I hesitate still from when I told Azul that I am a Time Traveler...she believed me. I hope...my secret is safe with her.
The darker the sky became the colder the day was becoming. I bought the skates but just couldn't skate as much as my friends wanted me to. Akio walks to me and sits down beside me.
"I didn't want to leave you alone," Akio gives me a half-smile.
"Hmm...Thanks, Akio," I hold my nose with my hand trying to warm it up. My mind, occupied with the future. I can't let Ross and Rosa split up. They are meant for each other. Then again, just being reminded of dying...just knowing I am going to die in 8 years. But I didn't care about myself because now I know someone close to me is going to die. Maybe the note in Alejandro's hand tells what he was doing in the middle of the street. I have to protect him...I have to save him. I look over to Akio and he looks down biting his lip as if he's holding back from saying something.
"Have you thought about what I asked you at the carnival beach?" He stutters.
"When you asked me if I want to be together with you?"
"Yeah..."
"The truth is tha-," We both say at the same time "You go first," I say.
"The actual reason...is not that but I wanted to say I am sorry"
"Why are you saying sorry?" I lay back on the bench and put my hands in my pockets waiting for his response.
"...because I feel like I was possessive over you. And I'm sorry I didn't know I would ever become someone like that. I just want you to be happy but I also want you to be happy with me...," Akio covers his face with his hands. I grab his hand and take it off his face, holding it in my hand.
"Akio...," He makes eye contact with me, "You know I care about you so much and that you are one of the most important people in my life. We were special. We had something special, " His eyes fill with water as if they were pools, "But now we are older. Back then, we were younger and we didn't know what love was. We didn't even know how to like someone properly. You were my first love and you should know that. You were there for me when I was younger and when I needed it. But I want someone to appreciate you for who you are. I don't want you to fight for me. I don't want you to grab anyone's shirt or get in people's faces because you like a girl. Don't look for anyone. I'm sure that perfect girl will come your way. If you ever need me, I am always here as your friend. Don't doubt yourself either because you are such a good person okay?" Akio nods his head, "Be happy Akio," Tears fall down his face.
"Can I just get one last hug?" My eyes tear up reminding me of the wonderful past we had but we can't look to the past anymore, "I loved you," Akio starts to sob.
"I loved you too," The water in my eyes finally starts to come down my cheeks. I see Alejandro and Ann-Marie looking at us from the corner of my blurred eye filled with tears. He finally let's go with me and stands up.
"Come on let's go skate, friend," Akio gives me his hand.
"Ok but you better watch out. I am a slow learner. I could accidentally fall on you," I laugh as Akio and I step on the ice. I forgot how to skate but slowly I would skate holding on to the rails. I look up and don't see Akio anymore. I look around me and he is with our friends skating together. I slowly skate towards them. They are talking so much, I need to get their attention somehow. I should skate backward in front of them, I do not think I can but now why not give it a try? I speed up, hoping not to fall. Everyone looks up at me but as I turn back around, I slip. I fall slowly as if everything is in slow motion...I close my eyes knowing I am going to get hurt again. Suddenly I feel a warm hand on the back of my head. I open one of my eyes to see the surroundings around me. I look left, right and when I look forward, I see Alejandro. I open the other eye to look at him. His left hand is on the back of my head and his head right in front of me. We landed on the floor. I stare at him and I hear a drum sound. The sound is my heart. Oh no...can he hear it? He looks at me. The look in his eyes, deep as if he has been hurt. A wound he has that has never been opened. He turns his head letting out a frustrated sigh and gets up, clearing up his throat. I get up quickly wiping the snow off my legs. I feel my face with my cold hands. My face, like a blazing sun.
"Thank you," He gives me a little bow and skates to Ann-Marie.
"I know a place," I say, "We can go to"
"Where?" Akio calls out.
"It is a place I like to go...I haven't been in a few weeks...You guys will love it," This place is actually a place I go think, a place where I calm down, and a place where I can cry without anyone knowing. The last time I was here was when I had a break from Mr. Caulden. I finished work earlier than I have ever. I didn't even have coffee that day just tea. That day I felt like visiting my friends at the coffee shop. I haven't talked to Stacy or Ben for two days. Before I went inside, I looked through the window just a glance, taking in the scenery that I used to go to every day. I find Alejandro with another girl. She was really pretty. I have never seen her before. But by the way she looked she was rich. I could tell she liked Alejandro. I don't know what I was thinking back then. The only reaction I had was to run away. I don't know what I was feeling that day. I forgot my car so I didn't have a ride but to run. I decided to go to a place where I could cry...that place was Jane's Carousel. I never went on the Carousel, never felt in a mood to go. I would sit on the rocks by the water. I never shared this place with anyone but I feel like it was time to share it with someone.
"Where is it?" Ross asks me "And why did you never tell me about it?" She puts her hands on her hips.
"It's by the Brooklyn Bridge. It's like a carousel inside a square glass and you can sit on benches by the water or sits on the rocks by the water. Now I'm going to share this place with y'all so, your welcome"
"Pshh...whatever now I'm mad at you for not telling me where this place is," Rosaline gives me a mad but funny face.
"Ok so here let me look up where the Brooklyn Bridge is from here," Jane types on her phone.
"Let's move to the side, we are blocking people's way," Alejandro says moving to the side where the walls are to hold on. We all do the same.
"We are about 15 minutes from there," We leave the rink and return our skates. After we do, we head to the parking lot to our cars on our way to Jane's Carousel. All we have to do is cross the bridge and then park. We leave the cars and run to the Carousel. The couples and Ann-Marie head to the Carousel line. I look over to Alejandro but he avoids my eyes.
"Find me a spot where we can see the moon clearly," Jane locks with my arm.
"I know the perfect place," I walk to the rocks next to the water and I look up. The moon is exposed to my eyes, shining so brightly. I turn around to find Alejandro following us. Jane and I sit on the rocks. As I turn to talk to Jane, she already fell asleep. This girl loves sleeping. Alejandro sits a little farther from us.
"Alejandro," I call out, and finally, he looks at me, "Why are you mad at me? If it's what I said at the Statue of Liberty, I am sorry," Alejandro starts to laugh, stands up, and sits next to me.
"I wasn't mad because of that," I get confused, "I was mad because you left suddenly and you do that so much, Gwen. I just get mad that you are so closed and that you never want to open up to anyone. I told you that I am here for you...Why can't you understand that?" We hold each other's gazes. His eyes start to water. Suddenly, I receive a flashback of the note that future Alejandro had. I thought I didn't see what it said but I now remember every word of it. Tears fall down my face. Right at this moment, A Japanese writer comes to mind, Soseki Natsume. In one of his writings, Instead of saying "I love you," he said, "The moon is so beautiful," I finally realize that's what I want to tell Alejandro.
"Ale-," I get cut off by Alejandro's phone. It's a voice of a woman.