He broke up with me just with that. I didn't want to say anything more. Nothing!
"That explains why you were ignoring me from past few days. Its alright! Live your life and don't feel guilty about leaving me." Was all I said and I straight away blocked him!
Maybe he was not made to be someone's boyfriend. Maybe he was not made to be the one who could love someone! Maybe he had other issues. Maybe he had family issues.
But I didn't want to talk to him about it. From that day onwards, I stopped caring about what anyone said. I stopped loving anyone. I stopped caring for anyone. I stopped trusting everyone! I was done being the goodie two shoes for the world and I really started to live for myself! I wrote a dozen novel ideas in two months. I started dating random people. I started talking about things I wasn't supposed to do. I started doing bad things. And I really felt good after doing all that. I knew I had to drop one year because I was not going to get into a MBBS college that year and I wanted to use all the time I had. Me and my elder sister went to eat everyday! I used to meet a new guy everyday!
Corona had settled down a little till October. And then came my birthday. 30th October 2020! I finally turned 18! I was legal. I could drink. I could smoke. I could do anything I wanted to. I was free to make my own decisions.
I celebrated my birthday. The whole corona thing didn't matter because I had become carefree then. I didn't care about a single soul in the world. If I said the truth then I wanted to die that time. I just wanted to end the misery that I was living in that time.
After the party, when everyone slept, I took a bike and rode off to the mountains. I didn't even take my phone with me. I had all plans to jump off the cliff. What better way could I think of dying?
And it was easy for me to find a cliff because the mountain range is not more than an hour from my house. I kept driving till the place where I felt its energy the most. The moon! I followed it and found a suitable place to sit! It had a 40 feet cliff beneath. I was standing at my death point. I had stopped getting dreams of Kapura. I just didn't know. It felt like that even he gave up on me. I brought all the pages with me. All the novels that I wrote in past one year!
And the first thing I did was burn each and every single inch of them. I sat there and burned everything. I didn't even have a single tear falling off my eye while burning years of my work! They were not less than a thousand pages! I burned everything!
While I was watching everything burn down in front of my eyes, I felt my brain asked me. "WHY?"
"I was born before devil!" and I had a devilish laugh on my face. Hahahahahahahahahaha! I will burn even every single inch of expectations my father had in me! I am even worse than the devil. After dying I would eat souls of the worst fathers!
I just sat there and watched everything burn down before my eyes. I didn't think I would survive the night there because there were wild animals hooting all over the jungle. I lay there and I fell asleep! I didn't expect to be alive for more than two hours. I could have been skinned by the scavengers before I even knew they approached me. It was 2am. And I just wanted to die at that time. No one could have found me. I was way too deep into the jungle.
I was tired.
Really tired.
And cold!
I cried myself to sleep while looking at my dreams burn into ashes!
I cried!
I knew I was capable of emotions.
While sleeping! My whole life flashed in front of my eyes! I was probably dead! The time I used to cry while watching Barbie getting snatched of her loved ones. The time I used to get bullied at school. The time I used to have personality issues. The time I wrote my first book. The time I used to be my English teacher's favourite. The time I had bunked classes and went to lakeside with my friends! My first hook up with the boy in Chandigarh! I realized I had grown so much over these past years.
'Life had been good anyhow!'
And then I did wake up! I woke up into Kapura's arms! I felt his heartbeat. We were in a huge mansion! No! It was a castle! And we were at the top tower of it! He was in a suit. The ancient king's suit! When did he even become the king in the first place?
"Do you really don't want to meet them?" he asked in a british accent! When did he become british?
"Who?"
"Your parents?" why did my parents even have to spoil my dreams? And why did Kapura want me to meet my parents? He knew that I didn't like them!
"What had happened?"
"You don't remember anything?"
"How could I?" I mean, of course! Why would I remember what had happened in my dream before I woke up in it?
Wait! I knew it was a dream! How?
He checked my forehead for temperature! I shoved him off and yarned, "I am fineeeeeee! Tell me what had happened!"
"You fell off the cliff and were found at the banks of the river. You were unharmed but the people of the village claims to see you falling off the cliff!"
And I was like, wait a minute! The cliff where I was a few moments ago also had a river and a village underneath it! Did I actually die? Is this afterlife? If it was then I had to be in heaven because Kapura was the first person I wanted to be with if I was granted a genie who could make me meet any person! And then realization hit me! I knew I was dreaming or I had died and there was someone who wanted to meet me!
"Are you sure you don't want to meet your parents!"
"What parents they are? Are they the egoistic selfish parents or they are someone else who I created in my mind?"
He looked down with disappointment! As if he wanted to say, 'Did you really hit your head that bad?'
He looked back up and me and cupped my face! He was still holding me close through my waist!
"Why do you think I am starting my question with a 'NO'?"
It was a relief! He knew I didn't like my parents. And it felt very real. It didn't feel like the ordinary vivid dreams I used to get!
I just hugged him and said, "No."
He hugged me tighter and I felt like we sat there for the whole day. It wasn't day. It wasn't night! Just pure nothingness outside of the window!
I just wanted to hug him for forever!
And then it suddenly turned dark outside! There were just some candles lit in our chambers. It was a moonless night! I could see Kapura's face in the candlelight. He was looking outside the window! His perfect jawline even looked better in the dim light.
"I wanted to say something!" he said without looking towards me!
"What is it?"
He then looked back at me and cupped my face again!
"You made the right decision!"
"What?" I was really confused.
"You made the right decision by not meeting them!"
"What are you even saying?"
"Go back and live."
"No."
"You go back and live. There are people waiting for you there, you cant abandon them."
Before I could say anything, he threw me out of the window.
And I woke up again. In the real world. And I was like, wow! It didn't at all feel like a dream. I was still traumatized that I had gone there to die and Kapura sent me back to live? Did he not know that I was sick of living like that? And what did he mean by 'people are waiting for you there'? Who could possibly know about my existence?
But then suddenly I didn't want to die anymore. I checked my wa