The next day was a mirror of the last. We did exams. Taylor-sensei was nowhere to be found; I couldn't get a hold of her either and, Hana-chan and I diligently studied at night. When the last day of the exams came around, everyone looked as though they were burned out. As I sat at my desk that I was partially conjoined now, I finished up the last remaining problems on the test. Like a boulder was lifted from me, I stood up and turned in my test.
"Thank goodness…"
I sighed, earning glares from other class members, likely the ones struggling on the test I finished. When I checked my phone a was met with a bunch of messages from…
"Taylor-sensei."
They were all full of penguins bowing in a Japanese style. It was a stupid cute set of emotes that I wanted on my phone. She seemed to be apologizing for missing my messages. The text all read about her having to work at her college for most of the day grading exams and turned off her phone so she wouldn't play with it out of boredom.
"Hehe…."
She was super funny. So, I just messaged back…
[Can we chat soon?]
And she replied…
[How about at lunch?]
I shot her one back.
[Sure.]
Now with the time set, I was finally able to confront my partner with the new information I got this weekend. I will finally be able to see just where she stands on the matter. Only then will I be able to come to an educated conclusion on how I can help them…if I would be able to help them that is.
"Thank goodness that's over!"
Sophia-san cried as we stepped out of class.
"Hey, I'm going to chat with Taylor-sensei."
She crossed her arms.
"Oh, is Linda done ignoring you now?"
Slightly annoyed, for good reason, she asked.
"She was busy, so that's to be expected. I won't be at lunch today…I have a lot to talk with her about."
She scratched her head and reached her hand out to me.
"Hey…I obviously won't be there to chat with her…but…"
She slumped.
"Be gentle and understanding of my Onee-chan. She's…been through a lot, Madoka-san."
Even now, despite not feeling the same for her, Sophia-san showed that she cared deeply for her. That's one of the main reasons why I wanted to help both of them. One fundamental word that could be described between them was clearly there…and that was love.
They love one another…
So why should they be allowed to suffer while trying to make each other happy?
Now with that newfound determination, I nodded to her.
"Don't worry. I just want to chat with her. She's…my friend too, Sophia-san."
That's right. Taylor-sensei wasn't just my partner, she was my friend. I wouldn't be going through all this agonizing if Taylor-sensei wasn't anything else. I cared for Taylor-sensei, and I needed her to see that too. Sophia-san and I broke off as I made my way to the nurse's office.
When I stepped inside, I was met with someone I wasn't expecting. In her hand was a box of something as she handed them over to the blond beauty.
"Oh, thank you Okabe-san."
"Yeah…we made them at home economics a while back, and I figured I would make some for my little sister. There were too many left and…"
She sighed.
"I wanted to thank you for the other day. It…was really helpful that you allowed me to leave."
"You didn't have to pay me back for that. As I said, though, if that keeps happening, I'll have to get the teachers involved."
"Yes, Taylor-sensei."
She turned around as we met eyes. As if she didn't care about what I just overheard, she shrugged and made her way out the door.
"Oh, Nakagawa-san! I'm glad you made it. Here, let's go in the back!"
Enthusiastically, Taylor-sensei pulled me along. Finally, I'll be able to ask her all the questions I needed to find out how I wanted to approach this.
But first, I wanted to know how far this goes in her heart. Starting with the full truth of how she fell in love with Sophia.
In the back room with the relaxing humming of the heater, she smiled brightly as she set a cup of hot chocolate on the table. When I smelled it, it reminded me of the cup I had at Sophia-san's the other day. It was rich, smooth…no doubt about it.
"Simpson-san made this?"
I questioned, earning a nod from Taylor-sensei.
"She brings me a basket full of cookies and chocolates every now and then. I usually store them for when I'm feeling a tad happy or even sad. They are a good relaxer and motivator."
She calmed down and set her cup to the side.
"Thank you for letting me chat with Sophia the other day. It was a wonderful night."
My heart dropped…knowing everything that happened afterward. So, I calmed my mind and asked…
"That's what I want to ask you about, Taylor-sensei."
I thought about it clearly, now doing my best to get out what I need to say, I spoke clearly.
"Sophia-san…told me what happened between the two of you that night."
"Oh, what did she say?"
"She told me…that she was the one who confessed to you first."
Her eyes went wide as she nibbled on her cookie. Instead of responding, she listened intently to me. So…I continued.
"That she was the one who told you she loved you first…that…it was her fault all of this happened, Taylor-sensei."
For a moment she looked at me seemingly with astonishment. She curled her lips over her cup of hot chocolate. After a tender slip, spoke harshly.
"It's not her fault at all."
"Oh…I didn't mean to put it that way."
She shook her head.
"No, I understood what you intended to say. But that's not true, Nakagawa-san…"
Now she set her food down and looked at me.
"It was Sophia who woke me up, Nakagawa-san. Without her, I would be in a filthy marriage with a filthy…sad…disgusting man who nearly ruined my life."
