I sat in the lecture room and smiled at Kathrine, she literally hates me and I hate her too, but I have to pretend sometimes, so far, she's the only one that has had the most bookings. The fact that she's young and talented makes her a great pick, she's only 19, and people just don't know that she's a devil.
I'm Ireolamide, the only girl who has never shown in any music video, and it sucks…a lot, but what can I do? I have no choice but to hope on God and pray that I'll be called too. I think it's because almost everyone is a Youtuber that they have bookings. Their dance videos go viral and they get linked up, it all happens so fast, I always wonder if they use charms or not. It doesn't happen to me, a girl with a downgraded android phone that will have the chance to be a Youtuber or even stands the chance to get linked up, my life is absolutely pathetic.
I'm not from a rich family, although literally everyone else is, I'm the only one with the low grade outfits, and I'm the one always called out for anything bad. Yeah, you will think being in the varsity makes some people mature, not these ones, they are the worst people on earth, absolutely biased and picky, snobbish and dumb, and downright proud. But who am I to blame? I have to thank my mom for the efforts she has put into me being in this school, I always feel like she uses all her salary to keep me in here, and I promised God I will not let her down, I will feature in a music video one day, by God's grace. I really want to bring us out of the horrible place we live in, although it is much better than when we first moved to it.
As for my dad, it would have been better if he was dead…he's literally useless and I hate him with every cell in my body for all he has done to my mom and I, and I can't forgive him for it ever. So, I'd have been happy if he was dead. I have no idea if he is even still alive, I don't care, and I don't pray to ever cross paths with his again in my life.
"Ire what's good?" Muyiwa asked. He and Samuel are the only friends I have here, they are the only people who didn't judge me because of my social status or financial background, and they only wanted a bond with me and nothing more. And I can't push them away from me.
"The usual" I responded as he took a seat next to me, I took in his appearance and he looked dashing as always, clean shaven with his usual crew cut, his chocolate skin shone a bit as he messaged someone.
"What evil did you do again today Ireolamide?" he asked, he always knows when I did something wrong
"Well…I…I…uh…nothing?"
"Liar! Spill it!"
"Ugh…the usual, Kendrick, Kathrine."
"Oh, the usual, what song today?"
"He sang "Let Me Love You" and I sang "Love Yourself""
"What?" he choked on his laughter and I joined in with him, it's actually funny if you look at the title of the songs, "girl are you crazy?"
"Yes…no…look, I just went with the flow."
"You are just a wicked girl."
I laughed and looked over at Kendrick who had his ears blocked with his headphones from Kathrine's ranting, poor thing, I feel for him, the girl is just a pain in the ass. A totally fake person…even if she is rich and all that.
My condition has made me appreciate my mother the most. If we had remained with my dad, surely we will be upper class, but we refused to only because of what he kept on doing to us, we had to run for our lives. I'm an only child but it still doesn't mean it would always be easy for mom to get things done, she has other bills to settle you know, and other needs to fulfill, so we just have to manage ourselves with the way life keeps treating us, unfairly.
"I have a booking tomorrow, do you want to come with me?" Muyiwa asked.
"Nah, I'm good." I'll just stay by myself rather than go to his shoot tomorrow, even if that means facing Kathrine all alone tomorrow, all over again. I even need to plan again, I really need to make myself known, even if that could be a little too late, because the country and entertainment industry generally, doesn't even know who I am, talk more of considering me in a dance video, it would even be like a charity chase or something like that to put me in a music video, all because I'm not up to style like everyone else. I hate talking myself down but it is like the only truth that comes to my head…who will consider me? Who?
I mean, I spend a lot of time analyzing my goals, practicing my moves, trying to perfect my steps…but it's not always enough.
I attend Lucie-Benoit University of Dance, Lagos; so, yes, I have to graduate with at least two appearances in any music video, else, I will have an additional year. We are trained on ballet, contemporary and cultural dances. At a point we may compete with foreign counterparts for the "UNIVERSAL DANCER OF THE YEAR AWARD," but I don't need anyone to tell me I won't be chosen, except if I suddenly gain recognition overnight.
I love dance so much, it feels so natural, especially because it's an inborne talent. Just sync with the music, eat the music, and let the music be you, be the music, flow in perfect harmony with the music.
Music…dance…what will I be without them both?
I've been dancing since I was six, I was enrolled in training school. At first I sucked at it, but with time I gained my footing and I got better, even though I still sucked at it for a while, I never gave up, I had my motivation, so I let it keep me going.
Still, I always remained on the average side, and never really became very good despite all the effort I put into it. It was really depressing, but knowing I was better than some people made me hopeful. I always wondered why on earth I've never really been good at anything, but I also had to remind myself that we all have our areas of expertise. I'm probably too much of an average person to excel at anything, or it's probably because of my background; poor blends with worst and average right?
Ugh…I'm a hopeless and pathetic girl.
"Yo!" a voice boomed and I looked up to see Samuel striding towards us with some girls fan-girling over him, yeah, the guy is hot-cake! And judging by the look he has on his face, he brings good news to us.
"Got a booking for tomorrow?" I asked while taking in his appearance, his face is always spotless and I wonder what skin care routine he uses, his fair skin always radiates a glow each time I look at him. He's not a crush or something, but he's too handsome to be overlooked by anyone, including me.
"Yeah, some hip-hop. I've been practicing the steps for weeks now, and it's going to be shot tomorrow. Maybe I'll shoot my new freestyle video tomorrow."
"Great!" cheered Muyiwa, "whose music?"
"Pensico."
"Cool, nice shot bro."
I just smiled as I looked from one to the other, I'm really happy for them both, I just don't know when I'll be happy for myself. I guess they won't be around tomorrow, I'll be left to tackle my personal demons…Kathrine and Chistopher and well, everyone else, and I'm literally stuck in a school with snorty pricks all around me.
.
.
.
Did I mention I've never been the best pick at anything; dances, recitals, solos, dates...contests…I've always just been the lonely person, always overlooked. I actually believed that I become invisible anytime a person needs to be picked for something. I don't understand myself sometimes, but what can I do? If I don't understand myself, no one else can, so it makes sense if no one wants to be associated with me.
The boys are away at their shoots, I'm left alone to my fate, and the day was good; I managed to avoid class drama for today.
I left the trail to the shuttle park to a path where only I knows…I don't think anyone else in this school has found it, I've never seen anyone here all through my education, and I like it that way. I came here on one of my depression days in my first year (long before I met the boys). I had no idea where I was going; I only followed the wind to a clearing.
And I'm at that clearing again, standing on the top of a hill, looking at the school, ready to dance my heart out to an invisible audience.