Hydrangea sat alone on the bed. The hour was late, and Bastian was yet to be seen. Alessandra had said that she would find him, but she hadn't seen his mother since she had left her study.
She stared out of the window at the dark night, not even lit by the moon. Ratri-kar must truly be ill.
Would she possibly have a miscarriage, she asked as she recalled her mother-in-law's words. Her own mother had had quite a few miscarriages, and each time she felt saddened by the loss of an unborn sibling. She could see they had affected her mother in a way, but she'd always moved passed them easily enough.
Her heart clenched at the idea of losing a child. Alessandra's words comforted her somewhat, but no matter what anyone said, it was a tragic thing.
It had started raining at some point after dinner—which she had eaten alone. She had asked a maid to show her to where she was staying and the young woman had happily obliged.
She felt that she maid hadn't known who she was. She had addressed her as ma'am and not your majesty.
Sighing, she laid down and stared up at the ceiling. She was certain Bastian was alright, but he had left so strangely and had yet to return.
She closed her eyes and drifted into a place between waking and sleeping. It had been a long while since she'd slept without Bastian being close.
At some point in the night she was roused by a pair of arms pulling her close to a solid chest. She stilled momentarily before she recognized his scent and warmth.
"Just me." He whispered above her head. She snuggled closer and fell into a deep sleep.
When she awoke in the morning Bastian was gone. She pursed her lips. He was acting strange; distant.
Getting up, she hurriedly dressed herself in a simple green dress and rushed out of the room to find him.
She walked out to the garden, the rain falling lightly now and painting the flowers and leaves with a polish. The fountains were all upset and their spouts had been shut off. The place felt oddly dead and silent, besides the rain. She pushed her thoughts aside and walked to where she knew she would be able to find Alessandra's study.
Walking under a stone arch she felt something wrap around her waist. A scream grew in her throat but she found her voice halted by a pair of familiar lips on her own. Her muscles immediately unwound and she responded to the gentle kiss.
They both separated and she met his eyes. Her question was on her tongue when he brought a bouquet of flowers into her line of sight.
She gasped lightly, "Are these…?" Her heart skipped and she glanced from him to the flowers. His hair was still shaggy from sleep and damp in places. Had he been out in the gardens since getting up?
His hand rose to massage his neck, "You just always seem to love flowers." His voice was confident when his demeanour was not.
Her lips parted in pleasant shock, "I love them."
He smiled and she beamed back at him.
He handed the bouquet to her and the warm, fuzzy feeling in her chest expanded. 'Oh, he was too sweet.'
"Then here you are, my flower." He placed a kiss on her forehead that made her dizzy.
He took her free hand and began to lead her into the palace, "You look beautiful."
She automatically blushed, and met his eyes which were dancing with multiple emotions.
As they walked down the corridors she began to wonder where he was leading her.
"Bastian?"
"Hm?"
"Where were you yesterday?"
He cleared his throat and she stopped in her steps, her fingers clasping round the delicate stems of her handpicked flowers. Daffodils, hellebore, snowdrops, tulips and a few pansies. She smiled softly as she pictured him picking them himself.
"Hydrangea…" She watched as his eyes glanced away. A frown slowly creased her brow. "The solution came to me."
"It did? Oh, that's wonderful. What is it?" She asked excitedly, oblivious to the hesitation in his eyes.
He sighed and massaged his neck. She squeezed his hand when she saw how nervous he was.
"The only option that I can see, the only one that has the possibility of working, is sailing to Membentuk."
Her brows raised and, "Membentuk? H-how long would we be at sea?"
"Not long. The journey should only take three months, four if the weather's poor."
Her eyes remained wide but she nodded. She could last that long on a ship, and with Bastian it would be easy. They would need provisions to last that long, and medicine for sea sicknesses. Books and needlework to occupy themselves. They could make it.
"But Hydrangea…" He muttered so softly she hardly heard it. She met his eyes that looked colder than usual, as if a bit of the life had been leeched from them. "You can't come."
The world froze for a moment. Her body chilled and she found it hard to catch her breath.
With the chill still reverberating in her body, she breathed, "You're going to leave me?" She couldn't keep the hurt from her voice.
He took a step forward to embrace her, but she retreated a step.
He was going to leave her behind.
She met his pained eyes for a moment then darted hers away. How could he do that after their relationship had just begun to bloom?
"Hydrangea, you know exactly why you cannot come."
"And I know exactly why I should." She replied, anger and sorrow both warring in her mind.
His lips thinned and she saw his impatience flare up in his eyes, "You've nearly been killed or hurt enough times. I don't want you to go through anymore."
"And leaving me here won't put me through anything? Or you? I don't want to risk losing you."
He laughed sadly, "And how do you think I feel? The thought of losing you is more painful than death." He took a step forward and grasped her hands. "Hydrangea, will you please stay behind?"
Her eyes darted, how could she refuse him? How could she tell him no? His words made sense, she understood his reasoning and she hated that she did. And… she was being selfish. She needed him, did he need her?
"Bastian. W-what if the Lords discover I'm here?"
His eyes lit up and she saw his chest expand, "So, you're staying?" He asked almost excitedly.
She blinked slowly, "I'll stay." She felt tears burn the back of her throat and she looked away, angry at her emotions. "Bastian," She took a breath to ask a question but decided against it, "You didn't answer my question."
He squeezed her hand, "My mother has had the temple stocked up for months. At the first sign they know, she'll send you there."
She inhaled shakily and nodded.
~~~~~~~~~~
Bastian sighed. It was for the best, she would be safer with his mother. But why did it feel so terribly wrong? It was as though he was leaving a part of himself behind, his other half.
He breathed in and made an attempt at smiling, "You know, I only leave tomorrow. We have hours to say goodbye." Although he didn't actually feel like what he had in mind.
She met his eyes and he struggled not to grab her and say that she was coming. But then his mind reminded him of all the possibilities of injuries and hurts and the notion was quelled. He'd never been one to be too indecisive.
"I don't want to do that." He blinked and wondered how she knew what he was insinuating.
"Why not?" He asked with a shrug, he didn't feel much like it either.
She scoffed and her cheeks grew pinker as she spoke, "Because, I don't want to do something that I won't be able to do for another six months."
He released his breath but nodded, "So… we only do it once?"
She gave him an angered look and walked away, the flowers he'd picked for her still in her hands.
He decided not to go after her, she needed to sort through her thoughts. He did too but he had to work on getting his ship loaded. He and Hugh had gathered a large enough crew but the food was still a problem.
Walking through the palace he arrived at his mother's study where she and Hugh were discussing how much of this palace's food supply to donate.
He knocked on the open door and they both looked up, alarmed at the sound. He stepped in and closed the door.
He could see his mother was calculating something in her mind, "So, you've told Hydrangea?"
He felt as though bricks were being piled into his chest, "Yes."
Compassion appeared on her face and she stood and gave him a peck on his cheek and rubbed his arm consolingly. "I'm sure it will all work out."
She walked to the couch and picked up a book the headed towards the door.
"Where are you going?"
She turned back and he narrowed his eyes at her when she smiled slyly.
"To talk to your wife. And to give her the gift she conveniently forgot."
His eyes caught the title before she left and his expression lit with curiosity, before it dimmed at the remembrance that he was leaving.