"I woke up before the alarm again…"
That 5 AM time stared at me harshly. Even though I was up later than usual last night, my body was roaring to go. It was Friday, and I didn't want to waste my first school day of the week...even though it was technically the end of the week. With exams coming up, this upcoming Saturday is sanctioned off for students who wish to come in for extra lessons. Meaning, unless I had to, I don't need to be there.
"Time to get up."
Not waiting for my fatigue to catch up to me, I ripped off my covers, got dressed, ran down the steps, and washed my face before deciding to make breakfast again. It didn't matter what I made. It's the idea of normalizing everything I'm doing right now.
"Mhhmmmhmmm…"
I hummed a cheery song that's been on my mind recently. It was one of STARS most popular themes. I heard that they were supposed to perform it during the concert scheduled for the 18th of December. I'll be able to listen to it live for the first time ever, and that made me excited.
"…I wonder who'll I'll take with me?"
The question escaped my mouth seriously now. It's quite a ways so I doubt we'd end up taking the train to get there. I want Hana-chan to be there with me when I dance to that fantastic music. Mae-chan is going if she likes it or not. Certainly, Mihara-san would be there because she likes STARS too. We can enjoy it together.
As I skillfully cut the egg back into an omelet, my mind flipped around a particular shark that would likely hate to go.
"Would Sophia-san reject my offer to come?"
That was a serious question. Unlike everyone else who I could, by my law, make come with me, Sophia-san was the odd one out. She'd kick and scream…just for the sake of kicking and screaming.
"…But I want her to come too."
I pouted as I finished my first plate of omurice. It was smaller than I wanted it to be, so I concluded that it would be Hana-chan's. My mood made me feel a little creative today, so I designed a neat flower on the omelet. Now there could be no one else this represented but her.
"Good morning, Madoka."
Caught off guard by the sudden sweet voice, my mom made her way into the kitchen. She rubbed her tired eyes and sat at the table warily.
"Oh, good morning mom."
"You're making breakfast again today? Thank you for that…I should have got up earlier and done it for you instead."
I waved my hand from side to side like a fan across my nose.
"Oh, no! I wanted to do it."
After finishing up the next plate, I set it down in front of her. The steam gently fanned across the table. A meal hot and ready for the mom I love dearly.
"…Thank you, sweetie."
Without waiting for the others, mom began eating. With every small bite she hummed, despite her expression not showing it, Mom seemed to be enjoying her meal.
"It's supposed to storm later today...make sure you bring a coat to school today, alright?"
"Sure thing, mom."
Mom sounded out of it, to put it lightly. As I finished up the last two plates, one for me and the other for Mari-san, mom poked her head up and asked…
"Madoka…"
"Yes, mom?"
"…You wouldn't be keeping anything from me, would you?"
My mouth hung open. Luckily, I wasn't facing her when it did.
"…Why would you say that mom?"
I played it off as best as I could as I set the food down for the others.
"I've been wondering why you…wanted to have that chat with me about your incident. You said…that you had to come to some conclusions…"
Mom reached out and touched my hand. Her long nails traced alongside my fingers.
"And I still don't know what conclusions you came to, Madoka."
Mom might have been thinking hard about that day. The day where she confessed everything about that incident. But it wasn't time for me to pour out my feelings about Mari-san to her. I…wanted to respect Mari-san and wait for her to gather her feelings first. However, I didn't want to lie to my mom either.
"…I was struggling with a few choices in my life, mom. And…you helped me come to a decision on what I wanted to do."
I sighed as I expressed what I needed to say.
"But it's a little hard for me to tell you right now. Is it okay if I tell you everything soon though?"
Her calm demeanor turned a tad sour to my surprise. I…don't think I had ever seen such an irritated face on my mom.
"Fine. If you don't want to tell me then…whatever..."
She lashed out at me. I was taken aback. Her eyes popped open as instant regret seemed to have set in. Mom held my hand again, more tenderly now.
"…Sorry, Madoka. I've…been a little stressed, sweetie. I didn't mean to say that."
"…No, it's okay, mom."
She released her grip and began eating away. Mari-san and Hana-chan filtered in a few minutes later. The rest of the morning was uneventful. After another morning of our family deep in thought around the breakfast table, Hana-chan and I made it to the train.
