My sister had classes on Saturday so she had to leave early the next day. I told my parents that I got into a minor accident, but didn’t divulge all the details. Mom got worried, as expected. Dad was relieved I didn’t have it worse.
Grandma didn’t know as much, either. But she did promise to bring home my favorite rice cake from the market to make me feel better.
Being alone on a Saturday morning didn’t usually bother me. I could’ve turned on the TV or the radio while I had my breakfast, or played computer games after that, but I didn’t do any of these things.
I sat at the lone table, breathing in the quiet; the sunlight, too far to reach me.
My thoughts began.
It was like I had stepped out of a circle. And I could clearly see the part that I left: the part where I just kept quiet, uninvolved. To the part where I was now: bruised, shaken, but alive.
Knowing the outcome, would have I chosen differently? Would have I stayed the same?
Before, I wasn’t sure there was something I could give. That I could give anything, be anything.
But now I knew that I could. If I just take action, then I could change something.
I might have actually been hit hard on the head because strange thoughts kept on coming.
The house is quiet. But not from the lack of activity.
It is sitting still, as if waiting to be set in motion.
It feels empty.
But open. Willing. Waiting to be filled.
By what?
I’m here, but for the first time, my presence doesn't feel enough.
Maybe it’s what my sister meant to say when she wrote about being lonely.
Suddenly, my phone rang which snatched me away from my thoughts.
“Hello, Rin?” It was Yana. “How are you feeling?”
I’m feeling weird, I wanted to say. But I thought better and said something concrete. Something easy to understand. “I just had breakfast. I’ve already taken my meds, too.”
“That’s good. I was about to remind you,” she said.
I told her I was alone this morning. She said her mom was in their bakeshop while her brothers were playing basketball.
“Does it hurt?” she asked.
“Not that much,” I said, knowing it was what she was hoping to hear. The truth was, my head was still aching. My arm hurt at the smallest movement. And everything was alarmingly quiet, except for my thoughts.
I visualized the house, open and willing. “Yana, is it okay if we talk more?”
If it was a request for distraction, then she had responded to it quickly, effectively.
We talked about random things but hearing it from her, everything appeared to be important facts instead. I had learned that:
Yana once had a pet kitty named Rina, and a puppy named Rocky.
Yana doesn’t like sports. Or anything that requires physical exertion.
Her brother, Justin, is always calling her old and clumsy. I knew that already.
When she was a kid, she used to ask her mom for a baby sister, but she didn’t get it.
She likes romance movies. And a lot more things...
That night I couldn’t sleep. My body was hurting, but more than that, my chest was throbbing for something I couldn’t explain.
I sent a text message to Yana, hoping she could indulge me again. I knew she would. “But I didn’t want to impose,” I said. All I needed was to hear her voice even just for a minute.
“I’ll sing to you. To help you sleep,” Yana offered in a breeze. As if it was the most natural thing in the world. “But let me go to my room first.”
“What’s your favorite song?” I asked. I could hear she was already taking the stairs.
She took her time, as if choosing it carefully. “Collide by Howie Day. Yours?”
“Gemini by Sponge Cola.”
“Sweeet. Did you know that I’m a Gemini?”
“Of course I do.” I have a thing for zodiac signs, and I knew it the moment I learned that her birthday is May 26.
I let my bed carry my weight as Yana sang to me that night. Her voice was sweet... soothing.
It was filling the room.
It was filling me up.
“Let me know if dreams can come true.
Let me know if this one’s yours too.
’Cause I see it, ohhhh.
And I feel it, right here.
And I feel you, right here...”
The next morning, I woke up to a text message from Yana:
‘I think you’ve fallen asleep already. Is my voice that good? Haha, just kidding. Good night for now. And good morning by the time you read this. I hope you’re feeling better, Rin. :)’
It instantly made me smile. It was so sweet of her, I thought.
I’ll make sure to thank her when we meet.
It’s time for me to return the gesture.