We have finally arrived in Greenville, MS, and when I tell you that was the longest ride of my life, we had to take the Grey-Round here. We made it to our grandmother's home. Grandma, "how are you babies doing?" she asked. "we're good," we all respond, smiling. She showed us where we would be sleeping. Grandma had us in some bunk beds in this room. It was excellent, and she put it together before we even got there. I love my grandmother with Everything in me; she's a wonderful woman, and her name is Roseann. She named my mother after herself.
My mother is her oldest child, and then it's my auntie Layla then my uncle Ronnie. They stayed with my grandmother, as well. Oh, before I forget to mention, my birthday is tomorrow October the seventeenth. We got settled in I went into my aunt's room. I have always loved being around her. She's my favorite person in this world besides my sister and grandmother.
"Hey auntie Layla, how are you doing?" I asked, smiling hard. She turned around smiling, "hey there, niece, how are you doing?" Layla says. "I'm good. I miss you," I replied, "I've missed you too," she says while hugging me. I looked at her and said, "Where are you going ?" laughing. Layla replies, "nowhere right now." "Oh, okay. Have you seen my sister?" I reply. "No, not today, " she implies. I look at her and tell her I'm about to go in the front room with everybody. She looks at me and smiles, saying, "okay." I walked into the kitchen. I wanted some water.
I went into the kitchen, grab a clear glass, and proceeded to fill it up with water out of the sink. Now this water was dark brown. I took it into the front room to ask what was wrong with the water. "Layla, what's wrong with this water?" I look at her with a frown "there isn't anything wrong with it," she says, laughing, calling grandma in the room. Which, of course, everybody else came. "What is it?" grandma asked. Shay is asking what's wrong with the water as she continued to laugh. Just then, grandma and Ronnie start to laugh.
While my brother them are looking at the water, saying, "yea, something is wrong with this water." Ronnie says, "that's how the water is down here; there is nothing wrong with it" I didn't care.
I did not want it, so I waited until my grandmother gave me some money and I went to the store and got a bottle of water. Chicago water is clear. This stuff down here is just plain wrong. I thought to myself as I'm walking back from the store. I make it back to the house I see my mom sitting outside smoking a cigarette that was simply something she enjoyed. I walk up to her and say, "Hey mommy, are you going to be here tomorrow when I wake up?" she looks at me and replies, "yes, of course, I am why I wouldn't miss your day for nothing in this world I love you my lady lightfoot" which is what she has called me all my life. I can say my mother loved us, but I guess not enough to give us the love we need. What happened to me next destroyed me for a long time.
I am twenty-four years old and just now realizing where my anger truly started. So, as the day winds down, everybody is taking their baths and preparing for bed. Mother kisses us goodnight and leaves out the room. I say my prayer and fall asleep; tomorrow is my birthday, and I can't wait to wake up to see my mother so that we can spend the day together.
The next day is finally here. I wake up and put on my clothes, and head into the kitchen to fix a cereal bowl. "Good morning," I say to my grandmother and aunt, "good morning and happy birthday," they reply, "where's my mom?" I ask with joy; my aunt looks at me and says, "she's gone. She left last night" right then, I start to cry, saying, "but she told me she would be here when I woke up we were going to spend today together" my aunt stands up and hugs me "it's going to be alright niece"? I still cry in fact that made me cry even more. I walked out of the kitchen and headed outside; at this point, I just wanted to be left alone. My mother promised me she would be here. She lied to me, left me in a state I know nothing about, and abandoned my brothers and me again. The pain and anger I hold towards my mother for leaving me on my birthday.
It could be the cause of my suicide. I didn't want to live in this world where everyone is so cold, even my mother. I didn't understand how she could look me in my face and tell me a lie. How can I trust anything anyone says to me? I can't go on like this if my mother doesn't want me, nobody will at least that's how I felt until my sister visited us. Lisa sees me outside, crying, "what is the matter is?" Lisa asked, "mother left and today is my birthday.
All I wanted to do was spend the day with her and see her," I replied, looking at my sister. "Everything is going to be alright. I have a surprise for you, that's why I'm here" "really, what is it" I asked while starting to smile "you have to wait and see, "Lisa replies with a smile. Lisa heads into the house to speak with my grandmother. I remained outside, still hurt and sad, but I'm also happy cause I know my big sister, so I know she has something planned for me today for my birthday.
