I braced myself against the solid, mahogany doors. My knees were shaking and my head was spinning.
His words still danced in my mind, "I propose that you become my queen."
'Become his queen? Why? I wasn't supposed to be chosen. I-I wasn't supposed to be chosen.' I wanted to sit down and cry but I was still standing in front of the Sovereign's chambers.
I straightened myself and glanced at the two guards standing by the doors, they were as still as statues.
I looked around the grand marble hallways draped with red and purple carpets, the large windows veiled with see-through green and blue curtains. The walls were lined with pottery and porcelain and flowers.
I moved my head from side to side, unsure which way I had come. The first time I had walked these halls it had been night. And this time had happened so quickly I didn't even recall if I had come from the left or the right.
I looked at the guards once more, they didn't seem to notice me. I began wringing my hands.
I took a few steps down the right hallway but quickly decided against it. All the hallways looked the same, if I made one wrong turn I would be lost. The largest corridor was the one that led straight ahead from the Sovereign's doors.
I turned to face those doors.
I looked at the intricately carved mahogany, and unknowingly I took a step forward. The right door was at least four feet taller than me and had detailed carvings of stars and moons with men and women dancing around them. My eyes moved to the left door. It had carvings of the ocean and trees, maybe the island, there were people standing in boats pointing down on the trees and two people by the trees looking mournfully at the boats. I raised my hand and was about to touch it when I heard footsteps.
I withdrew my hand and quickly moved away from the door, clasping my hands behind my back.
The footsteps were nearing from the right hallway. I raised my head and saw Hadok walking towards me with his slow deliberate steps.
He stopped a few feet from me. He stared at me a long time his dark eyes not leaving mine.
"You were selected then?" He asked in his deep, base voice, an emotion I couldn't place in his eyes.
I nodded, still wringing my fingers. I knew that it was not something a soon-to-be-queen should do, but it helped to distract me. And to be honest I didn't care. I did not want to be his queen, but maybe I could help those girls.
He looked at me a few more seconds then turned on his heel and walked down the hall he'd come.
I followed him.
We walked back to the now very familiar building that I'd called my home for the past few months.
As we walked down the simply designed corridor I inhaled the scent of the flower gardens and perfumed water baths. I could hear Mistress Daksha instructing the girls on a lesson that we'd all heard many times before.
I smiled sadly.
Hadok stopped at the main chamber that led to my favourite garden.
"You will wait here." He said then turned to leave through the doors that I knew led to the eunuchs' chambers.
"Hadok!" I said.
He turned.
"Thank you." I don't know why I said it but I felt like it needed to be said.
He just bowed his head and turned through the doors.
I began pacing the carpeted room.
'I was to be queen.' My heart began to pound. All of these lessons I'd received had all been theoretical in my mind and now they were about to become my reality.
My blood turned cold and a shock passed through my body. I sat down on the edge of one of the fountains as my legs felt wobbly.
I began instructing myself to take deep breaths and to calm down.
I would only be in charge of running the palace.
I could feel a hysteria building in me, I needed air.
Although the large room was open to the outside I was still feeling lightheaded and claustrophobic.
I ran outside, as fast as I could in my corset and uncomfortable shoes I was still wearing the blue gown. I stood there taking in the warmth of the sunlight and the sweetness of the air.
My eyes closed absorbing the sounds of insects chirping and bird calls. I smiled as I watched the blue sky and the clouds go by.
I looked around me, at this beautiful garden. I began saying goodbye to all the flowers. I stroked the petals and inhaled their rich fragrances slowly, one by one.
"Your highness?" I heard a feminine voice call.
I didn't look up and only moved onto the next shrub.
I heard the sound of shoes on the gravel and looked up to see a woman walking towards me. She wore a white tunic and her hair was kept up in a cap of the same cream colour.
"Your highness?" She asked, her brown eyes looking into mine.
"I'm afraid there is no royalty here." I stated and returned to my flowers, I needed a few more moments of peace.
"Are you Hydrangea of Crescent?" She asked haltingly as if not sure of her words.
My shoulders weakened and I sighed, nodding glumly, "I am she."
"If you would please follow me to your new chambers." She bowed her head and walked back through the arches.
I sighed again as I looked at my place of solace. My fingers found their way to the small wisteria tree that had wrapped itself around what used to be a birdbath. It's purple flowers were just beginning to bud.
I walked to the arches and looked around the garden one last time. Then as I entered the main chamber I took in this great room. The fountains, the multicoloured silk and satin cushions littering the ground, the wooden benches lining the walls, the long silken curtains draping from the top of the stairway that led to the front entrance.
The entrance where I'd first arrived here, in this building. I never once thought I would ever be chosen. I had always hoped that a girl would be chosen previous me and I would leave. I hoped I would never meet this Sovereign.
I looked at the doors mournfully and closed my eyes.
"Your highness." The woman's voice said softly but insistently.
The next step. I need to take it.
It was against every bone in my body, and so it refused to move.
'Move.' I sternly ordered myself.
I opened my eyes and I was still in this familiar room. I looked to my left and saw the eunuchs door open. Hadok stepped out. He noticed me and regarded me for a few seconds.
I didn't know why but I felt safer here, with him, it may be a prison meant for prepping us to be whores but I wanted to stay.
This time, the same as before when my mother threw me away, I didn't have a choice.
I took a deep breath and saw Hadok nod to me. I nodded back.
I swallowed and moved to follow the woman dressed in white.