The bedchamber was in total darkness.
I wasn't sure how long time or days had passed. Not a single light was able to slip into the window, or was it nighttime? I wonder.
Not a single sound from the chirping birds nor the sweet smell of the blooming flowers from the garden. The atmosphere was cold. The chatting noises of the passing maids and the ladies' scolding voice in waiting are no longer there. It must be night.
At the corner of the bedchamber, I hugged my knees tightly to my chest, hoping that this unpleasant feeling would disappear. I rest my cheek on my bony knee as I stare blankly into the distance of the bedchamber. If I were given a choice to keep these painful memories or forfeit them, I would choose the latter. I want my life before I meet him. I truly want to. But I know that's not possible. I was exhausted, hungry, messy, smelly with dry eyes, and a flushed face from all the frustrations.
After the last encounter with Ephraim, my heart starts to waver. I can't believe I can endure his nonchalant behaviour towards me any longer. I want to cry my heart out. Persuade myself to hold on. 'Give him some time.' I'm at my limit. I can't hold a candle to him without a hint of him remembering me at all. I don't have any excuses for him.
"There you are." I turned to the familiar voice. My eyes start to feel hot, and my nose is stuffy, but no tears are coming out. "Come here." Without any restraint, I broke my little cocoon and went into his arms shamelessly. It took me forever to settle my emotions down, and his sudden complaints make me feel sorry for him. "Ah, my arms start to feel numb. I think I lost my arms to you already."
I burst out laughing at his teasing remark. My suffocating feelings start to ease up a lot more. He is impossible! He released me away, and in the darkness, my eyes already in sync, stare at his handsome face. I was so grateful to have such a kind and thoughtful brother. Even though he was just a fake brother, he stood up and strode towards the closed balcony. The heavy and thick curtains were pulled away, allowing the morning sun to shine through and light up the whole bedchamber. The chirping of the birds becomes annoyingly louder.
"Argh, don't!" I look away from the sudden light, trying to block the sunshine with my arm. I blinked a few times before I could adjust my eyes to the brightness of the morning sun.
"Why are you behaving like this?" there was a tense note in his voice. I look totally pathetic, looking at myself, sprawled across the floor with only my thin nightgown. I know what he meant, but still, I didn't budge even an inch. He let out a loud sigh of frustration. "You are the soon to be empress to this empire. Don't let your feelings get in the way of your senses."
"I can't. I just can't do this any longer." I turned away, avoiding his staring eyes. "I want to see the High Priest Romou. I want to go home."
"Get a hold of yourself, Rain Hwang!" He grabbed my body and shook me heavily. His loud voice echoes across the bedchamber. He was frustrated. He dropped to his knees in front of me, weakly. Silent engulfed the room as each of us stays like that for how long, I was not sure.
An empress. An imperfect empress who can't even cry out a single tear. More like a monster than a human.
Brother Jacob finally got to his feet, and without saying anything, he left the bedchamber, downheartedly. I was left alone again.
"Your highness, I must insist that you get ready."
"What's wrong?"
"You've been summoned to go to the Main Palace."
I turned to the garden outside the balcony, the hot sun slowly disappears, and the cold wind begins to hit in. I started to stand up, but it wasn't easy. Lady Lando hurriedly lent me a hand before leading me to get ready.
"Please have a little to ease your hunger, Your Highness." I just finished my bath and prepared for my evening formal gown when a bowl of purple soup was being served. The delicious aroma of the hot piping and sweet vegetables looks delectable to refuse, but I don't have any appetite. My lips were dry and cracking, but a little essential oil salve rubbed on the painful cracks supposed to give a little relief has not taken into effect yet.
Lady Lando pleaded with her eyes. "Alright, maybe a spoon should work."
In the end, I finished the whole bowl at the fastest pace ever. It was the most remarkably delicious soup I ever tasted before, or I was simply famished to even care.
######
"Good evening, Your Majesty."
"Ah, you're here. Come. Have a seat. I was just indulging myself with the panoramic night view."
I nodded to him and took a seat far away from the emperor Aleq. He frowned at the sight but didn't say anything. He continued facing the magnificent view of the misted mountain beyond the horizon. A few minutes ago, I arrived at the throne chamber only to find it empty. One of the advisers, Lord Kaya, came and led me to the back of the throne chamber where a hidden private garden appeared to be larger than I anticipated with a huge pond in the centre of the garden. But no fish on sight. A small palace-like structure at the edge of the pond and there standing mighty emperor Aleq.
The fragrance of eucalyptus essence trees all over the place reminds me of Ah Ma's stuffy room with all the overpowering medicine smell but not in this spacey garden. It helps calm down the emotion within me as I strode through the dried leaf under my feet. The summer dry wind blows softly, giving a light slap to my face. Yet, it was strong enough to cause the friction sound between the tree branches creating a more fragrant atmosphere.
"I heard what happened, Lady Coriane."
I silently sat on the seat, fixated.
"I saw your brother walk out from your chamber looking disheartedly," He continued. "I assumed he failed to persuade you." This time he turned my way as if he was trying to gauge my response, but I just continued sitting there.
"I'm sorry."
"Are you adamantly serious about your decision?"
"I need time to settle my own emotion, Your Majesty." I am still not looking at his way. I know it wasn't polite to behave like that.
"I won't allow you to get the divorce that you want. That's unheard of. You know that."
"It's too bad. I'm not sure if I will survive out there. We won't want our empress wandering around outside the palace nor die while wandering outside."
A heavy sigh escaped from the emperor's lips. He shook his head with one hand resting on his chin, thinking mode. I lifted my head to his way and watched his every move, trying to understand what he thought I should do. I waited nervously.
"Is this your conclusion after locking yourself in that chamber for three days?" Three days. Not long enough, but suffice to plan a way to get the emperor's attention. I nodded to him. "Then, let's strike a deal," He continued as he swung around.
"No. I will not fall for that anymore." I stood up, glowered at him suspiciously. "So far as I know, the last deal is not even a done deal." I turn away, crossing my arms to my chest with pursed lips.
"I never say I won't tell you the reason. The deal is still standing," he looked serious.'In time'. That's all he ever told me whenever I asked him about it. I heaved a sigh. The cold wind at night starts to give a chill down my spine and makes me sit back. At the corner of my vision, I saw Emperor Aleq pull his thick royal shawl and cover it to my back. Looking at my unresponsiveness, he added, "Let's not argue about this until the coming new year festival. That day, I will make my announcement."
"But..." It was too long—five months to go. I want to retort, but he raised his hand, stopping me from doing so. I slump down in my seat. "Alright. It won't hurt to wait till that day comes."