It was chilly as the morning fog danced around the ground. Later today it was supposed to storm, so we were all buckled up in our deep winter wear now. With my dark blue school-issued winter coat, the purple scarf given to me on my birthday and, long socks that tighten right above my thighs, I was already for the impending storm today. Hana-chan's wear was simple, she sported a black school-issued coat that was insolated. With a longer skirt and socks, she looked bundled up for the upcoming winter months.
We didn't speak much though. It felt like we didn't have much to talk about. My little flower just held my hand as we walked together. It seemed Hana-chan was still thinking about things, and I respected that. But her grip on my hand was firm…supportive even.
Every now and then, I'd give her a squeeze with a gentle smile. After the first couple of times, she began to do the same as we continued making our way to school. On the cool, foggy morning we stood on the platform warming each other up. Once the train finally roared to a stop, we stepped on together. Once we made it in, I instantly noticed a tall figure rushing towards us. With a dark jacket over her school-issued sweater, that signature scarf that hid her lips, Mihara Yuko-san looked like a bundle of warmness.
"N-Nakagawa-san!"
To my surprise, the ash-haired giant called me out as she raced over. There was a light in her eye that was so innocent it nearly blinded me. I was afraid that she and Hana-chan would fight the moment she reached us, so I tugged my little puppy to my side like an owner putting a leash on their dog.
"G-Good morning, Nakagawa-san!"
It's been around a week since we saw one another at school, and I could see her eyes twinkle like gemstones. It reminded me of when a child is introduced to a new toy. Mihara Yuko-san was…adorable that way.
"G-Good…morning too, Koda-san…"
But instead of doing what I expected and arguing with Hana-chan, she turned to my little sister and bowed slightly to my astonishment. Her body was shaking, and it caused me to worry that she might have been sick or something.
Hana-chan backed up for good reason. It was like Mihara-san was going to cave and fall in on her, crushing her small body.
"Ah…morning, Mihara-san."
Even Hana-chan seemed shocked as she could barely get out a hello. She gripped on my skirt and stood defensively.
"Ah…nggnn…I hope…you're having a good morning, K-Koda-san."
Suspiciously, Hana-chan brushed up against me as if to hide from Mihara-san. But that didn't stop the giant as she kept approaching slowly. Her legs were trembling like jelly with every step. I could feel my little sister bend her knees as if she was ready to pounce on the ghost if she got any closer.
Needless to say, the tension between the two was fierce. What was going on here? Why did it feel like I was introducing a dog to a cat? And when did Hana-chan become a cat in this scenario, hiding behind me like a cornered animal?
"…I get it."
With the amount of effort Mihara-san was putting in to do these simple tasks, it must have been monumental for the scared mouse I've come to know.
Like a stroke of intuition knocked me on the head, it came to me what might be going on. It looked as though Mihara-san wanted to try her best to…make better acquaintances with Hana-chan.
"One moment, Mihara-san."
I held out my hand to stop her from approaching my little sister. I was more worried that Hana-chan would become a lion and attack her in self-defense.
To calm the raging girl, I leaned down and tapped Hana-chan's shoulders. When our eyes met I whispered to her as warmly as I could.
"Hey…let's have a great day today, alright Hana-chan?"
"Hm?"
All morning I'm sure she's been worried about everything that's still plaguing our family. Hana-chan wasn't just struggling with this truth about my love for her mother. It wasn't that simple, sadly. My little sister cared enough for me to want me to be happy too. After hearing me cry like that to her…I'm sure she's been trying to find a way for everyone to be happy.
But now wasn't the time for that and to assure her that things will be okay, I wanted to give her a nudge forward.
"Let's think about the complicated stuff later. I think…my friend wants to get to know you better."
I'm not sure if Mihara-san heard me, but I could hear a small squeak coming from her lips. When I turned around, her body trembled even more. I was worried she'd make the train derail if she shook any harder.
"What do you say, Hana-chan?"
I smiled and gave my little flower a nod. For a moment, Hana-chan just stared at me. As if processing all that I said she took a deep breath and concluded something in her mind with that stern look of hers.
"…You're right, Onee-chan. It's going to be a good day, isn't it?"
Despite how worried we were about the chat we were going to have soon we needed to push forward and enjoy our time when we could. Times like these…with people outside of our problems should be cherished, I believed. Hana-chan squared her shoulders and smiled slightly now as she faced the ghost.
"How are you…Mihara-san?"