I know she does, and because of that, my day had started to become a whole lot better. The love my sister had for my brothers and me was unexplained. She loved us the way we always wished our mother would.
Lisa comes back out of the house and looks at me "are you ready to go?" she asked, "yes," I replied; she grabs my hand, and we walk towards her car. On our ride, she asked, "how would you feel about living with me?" "I would love to live with you, but I think mother left us with grandma," I reply with a sad look "don't you worry about that, mother, and I already talked about it, you and Erin will live with me, and Kentrell and Tyrese will live with their dad." "That's great, but where are we going now?" I reply, "you'll see," she replies, smiling even harder.
A few minutes later, we pull up to this big blue house with a fence around it. We get out and head towards the door. "Is this your house?" I asked, "yes, soon to be your new home" Lisa looks at me with a big smile on her face. We walked through the door "surprise" I heard some girls scream while coming out of hiding. My face lit up like never before.
I can't even remember the last time I've had a birthday party. I start to cry. Lisa walks me outside "what's wrong," she asked while looking at me with a confused look. "I wasn't expecting this; wow, you gave me a party and mother left me. I'm just happy, thank you so much," I reply with tears in my eyes. "I told you it would be okay. And no problem, baby girl, now wipe the tears from your pretty face so you can go back in and enjoy your special day. Oh, yea, before I forget, this isn't just a party; It's a sleepover. The girls are staying the night, and you all can stay up as late as you want," Lisa replied. We went back in, and I proceeded to enjoy my birthday with my sister and my new friends. We laughed, had pillow fights, ate, watched horror movies. Of course, it is my favorite type of film and partied until three o'clock in the morning this is genuinely the best birthday gift ever and all thanks to my lovely big sister Lisa Latress Howl.
She is the best big sister any girl could ask to have.
The next morning the other girls and I woke up folding our blankets up and putting them away. We head into the kitchen where Lisa is cooking breakfast, "good morning, little ladies, how did you all sleep?" Lisa asked while flipping over the bacon; we looked at her and said "good" while giggling at one another. "That's good, and I hope you ladies are hungry" Lisa turns around and looks at us. We all reply, "of course we are hungry," while still giggling, "well, alright, here you all go," and she sits the bowls on the table so that we can dig in and eat. Lisa heads out of the kitchen and goes into the bathroom. We remain seated while eating the big breakfast she sat in front of us.
We all get up and put our dishes in the sink and proceed to get dressed. My new friends were getting their things together so that they could leave, their mothers pull up, and they all leave.
This sleepover was the best! Lisa walked up to me and asked, "so did you enjoy yourself?" "yes, I did thank you so much; this means a lot to me," I reply with a huge smile. She looked at me and gave me a big hug and a kiss on the forehead. "I'll take you back to grandma's house tomorrow," she says, "okay, but I don't want to go back," I reply. She looks at me and says, "I know, but I'll be coming to get you in a few weeks." I gave her the biggest hug I could provide. "I love you," I say, she replies with a smile. "I love you too, baby girl." We sit down and watch TV, enjoying each other's company. Knowing that I'll be coming home to my sister soon is the most glorious feeling in this world.
She is my role model, my hero, my Everything besides my brothers. We are all we have ever had; for that matter, nothing could tear us apart, at least that's what I thought. Things aren't always as they seem, and I learned nothing would last forever, not even family. Things weren't bad at grandmother's house, but being with my sister was all I wanted.
After all, she is all me and my brothers know. The next day arrives, and she takes me back to grandmother's house "alright, we are here. I'll be here every day to visit you all" she looks at me with a big smile. I smile and proceed to head inside the house, not knowing if what she says is true.
My smile turns upside down, not because I had to go back into this place to live with my grandmother cause she was a fantastic person. Our mother had already up and left me the night before my birthday. After promising she'll be here for me, so believing in anything anyone says to me at this point is freaking impossible in my mind. Every adult was a liar. I felt they would tell me whatever they assumed I wanted to hear. To keep me happy temporally, even though in the long run, the truth will come out and hurt me even more but, who gives a damn about how a child feels? To them, we are all just children who would eventually forget and let go, at least that's what they assumed. But that assumption is entirely out of this world, and wrong children never forget well, at least I knew I couldn't forget even if I wanted to.
