"I am a plant. A happy happy plant. I am a plant. A happy happy plant."
The bright green neon plants sang against a blue backdrop, singing their beautiful and wise words. I remembered them fondly. The singers on that kids cartoon were sublime. Their voices were throaty yet pleasant, and you could hear the distinct voices even when they harmonized. I would never forget their siren song.
My father had just finished beating me with his belt. He had come home from work, incredibly angry. My mother was sobbing at the kitchen table.
"Why, why why, why?"
Her voice droned on.
"I am a plant. A happy happy plant. I am a plant. A happy happy plant."
The bright green muses comforted me. Not that I felt any pain. I never feel pain. My father barked at me.
"Why are you like this?! What the hell is wrong with you? What fucking shit is wrong in your brain?!"
He was probably mad that I hammered nails into a bully's hand. The fifth elementary school I had been to, and the principle had already told me I was not allowed to come back. My father had been livid.
"Why do you do this? Why? Are we bad people? Are we? Did we do something to you?"
He starts breaking down in tears. The belt drops to the floor. My mother continues to sob. I look at my father's anguished face. He did not realize his hypocrisy.
"Why did I do that? I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Joh. Papa's sorry. "
My father grabbed me, and held me tight. I was fine, and I didn't care. No reason for a hug.
"Tell me what I can do from now on. Please. If something is hurting, please just tell me! I love you, don't suffer like this. Don't act like this. Please."
"We are plants! Happy happy plants! No greater joy, than in being a plant!"
The green sages continued their sermon. I listened intently. Even to this day, I don't know why. I don't know why I focused on their words, but I had feeling it was important. A message from somewhere. A lesson to be learned.
"We love being with other plants! We are alike, part of a group! We care for each other, and root root root! We put down our roots, and live like plants! There is no better life, then being a happy happy plant!"
I forgot the touch of my father. Ignored the cries of my mother. My eyes focused on the TV screen from afar, and my ears took in syllable. I was hypnotized.
"We as plants, live calm lives. Calm, happy lives! We don't do much, and we don't stand out. We are no flowers, we're just grass. But thats okay! A happy happy life, is like a blade of grass!"
A blade of grass? Just like the rest? One blade, no different from another. Unnoticeable. A blade of grass can not be picked out as different from another blade of grass. They are all the same, and all look the same.
"Even Mr. Weed, can live a happy life. He is not bothered by animals. He sucks up water, suck suck suck. He eats his nutrients, and takes in the sun. He lives his life, a calm happy life! Nobody bothers Mr. Weed, and everyone loves him, no matter what they see!"
I, this can't be. This can't be right. Is it? Is this the answer? I'm not sure. My head quickly turns to my mother. She is dry heaving, with a tear stained face. My father is hitting himself in the head. Angry at his hypocrisy. Maybe it was the answer? The green sirens sing the parting words, the final words that change me.
"So remember boys and girls. This is a very important message. Love the earth, love yourself, and most of all, love plants!"
I understand! I understand! I finally understand! This, this makes sense. Yes, I shall be a plant. A common weed. Unsuspecting. I will no longer act different from other kids my age. As I grow, my behavior will change to mimic them. I will learn normal behavior, and ingrain it in my brain. I shall be the perfect gentlemen. Respect elders, obey my mother and father, study diligently. I will not stand out. I am a plant like no other.
Yet I must love myself. I must love nature, and my nature. To do otherwise, would be to deny the word of divine providence. I can not deny myself.
I hugged my father. His hands dropped and a jolt ran through his body.
"Joh?"
"I'm sorry daddy. I'll be good from now on. No more making you and mommy cry."
I hugged him once more. My burst into tears and hugged me tightly. I promised I would not make them cry, but I refused to change who I really was. I am a plant, a happy happy plant. Love nature, and myself. I am a happy, happy plant.
As is the laws of nature, and thus the laws that govern plants, time changed. The sun set, and rose. The moon waxed and waned. Girlfriends, friends, and acquaintances entered my home. My parents met them gladly. They joked and jested, made light comments and I teased them. All was good. I was a happy happy plant.
I learned how to talk like other kids and teenagers. I observed them silently, eavesdropping on every conversation I could. Repeat their conversations in my head, and copy their speech patterns.
I studied day and night. No more violence. I was a model student. Handing in every assignment on time, always done well. My teachers lavished praise upon me, and I was accepted into a great university. I grew.
I grew rather handsome with age, according to my friends and female admirers. Many boys envied me, and some even screamed abuse, saying I had charmed their women. I did no such thing. It did not matter. I was a plant, and plants do not stand out. They do not fight back. And they live a calm, happy life. I do not get angry, especially not with other plants.
Twenty-five years passed from that day, and I still lived by the word of god. But I had not denied myself. I was a happy happy plant, and I would love myself. I would love nature. I would love plants.
I reached into my coat pocket. And brought out a sandwich. I ate the sandwich. I enjoyed the flavor, of the sandwich. As I pondered my past, I massaged the woman's severed foot in my other coat pocket. I am a plant, a happy happy plant.