She stated, approaching her slightly now too. Mihara-san backed up somewhat, but it looked as though Hana-chan didn't mind as she put her hand behind her back. It was obvious that they were still uncomfortable around one another. Like watching two pets get to know each other, they timidly reacted to the other.
"…Nnng…I've been okay. H-How was your trip Na- A…you…two?"
Mihara-san pushed it out. It looked as though she was coming to her limit because her face was turning completely red. It wouldn't surprise me if she popped out of embarrassment right now.
"It was…good."
Hana-chan forced. The latter half of the trip obviously became the mood of the entire trip. The remainder of our time wasn't 'good' in the slightest. But my little sister did her best to brighten the mood. I…was proud of her for that.
"Onee-chan got you a gift, Mihara-san."
"A-Ah…A gift?!"
Now her trembling went extreme. But it was a tad different. Her butt swung back and forth like she had a tail or some mysterious force was swinging her hips around. Hana-chan seemed just as shocked as I was, resulting in her next tease.
"I bet you're happy about that, huh?"
Now she was going too far.
"Hey! I was going to tell my friends once we all got together, Hana-chan. I told you this earlier. Y-You little brat."
I pulled her rounded cheeks from the side. The shorty frowned, but she didn't lie down and take it. My little sister lunged at me and took hold of my cheeks too. My Hana-chan was becoming a fighter. Now I realized how much this hurt…so I tugged on hers more to show who the dominant cutie bully was.
"Onee-chan! I-I won't lose!"
"Yes, you will!"
We tussled. I'm sure we were making the morning commuters annoyed, but this had been the most fun I've had with Hana-chan ever since we came back home. I didn't want it to end right now.
"…You really are like sisters, aren't you?"
Startled, I looked back at Mihara-san who seemed to be a little conflicted.
"Hm? What did you say, Mihara-san?"
I questioned, causing the tall cutie to turn to the side.
"Oh…it's…nothing."
Shyly she looked away. Mihara-san's lips pursed as her knees buckled. The ghost was cute as ever and it was driving me up the walls. How…I wouldn't mind pulling her cheeks too.
"Ah…what are you doing, N-Nakagawa-san?"
Mihara-san went on the defensive as I approached, deliberately. My element of surprise was far gone, but I attempted it anyway as I lunged at her.
"Eeeehhh?!"
As I tugged on her reddened cheeks, I giggled almost hysterically.
"Look at her, Hana-chan! Isn't she cute, Hana-chan?"
Like someone pushed an ice cube down my neck, I felt a sharp gaze race down my back. This impending feeling caused me to look over my shoulder, revealing a glare from my little sister.
Maybe…I should have waited until she went to school before teasing Mihara-san like this? Something told me that Hana-chan didn't like me calling anyone else cute when it wasn't about her.
As I was distracted, my victim finally escaped as Mihara-san pulled herself away. Covering her cheeks, she backed away from me. I felt a tad guilty now. I didn't mean to upset her, Mihara-san was just so cute that I couldn't help it.
"Sorry, Mihara-san."
I apologized, halfheartedly though. If I had the chance to do it again…I certainly would. Mihara-san just blew out air as she turned away from me. Aww, I didn't want to make her that upset.
"Please, forgive me Mihara-san."
I begged now, holding my hands together. I tried to go for the 'cutely innocent' technique that I always saw my favorite idols use. I'm not sure if I had that level of charisma though, so this might have failed.
"Pfff!"
The sweet flower from behind burst into a fit of snickers behind me.
"Onee-chan, you look so funny!"
I felt like the bad guy here. Mihara-san turned back to me…revealing a bright red face. Her crimson eyes escaped to the side and in a delicate tone, she admitted…
"I-I'm not mad…"
Her words were soft and almost mute. How I had to strain my ears to actually hear the soft whispers from her lips. Our ride settled down after that. We rode the train, silently enjoying each other's company. I could tell that Hana-chan and Mihara-san likely had nothing else to talk about as they would glance over at one another then turn back to the window without saying anything.
That didn't make me upset in the slightest though. Maybe one day…this awkwardness would fade away. I was far more optimistic about it now…and that was thanks to Mihara-san.
"Onee-chan, are exams coming up for you soon?"
Hana-chan asked while adjusting her black skirt.
"Oh yeah…I have to start focusing and increasing my study time soon."
"Is Saturday a study day for your school too?"
