Picking up the baby, she handed him a cookie and sat on the couch. Slowly taking shallow breaths as she tried to speak.
"I-"
"Eonni, where's mom and dad?"
Little Nabi barely got her sentence out of her cookie-filled cheeks.
"Well, they said they're gonna have to travel for work. They wanted us to stay here and get settled."
The emotional, mental, and physical pain was almost too much. But the excruciating ache had to be stuffed down even if it threatened to spill out. Her siblings wouldn't be able to handle their parent's death so soon after their grandmother had died. Valena had to keep everything hidden for their sake as well as hers.
"So Noona will take care of us until they return?"
Stuffing another bite of his sandwich in his mouth, Haru seemed unconcerned, but she knew he was worried for their parents.
"Uh, um, they-they said they'll try to be back as soon as possible. But their new jobs are unpredictable. So you guys are stuck with me!"
She scrunched up her nose and gave the kids a big grin as she tried to keep her emotions from showing through her eyes. Their smiles and nods of agreement warmed her heart as she watched them start to yawn.
"You'll have jetlag for a while, so bear with it. C'mon, it's time for bed."
After taking the baby to her room, Valena picked up the half-awake Nabi.
"Let's go. Uppy uppy."
Dragging their tired bodies into bed, the pair sluggishly kissed Valena good night as they fell onto the pile of pillows. Nabi lay peacefully beside her brother, and Haru slept with his mouth hanging open while hugging his sister. As the duo cuddled in the center of the bed, she wished this moment would never end. Snapping a quick picture of the kids, Valena swiftly cleaned up the dinner mess and went to her room to find the baby again asleep.
As she closed the door to the bathroom, her legs finally gave way, and she collapsed on the floor. She gasped for air but was unable to breathe. Her nails tore at her throat as the feeling of suffocation became overpowering. The pain in her heart was unlike anything she had ever felt. It was as if her heart was shattered, and every piece broke into thousands of fragments. Her red-rimmed eyes had no tears left to cry, but she wanted to so desperately. She tried to scream, but it was as if someone had covered her mouth.
The torture was so insufferable she wondered if she would die. Her warm blood trickled as the floor's chill seeped into her bones. Her mind begged to die, but her heart held a tight grip on her last bit of hope. She finally felt her heart stop and wished to die, but the baby's low cry was heard as he cried out for Mom. Her mind raced, and the faces of her siblings arose in her memory. Their dependence on her jolted her heart, and she sat up panting. Her mind became clear, and her heartbeat steadily once again.
Entering her room, Valena stared at the tiny baby sitting on the bed. The child had done nothing wrong and didn't know anything. But in her selfishness, she was about to let him and the others be split apart in a foreign country. Scoffing at her immaturity, she hurriedly made a bottle and cradled Yejun.
"I'm sorry bun bun. I almost left you behind. I promise, from now on, you and your siblings will be the reason I keep living. I will fight to keep you safe and together. No matter what, I'm gonna love you all twice as much as Mom and Dad, so you never have to miss anything. I swear I'll never leave you."
Nuzzling her face against the little one in her arms, Valena fell into a fitful sleep.
The following day, she awoke to Yejun whining and suckling on her finger. Giggling at the child, she smiled softly, remembering how he had saved her the night before. After feeding and changing the baby, she got them ready to leave. Putting Yejun in the baby carrier, she went to wake the kids up.
"Wakey, wakey! It's time to get up! C'mon, sleepy heads!"
The kids simultaneously moaned groggily as they pulled their half-awake bodies out of bed.
"Nabi, go to my bathroom. Haru, we're leaving in fifteen."
Hearing him hum in reply, Valena followed the Nabi to her room. The little girl sat on the floor, huddled in a blanket. Valena could see z's above her head as she took out their toothbrushes.
"We were going to the hotel bakery for breakfast, but I guess you want to sleep instead."
With a massive grin, she watched Nabi spring up and snatch the toothbrush out of her hand. While Nabi brushed her teeth and washed her face, Valena put her hair in cute pigtails.
"Haru, we're leaving in five."
Valena yelled, slipping her shoes on as the kids ran out of their room.