She stares at me, distracting me as I drive.
Her eyes say so many words that I feel guilty for not being able to realize it sooner.
When we decided to let her come with us, or rather, when she said she wanted to move in with me and Alex, we didn't think about the consequences: it seemed like a dream, in fact.
Me, Alex and his daughter under the same roof.
But neither of us thought about the fact that she doesn't know anything about her real parents.
And this torments me even more: I don't want Juliet to find out too late that her father is Alex and that Tom is her grandfather.
I don't want that because I know what it's like to find out that you've been adopted twenty-two years after your adoption.
I don't understand Alex's attitude, I don't understand why he is hiding the truth from her.
If Juliet finds it out, she would certainly not feel so much nostalgia for Tom and Clelia, even if she has always called them 'mom' and 'dad'.
I remain silent, not knowing what to say.
In fact, how could I console her? If talking to them on the phone and watching them on Skype isn't enough, then she wants more ...
Juliet wants to return to America, and she certainly can't do it alone.
"Er ..." - I clear my throat- "we have arrived."
I feel really embarrassed right now, I can't find a solution, but I have to solve this.
Juliet deserves to be happy.
She nods:
«Thank you!» - she said, and then gets out of the car staggering for the heavy backpack.
I run my hand through my hair, staring at her getting lost in the mass.
I stand there staring at the void and losing myself in thoughts: the sound of a car horn wakes me from my trance and for a moment I think I have parked the car in a wrong place, but as soon as I raise my head I meet a huge smile on the face of her teacher.
At least one positive person in my life.
I raise a hand to greet Louis , but I decide not to get out of the car, so I leave the parking lot snorting.
I had imagined a nice speech to give to the little girl, but in the end I didn't know what to say to her.
Maybe I was hoping that my thoughts weren't true, that it was all a figment of my imagination, as often happens.
But I was wrong.
I accelerate, but then I remember that Alex will still be home by now, so I slow down.
I really don't want to see him, I don't know how I would react to another provocation from him.
I roll my eyes when I see his car in the yard: luck doesn't want to be on my side lately.
I reach the door and take a deep breath before entering, than I close my door behind slowly, as if it could help not to be noticed by him, but his voice comes straight to my heart when he starts speaking :
"It took you a lot of time." - I find him sitting on the kitchen stool with his phone in his hand.
"As much as I wanted." - I reply in a cold tone soon after, making him bring his eyes from the cellfone to my face with an angry grimace, while I put the keys on the sofa.
"Calm down, little girl."
"I am calm, and don't call me by that nickname!" - I can't hold myself : the cold tone of his voice annoys me more and more.
«Stop it!» - he screams with the same hoarse voice and gets up from the stool suddenly to get closer to my figure in few fast steps:
"To do what?" - I raise my voice in return, even though his gesture makes me go back, starting to get frightened by him, even though I know he couldn't hurt me.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?! " - he raises his chin with an annoyed expression on his face:
"I'm angry 'cause you don't care about me, Alex!" -I scream back as soon as he finishes, while he overhangs me in all his height.
"Are you kidding me? !" -he snorts as if I were insisting uselessly:
"Do I have to stay attached to your ass 24/7?!"- he continues with an ironic tone so I nod and reply:
"Why not? Do you prefer spending your free time in the gym, rather than treat me like the woman you love?! Ask me if I'm okay, ask me what I did at work, ask me what I want! "
"Do you also want me to ask you to marry me?" - he says ironically with all the muscles of his face contracted for the anger, while I suddenly open my mouth driven by anger and scream without realizing what I'm saying :
"Of course I do!"
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