At this age, for my mother to again betray, lie, and deceive me, who in this troubled world shall I ever believe. If she didn't mind, up and leaving me and my brother's and we are her children, anyone and everyone who steps into our lives will forever be temporally there. They shall someday walk out on us as if we are stray animals that don't know how to feel anything or love at all. One thing I did know was that life didn't stop, nor shall it ever stop. I must continue to grow even though I'm in a world without a mother or a father. I must keep pushing to make a way out of what I am giving.
And always remember to never take anyone's words for face value. It's my brothers and me against everyone, and it shall be like this until the end of time. Shall she return to get Erin and me? Only time shall tell if what she says is for real. I will be the happiest girl in the world. I'll always love my sister even if she doesn't come back for us; it will be just another lie that I'll have to learn to accept.
One thing I do know is that God makes no mistakes. As the days went by, Lisa kept her word and came and visited Erin and me every day. Lisa did what she said she would; Lisa came and picked us to spend time with her, all the way up until the day she came and took us away to move in with her and my nephew Zayin. She enrolled Erin and me into school and got Tyrese and Kentrell from their dad. Lisa truly did love us with all her heart. How awesome it is to have a sister like Lisa. Life is better than I could remember. She took better care of us than our mother could, and she is only twenty years old. She is a blessing, indeed, giving us hope that life can and will get better. Lisa worked a lot.
I could see it in her eyes every day that she was exhausted, but she always kept pushing regardless of the situation. Our first home was on Orange Street, a small house with one bed and one bath. She fixed the room up for my brothers and me to sleep in, and she and her new boyfriend Tone slept on a let-out bed in the living room. Lisa made it a very comfortable place to stay, a place to call home. A few months went by, and Tone got Lisa pregnant she will soon be having another baby boy.
She decided to name the new addition after his dad Zayin Jr. Oh, how happy we all are to have a new addition to our awesome family. Soon Lisa took in Kentrell and Tyrese's sisters and began to raise them with us. Now I have some sisters around my age to play with me. Living with Lisa is a great life, and it gets better and better.
The best part about where we lived was that we stayed right across the street from the park. Life is awesome. A year goes by, and now it's summertime. The new addition had arrived, and Matlin is just as beautiful as ever. I now have a boyfriend named Matlin, very handsome and he adores me. We would meet up at the park. Of course, if Lisa found out, she would lose her mind and make it where I would never be able to see Matlin again. Of course, I did everything for her not to find out. One day I was already at the park playing with my brothers when Matlin walked up, except today, he didn't say a word to me. I'm sitting on the swing, confused as to what I did for him not to speak to me. I decided that if I wanted to know the problem honestly. I would have to approach him, so that's what I did. Matlin, I called out as I came to him. "What do you want?" He replied with an angry look.
"What did I do for you not to speak to me?" I say with a confused look on my face, "nothing. We shouldn't be together since you say you love me but cannot prove it to me. I need someone who will show me, not just tell me," he replied, looking like he wants me to get the hell away from him. I replied, saying, "I'm only twelve years old. I'm not ready, and if that's the way I have to prove to you how much I love you, then I guess you are right; we shouldn't be together. Bye Matlin, and don't bother ever speaking to me again when things don't work out for you". I walked back over to the swings trying not to cry.
How could he say that to me? I thought we would be together forever, don't get me wrong, I had even considered giving myself to him but honestly, I am so happy he acted the way he did today because I would feel even worse if I had sex with him. I think to myself, as I'm swinging, life is better without him. I don't need someone who doesn't respect me anyway, and with that thought, I felt a whole lot better cause, at the end of the day, I know without a doubt in my mind, I am worth so much more than someone like Matlin.
I continue to swing back and forth until I couldn't anymore, knowing that I did the right thing. My sister always said the world doesn't stop just because things don't go your way. You must keep your head up and keep pushing. It will get better, have faith. So that's what I did. I am too young to be stressing over a boy anyway. I need to enjoy the rest of my summer with my family. So that is what I did. After spending a few hours at the park, I headed back across the street and went inside the house to see my sister and her boyfriend sitting on the couch watching TV. I sit down on the couch and join them. "What are you watching," I asked, "we are watching the movie Kife" she replied with a smile "oh, okay, I love this movie," I said, looking back at her with a smile. We continued to watch the movie.
