AN: This one was made from a fairy tale generator.
Once upon a time there was a modest boy called Christian Parker. He was on the way to see his Friends Jenny Smith, when he decided to take a short cut through Hyde Park.
It wasn't long before Christian got lost. He looked around, but all he could see were trees. Nervously, he felt into his bag for his favourite toy, Terrance the Moose, but Terrance the Moose was nowhere to be found! Christian began to panic. He felt sure he had packed Terrance the Moose. To make matters worse, he was starting to feel hungry.
Unexpectedly, he saw a cunning pigeon dressed in a purple coat disappearing into the trees.
"How odd!" thought Christian.
For the want of anything better to do, he decided to follow the peculiarly dressed pigeon. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.
Eventually, Christian reached a clearing. He found himself surrounded by houses made from different sorts of food. There was a house made from carrots, a house made from pizzas, a house made from pancakes and a house made from doughnuts.
Christian could feel his tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease his hunger.
"Hello!" he called. "Is anybody there?"
Nobody replied.
Christian looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.
A cackle broke through the air, giving Christian a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Terrance the Moose!
"Terrance the Moose!" shouted Christian. He turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"
The witch just shrugged.
"Give Terrance the Moose back!" cried Christian.
"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.
"At least let Terrance the Moose out of that cage!"
Before she could reply, three cunning pigeons rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Christian recognised the one in the purple coat that he'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.
"Hello Big Pigeon," said the witch.
"Good morning." The pigeon noticed Terrance the Moose. "Who is this?"
"That's Terrance the Moose," explained the witch.
"Ooh! Terrance the Moose would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the pigeon.
The witch shook her head. "Terrance the Moose is staying with me."
"Um... Excuse me..." Christian interrupted. "Terrance the Moose lives with me! And not in a cage!"
Big Pigeon ignored him. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.
The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."
Big Pigeon looked at the house made from doughnuts and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from doughnuts if I wanted to."
"That's nothing," said the next pigeon. "I could eat two houses."
"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have Terrance the Moose."
Christian watched, feeling very worried. He didn't want the witch to give Terrance the Moose to Big Pigeon. He didn't think Terrance the Moose would like living with a cunning pigeon, away from his house and all his other toys.
The other two pigeons watched while Big Pigeon put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.
"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Pigeon. "Just you watch!"
Big Pigeon pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from pizzas. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
Eventually, Big Pigeon started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of pizzas, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.
"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Pigeon.
Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!
"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.
Big Pigeon never finished eating the front door made from pizzas and Terrance the Moose remained trapped in the witch's cage.
Average Pigeon stepped up, and approached the house made from pancakes.
"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Pigeon. "Just you watch!"
Average Pigeon pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from pancakes. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
After a while, Average Pigeon started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...
...and greener.
A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.
"I'm not a bush, I'm a pigeon!" said Average Pigeon.
"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."
"No! Wait!" cried Average Pigeon, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the pigeon away under his arm.
Average Pigeon never finished eating the front door made from pancakes and Terrance the Moose remained trapped in the witch's cage.
Little Pigeon stepped up, and approached the house made from doughnuts.
"I'll eat this whole house," said Little Pigeon. "Just you watch!"
Little Pigeon pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from doughnuts. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
After five or six platefuls, Little Pigeon started to fidget uncomfortably on the spot.
He stopped eating doughnuts for a moment, then grabbed another forkful.
But before he could eat it, there came an almighty roar. A bottom burp louder than a rocket taking off, propelled Little Pigeon into the sky.
"Aggghhhhhh!" cried Little Pigeon. "I'm scared of heigh..."
Little Pigeon was never seen again.
Little Pigeon never finished eating the front door made from doughnuts and Terrance the Moose remained trapped in the witch's cage.
"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep Terrance the Moose."
"Not so fast," said Christian. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from carrots. And I haven't had a turn yet.
"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."
The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give him a chance. It's only fair."
"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the pigeons. He won't last long."
"I'll be right back," said Christian.
"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Terrance the Moose back."
Christian ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. He came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, he broke off a piece of the door of the house made from carrots and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, he took a bite. He quickly devoured the whole piece.
Christian sat down on a nearby log.
"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."
"I haven't finished," explained Christian. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."
When Christian's food had digested, he broke off another piece of the door made from carrots. Once more, he toasted his food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. He ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.
Eventually, after several sittings, Christian was down to the final piece of the door made from carrots. Carefully, he toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. He finished his final course. Christian had eaten the entire front door of the house made from carrots.
The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"
"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little boy won fair and square. Now hand over Terrance the Moose or I will chop your broomstick in half."
The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.
Christian hurried over and grabbed Terrance the Moose, checking that his favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, Terrance the Moose was unharmed.
Christian thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Jenny. It was starting to get dark.
When Christian got to Jenny's house, his Friends threw her arms around him.
"I was so worried!" cried Jenny. "You are very late."
As Christian described his day, he could tell that Jenny didn't believe him. So he grabbed a napkin from his pocket.
"What's that?" asked Jenny.
Christian unwrapped a doorknob made from pizzas. "Pudding!" he said.
Jenny almost fell off her chair.
The End