her during your lunchtime."
I had to focus now. The last thing I needed was her to see a connection between us…so…I began coughing dryly.
"I-I wasn't feeling well…and wanted to see if there was any medication and a mask in here."
As to tack on to my lie, Taylor-sensei grinned and looked at her desk.
"Do you think you have a cold? Or is it just a cough, Nakagawa-san?"
"Just a cough, Taylor-sensei."
Simpson-san watched as her friend worked. She gave me another brief smirk as she turned back to her friend.
"Wow, do you remember all your students, Linda? There have to be hundreds of them, and you remember Nakagawa-san?"
She probed.
"Well, Nakagawa-san is a special case, Eleanor. All of the faculty knows her by heart for various reasons."
That was a nice save. She told the truth, with my coma being a large factor, everyone in the school's staff had to be made aware of me just in case another medical problem like that arose. Thankfully, Taylor-sensei must have noticed how bad it would be if Simpson-san found out about our connection.
Because right now…
She was the true problem…
She could shatter our only chance to make a difference in Taylor-sensei and Sophia-san's lives.
"Well, it seems that your lunch break is nearly over, Linda."
She exhaled.
"It was nice seeing you again Nakagawa-san. I hope that cough gets better. It felt so forced that it was a little embarrassing to hear."
I began to feel my face turn bright red. Was it that obvious that I was lying…for her to point it out like that? I wanted to grumble, but she left the room before I could.
Before I spoke up, Taylor-sensei put a finger to her mouth and handed me some medication. With a brush of her hand, she shooed me away. It felt like I was being tossed out like yesterday's garbage. But when I exited the room, Simpson-san sat there with her arms crossed. We met eyes and that's when it came to me…She wanted to overhear us chatting…and Linda was well aware of her strategy. All she did was shrug before making her way out of the school. All I could do was watch her with a pit in my stomach.
"That…was close."
I nearly blew everything by being overly confident. It might be best to tell Taylor-sensei over the phone instead of risking seeing her in person as of now.
So, with a new declaration, I made my way back to class…feeling defeated.
Once I made my way into class, Sophia-san got up from her seat and rushed over to me.
"Did you talk with Taylor-sensei, Madoka-san?"
"No, but I got cough medicine."
I held out the small packet of pink pills. However, the shark didn't take it well as she put her hands on her hips and pushed her head forwards.
"What the hell is this about?"
"Simpson-san was with her during lunch. So, I had to improvise."
"And how did that turn out?"
I didn't want to tell her that she read through me like an open book. That I might have come off as even more suspicious about my nonexistent relationship between Taylor-sensei and me. The last thing I wanted to do was worry Sophia-san all the more.
"Don't worry, she didn't find out about anything. But I didn't realize that she actually finds time to visit Taylor-sensei."
"Yeah, she gives her cookies and chocolates every now and then. But that's usually the extent of it since she came to Hiroshima."
As we chatted, cutting through us, Okabe-san rushed into the room. She brushed past us, catching eyes with Sophia as she went through. It seemed to be the only way she could go with us blocking the front of the room like this. This prompted us to step to the side and continue our little chat.
"Well anyway, I thought about a way for Taylor-sensei to get away from her tail though. But I'll have to work out the kinks."
She nodded.
"As long as Eleanor and the rest of us are on the road to the concert, I doubt she'd turn around if she got the message midway there. Meaning, she'll have to ditch her tail when we're well on our way there."
A new layer to the plan... As we started putting together the plan, more holes appeared that we had to keep covering. But thankfully, this wasn't something I was doing alone. Everyone had a part in this it seemed.
"Class, in your seats."
Takanaki-sensei cried out, causing Sophia-san and I to walk to our respective places.
"What are you two chatting about over there?"
Okabe-san whispered to me.
"None of your damn business!"
Sophia-san cut through me, shooting at the ivy-hair. She retaliated with a push of her tongue.
"Whatever, jerk!"
"Alright you two, that's enough."
Being the peacemaker here, like always, I was starting to get worn out.
"I just heard Taylor-sensei and was curious. Sorry for sticking my nose where it didn't belong, Nakagawa-san."
Well, she was right about one thing…it wasn't her business, and she was prying out of nowhere. But something told me that wasn't her true intention. Just the way Okabe-san approached felt like…
My mind looked back at the brief moment…
I couldn't deny it, Okabe-san sounded more like she was concerned than anything else. I wouldn't be the first to say I'd trust her with anything. But it felt like she has been trying to be a little bit more friendly when it comes to chatting with me. Of course, I'd never trust her with anything especially regarding these two right now.
"Hey…"
A warm breath caught my ear.
"Hm?"
"Is everything alright with Sensei?"
I looked back to see Okabe-san's eyes. They were a tad concerned like when watching over her little sister. Before I could say anything, Takanaki-sensei made his way into class. With a tap on the board, we all made our way back to our seats. So instead of answering her directly, I wrote on a small piece of paper and slipped it behind me.
I kept it simple, saying everything was fine…
Again, Okabe-san was the last person I wanted to know about all of this. There was little to no reason to tell her anything.
When the day finally ended, I found myself walking to the train alone. Yuko-chan was in the club today and I was about to meet Hana-chan at the usual spot.
"Yo!"
A cold but harsh voice called out to me. I turned to see Okabe-san approach me with her school backpack. Casually, she approached and stopped right at my feet.
"What, are you following me now?"
"No, I go this way to get to work, Nakagawa-san. I guess you wouldn't know that because I usually skip before this time."
My accusation made me feel a pit in my stomach. Knowing this was guilt over accusing her, I angled my head and kept walking.
