"There was a teenage girl snooping about the house, looking in the windows, and she seemed very suspicious. I told the king about it, but he didn't think it was an issue! I don't know why he won't take these things more seriously!"
I opened the door to the training room and saw a lady with her hair pulled back into a super tight bun talking animatedly to Alm. She stopped speaking as soon as she saw me.
"I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?" I said, hesitating by the door.
The lady lifted her chin and smiled. "Not at all, dear. We were just discussing national security."
I caught Alm rolling his eyes before he stepped forward. "Frederick, this is Tabitha Dahl, she'll be your etiquette instructor," he explained, clasping his hands behind his back.
"Oh," I replied, not even trying to hide my lack of enthusiasm.
Tabitha flared her nostrils, but her smile remained intact. "I'll be back in half an hour to begin your instruction," she said pleasantly, then briskly walked out. Alm stared at her retreating figure, his eyes narrowed.
"I'm guessing that lady isn't your favorite person," I ventured, stepping into the training room.
Alm gave me a stern look. "On the contrary, I am in love with that woman."
He said it so matter-of-factly, and with such little emotion, that I was tempted to think he was joking. But if there was anything that I had learned about the intimidating, barrel-chested man in front of me, it was that he never joked around.
"But on no condition will you repeat that fact to anyone," he added. "Do you understand?"
"Yes, sir."
"Good." Alm glanced once more at the door, then straightened and turned toward the huge rack of weapons behind him. He removed two long swords, stopping to admire them before he handed one to me. "Today, we learn the noble art of fencing," he said with the slightest trace of a smile. "First I'll demonstrate, then you'll follow."
He pulled over an upright mannequin that had seen better days and performed an intricate sequence around it, ending by slashing it across the thigh.
"Now your turn," Alm said, looking at me expectantly.
I approached the mannequin and waved the sword around, not even attempting to do the moves that Alm had done.
"That was a valiant effort," Alm commented, his face devoid of expression. "I'll demonstrate slower this time."
He went through the routine again, and I tried to pay attention. When it was my turn, I felt like I did a decent job, although I ended up cutting off the mannequin's foot.
"Perhaps you'll perform better in a more practical situation," Alm said, clearing his throat. He stood across from me and held his sword at the ready. For the next 15 minutes I got thrashed by the fencing skills of Sir Almighty Pants, and the only time I was able to gain the advantage was when he got distracted by Tabitha Dahl walking back into the room. Apparently my only hope of offense was to make sure there were a lot of diversions. Now that I knew about his feelings for her, I could detect a subtle brightening in his eyes as she came closer.
"Please leave us, Sir Hetapats," she said curtly. "We don't have much time before the Prince's next appointment."
Alm dutifully put away the equipment and left without a word. I couldn't help but think that for an etiquette teacher, she had been pretty rude to him. As soon as the door closed behind Alm, Tabitha circled around me, looking me up and down and making me feel like I was an item to be auctioned.
"There's a lot of potential in there," she said, seemingly to herself, "but right now it's trapped in all that angst and insecurity."
"Excuse me?"
"I'm being honest, and my honesty will benefit you if you pay attention to me."
"Uh…"
"Close your mouth," she commanded. "You should never leave it hanging open like that." She took a step back. "Do you always wear pants like that?"
"You mean, sweats?"
Tabitha wrinkled her nose. "What an abominable term. You'll need to be fitted for a completely new wardrobe. Your body is singularly stunning, and your clothing should accentuate those features, not hide them."
I felt my face go bright red. I didn't know if I could handle much more of this lady's comments, or her observations.
"Now, show me how you shake hands," she said, extending her hand to me. I shook it quickly and stepped back. "No, no, no," she reprimanded. "You are the Prince of Gulbrania, you can't shake someone's hand as if you're touching an eel! Come here." She grabbed my hand. "Your grip should be firm and assuring. You need to communicate that you know who you are and that you are fully present for this interaction." She broke her grip. "Try again." I shook her hand again, making sure to put some strength in my grasp and hold on for a few seconds. "Look me in the eye," Tabitha instructed, "and smile." I obeyed, and she finally let my hand go.
"Good," she said. "Now I'll inspect your walk. Please proceed to the opposite corner and then come back."
I swallowed. I really didn't want my every move scrutinized, but I forced myself to walk forward. When I returned, Tabitha was frowning.
"You need to put your head up and your shoulders back. You look as though the ceiling is going to fall in on you at any moment," she observed. "You need to show forth some confidence, young man. Don't you believe in yourself?"
The question caught me off guard. If I had to be honest, I would say no, I didn't believe in myself at all. I had only known I was a prince for a little over a month, and I was constantly filled with doubt about if I could really handle it all.
Tabitha put her hand on my shoulder, and I was surprised to see kindness in her eyes. "You don't need to answer that question now," she said. "I know that you've been very busy, but perhaps you should take some time to reflect on exactly who you are."
I nodded. "I will." Since she was being nice for the moment, I decided to ask her a question. "Ms. Dahl, I know these etiquette lessons are important, but they seem a little unnecessary considering everything that's going on right now."
She raised her eyebrows. "Perhaps that's true," she responded. "But the way you present yourself is extremely important and can sometimes help you to avoid social and even political battles."
Before I could wrap my mind around what she was implying, her expression became stern and she straightened.
"But enough of sentimentality," she said, waving her hand in the air, "we need to move on to our next topic: courtship."
"Wait, what?"
"Courtship," she repeated. "Dating young women."
I winced. "I really don't see how that's relevant."
She raised an eyebrow. "Successful courtship is the means by which mankind continues and thrives. Come now, how do you think you came into existence?"
"I really don't want to go there," I said, trying not to think about my parents.
"Regardless of where you do or do not want to go, you'll have to start somewhere. You are required to have a date for your presentation gala, so we need to start working on this immediately."
I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Before I could form a coherent reply, I heard loud voices coming from behind the door.
Tabitha frowned. "Oh dear. We didn't cover how to remain calm and tactful in the face of rude questions." She shrugged. "I suppose you'll just have to do the best you can."
"What does that mean?"
But just then the door burst open and about fifty people came rushing into the room with cameras, microphones, and maniacal expressions. They all swarmed around me while Tabitha winked at me and slipped out the door. It seemed as though everyone was talking at once. The questions came so quickly I could barely keep track of them.
"Frederick! How do you like Gulbrania? Has it changed much since you were here last?"
"Have you had any recent interaction with the Jumerum? What are you doing to combat their efforts?"
"Prince Vonnegan, we understand you spent the last 12 years in the United States. Was it awful?"
"Do you have a girlfriend? The young women of Gulbrania are dying to meet you."
"Have you spent much time with your father since you've come? Do you harbor any bitter feelings toward him for being away for so many years?"
"What's your favorite color?"
I was starting to get dizzy with all the commotion and interrogation. I took a deep breath and attempted to answer their questions as quickly as I could. "Fine, I don't remember, yes, I don't know, no, no, no, yes, green," I said hurriedly.
Then I turned around and bolted out the door.