'Some people just shouldn't drive.'
Lying on the smoldering pavement, Yi Chang came to that conclusion as the glaring sun shone into his bleary eyes.
'What kind of person speeds up when they see someone crossing the road?'
Yi Chang was pretty confident that it was intentional, too, considering the odd glint in the driver's eyes.
No. Scratch that; it was intentional.
Otherwise, why else would the driver decide to run him over in reverse?!
It was as if the driver was making sure that he was dead!
He could hear some people screaming in the background, but perhaps that was just a mirage from the scorching heat. He doesn't know. He just knows that he's bleeding out rapidly onto the hot pavement.
After all, with this fine summer day racking in at record-breaking temperatures hot enough to fry an egg, Yi Chang's vision started to fade in and out as hot blood oozed out of his stomach at a rapid rate.
This whole ordeal could be just some odd dream where the sun is simply playing tricks on him.
It has to be!
He had just finished his college entrance exams, and now he was going to die like this?!
If he knew that he would've died so soon, he would've just winged it on his test! Forget studying; if he knew life was going to be this short, then he would've played around and experienced the joys that life had to offer and stayed up playing video games to his heart's content!
Hah, how unfortunate… Perhaps Yi Chang's name was already an indication of his ill-fated end. Even after everything, it was in vain.*
Attempting to avoid the blazing ball of fire from scorching his face any further, Yi Chang moved to get up. Only for a stinging pain to sear through his abdomen.
'Fuck my life. I guess this isn't a dream.' He was really going to die like roadkill.
Collapsing back onto the ground, Yi Chang found it hard to breathe as his chest grew heavy.
'What a sad way to end.'
He was killed in the most cliché way just before the start of his youth, and now everything he worked for up to this point was for naught.
'Hah, I can't imagine how Mom would react to all of this... '
—
'God, how much longer do I need to wait in this fucking line….' Yi Chang tried his best to ignore the moist and disgusting mouth breather behind him. However, it was becoming increasingly difficult, especially since the dude behind him kept glaring holes into his head for some reason.
"Next!"
"Hey, move the fuck up, buddy!" Spit sprayed down Yi Chang's neck as a man with a tire mark down his squashed face snarled at him. Or at least, what looked to be snarl.
'Heh, looks like being run over isn't as uncommon as I thought.'
"You're holding up the line!" Yi Chang felt the tire track dude shove him forward as they slowly shuffled in a single file line that seemed to expand for who knows how long. If he couldn't see the courthouse in the distance, he would've assumed that this line was some sadistic way to torment him for the rest of eternity.
"Hey, what the fuck is your problem, man?
The line isn't moving; how the fuck do you expect me to keep moving along?!"
"My problem?!
If it weren't the fact that you're inchworming like a grandma, then we would've been at the courthouse a lot sooner!"
"How the hell is that my problem, you mother-!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" An ox-headed moderator suddenly appeared as they shoved the two of them apart. "Alright, fellas, we know that waiting in this long line can make people a little antsy.
Just hold off a bit, and maybe in your next lives, you two can smash each other's faces in.
But until then, please be patient." The ox-headed moderator coldly smiled before adding, "You don't want to go to the end of the line, do you?"
Yi Chang felt a chill go down his back from the moderator's tone.
'The back of the fucking line?!'
Looking back, he could no longer see where the line ended or began as people were constantly added to the bar. If he were to go to the back now, who knows when he'll finally escape his hell hole.
"N-no, I think I'm fine here, thanks…."
"U-uh, yeah, same here." The tire track guy sputtered.
The ox-headed mod smiled earnestly; satisfied with their answers. "Good.
Oh, and won't you look at that?
You're next. Please move along the indicated line." The mod gestured towards the dotted line that led up the courthouse stairs and through the doors.
'Damn, so soon?'
He would've guessed that it was going to take a bit longer.
'Heh, not that I'm complaining or anything. I just want to get out of here so this tire track dude stops breathing down my neck!'
Briskly making his way up the stairs, Yi Chang didn't bother to see the tire track dude's face as he flipped him off from behind.
'See you never, asshole.' Smirking at his small and petty victory, Yi Chang stood before the courthouse threshold. A duck-headed and cat-headed person pulled the massive doors open, shining light down upon him in the process.
'Damn. I wonder if this is what people meant by going into the light.' Squinting his eyes, he shaded his face as he stepped through the doors. 'Whelp, it's now or never, I guess.'
—
Standing before the ten kings of Yama, Yi Chang squinted his eyes against the blinding spotlight that shone down on him as he waited at the stand.
'I hope that there isn't something wrong.
They've been whispering amongst each other for some time now.'
One of the ten kings clicked his tongue before returning his attention to Yi Chang. "And, uh, what did you say your name was again, young man?"
Yi Chang leaned into the tiny microphone. "Yi Chang, your honor."
"Your birth date?"
"27 November, 2XXX, your honor."
An awkward hush came over the judges as they all stared at a report that he assumed was about him.
"Well, shit…" One judge muttered under his breath.
'What?'
Yi Chang didn't like the sound of that. 'What do you mean "Well, shit?!?"'
