1.
Manager: (asked the visitor). Why did you come in without permission? "
Visitor: I came in just to get your permission for coming inside can I come in now?. "
2.
Two men were arguing at the train station.
One said: "I will slap you so hard that you will reach Karachi city.
Another said: "I will slap you so hard that you will reach Lahore city.
A villager standing next to him said:
"Sir, I just want to go to the next station. (So please, "Sir, hit me gently, so that I can reach to the next station)
3.
Beggar (to man): "Brother, it is a question of two rupees.
Man: "Why only two rupees?
Beggar: "I asked this only by looking at your status,"
4.
The new secretary had a strange temperament. The phone kept ringing. But she would not pick up the phone.
The owner told him. "You must answer the phone."
Secretary answered politely.
"But what good is it to me, sir?" Nine of these phone call`s are for you. "
5.
At a movie premiere when there was a press conference. The director told the guests.
If you don't like any of the scenes in this movie, just let me know, I will remove it from my movie.
A man from the front seat said.
There are only two things, if you cut them from your movie, it will be the best movie ever.
Tell me about these two things.
Cut off the head of the writer and director from this movie.
6.
One boy failed the exam,
His father asked him: "Son! When I promised you that if you passed,
I will buy a motorbike for you, but you failed the exams. Now tell me, what have you been doing all year?
The son replied: "Dear Father! I was learning to ride a motorcycle."
7.
When a man was asked about his neighbors, he replied cheerfully. "My neighbors are very nice. They are always at peace.
The questioner asked another question.
Then why did you keep this rifle?"
The man answered.
"To keep the peaceful neighbors at peace."
8
A thief snatched a briefcase from a madman and ran away.
So the madman went to the graveyard,
People asked him: "The thief took your briefcase and you are sitting here?"
The madman replied: "He will come here one day."
9.
An old illiterate woman was sitting alone in the house when there was a knock on the door.
The old woman asked: "Who is it?" The answer came from outside: "Postman." The old woman said: "Tell me, son, what is the news?" The postman said: "Good news for you.
Your son is coming from the United States on Sunday."
The old woman was happy at first but then cried and said:
People's sons come on the plane but my poor son is coming on the Sunday".
10.
Two robbers broke into the house of an old half-dozen married film actress.
She called the police. "Hello Inspector!" At the moment, two healthy, strong, muscular, charming & dashing robbers have entered in my house.
Please come quickly & catch only one of them,
I will grab the other one."
Story time
Once a farmer lived in a village.
He worked all day in his field and barely earn enough to eat two meals a day.
He was a very straightforward person, But the wife he got was "Extremely foolish".
They were married no longer than for a few months.
One day in the morning, when the farmer was ready to go to the fields for work, he said to his wife:
Today the field will have to be plowed, which so It will be very tiring & will make me very hungry, so you have to prepare delicious food till my return "along with a glass of vinegar", which I bought last year. ۔
With that, he hugged her & he went to work.
As the farmer's returning time approached, his wife began to prepare food.
To please her husband.
She took a piece of meat & started roasting it on the fire.
When it was about to cook & began to nicely smell, she thought! that the food shall be ready in just a few moments.
Now I can go to the room & fill a cup with vinegar & take out the vinegar.
Thinking this, she left the meat there & took a jug with herself, & went into the room & she opened the faucet of the vinegar drum, by putting in the jug under it, & began to see it filling.
Suddenly!!! she remembered, that the dog was roaming outside, what? if he ate all the meat.
Thinking this, she ran out & ran toward`s the kitchen.
She saw that his fears were justified.
The piece of meat was really in the dog's mouth & he was running outside.
She ran after the dog to hit it, so the dog ran toward the forest.
The farmer " wife was also chasing him, But the dog's speed was faster than her.
While grabbing a piece of meat in his teeth, he disappeared inside the forest.
Exhausted, disappointed, and hopeless, she stopped chasing the dog & returned home depressed.
She was so tired from running, So she lay on the bed for a while & kept breathing.
Meanwhile, the vinegar drum faucet remained open & the jug kept filling.
When" the jug was full with vinegar, the vinegar kept dripping from its edges out side until the drum was fully empty.
After a while, when the farmer's wife came up with the idea of a vinegar drum, she got up & ran toward`s the room, but by then the drum was fully' emptied.
Seeing all this, she wondered what would happen next. When her husband finds out all this, he will be very angry.
In a state of anxiety, she stood there watching what to do next.
Suddenly, her eyes fell on a huge sack of flour that her husband had bought from the mill a few days earlier.
As soon as she saw this sack, a simple thought came to his mind that if he scattered this flour on the floor, that would absorb all this vinegar & the floor would be well cleaned.
Thinking of such a wonderful idea, she applauded herself in his heart. she opened the sack, & began to scatter the flour on the floor.
Inadvertently, his foot hit the vinegar jug that was lying under the drum.
When the jug was overturned, all the vinegar inside it flowed away.
She became even more upset & scattered the rest of the dough on the floor, thinking that it would be all right.
