Ignis stares at me. He looks surprised from this angle.
I'm peeking from the corner of my eye. He's still sitting at the table, his mouth is open in surprise. Or, maybe, confusion.
«What are you talking about?» he says after a while.
I thought I was clear. And here we go again. I'll have to repeat it until he's satisfied. Is this part of my penalty? He'll make me explain until he's sure I realised my mistake.
The problem is that I am not sure. I can't be certain what annoyed him the most. I can just list all the things I've done and collect clues from his reaction.
«Yesterday, I did something bad,» I say.
«And what is that?»
«I... I'm not sure. But I acted wrong. I don't know how I should be, but... I'm sorry, Ignis. I'm a failure as a wife! And you do so much for me, yet I...»
Before starting to cry, I cover my face and take a deep breath. I can't fail now. It's almost done. I need to listen to his response before letting my feelings get out of control.
«Veronica, what are you talking about, for goodness? Are you drunk or something? What do you think happened yesterday?»
«We were being intimate,» I say.
«And then?»
«Then I made a mistake, and you left.»
«That's... That's definitely not what happened. You didn't make any mistake.»
«So, I was allowed to move my hips?» I murmur. «To surround you with my legs and to touch your back so freely... Am I allowed to do that?»
He sighs, realising what I mean. Now, I'll finally find out with precision about this matter.
Ignis is replying with utter calm, and that must be a good sign. It means he won't abandon me yet. He'll likely give me another chance.
He walks to me, and he crouches in front of the bed. Then, after taking my hands in his and looking me in the eye, he changes his mind and kneels on the floor.
His face is calm as if he was in control. His hands are gentle, like always.
«Veronica, you are allowed to do what you want. It's just that... I am human, and I can't resist if you tease me too much. Yesterday, I walked out because I needed some fresh air to calm myself. I almost lost control.»
«Lost control?»
«Yes. I almost did something bad to you.»
«What?»
«We... We were just kissing, yet I thought about crossing that line and making love,» he admits. His confession makes my heart oddly happy. Just the thought of his wish makes me so content.
What will happen if we ever do something for real? Will I die of happiness?
«Why did you change your mind?» I inquire. This is what I can't understand, no matter how clear it is. I still hope it's not that grave.
«Rather than changing my mind, I realised it's wrong. Do you realise what was happening? I was taking advantage of you.»
«That's not true.»
«How so?» he sighs, tilting his head and leaning his chin on my knee.
«You can't take advantage of me, Ignis. We're married. You have every right to touch your wife, don't you? Also, I think it's clear how I feel about it.»
«Veronica, if we consummate, the marriage won't be nullable.»
«So what?»
«You'll be stuck with me. Your marriage is something you need to think about in-depth, my dear. Once our bed is shared, we will be husband and wife for the rest of our lives.»
«I already know that, Ignis. I was brought up far from the city, but I'm not that clueless.»
«That's not what I meant.»
«What did you mean?»
«You should think about it and then decide. It shouldn't happen on a whim.»
«But I already thought about it before. I've told you how I feel. And I want this to happen. Don't you?»
«I want it as well. Yet, you are Veronica Bursio.»
I scoff, annoyed.
«So what? Is my name such an issue?»
«Your name isn't. Mine, on the other side...»
He avoids my gaze for a moment, and then he pecks my fingers.
«Think about it some more. When we reach your home... When we're out of danger, use a few days to consider this. If you still want me then, I'll be happy to be your husband.»
«Oh, Ignis!» I exclaim.
He shuts his mouth, seeing I have a lot to say. He sighs, and his face shows a trace of remorse. As if he did something he shouldn't have.
But the truth is the opposite: he should have made love to me, yet he didn't.
How odd. But, most of all, I'm so relieved it's not my fault. It's not because of something I've done!
I can rest assured and continue behaving the way I've done till now. Right?
«Ignis, tell me the truth. Am I too naughty?»
«You're just perfect, Veronica. You drive me mad but in a good way. In such a way that all I desire is to embrace you forever.»
«So... Can I continue being naughty?»
«You're not that naughty, though. Just honest.»
«Then, the only thing stopping you, right now, is your name,» I wonder. «It's not because of me.»
«Your consent is important.»
«But you wouldn't leave me forever if I did something wrong, right?»
«Ah? No, of course not. I would at least talk about it. I'm not afraid of telling you my tastes, Veronica.»
I cover my mouth to stop the chuckle.
It's not my fault. It's just a misunderstanding.
I almost burst out crying with relief when I remember. It's not over yet. There still is a problem on my path to intimacy.
And it's something I can't solve if I don't open my heart. Ignis needs to understand, and the only way is to tell him directly.