The movie finally goes off, and Lisa gets up and heads into the kitchen to start dinner. I get up, go inside the room, grab my coloring book, and begin to color. Which I truly enjoyed doing. My brothers are still out with their friends, so I have the room to myself for a while until they come home. I took advantage of the fact I am alone and can think for a little bit. "Dinner will be ready soon," Lisa says as she stands by the door of the room "okay great, what are we having" I replied, "fried chicken, mac and cheese, with dinner rolls," she replies "oh that sounds so good," I say smiling hard I love food, especially her cooking. She can throw down in the kitchen. My brothers finally come home from hanging out most of the day, so my peace is now gone because they are always so loud they seem not to know how to use their inside voice, but they are boys, so I shouldn't expect them to. Dinner is complete. We all clean up and sit down at the table and eat.
It's moments like this that make life extraordinary, just knowing I have a great family I love, and they love me back. It is truly the simple things in life that make it worth living for an amazing big sister and crazy brothers who make life a joyful place to live even in this small one-bedroom one-bathhouse. Family is what makes it a home. We truly are blessed; indeed, we are even without our mother in our life. Weeks have gone by since the last time I spoke to Matlin, and at this point, I am over it.
We no longer live in the little house across the street from the park. Lisa moved us to a much bigger house right around the corner from the old house. It's white, and we have a more oversized backyard this time it's a two-bed two bath with a big living room me and my brothers still share a room, but that is perfectly fine by me. I love my brothers and all their loud talking. The school will be starting back in a few months, and I am happy I love school, and I'll be starting the sixth grade.
My sister's boyfriend walked through the door with a few of his friends, and one of them caught my eyes. I couldn't help but stare at him. He was short, dark-skinned, and dressed pleasantly. I can't forget to mention he smelt terrific; I just had to find out his name at this point; he was someone I wanted to get to know. That day I went and put on one of my best outfits and proceed to head into the kitchen, knowing I had to pass by him on my way in there, hoping that I could get his attention, and I did. He looked me directly in my eyes as I walked past him. I make it into the kitchen.
I could hear him asking Rae who is my sister's boyfriend. "Who is that?" He asked. I could tell he was smiling just by his voice. Rae replied, "that's my daughter, and don't you even think about it. She is too young to be dating, and I don't want her dating you."
For some reason, hearing Rae tell the guy I wanted that he couldn't date me made me like him even more. It was just something about going against what Rae told me not to do that made me want to do it. I head out of the kitchen, just hoping to get his attention one more time. As I ran into the living room, I could see him looking at me out the corner of his eyes, so I decided to give him a wink and a smile. He smiles back. YES! He does like me, too, I say to myself as I head back into my room.
The next thing I know, I see someone coming towards the bathroom in my mind, I'm hoping it was him, and of course, it was. I smiled so hard you would think my cheeks were going to explode as I see him heading into the bathroom. When he came out, he looks over into my room smiling, so I ask him, "what's your name?" he replies with a smile P-Money, what's yours?" "I'm Shay," I reply with a big smile "nice to meet you; you're so pretty to me," he says, looking me in my eyes. All I could do is smile like he is talking to me. So with no hesitating, I say, "I know Rae or my sister won't allow me to talk to you. But I like you, and I want to get to know you." He replies with a smile saying, "I like you too, and yea, I know I already asked and was told to stay away from you. Still, if you like me and I like you, we should talk. Still, we have to be on the low about it." "Okay, I'm excellent with that. You'll be my secret," I reply.
He looks at me and sneaks a kiss "let me get back in there before Rae starts coming looking for me," he says, "okay, that's fine. I'll talk to you later," I reply with one more kiss on his lips. He proceeds to head back into the living room.
I sit in the room thinking about how good he smells and that he likes me too, and the kiss was so amazing, his lips touching mines, and they are so soft. I get up and head outside so that I could walk past him again. Oh, how I don't' want him to leave. If he could stay the night, then we could sneak and kiss all night. I wasn't even expecting to meet another guy after Matlin that I could see myself dating. Even though if we ever get caught, we would be in so much trouble. I didn't care; I just wanted to know more about P-money, that I could care less about how Rae or Lisa felt.
