"Yo, Okey! How far? See you looking like a grown man." Tunde stood up to shake hands with Okey as he walked into the bar, approaching their table. Dre, Caleb and Mac exclaimed in amazement as Okey walked towards them. It was 10pm and all four men, besides Okey, were completely drunk out of their minds.
"Praise Jesus for your arrival Okey! Now you can drive me safely back home" Mac chimed in as soon as Okey took his place beside Tunde.
"Yes oo. You are, what the Americans call, our DD"
"You boys have started with your English. Please what is a DD?" Okey asked looking at all four men for a response
"Nna, it means you are a Designated Driver. The only one in his right senses to be driving. You are not yet drunk. Please stay that way." Dre explained
"See as una be like mumu for this joint. Wetin do you? All four of you to be frank. You all look like you have suffered severely from the hands of your wives. Am I right, or am I right?"
"Anita drives me crazy Okey. One year into the marriage and she drives me crazy. She has become a mad woman under the cover of Madam. What is wrong with these women these days?" Mac was too upset to hide his disgust.
Caleb shook his head agreeing with the response Mac had given, because he too was suffering from the same crisis. His wife, Angela, had become best friends with Anita and they were truly birds of a feather, flocking dangerously together to a sure doom.
Anita was in her large bedroom, on her King sized water-bed, feeling terribly sleepy while waiting for her husband to come home from his hangout. She was staying up more often these days and she began to wonder why Mac would choose to stay out so late with his so-called friends. So she picked up her phone and called Angela.
"Sister from another mother. What's up?" Angela happily recited, like she always did when it was Anita who was on the other end of the phone.
"Nothing o Angela. How are you doing this hot night?"
"I'm basking in this wonderful Air Conditioner that my husband and I just changed last week. It's working properly now. Naija is too hot these days. I don't even understand again."
"Thank God for you." Anita was busy contemplating whether to tell her best friend about her husband's frequent late-nights. She even wondered if it was a big deal – after all he's a man who needs his space.
"So why have you called me at this late hour? Is everything okay?" Angela was itching for gist
"Ahn, ahn Angela. Must I call you to gossip? Can't we just talk about the traffic jam we experience here in this bloody Lagos?" Anita was half serious with the question she threw at Angela. She wanted to gossip, but she was getting tired of it.
"Well, if you say so Madam" Angela frowned at the other end of the conversation
"Ehen! Now that you mention it, I am ready to give you the gist about this new maid that we just hired. She calls me aunty. Can you just imagine the illiterate, coming straight from her father's village? I keep telling her to call me Madam, Angela biko gwa'm. Is that so hard?"
"Hian! Wonders shall never end. Does that girl realize that she could be sacked any day from now? All these village champions; they have no sense at all" Angela was very pleased with the way her best friend had reacted towards the new maid.
"Anita, keep it up. And you would soon become a truly dedicated Madam like the rest of us in the Society" Angela almost sang those words out with joy.
"Ah. I am more than prepared my sister!"
Just then Anita heard the loud bang of the front door. He's back, she thought to herself. Remembering she still had Angela on the other side of the call, she quickly apologized and dropped the call. Scrambling out of her warm bed, she nearly ran down the stairs to greet her husband. She had been waiting for his arrival, something she was doing more often these days. She was already racing to the stairs before she caught herself.
"What the hell are you doing Anita? Is this how to be a Madam? I cannot be seen running to meet him. Haba, this is becoming too bad these days." And with that she lifted her chin, and began her decent, down the stairs with more poise and pride.
"Good evening Oga" Anita could hear the house girl greet her husband.
"Mm-hm. How are you?" Mac responded drunkenly.
"Why should you even ask this lazy girl that question? Is she now your wife?" Anita quickly walked to her husband to embrace him
"Is she not a human being again Anita? Why are you so mean to her? You've changed you know. What is wrong with you these days" Mac refused to hug his wife, putting his hands out to deflect the hug. Anita shot him an injured expression.
"What have I done now? Is it not in my place to ask you such a question? After all who is she to you? This dumb girl who keeps calling me aunty. Can she possibly be considered important?"
Mac was already walking away from his angered wife, feeling the need to disappear. All the while, Blessing, the maid felt like hitting her "Madam" in the head with that heavy mortar she used in pounding yam most nights. She scowled discreetly at her Madam before running away into the kitchen.
"Mac talk to me. Is this how you greet me the moment you step into this house? I've been waiting up for you, only for you to show up in that groggy attitude of yours. What is it? Why do you care so much for that maid, ehn?" She raced after her husband up the flight of stairs.
"Please, Anita, I beg you in the name of God. Just leave me alone. Your nagging is driving me crazy." Mac was already undressing, putting away his clothes before walking into their elegantly, white-stained bathroom. He quickly banged the door in her face before she could spit out another word.
"Ah! Is it me you are talking to like that? You have changed o, with you hanging out with your so called friends every other night. Please come out and talk to me."
"Anita, please go away. Let me have peace for once. PLEASE!" He unconsciously shattered the mirror with his balled up fist, wishing it was Anita's face he had just smashed.
Damn it Anita, what are you turning me into?He thought to himself before climbing into the shower.
This isn't how it was meant to be, this isn't what I wanted, what is wrong with this woman? Oh God, help me.
Anita all the while retreated to her bed, surprised by her husband's sudden, violent response to her complaints. What is wrong with me? Am I breaking my home? God, please help me.