"Ahem!
Well, it seems like there was a small error in our record-keeping, haha…." The center judge laughed as the others started to follow suit awkwardly.
"What?!
I don't understand. What do you mean that there was an error?"
"Aha, well, you see, there was a senior citizen who also goes by the name Yi Chang that inhabited the site of your demise.
Usually, he would go on walks in the afternoon, so… I think you can put two and two together." One judge said as he sheepishly smiled at me.
'You've got to be kidding me….'
Feeling his eyes twitch, Yi Chang resisted the urge to curse out the entire courthouse right then and there.
However, he knew that such things would lead him nowhere. It would benefit him more for the judges to feel remorseful towards him rather than resentful. At least then, they may look at him with some favor.
"So… I died because I shared the same name as this old guy and was walking his regular route?"
"Precisely." The center judge nodded.
"Unfortunately, this happens a little more than it should, but don't worry.
Since this error is due to that of our collectors, you will be amply compensated." Another judge added.
"So… does that mean you can bring me back to life?" A glimmer of hope sparked in Yi Chang's heart.
If he wasn't supposed to be here, doesn't that mean that he could go home?
"Haha!" The center judge laughed. "—no."
"Young man, your body was practically sliced in half by our skilled collectors. Even if we did send you back, you would be nothing more than a vegetable, constantly dancing between the lines of life and death.
Not to mention, there's the possibility of you becoming a zombie. Which is something that we'd like to avoid in this era for now."
"Bring in the wheel!" Another one of the judges commanded as they clapped their hands.
'The wheel… ?'
Suddenly, the spotlights flickered onto a massive wheel that glittered with light bulbs all around the edges with colorful triangular cards slicing up the wheel into different parts. Hanging above the wheel was a large sign that read: "Lucky Wheel of Destiny!"
It reminded him of those wheel of fortune games he would see at festivals.
'What the fuck…?'
Squinting his eyes, he could vaguely read off the little slides that the wheel had to offer.
'Dog, cat, fish, human, demon, immortal…
What the hell are these options?'
"What is all of this?"
"Haha, well, this is a special little treat that we break out whenever someone is mistakenly killed every now and then." The center judge explained. "Since you had an ample amount of time remaining, we could transfer that life span into your next one."
"So, what is this wheel for?" Yi Chang questioned.
"Ahh, this is where the fun part comes." The judges giggled as they merrily clapped their hands.
He had a bad feeling about this…
"Spin the wheel!"
The gigantic wheel slowly turned as the arrow on top clicked from each card to the next. Soon the wheel started to pick up speed until a hypnotic pattern began to form on its surface, melding the vibrant colors together.
"Alright, the wheel will stop when you press that button before you." As one of the ten kings said, a large red button appeared on his podium that read "Press Me."
"Whenever you're ready, young man."
Yi Chang looked down at the bright red button, the temptation to press it was great; however, he hesitated.
'Is it really impossible to go back? And what if I land on a shitty option?
Ah, what's the use of thinking about these things now? I'm dead!
It's now or never, I guess.'
Holding his hand over the button, he mentally bid his old life farewell. Without even watching the spinning wheel, Yi Chang slammed down on the red button.
The wheel was slowly brought to a pause as the little arrow clicked from one card to the next.
'Human, human, please land on human!' He did not want to be reincarnated as some sort of bug or animal! 'Just please land on human!'
The arrow began to slow down as it approached the human card, according to his wishes.
'Yes, yes! No—land on human!' Yi Chang cheered as he felt his heart palpitate with each click of the arrow.
Click!
Click!
... Click!
With each click of the arrow, his palms grew clammy as the arrow slowly approached his would-be form.
'A little more! Just a little more!'
… Click!
The arrow dangled between the human card and a black card with mystery symbols drawn all over it.
'No, no! Stay on human!'
…...Click!
"And we have [Mystery Form]!" The judges cheered.
"You gotta be shitting me!" Yi Chang couldn't see his eyes! Does that mean he has to be reborn first before he even knows what he's going to become?!
He could be a fucking dung beetle for all he knows!
Imagine that! Reborn only so that you can eat and live in literal shit!
"No, no! There has to be a redo for that, right?!" Yi Chang asked the judges, hoping that they would allow him to spin the wheel again.
"Nope, no take-backs!" They said as they all slammed down their gavels with a satisfied smile, thus sealing his fate.
"Wait, wait-!" Suddenly the floor beneath him disappeared, sending him straight down into the pools of reincarnation!
"Fuuuuckkkkkk!"
After the judges sent Yi Chang to his next life, they realized that they forgot something vital in the process of reincarnation.
"Wait.
We didn't make him drink the Meng Po soup*…."
"..."
"..."
"Ahh, I'm sure that it will be fine." One of the judges shrugged. "Consider it our final parting gift to the poor soul."
1* Yi1 Chang3 Kong1 - Yi Chang2 (our MC's name) sounds like "Yi Chang Kong," which means all in vain, futile.
2* Meng Po soup - water from the Yellow Springs of reincarnation known for cleansing one's past memories.