I didn't want to mess things up, so I kept my composer every time I walked past P-money so that we could keep seeing each other and seeking around without anyone ever knowing anything about the two of us. P-Money came over every day since that first day, and I knew he was coming. I know it was to see me because he would find some way to sneak off from Rae to give me a hug and kiss and tell me about his day and how much he thinks about me when he is away from me. We became boyfriend and girlfriend after a few weeks of dating. Of course, we still were sneaking around cause; at this point, we didn't want anything coming between the two of us. Life is fantastic, money is a great guy, and he would do anything to keep me close. Now I never suspected that he was dating any other girl because of how he acted every time we were together.
I couldn't imagine not being able to see him or be near him. It got to the point that Matlin no longer mattered as if he never existed in the first place. He started sneaking me over to his mother's house when she was at work. We never had sex, but he would cook for me, and we would sit around watching TV, just enjoying each other's company. We almost got caught by his mom, but we didn't. We left out the back door before she came through the front. Days went by since we almost got caught in his mom's house.
We have seen each other every day since then, and now that I am happy and have found someone else, Matlin is now trying to get back with me. But I am no longer into him, and I do not want to deal with him at all. My mind is with money, and that's where I choose to stay. Well, summer break is over, and it's time to start school, which means that I won't be seeing Pmoney as much, but I will see him on weekends, which is okay with me. I'm now starting the sixth grade at my new school, so I will see Matlin a whole lot more even though I don't have much to say to him. But that's out of my control wish we didn't have to go to the same school. At least we won't have the same classes together, so that's cool. I'm ready to get through this day and every other day until Friday.
The school was like any other day go to homeroom: English, math, social studies, science, and lunch. Then on the bus to head home. Eventually, I joined the after-school program to get more studying done and, of course, to hang with some of the kids I got to know. Plus, the after-school program was excellent. It wasn't all studying.
Sometimes we would sit around and talk and eat junk food until it was time to go home. Also, I was able to get the answers to my homework while I was there. Life was becoming even more awesome. Every day from then on. Became a daily routine from home, school, after-school program, home, eat, then bed. As a child, life isn't all excitement, and honestly, I don't even know why I expected anything different when my life rarely been fun and games. Lisa worked a lot. Day in and day out, so we saw her but not as much as before. It's like she's no longer my sister but more like a mother, so yeah, I didn't have many people to talk to, and I rarely got along with the girls around my age.
As I come to think of it, I guess that would explain why I am a loner till this very day. I would say the weekend wasn't fun either, but then I'll be lying, and that's just something I do not do when the weekend gets here. I would always be happy, not because I don't have school because I enjoy learning. It was simple P-money going to come over here, and I couldn't wait to see his milk chocolate skin. He always smells fantastic.
Every time I saw him, I would give him a wink. He would wait a few minutes after I walked out the back door, and he would leave out the front to meet me in the back so we could make out for a few minutes. I would take his coat and smell it. YES! you heard me right. I used to sniff his jacket. It was just something about P-money scent I couldn't get enough of him. "I've missed you like crazy," I say as I press my lips against P-money. "I miss you too, couldn't wait until I see you." He replies with a gentle kiss back, "I don't want to let go, but I know we have been out here for a long time, and someone might come looking." I say while looking P-money in his eyes, "Yeah, your right. I can't wait until you get older, so we don't have to hide our love," P-money replies; I give him one last kiss before we part ways. I walked back into the house first and went straight to my room.
No one thought anything of it. I lay on my bed just thinking about how it felt to be in his arms, and all I could be was smile at the thought of knowing we will be together one day.
As I'm lying down on my bed, I hear P-money finally coming back to the house. He and the other guys are here recording their new song. Oh, did I forget to mention he was a bomb rapper well-known out here in Greenville, Mississippi, so even becoming his girl meant everyone would know and trust me. I didn't mind that at all. Pmoney always makes me feel like it's just me and no one else anyway, so why not let our love be known to everyone? Once I get older, that is, right now, I'm only fourteen, and he's seventeen, so Lisa would disapprove, but once I turn sixteen, we will be together hopefully, only time will tell. The day went on; Rae, P-money, and the others remain in the living going over their verses.
I decided to head to the park that always helps kill boredom. While I'm at the park, I see my brothers on the court playing ball. I don't bother them. I walk over to the swings and relax. I am thinking about how blessed I am to have my brothers, sister, Rae, and nephews. If my mother would get herself together, then we would be a happy family. I knew I was wishfully thinking, but hey, it's a thought. After a few hours of being at the park, I was ready to head back to the house. It was getting dark anyway, so I yelled to my brothers, "when are y'all coming to the house," Tyrese replies, " In a few minutes," "okay. If Lisa asks, I'll tell her y'all coming now," I yell back to him, "iight, thanks," Kentrell replies. I proceed to the house.