I nodded. Hana-chan's school is the sister of Jinda High so most of their decisions are my little sister's school too. In this case, we both have Saturday as a free day unless we'd like to study there for the upcoming exams.
"I was planning to help out Sophia-san soon too. She might need more help than I can give her."
With a finger to her thin lips, my little sister questioned.
"Oh, is she struggling in class?"
Hana-chan wouldn't know that Sophia-san skips on the regular, would she? I debated what I should tell her, but after a bit of coming to terms with my decision, I confessed.
"Sophia-san doesn't come to class too often, Hana-chan. So, she'll need to make up for it."
"Oh really? She's not a bad influence on you, is she, Onee-chan?"
She sounded like my mother. Maybe mom was rubbing off on her? Why was my little sister questioning me like some overbearing parent in the first place?
"N-Nakagawa-san doesn't skip classes, K-Koda-san."
Before I could defend myself, Mihara-san did it for me. She stood up tall and nodded sharply. It reminded me of a rigged machine you'd find in a science fiction movie.
"N-Nakagawa-senpai was one of the hardest working people in middle school. She…excelled in studies too."
"Senpai?"
Hana-chan asked for a good reason. I was going to question it too, but Mihara-san leaped and rubbed her hands together as if to gain courage.
"Oh…ah…I used to call her…N-Nakagawa-senpai…B-Because she was better at…basketball than me."
Mihara-san's voice rose higher and higher with every break in her sentence. She sounded like a teapot squealing by the time her explanation was over. I felt as though I could see steam coming from her ears.
"You told me this before…"
I recalled. That's right, she explained to me when I first met her again that she would call me Nakagawa-senpai because of that. I forgot that small fact over time, I guess. My questioning would have been insensitive if I got it out.
"You remember a lot about my Onee-chan, don't you, Mihara-san?
"Eh?"
Hana-chan closed her eyes and looked to the side. She then whispered to herself.
"…Kind of like…someone else I know..."
Hana-chan muttered to herself.
I didn't catch all of what she said, and it seemed as if Mihara-san didn't either. But before I could question her further, our stop finally arrived, and the doors of the train opened. With the flood of goers pushing us out, we rode the wave of people for dear life as we were pushed into the Hiroshima streets.
Now on the main sidewalk, we walked together. I was in the middle, slightly behind the two in the front.
"Ah…Mihara-san."
Hana-chan angled her head up to the giant next to her.
"…Y-yes, Koda-san?"
"Somethings been bugging me for a while now…you've known my Onee-chan since middle school, right?"
They spoke as if I wasn't behind them. As if I was only a figment of their imagination. Slightly annoyed, I shrugged and listened to Hana-chan's question.
"Ah…Y-Yes…That's right…"
She confessed coyly. It was super cute how her body would tremble for a bit before she said what was in her mind. I…found a lot about Mihara-san super lovable, I noticed.
"Then why don't you call my Onee-chan …Madoka-san at the very least?"
"Ahh…"
Mihara-san's eyes widened in astonishment.
"Huh? Hana-chan, that's a rude question!"
Why did she go that way? If Mihara-san felt like she wasn't ready to call me by my given name, why should she? I pitched her cheeks again for good measure this time. Maybe I was picking on her a bit too much today but this one was more of a punishment than being playful.
"Oww, Onee-chan don't do that so suddenly!"
"Why are you bullying, Mihara-san? You know better than asking a question like that!"
Hana-chan flipped about as she struggled. But my grip was firm. I wasn't going to let my little sister go until she realized how rude that was of her to ask that.
"I was curious! M-Mihara-san just seems like she likes you a lot, Onee-chan!"
"L-Like me a lot?! What does that even mean?! Think about what you're saying, Hana-chan!"
I turned to Mihara-san whose face was as bright as a red ornament. It is the Christmas season now, that was a fitting description for her. But back to the matter at hand…I let go of Hana-chan still with a scowl on my face.
"To be honest, I think we just haven't had a chance to make that transition, Hana-chan. But even so, that was rude. Apologize to her."
"Ngg…S-Sorry, Mihara-san. That was…rude of me like Onee-chan said. I…didn't mean anything by it."
With a slight bow, she apologized. Now we began walking again as we continued our chat.
"Anyway…"
Hana-chan continued.
"My way is this way. Ah…M-Mihara-san…"
"…Yes, Koda-san?"
