"Wei, wei! Feng Mian, what are you doing? Don't tell me you're trying to set the palace on fire! Tch, this late at night, if you're not sleeping are you attracting ghosts ah?" System 555 imagined a headless female ghost with long claws coming out from the trees and involuntarily shivered.
"Scared?" Feng Mian chaffed. She aligned the stack of joss paper in her hand and threw them into the fire pit one by one.
"Hmph, this daddy has been in this world longer than your ancestors have been alive. What dirty things haven't this daddy seen? This daddy was just worried that you, this coward would be scared."
As if responding to System 555 provocation, there was the sound of rustling leaves sweeping the cold wind.
Feng Mian felt the back of her head becoming twice as heavy. 555 have latched on to another part of her consciousness. It even feigned gallantry while poking out its head once in a while. "Heh, vile evil spirits! Come if you dare, this daddy will show you what is a dragon and what is a worm!"
Feng Mian who was exploited while squatting: "..."
Like a domino effect, the howling of wolves erupted sporadically. 555 was immediately silenced. "Xiao Mian. I think I hear your mother calling. Let's go home."
What bulls***, she was transmigrated here an orphan. There was a twinge of longing for her real mother sprouting. "Wait a bit more, there's still a few joss paper left."
Feng Mian continues burning the paper unhurriedly.
More howls echoed instantaneously from miles away along with other unidentifiable noises in the background. 555 spoke out in a low voice, "Mian Mian, did you hear that? Let's pack up and go home ah."
Feng Mian hummed. "Call me daddy."
System 555 abandoned his pride and called out reluctantly, "... Daddy"
Feng Mian let out a low chuckle. "Don't be scared baobei, I'm almost done. I'll sing you a song in the meantime."
System 555: Sing your head ah.
She cleared her throat. "Oh, owaaooo ooooh oooh oooh. My first love broke my heart for the first time and I was like baobei, baobei, baobei, ooooooohhhh. My baobei, baobei, baobei, nooooooohhhh."
System: 'What is this insidious howling? Was he in the middle of a ghost summoning ritual?'
In the middle of its host howling baobei mid chorus, 555 was startled when Feng Mian began to break into sobs.
"Waaaaahhhhhh~"
"...Host?" 'Is she possessed already?'
Feng Mian stuttered into incoherent ramblings. "Baobei ahhhhh~ Haikillpershon… Hosemate… Buygrossberies… Left… gas… on… eggsplodded… JUNLI AHHHH… JUNLIIII… Amsooshorry. (I killed a person… housemate… buy groceries… left gas on… exploded… I'm so sorry)".
"Moooommmyy… Daddyyy… Toyledsitwazgreat… I… miz… jogolattoo." (Toilet seat was great. I miss chocolate too).
Between the hiccups and snot coming down from her nose, 555 couldn't really make out what she was trying to say, but it heard the name 'Junli' being wailed several times. Her wailings sounded eerier than a malicious ghost.
Even as she wailed, her hands fastidiously continue to toss joss papers into the flame.
"Okay, okay don't cry anymore host. Hao Junlin isn't dead. That fella's just comatose. Aren't we working hard to save him now?" 555 consoled.
555 didn't really understand why its host is burning paper money for someone who isn't dead yet. Isn't this wishing him to visit King Yama sooner?
Her hiccups grew more sparse. "But… what if… if… he's missing half of his face when he wakes up? That *hiccup* sissy is a face-con"
"Aiyoo, don't worry host. If that happens just use the reward points to restore his looks. No big deal."
"I don't even have points to buy ten bonsai trees," she said wryly.
"By that time, host would have travelled to many planes and become a rich young lady. Rich enough to buy millions of bonsai trees."
"What if I'm not rich then?"
System 555 patted his chest full of codes boastfully. "I'll give you a discount."
"But you're so stingy."
System 555 who got shot while trying to express goodwill: "...."
"It's been three years now. Do you think my parents would miss me?" Feng Mian asked.
"Three years here is only three seconds in your world. Be at ease, host. Time moves differently between planes. Otherwise, you would have become an old maiden when we get back to your world."
Suddenly Feng Mian hears, faintly, the sound of leaves fissling from the bushes. She sprang to her feet. "Shhhhh. Do you hear that?"
"Hmph, don't think you can scare this daddy -" 555 was cut off by the sound of someone whispering. The fissling grew louder.
555's data jumped an octave. "Oh fuck! What's that?"
This pair of host and system sees a shadow of a man and a woman standing side by side behind a tall shroud of bush. "Xiao Mian, you go see whether those people are humans or ghosts."
Feng Mian who was used as a protection amulet against ghosts: "....….."
As Feng Mian tiptoed closer, the silhouette of the two entities became clearer. She could distinctly make out the silken brocade palace garments worn by the two personages.
"Wave-moon stirs like string of jewels. Crickets chirping answer one another. Mandarin-ducks sleep, not alone. Look at that, it's a late-night rendevous"
After confirming that the pair before them were in fact humans, 555 was quick to revert back to its shameless ways. "Look closely Xiao Mian, can you recognise them? Who's this pair of brave couple?"
"Why don't you see yourself?" This trash system only knows how to gossip.
"Nonsense, what if this baby sees something spicy? Are you going to be responsible for the mental damage fees?" Forget it, consider it her bad luck to encounter this older-than-her-ancestors-baby. She hesitated for a moment, but the extremely uncanny figure of the woman unsettled her and made her advance.
Feng Mian tiptoed to hide behind the shadow of a large tree shrouded in leaves. She snooped warily, her eyes locking down onto the male and female while her eyes adjusted to the darkness.
"Host… isn't that your Concubine Zhou?"
The couple was in the middle of an argument. Concubine Zhou stood in front of a man in black hanfu with barely a hair's breadth of a distance between them. The man had her hand in a tight grasp as she struggles to yank it back.
"Yuqin, listen to benwang! Trust that benwang's heart is yours. Benwang has a plan, you just need to be patient." Yuqin was Concubine Zhou's maiden name.
"Yoh. A prince?" 555 cuts in.
There were specks of unshed tears on Concubine Zhou's face as she retorted back, "How long must I wait?! Another week? A year? Two years? Or maybe ten years more? What of your promises?!"
555 never thought he would be watching a live illicit affair play of a concubine and her outside lover. If its host wasn't so poor, 555 would have bought a set of popcorn and drink to watch the drama.
The third wheel prince pulled Concubine Zhou into an intimate hug. "It won't be long. Give benwang half a year at most - no. Three months. Just three months Yuqin. I'll get us out of the palace before then."
After being placated and cajoled by the prince's words, Concubine Zhou finally grew soft as she wrapped her hands around the prince's torso. She asked docilely, "Promise?"
The prince let out a peal of beaming laughter. "Promise."
The two silent spectators watched this show of I love you but he loves me absentmindedly. This pair of star crossed lovers sure has some big guts to cuckold even the emperor.
Feng Mian heard 555 munching on something. "Don't you think this concubine is too stupid ah Feng Mian? A man's words count as fart."
This broken system must have watched a lot of dramas to gain these life experience wisdom.
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~CHINESE LEXICON CORNER~
Chinese sometimes use the word daddy, father, grandad etc as an arrogant way to imply their superiority and belittle those around them. It means you all should bow before my magnificence.
Wave-moon stirs like string of jewels. Crickets chirping answer one another - This is a line from Po Chu's poem titled Evening translated by Arthur Waley.
Benwang - The royal 'we' used by princes and kings.
If you haven't caught onto it yet, Feng Mian was singing Justin Bieber's 'Baby'.