What the hell is happening?????
I didnot wanted to hit her???
But when I saw the photos ..I lost my temper.All those memories in the past came crossing my mind and that made me lose my nerve..
FIFTEEN YEARS AGO
when I was 12 years old. My dad was a mafia too. I could remember He never showed any mercy on me. I was so scared of that person. My mom was having enough of him.
He used to beat her every time when he was Angry.. He assult her so much both physically and mentally. I was little and couldnot do anything. At the age of 8 I got training difficult training like fighting skill. Shooting, language, and many more. I didnt wanted to be one of him because he killed people. I saw that when I was little. To watch people dying was a training session too.
I got insomnia when I was 10 years. I don't know why me?? I just wanna be free from that hell. My mom didn't care for me too. She was a psychopath .She blamed everything to me.
THE WROST DAY was that day when I woke up in the middle of night because I have nightmares of dead people who were chasing me. Sweats all over my body. I wanna drink water so I went downstairs. I heard some strange noise in my Mom room.
I did care about her, I thought something was wrong happening. so out of my curiosity I went near the door and peep from keyhole. What I saw was so disappointed and disturbing for a child. She was with the manager unlce from the other day who bought things for us doing something Wrong. I was 12 but I knew what she was doing. I tried to turn around than stomb on the near flowervase making me hit the floor. My mom opened the door. she smiled in a creepy way and cartied me to the basement.
I screamed at her. I pleaded for leaving me alone. She locked me up in darkest room for hours. I was so scared and terrified. I was hallucinating those dead people there. I cried a lot. I was continusly hitting on the door my hands were shaking and I just want to be okey. Why does everyone hate me. I thought to myself.
In the morning my dad took me out but never asked me what happened? She made up stories maybe but from that day I hated her so much...
whenever my dad beat her I felt pleased. I enjoyed to see her being toucher. I wanna kill her..... my heart was coated with darkest memories. when I killed a person In 15 I got no emotion. I felt nothing at all. When my dad used to burn my hands and beat me like his punching bag I never cried again. I became like a rock. I started working under my dad when I was 18 and was getting involved in everything illigal activities. I was not the same person anymore I just wanted to be at top so no body could control me. I killed every mafia and got the power bigger and bigger and at the age of 21 I was the Mafia king.
I loved playing with womens. I hate them. So I buy them to play with them. They are like a toy who could please me when I get bored I even love to torture them I feel like I am torturing my mom who killed my childhood... But when she died I didn't felt anything her nightmares were chasing me... I hate her. but maybe I wanna get a chance to be loved.
I was never thinking anything for others. I trust nobody. But Eva when I saw her I was a hope. In first time in my life I was unknown to myself. I wanted to be near her. I was fooling myself to using her for my benefit but actually I was just falling for her.
when I meet her I changed myself. I nol onger enjoyed playing with womens. I was just thinking about her. may be I saw a pure soul who can free me from this hell. But today when I saw her with another man I thought I was loosing her. When she faint I snap out back to my senses and was scared to myself that am I turning into beast like my mom and dad???? I don't want to be like them. I too wanna be loved by someone. Why did I hurt her??
I went out and Went to psychiatric and I was diagnosed, Intermittent explosive disorder , which was not shocking to me but I wanna change for her. I wanna get mental treatment for her. I wanna protect her.. even from myself.
I found that the person who send me those pictures was taitor and a guy was just paid actor. I was so angry on myself I can't ask for forgiveness. I said my staff to take care of them and went home.
I can sense she was scared of me. She use to be so happy and her smile had faded away because of me. I wanna make upto her now. but I lost my temper again when I saw that guy flirting with her and did the same mistake now she faint In front of me. I snapped back my sense again .What did I do again??
I called a doctor soon and He said that she is okey. I am so sorry to her. I should have Controlled myself. I kneel down and cried for the first time in 12 years. Doctor got shocked and asked
Do you feel pain?? in your heart?
Yes.,I wanna kill myself.
I cant hurt her anymore
This is it! yes Mr jung you are growing feelings which is good sing.
I will give you suggestion to go on vacation with your wife and improve your feelings
I know you could control your anger. If you dont see her with others you can know what can cools your anger.. okey.
You are in love Mr .jung you had fallen for her so protect her. you know you have a reason to live now.
Its not late so beg her care her. I know she will understand.
he handed me med and I have no idea what to do. so I went near my wife she was sleeping. I put ointment on her bruises And kissed her forehed. I promised to myself that I will never ever hurt her again. If that heppens I will kill myself and give my all property to her. so she can have easy life.
I carsed her hair she wiggled a little.
I smiled unnoticed by myself because she was the one who is breaking my dark coated heart into human .She looked so cute like a kitty in my arms I wanna protect her. So i had to changed myself I thought and cuddle her. I fall asleep on her imbrance....