How can a person move forward if the one who cause it suddenly return upon its moving stage. Naturally, the person who wants to move forward will be unstable. But the one who cause the pain is always the one who have a medicine for it.
After I write those on my draft, I lay down on my bed. So many things happen today, and I always messed up.
I just smiled sadly in Carmela's stupidity. She just love James, and she love him deeply that no matter how painful it is, she will cling to it. And I know, Carmela is all messed up.
Before she enter the relationship with James, we've always heard about him. He's always going out with a girl who is willing to be a stupid for him. Carmela hate him at first, but I don't know why she change her mind about him. I always regret the times I've had with her, she always there for me but now.
When Carmela start going out with James, the gossip stop and I am so stupid to fall for that. I thought that he already change when he go out with Carmela, I thought that he really loves her and willing to change for her, but I was wrong. If I know that, I just wish that I snatch her to him.
Carmela is my everything, she pick me up when the most precious person I've had throw me just like that. I can't forgot the day when I met her, because that is the day, my life was saved.
Carmela is a simple girl, she is not the type to judge a person by its appearance. Most of the girls right now are all judging the person's appearance. They pick the good looking and the cool one, and I thank God that it is only most of them, because there are girls like Carmela who is not judging a person by appearances but by its character.
When I entered this college, Carmela is the first person that talks to me. She was lost that time, she can't find her block. It seems that she has no sense of direction. I spent my time with her to look for her block, and at in the end, I can't attend the first class.
To show her gratitude, she ask me if she can treat me to a siomai in nearby stall. I accept her offer because it seems that she will ask me again if I refuse.
That day, I was enchanted by her beauty, and the following days is the time that she captivated my heart. It seems that she made me forget my painful past. I wanna take her and make her happy. That's the thought I have the moment I fall for her.
~~~
Thank God, it is saturday tomorrow, I will finish my first chapter. I have passion for writing and reading, so I decided to write my own novel. I'm also interested in arts.
I stand up walk towards on my study table to get a memo pad. I wanna write something to help me from finishing my first draft. Even a single sentence will do.
"She's my sun yet she's also my darkness. I love her for all she's worth, but she can't see it."
I just smile sadly at my own words, it is pointing me after all. Maybe its time to confront my feelings, should I or not? Everyday, this question just pop up nowhere, maybe its telling me to courage up and pull myself together and confessed but there's this feeling of rejection, before I even tell her what I feel.
After writing that line, I throw myself at the bed and just sleep, because no matter how much I think about my feelings, it will never change anything. Love can hurt you in many ways.
---
Early in the morning, I open my laptop and start writing on my draft. Sleep refresh my ideas after all, so I should take advantage of this to write an interesting plot for my novel. I immerse myself on my writing, but a moment later, I hear the doorbell and as I look from the window, I saw someone outside. I put my slippers on and walk to the gate to open it.
I just put a sleeveless and boxer to look who's calling. I didn't wear my glass and fixed my hair because, usually the visitors are middle aged and my mom's batch mates, so I didn't fixed myself because the person outside seems to be in hurry because it rang the bell so many times.
I open the door on the gate and I saw a girl who looks at me with a shock look. O-o', shit!
The girl just look at me with a same look and hand me the papers she carried.
"Uhm---, Professor Israel told me to hand this to you. He couldn't give you this, since you left in hurry." My classmate in bookkeeping told me.
She still shock at what she is seeing.
It seems that she's still processing my looks on her system, so I offered her to go inside and have a juice to thank her for giving me the handouts.
"Aishela, keep this between us." I told her directly.
She smiled at me and nod, she quickly drink the iced tea and say goodbye to me. She start to walk away but she stop and turn around. Her expression seems to say that she want to say something.
"Don't be so distant, Dale. I'm not going to bite." She said and start to walk.
It seems that I didn't explain enough. Well I'm gonna introduce you to Aishela.
Aishela is my friend in high school and she's also friend of the girl I've loved. She's always on the corner and seems to want a quiet atmosphere even in school, but the day my ex girlfriend leave, it turns our life upside and down.
She slap me and she look at me fiercely she seems to want to kill me. I don't understand why she's so mad at me so I ask her, but she just said.
"How could you be so careless."
She only said those words but I didn't know what she mean. I don't know what happened that makes her like that. I'm preoccupied that time, I'm in distress and don't want to talk someone and think anything.
"Aishela, that day--!"
"Don't speak about the past." She stop me before I could say anything that will make her remember the past.
Aishela is full of mystery so I didn't bother her anymore. She left and I stare at her back for a second then go upstairs. I wear my glass and continue on what I'm writing, it's better to be ready. I don't wanna open the gate with me looking like earlier.
I don't want to think something unnecessary right now, I may remember her if I continue to space out. I guess it's takes time to heal.
DING DONG
Someone chime the doorbell again and I immediately walk outside and of course, my looks are ready in case that it is my classmate again.
When I open the gate, the person who's standing in front of me is the one who I want, the girl I want to love me and the girl I want to cherish. She's here in front of me.
"Can you accompany me?" She ask.