"…Thanks for asking about our trip. Ah, see you in the afternoon?"
"O-oh…ah…yes. H-Have a good…day."
Hana-chan was doing her best to get along with her too, wasn't she? I wonder what happened while I was gone those days from school. Why was Mihara-san so willing to try and push herself to chat with Hana-chan?
Maybe she…well, I wouldn't know in the end. Instead of thinking too hard about it, I smiled brightly and waved Hana-chan off.
"Shall we go, Mihara-san?"
"NNngg…yes."
Wordlessly we walked together now. Students in our uniforms passed by us as we embraced the cold morning. The pace we were going was relaxing and brought my mood up a bit. I wasn't thinking about the chat that our family had to have right now or anything of the like. Not my lingering feelings for Mari-san or how my mom will take my revelation…
No, I was spending a relaxing time with my friend, Mihara Yuko-san, and I couldn't ask for more right now.
"Ah…a-are you going to have lunch…with Watanabe-san and Conway-san, Nakagawa-san?"
I nodded. The chilly wind passed by, causing my bangs to float in the air momentarily.
"Most likely. I have to see Taylor-sensei again later today at some point too. I was planning to excuse myself during our break period."
We strolled along together. Our shoes clanked against the pavement. It was like we were in sync as we would look at one another then turn away, back to the sidewalk.
"Are you going to join us, Mihara-san?"
She stopped momentarily. I could see her visibly shake as she timidly asked.
"Ah…could I?"
"I would love it if you did, Mihara-san."
I instantly replied with no regrets. I couldn't see her expression under that scarf of hers again as if it was a shield made to hide her lips from the world.
"Oh…ah… D-Do you mind if I sit next to you?"
The questions she asked every now and then were so pointed and honest that they drove me up the walls with her adorableness. They felt like something you'd hear an elementary school kid ask.
"Sure, Mihara-san."
I beamed at her, earning a shine in her eyes. The last time I suggested she join us for lunch, she didn't want to. Mihara-san wanted to only have lunch with me… This only prompted me to dig further now.
"Hey, what changed, Mihara-san?"
"Eh?"
I wasn't getting anywhere by not asking the question. With a click of my heels and a bounce of my feet, I confronted her in a playful manner. With my hands behind my back, I pushed my body forwards and met her crimson eyes.
"First you're nice to Hana-chan…now you don't mind having lunch with me and my friends?"
Before I realized it…I was flapping my eyes at her. Not sure why I went this direction with my tease, but it felt as though I wanted to draw her in a bit more to me. Maybe by doing this she wouldn't want to run off without telling me her feelings. The last thing I wanted is for her to calm down and everything to go to heck.
"…I"
She sighed as she turned away from me. Those crimson irises of hers would bounce around before she finally landed them back on me.
"I…It's like what…K-Koda-san said…"
She faced me now. I had to look up to meet her precious gaze. As our eyes met, she confessed what seemed to be tossing around in her mind.
"I…I want to be…better friends with you, N-N-Nakagawa-san."
The heat from her face radiated so much that I was afraid I'd burn myself if I touched her.
"That makes me happy. I…want to be better friends with you too, Mihara-san."
My chest warmed up to the point I felt as though someone was throwing hot coal on it. These feelings that I was having…were powerful and I only associated them with Mihara-san.
"Y-You do?"
Mihara-san asked.
The past of the carnation incident was behind us. We shouldn't be caught up in that moment anymore. Now was a day to cultivate what we lost two years ago.
"Yeah…I do."
I've…always wanted to be better friends with Mihara-san after meeting her. It's nice to see that she's making the first step for that to happen. But she shouldn't be the only one actively trying. Happily, I took her fingers in mine as I confessed what was rummaging in my heart.
"I want to get to know you better too, Mihara-san."
"…"
She didn't say a word. She didn't need me to understand her feelings. By her hiding her lips under her scarf, that was all I needed to clearly understand how she felt.
The cold wind blew by, but it wasn't chilly. Her warmth made that sensation fly away as the heat between us became noticeable. As I let her finger go, I felt hers twitch as if it was going to grab hold of mine again.
This situation between us was…nice. It felt like a deep-seated emotion in me was finally breaking out. The freedom to express myself all the more clearly was starting to show. How…happy it made me to know the effort I'm putting into change might be working out.
"It's going to be a good day."
I giggled as we began walking through the front gates.