When the farmer returned home, he was very hungry & tiered. As soon as he arrived, he asked: "What is cooked in the food today?"
The wife sighed & said: "I wanted to roast delicious meat for you on the fire, but the dog took it & ran away in the forest. When I ran behind the dog to hit him, all the vinegar flowed away."
Now, I have cleaned the whole floor of the room with the help of flour & that room looks very clean,
You don't have to worry about it now.
Hearing this, the farmer shook his head & said, "Oh, you foolish woman! What have you done?"
Why did you leave the meat on the stove & then leave the vinegar`s drum faucet open?
Come on, it happened so happened, but you also ruined all the flour. "
Hearing this, his wife also said in a sharp tone: "What should I do now!
All this you should have told me first what is wrong & what is right.
The farmer knew that his wife was not so intelligent, so arguing with him was not appropriate.
He thought I had to take care of it myself. Thinking this, he became silent.
On that day, they ate boiled potatoes & filled their stomachs.
A few days passed like this & nothing special happened.
The farmer was also very careful now & before going out he would explain everything to his wife & guide her.
One day a farmer cut down an old tree on one side of his field & found some gold coins in the root.
He was happy to see the gold coins & he decided to use this gold when needed & now he had no worries from now on.
He thought of hiding the gold coins somewhere, but he was also in danger from his wife, leaking this secret.
Thinking this, he said to his wife: "Look! I have some yellow buttons, I'm putting them in a box & pressing them into the ground."
You will not approach them or even touch them.
His wife answered; "Well, Okay, I will do as you say. I will not take them out or touch them. & assured him.
A few days later, when the farmer had gone to the fields for work, A peddler came into the street. He also had a helper with him who was behind his cart & picking up some pot`s to show the buyer`s.
They were loading donkeys with beautiful clay pots & selling them.
Hearing his voice, the farmer's wife peeked into the street & was tempted to see the pot.
Seeing this, the peddler began to ask: "Do you want to buy this pot?"
"Yes, but I don't have the money at the moment.
Then she thought for a moment & said, "Would you buy the yellow buttons for these pots?"
The peddler was surprised to hear this & asked, "How are the yellow buttons look like? Can you show me these yellow buttons?"
The farmer's wife said: "My husband put those yellow buttons in a box & pressed them into the yard, but he forbade me to touch them, so you have to take them out by yourself."
Hearing this, the peddler was astonished & he immediately went to the courtyard & started digging the place where it was pointed out by farmer`s wife.
When he saw the gold coins inside the box, his calves were opened.
He rolled up all the coins & put them in his pocket & return to his cart, he gave all his pottery to the farmer's wife.
He understood that this woman was a high-level idiot, who did not even know the difference between yellow buttons & gold coins, now just go far from here before her husband know`s this & immediately went with his companion from there & started walking fast.
On the other hand, the farmer's wife was very happy to get all these utensils.
She thought she had robbed the peddler & bought so many pots for a few yellow buttons.
Happily, she decorated all the pots inside the house & was watching them happily.
A short time later, when the farmer came for lunch, he was shocked to see so many new pots in the house & asked in surprise: "Hey Where did all these pots" come from? "
His wife smiled & said: "Look how beautiful the pots are. I bought all this in exchange for your useless "yellow buttons".
"What? The farmer got upset & lost-minded. "Why did you take them out Were I pressed them & I told you not to touch them?".
His wife shouted. I did not get those coin out of there. I obeyed you.
You forbade me to touch them, so I did not touch them. & explained to him.
"Oh, you stupid idiot woman. The farmer angrily grabs her hair & shouted at her, Why did you tell him to do that?
His wife spoke with an innocent face.."You didn't forbid me to do that.
You, you, you, Stupid woman, saying that
The farmer banged his head and hit the walls while saying in anger."You are an idiot! All those yellow buttons were gold coins."What have you done? "
She made a creepy face & said this.
"You should have told me this earlier, but now! it's your fault."
The farmer kept staying in anger for some time & during this time his wife kept standing & was smiling, then she said to her husband:
I think we can still get those gold coins back from them. The two of them may not have gone far yet. Come on now, let's go after them. "
Listening to his wife's words, the farmer also started thinking something & then said:
Yes, we can try it, but we must take some laddoos with us so that if we get hungry on the way, we can eat them."
The wife put two laddoos in a basket & then the two of them left the house & walked towards the place where the thief peddler had gone.
That path led to the forest.
The farmer walked fast, but his wife's pace was slow, so she was often left behind.
The farmer would signal her to walk faster, but she thought it wouldn't be a problem if I stayed behind, because when we turn to go back home, I will have the advantage to cover a shorter distance than my husband.
In the same way, the wife has remained far behind her husband. There was a small hill in front on her way.
& as she began to climb it, one of the laddoos fell out from the basket in her hand & rolled into the bushes at the bottom of the hill.
The farmer's wife ran back & started looking for a laddoo.
she searched hard but she did not know where the laddoo went.
Tried a lot, but couldn't find a laddoo, then a trick came to his mind.
She ran back & climbed the hill again & reached the place from where the laddoo had fallen.