"Taylor-sensei…"
"I don't think anyone understands…how much Sophia did to save me from my own delusional self, Nakagawa-san."
For the first time since I met her, I was experiencing a…stern…or even unhappy side to her. As if all those moments of her past came flooding into her voice.
"Do you know how embarrassing it is looking back to my past?"
Her fist clenched as she leaned back in her seat.
"Did she tell you about Spencer, Nakagawa-san?"
"…Yeah, she told me about how he treated you."
"Nobody in my family made the effort to help me. Everyone around me saw what he was doing to me…how it was changing me, but nobody stepped in to help me."
Her nails gripped her palm so hard that I was afraid she'd bleed when they broke apart.
"Sophia was the only one who wanted to rescue me…and she did. So saying it was "her fault" really puts me on edge, Nakagawa-san."
Now the place of her anger was apparent. I…unintentionally belittled Sophia's sacrifice. That's what she was upset about. So, I calmed myself down and accepted my wrongness.
"Sorry…I didn't mean to say that. What I wanted to ask…"
"Why did I take responsibility for it?"
Gently, I nodded.
"Because Sophia had a life ahead of her and was too young to be caught up with things like that. If father and mother believed it was only my fault to blame, they wouldn't take it out on Sophia."
"Taylor-sensei…"
Even from the beginning of this entire ordeal, she was thinking about Sophia-san first.
"You see, Nakagawa-san…Sophia says she doesn't feel that way about me…"
The nurse pursed her lip.
"But I don't believe that. She's…just saying this so our family won't do anything to me. She's protecting me…just like she did in the past. She's…my heroine and my love."
"…I see…"
I wouldn't know if she truly believed that or not. She might have convinced herself that it was true. For all I know…it might be true. Sophia-san might be saying this to protect her. But one thing was certain in all of this uncertainty, and that was that nobody would know how they truly feel…
Unless they get together and talk it out.
"You see after we were caught by Eleanor…instead of being my friend, she told our parents. That look in her eyes was one I could never forget..."
Taylor-sensei closed her eyes as if remembering that time.
"Her eyes watered...she looked pained...as if she was the one who was suffering."
Bitterly she spoke.
"At first I didn't blame her, and today, I still don't. There is no way I would want her to lose favor with our parents. They provide her the money she needs to live. But...it still hurts, you know, Nakagawa-san?"
She closed her eyes as if remembering that time again.
"When they shipped me off to go to college far away…I sat there and was taken in by my studies. Over time…it all hit me. My tasteless defending of a man who slept behind my back. My constant need to be romantic with a person who clearly didn't love me."
When she opened her eyes, the hollowness I could only describe as bottomless sorrow caught my chest.
"I finally gathered the courage to break my fairytale dream and tell him I didn't want to marry him. I demanded that he never see me again, and I told him that I hated his guts."
Crossing her arms, she turned to me again.
"I destroyed my delusion of a fairytale for reality. And that reality is…that I love Sophia for being my true knight."
I nodded.
"I understand, Taylor-sensei."
"So, if Eleanor has to be moved for me to get to Sophia, I don't mind. I'm alone and always have been. Sophia…was the only one who ever loved me enough to protect me. That's why I'm willing to hurt everyone to love Sophia."
Now it hit me…how emotionally destroyed Taylor-sensei was. As if loving Sophia is the last thing she cares about.
"And if it turns out to be true…and Sophia doesn't feel the same for me…"
She sighed as she tried to gather her composure.
"Then I will happily accept that as long as she's happy…but that never means I will stop loving her, Madoka-san."
"Taylor-sensei."
"I'm…not as strong as you. I won't be able to give her up and move on. I…have no one else in this world for me to move on. I'm alone and always have been."
This was the level of her emotions. They were so black, so dark, that I didn't realize it. Taylor-sensei doesn't just love Sophia…no, Sophia might be the only person she's capable of loving anymore. That's why she's willing to hurt anyone to love her…
"You're not alone, Taylor-sensei."
I spoke with force now.
"That's not true anymore. I promise…that I'm here to help you."
I reached out my hand and touched hers. We've established that we were partners, but now it had to be solidified what that meant. That as she held guided me, I wanted to be there to get her through too.
"Nakagawa-san…s-sorry for that outburst."
"N-No, you had every right to be upset. I…just want you to know that I'm…going to help you."
Even though I'm still conflicted regarding Simpson-san. This could…lead to the worst outcome for her? But before I could mention that, the bell rang.
"Oh, it's time for class to start."
Annoyed, I closed my eyes and puffed hot air.
"That might be for the best. I…need a bit of time to collect myself."
"…Sorry again."
She shook her head.
"No, I understand that you are doing your best to…see this entire situation. So please, don't worry. Thank you…for being my partner, Nakagawa-san."
After our brief goodbye, I walked back to class. The rest of the day was scarily normal as my mind raced…thinking about how powerful her determination is.
But I couldn't think of a way…to help her. And that's what made me feel sick on the inside.