I peeked into the pool area to make sure there weren't a lot of people looking my way. The last thing I wanted to do was draw attention to myself while I was half naked in my swim shorts, my scrawniness on view for everyone to see. Knowing my luck I'd slip and fall or knock something over. I crept around the side of the pool, holding up my suit which was constantly in danger of falling off, and stood near the back of where everyone was congregating. A couple people looked back and smirked at me, but there were no snide comments about my physique. Milo had managed to act sick enough to get out of class today, so I was truly alone, and I was counting down the minutes for this period to be over.
A girl whose name I think was Jennifer walked up to me, and I braced myself for a rude comment.
"Hey, I really liked your song at the talent show last night," she said quietly. "I wish I could have heard the whole thing."
I blinked. This was unexpected. "Um, thanks."
She gave me a small smile and walked back to her friends. I let the interaction sink in. Maybe things could turn around for me. On all accounts, I had completely botched my performance, but the upside of the whole situation were the things that Kayla texted me afterwards. I had probably read through them a dozen times before I went to bed. I didn't know if she was being sincere or if she just felt bad for startling me, but in any case, they gave me some hope.
Mr. Woodworth entered and ordered us all into the pool. I gladly complied. Being halfway hidden in the water was far more preferable than standing out in the open. He had us swim some laps and do some tasks while treading water, and the whole class passed without incident except for when some guy briefly pushed me under the water. When it was time to get out, I rushed to the locker rooms but all the showers were being used, so I had to wait there uncomfortably until one became available.
"Go ahead and use that one, Frog," Brian Gibbs said jovially as he came out.
"Thanks," I replied, and ran in.
Looking back, I should have been suspicious, but I was just too eager to get washed off and back into my clothes. I hurriedly lathered the soap all over myself, rinsed off and got dressed, then quickly headed out to the cafeteria. My plan was to grab some food and take it out by the maintenance shed because Milo wouldn't be back yet and I hated eating in the cafeteria alone.
I pushed my way through the crowd of students and grabbed a tray. I was just about to get a burrito when I heard the laughing. I turned around slowly and saw that I was surrounded by students pointing their fingers at me. I looked down at myself and saw that my skin was bright green. It must have been the soap. I saw Brian Gibbs high five one of his friends.
"It's even better than I imagined!" He shrieked.
I tried to leave, but I was trapped. I was able to deal with most of these pranks because I could always escape, but now, each time I tried to break through the circle of my peers, they closed in, not letting me pass. This seemed to entertain them even more. At that moment, I felt hopeless. It didn't matter if I performed in the talent show or saved the chemistry lab from blowing up. To the people in this high school, I would always be a loser, someone to be made fun of and picked on. There was nothing I could do to break the cycle. Maybe my dad had seen me this way too, and that was why he left. I felt tears prick my eyes and started to panic. If I cried, it would officially be the most humiliating moment of my life. Just then, I heard a familiar voice over the school speakers.
"Hey everyone! Remember to come cheer on the football team at our Homecoming game tomorrow night!" Kayla's voice was distorted as it came through the speakers overhead, but I knew it was her. While everyone was distracted I slipped through the crowd and ran out of the cafeteria.
I went straight out to the parking lot, not sure if I was grateful or angry that Kayla had come to my aid. I was seventeen years old, I shouldn't have to be rescued. And yet, if she hadn't made that announcement, I don't know what would have happened. I was at my breaking point. I drove home, not caring that my mom would get a call about all of my missed classes. I just wanted to get away from that stupid school.
*****
I was in the middle of learning a dance video when my mom came home that night.
"Frederick! You're green!"
I didn't even look at her. "Am I? I hadn't noticed."
"What happened?"
"There was some…" I felt a wave of weakness come over me. I couldn't tell her. The emotions were still too raw, too fresh. "It doesn't matter," I said. "It'll come off. I think."
My mom walked toward me. "Here, let me try these wipes I found," she said, pulling a packet from her purse. "They're supposed to work miracles. Now hold still."
"Mom, don't, I'll be fine" I said, pulling my arm away.
"Frederick, just let me try," she insisted, grabbing hold of my arm again.
"Mom, just leave me alone!" And that's when I lost it. The tears started streaming down my face, built up from all the times I'd held them back, all the times I had convinced myself that it didn't matter. I sat down on the couch and sobbed, and my mom sat next to me, holding me close in a way she hadn't for years.
"Frederick, this will pass," she said quietly. "You won't be in high school forever."
"But what if it's not high school? What if it's me? I just hate being me!"
She turned my face toward her. "Frederick, you have to understand that you are so much more than this!"
I didn't quite know what she meant by that, but I wasn't in a mood to argue. I cried and let her hold me for a few more minutes until I got self conscious and wiped the tears off my face.
"I'm going to go to my room," I said, standing up.
My mom looked like she wanted to say more to me, but she let me go. I trudged up the stairs and sat on my bed. I needed a distraction. I decided to finish editing the video for the world cultures project. Watching Kayla on the screen elicited a multitude of conflicting feelings, but I pushed them away and focused on fixing and rearranging the footage.
I was almost finished when my phone buzzed with a text message. My heart leapt when I saw it was from Kayla.
[Hey, are you okay? I didn't see you in class this afternoon.]
I blew out a breath. What was I supposed to say? That I left because I was about to cry?
[Sorry, I was sick.] I lied. [I had to go home.] I waited a couple seconds and then added: [You might have noticed that I looked a little green.]
[Yeah, I noticed. She replied. Brian Gibbs is such an idiot. I edited his English paper once and his punctuation was all over the place.]
I chuckled. Brian Gibbs being terrible at grammar didn't do much to make me feel better, but the fact that Kayla was defending me did.
[I've been working on our video. I'll send it to you when I'm done so you can see it before we present.]
[Awesome. Thanks Frog. Hope you feel better.]
[Thanks.]
I wanted to keep texting with her, but I didn't really have anything else to say, and I didn't want to annoy her. Instead, I finished up the video and emailed it to her. I was still a little frustrated about all the things that had happened that day, but Kayla's concern for me took a bit of the edge off, even though she was probably doing it out of pity. I read through her texts again, then took my pills and went to bed.