life is hard.
but sometimes you have to be tougher and harder in order to get what you want in life.
i start to think to of the wonderful advice gave to me about forgiveness and i'm still in doubt. No matter how hard I try to forget the hurt and the heartache i had for eighteen years, it cant be extinguished, this heartbreak worse than a toothache, worse than labour pain to say the least even though i havent experienced it before but still..... it hurts like a bitch.
The fact that my own mom chose a man over me was heart-choking and heart wrenching. A man told her to lie to her daughter and she did, without thinking of the consequences of her actions and she did it my whole life. But maybe it's time i forgive and forget.... i hope.
At home,
"momma, are you home? i really need to talk to you right now" i asked and i am pretty sure that my mom almost stumbled over the stairs. "Avery? is that you? is everything okay? Have you eaten? you wanna eat something?" my mom asked me worriedly and my heart almost melts. "yes mom. i have eaten. No, i dont wanna eat anything" she nods and sat down besides me.
"baby, i am so sorry for lying to you this past few years. please forgive me honey. you know it wasnt in my intention to hurt you, my love" my heart is in shambles right now. "so why did you lie? did you realise the action you took hurt me or you are sorry i found out that i am beyond angry at my mother who lied for eighteen freaking years? Was that why you asked me to clean your room that day, so that i would find the picture? i have a lot of questions at this point because i am really confused right now" she shook her head "okay let me tell you the truth because you deserve to know the truth about this" she said.
FINALLY!!!
"so that night, i went to the club with a couple of my friends and i noticed michael standing at the corner of the bar staring at me, so I decided to have a chat with him and one thing led to another. i got drunk, he got drunk and entered a hotel and..." i gasped. "you guys had sex?" she nods. "The next few days that passed, i found out i was pregnant. i told michael about it and he just said he isnt ready for a child and what we did was a 'bloody mistake'. i then told him i wanted to keep you and he said 'when you give birth, tell the baby her father died and let it be that way or else.....' " she said with her voice shaking. i shifted closer to my mom, trying to comfort her "or else what?" i asked with a crack in my voice.
"he said he is gonna post our video on the internet and i agreed but he still posted it." she said. THAT TRAITOROUS PIG! how could he do that? at this point i dont care about the anger i felt for my mom, all i could see now was hatred and anger towards the idiot who broke, used and abused my mother. "do you love him?" i asked my mom and she looked at me in shock "no... why will you ask me that?" she asked with wide eyes. "Then send the hell out of our house!" with all seriousness in my heart.
Speak of the devil, michael comes out of the guest room. "what is all this noise about?"his voice raspy, meaning he just woke up.
"i need you to get out of my house. now!" my mom said, anger laced in her house. "woah, woah , woah, mitchelle, where is this coming from? you said i could stay till i find another apartment." my mother chuckled, "well i changed my mind, now get the hell out of my house" GO MOM!!
"fine" he said before exiting the living room into the guest room to pack his stuffs.
after a few minutes, he comes back out with a bag on his shoulder and a camping bag "you will regret this, mitchelle " he threatened. "i dont think she would, you pig. now out you go" i said , opening the door for him to exit then slamming it shut after.