By the time I make it home, only Rae and Pmoney still there. Everyone has left; I look over at P-money while Rae walks in the kitchen, blows Pmoney a kiss, and tells him goodnight. He looks at me and smiles. Lips were moving, saying, "I'm spending the night." I look in shock like this can't be real. "That's great," I say, smiling from ear to ear. I see Rae shadow coming, so I speed walk into my room; before Rae even hits the corner, I'm already sitting on my bed, thinking this is the best weekend ever. Months have passed since Pmoney and I started dating.
Now my mother is back in town, now, of course, we missed her, but life has been great living with Lisa. Going back into our mother's care is like taking a trip into hell, which frankly I don't ever want to go. Lisa allows our mother to stay with us until she gets on her feet. Still, we all know how this is about to play out for Lisa and us. Mother has never been the type to work and get her life right, so she will find a way to steal everything from Lisa, or she'll remain living with us. Only time will tell if she's changed but to be, a person like her never does change for the better.
"Hey babies, I've missed you all so much," my mother says as she walks in with her arms opened wide. We all run and give her a hug and kiss and tell her that we missed her too. Mother asked us how we were doing, and we all told her about the exciting time we have had since we moved in with Lisa. She smiled then proceeded to the room she would be sleeping in while she was here. "So, how long do you plan on staying out here?" Lisa asked our mother, "well, just for a few weeks while I'm looking for my spot," Mother replied with a smile.
That day I and my brother's spent the whole day talking and laughing with our mother. She's telling us about the events that had taken place while she was away, and we did the same although we love our sister Roseann is still our mother regardless of the mistakes she has made in the past and the mistakes to come. Words could not explain the love we had for our mother.
Although she wasn't there for the critical parts of our life, we still loved her, but I could never love her more than Lisa. Night comes, and mother prepares to cook dinner to give Lisa a break from all the cooking she has to do for us. Although she's cooking and we do miss it. I can see in Lisa's eyes that she is not pleased with our mother being here. But she allows our mother to stay. Because at the end of the day, she is our mother. Days and weeks go by, and our mother is still here but doesn't have a job. Now she has a new guy that has moved into our home.
All our life, Roseann has always had different guys come in and out. She has never just been with one guy that I can remember besides Dally. But he died back when I was six. So this situation isn't anything new except the fact that she's living with Lisa and us, which, even though I was a child, I still considered Roseann to be disrespectful because she was not living on her own. Lisa came out of her room and noticed that the guy is there. In her eyes, you can tell she was upset. She looks at our mother and asks, "who is this man, and why is he in my house?" Our mother replies, "this is my friend he's going to be staying here with me he's going to help me get a place" Lisa looks at both of them and tells Mother, "well, he cannot stay here. I don't have a problem with you living here, but he is not welcome after today. He must leave," Lisa insisted.
Once Lisa made her statement, she walked out and proceeded to go outside. I can tell that mother isn't pleased with what Lisa said, but Lisa is right.
There should not be a strange man in her house, mostly because she has me living here with her. I look at my mother tell her good morning, and I proceeded to head outside to be with Lisa. "Lisa, are you okay," I asked, "yes baby, I'm fine. Don't worry about it; everything will be okay," she replied with a sad look in her eyes. I understand that I am young, but I see the pain in her eyes even though she's saying everything is okay. I know that isn't true. My mother taught us to stay in a child's place. Even though I wanted to be there for my sister, I knew I couldn't ask questions, so I didn't. I hugged Lisa and told her that I'll always love her and that I am so thankful to have a sister like her.
She has always been a great big sister to our brothers and me, she took on responsibilities that she didn't have to, but the love Lisa has for us, she took us in and raised us as her own. She never tried to turn us against our mother. Lisa would always tell us no matter what, we are to love and respect Roseann regardless of the circumstances.
I pray and hope that maybe one day, my mother will grow out of her childish ways and learn to be a woman. Also, mother, provider for us, perhaps she won't and will stay who she has always been, looking for someone to take care of her and her children. Or maybe this is all she knows and isn't willing to learn another way of doing things for the sake of her children and herself. Only GOD knows what the future will hold with a mother like the one we have!