"Well, Conway-san isn't around. Is everything really okay with Taylor-sensei?"
"Everything is fine."
She placed her hands on her hips as she lowered her gaze.
"I'm just wondering because…I kind of owe her for helping me out earlier."
Her almond gaze stared at me. I didn't know how to approach this strange side to Okabe-san. But slowly, it came to me when she mentioned Taylor-sensei. As if what her true aim was...started to sink in.
"You only want to know…because she helped you out, don't you?"
I stopped. She did also but not without lowering her gaze as if I stabbed a knife in her.
"You only want to know…so you can make her act of kindness equal, don't you? You don't...really care for what's going on with Taylor-sensei right now, do you, Okabe-san?"
For the first time ever, I saw Okabe-san at a loss for words.
"So that's what it's been about this entire time, hasn't it? You know Okabe-san, I don't think Taylor-sensei wanted anything in return for letting you skip that day."
"What the fuck do you know?"
Surprised by her sudden outburst, I backed up slightly. But a fire started to kindle in me as I took my ground back and faced up to her.
"I apparently know more about Taylor-sensei than you ever will."
She didn't retort, instead, Okabe-san crossed her arms in frustration.
"...You know what, I think I've known you long enough to understand you a lot better now, Okabe-san."
"Oh, what's that supposed to mean? Sensei threw me a line, so I want to not owe her anything! Is that so bad?!"
"That is the problem though Okabe-san! You don't care about Taylor-sensei, you just care about yourself!"
Trying my best to tone down the fire that suddenly lit in me...I took a deep breath and turned back to her.
"Pff, what the fuck does it matter to you, Nakagawa-san? So, what?"
"You know Saitou Risa-san, the regular customer at our job offered you a bunch of money, and you turned her down."
Her eyes stabbed me, but instead of backing down, I approached her with purpose.
"I don't think that was a bad thing at all that you turned her down. I probably would have done the same if someone suddenly threw money at me…but I don't think you believed what she did was out of the kindness of her heart."
I shook my head.
"But instead of rejecting her and being done with it, now you treat her coldly because she tried to help you. You won't even wait for her…when she was just trying to be nice."
"Because it wasn't. Nobody does anything for others without a reason!"
I put my hands on my hips and pushed forward in an attempt to fight back.
"That's where you're wrong though! You treat people like tools and disrespect their feelings and actions. And when someone kind finally comes around you treat their kindness like payment…and that's cruel."
My words spewed into venom now.
"You never consider people's feelings before your own. You talk about their problems behind their back because it doesn't merit anything for you to keep it a secret…Okabe-san."
Now I put my foot down.
"That's why I won't tell you what's wrong with Sensei! You don't care! All you care about is how things will benefit you."
"S-So what? None of that matters..."
"It does matter! Don't you get it, Okabe-san? That's why Sophia-san doesn't like you… That's why Mae stopped talking with you… That's why I can't speak openly with you and everyone else in the class actively avoids you…"
I clenched my scarf in the cold afternoon as I tried to tone my words to get it across to her.
"It's because of how you are. That's why I can't tell you what's going on right now with Taylor-sensei. It's because I can't trust you, Okabe-san."
Now I calmed myself down and looked her in the eyes.
"Who's to say you won't just go behind my back and tell others about what's going on? Who's to say the moment you get what you want out of this you'd treat her problems like garbage and end up hurting her even more?"
"..."
"Listen, Okabe-san...you asked me this morning to help take care of your little sister while you're gone for your classes…"
I closed my eyes and thought about Nagumi-chan when she was sick. How helpless she was…but still so timid and sweet.
"I told myself that I'd help Nagumi-chan. I didn't agree to help because you asked Okabe-san…I told myself that Nagumi-chan is sweet and innocent, unlike her older sister. She doesn't deserve to be treated…like you. Because you're not kind or anything of the sort to anyone."
Okabe-san's teeth clenched but I kept striking. What I was saying...needed to be said.
"You're rude, mean, abrasive, and…cruel to others. You don't care about people the same way I do...you hurt them the moment you're done with them and that's not right..."
My honesty poured out before I caught myself...That's when I realized something… that I've known for a while now. When I opened my eyes and caught her almond gaze, I let the truth escape my lips.
"I don't like you, Okabe Kasumi-san."
As if I took a knife and ramped it in her chest, her eyes went wide. Her lips began to move, but they stopped abruptly as she looked back at me. I stood firm though as I watched her.
"And there's no way I could bring myself to ever trust you. There's no way I'd let you have the chance to hurt my friends...because you're not my friend, Okabe-san."
Her lips moved...but no words came out. Her eyes looked about for a moment until she finally spoke.
"…I at least thought that you…"
She choked on her words as she backed up slightly.
"I…I…at least thought…that we...were...starting to...that...we...N-Nakagawa-san..."
As if the realization of everything finally came crashing down, her mind couldn't process what I just said. Maybe it's never been laid out in front of her like this. Or maybe she believed that I didn't see all those horrible flaws in her character. Regardless, someone needed to tell her…and I guess that person was me.
"…Okabe-san…"
Instead of saying anything else, she held her bag tightly and shamefully rushed past me towards the train.
But even though she rushed away, I could hear the start of hiccups coming from her.
"…W-Wait…"
I opened my mouth, but those words didn't escape. I…did mean everything I said. I was able to express that clearly to her. Tell her everything that I felt when I was around her. There's no way that I'd treat her like Mari-san, Mae, Sophia, Hana, Yuko, and the rest of the kind people I met along the way after my coma. Okabe Kasumi-san needed to know that…
…we aren't friends.
So why…
Do I feel so terrible right now?