When she got there, he took out the second laddoo & threw it down. and told herself
Now this laddoo will go where the first laddoo went & lost, I will go after him and I will get the first laddoo back with him. "
He threw another laddoo & ran after it but she lost it too.
Now both laddoos were lost. (as expected by the readers)
After searching for a long time, she was disappointed & walked on, where the farmer (on the other side of the hill) was waiting for her under a dense tree.
As soon as he saw her, he said: "Now hurry up & give me a laddoo, I am hungry."
"laddoos," she sighed.
"Where did the laddoo gone?" The farmer began to search the basket & shouted.
She explained again
A laddoo jumped out from the basket and lost in bushies.
Farmer asked for the Second one. She answered
I sent the other one after him in search, but he too got lost.
When his wife told him the whole story, the farmer was surprised & said:
How can you do such a stupid things so wisely? "You didn't even tell me any thing about it.
When he spoke very calmly, the farmer became unresponsive.
Then suddenly he thought something and asked:
I hope you left the house with the front door closed & locked."
"No, I didn't close the door, because you didn't pay attention to me."
His wife replied.
Hearing this, the farmer became upset & shouted angrily:
More before we go any further, you go back home now & lock the door & bring some food with you & come back to me." you understand?
She said okay I understood all. & immediately she ran toward`s home & did as her husband told her. She picked up a bag of almonds to eat and filled a vessel with water to drink.
She then locked the front door of the house & walked back.
She had just taken two steps when she thought that her husband might not believe her that she had come without a lock, so I should take the evidence with me.
Thinking this, she insisted & pulled out the whole door, put it on her head, & walked back to her husband.
When she got back there, the husband was surprised to see the door on her head & asked:
"Wise woman! What is this?"
Wife chuckled:
You may can think that I'm so stupid, but look how wise I am."
I knew you wouldn't believe me, so I brought the whole door with me.
Now see for yourself closely whether I have locked it or not. "
Hey, hey, hell, you pull out the whole door, now everyone can easily get into the house without any problem.
The farmer turned red and yellow in anger.
"Hey, how can someone break-in? I have the whole door, then now how can anyone enter the house?"
When the wife rolled her eyes, the husband thought it appropriate to avoid further discussion & said:
"You are not stupid, but very wise.
Now that you have brought this door with you, you carry it on your head.
Saying this, he went ahead.
That stupid wife loaded the door on their heads again.
she also tied an almond bag & the vessel of water to the door, which caused him to gain a lot of weight.
As they walked, they both entered the forest.
The thieves had not yet been found & the darkness of night had begun to cover.
When it got dark, they decided to spend the night in a dense banyan tree.
They were just hiding in the thick branches of the banyan tree when the thieves arrived.
They looked very tired. & finally sat down under the same banyan tree & talked about how he fooled a woman today & stolen all the gold coin from her.
After talking for a some while, the two thieves started to light a fire to spend the night.
The farmer was listening to them, & After some thought, the farmer plucked the fruit from the branches of the tree & began to aim at the heads of both of them & threw it.
They were both terrified by the fall and began to say to each other:
Whether it's wind or ghost, then where & how are these fruits are falling for?"
They can't see them because of the darkness.
Meanwhile, The Farmer's Wife was too tired to carry the door on her head.
She thought that the vessel of water tied to the door was adding to her weight.
Saying this, he poured all the water down from the tree.
When the water fell on the heads of the thieves sitting down, one of them ran away from the place & was scared:
Hey, now after the wind, it is raining now.
At the next moment, the wife realized that the door was still heavy despite the water pouring down, so she said to her husband:
Now I'm throwing all the almonds down, & I can't take their load anymore now.
Then before her husband could say or answer anything, she turned the whole bag full of almonds upside down.
When all the almonds fell on the head of the thief sitting down, he shouted:
"Hey, now the hail has started falling. Let's run somewhere else."
Even after throwing water & almonds down, when the weight of the door did not decrease, she realized! The door itself was "heavy.
The door was no longer in her control now & she was not able to handle him anymore.
It was slipping from her hand.
So she said to her husband:
"here we go, now the door is going down," she said, leaving the door which went straight & fell on the thief.
Hay, I am dead, he shouted at once, & then the other one helped him, without seeing what had fallen on their heads, ran with their feet on their heads, saying:
"First came the wind, then the rain, then the hail, & now the sky is over us this tree is haunted "Run".
"
While fleeing, the thieves left all of their belongings there.
Seeing them running, the farmer and his wife came down from the tree.
They recovered all their gold coins from the thieve belongings & They picked up all the thieve belongings too & walked back home.
Happily ever after.
to be continued. only! If you guy`s like to read the next chapter of this funny story.
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These translation`s are without granted any permission from the original author just to show my work so
I request the original urdu writer`s to forgive me for this
& if someone got hurt by my work
Do me a comment so I will stop doing these translation`s and editing`s.
your sincierly
Zubair Ali
Original Urdu Author
(Nasir Mahmood Farhad)
Translation & editing Author
(Zubair Ali-Akber Kabiri)