Not Only Mine

The day was bright and everything seemed to be going fine all until I saw him, my best friend, Luke. Looking at him as he sat beside me during Math I couldn't help but fantasize about what it would be like if he were mine and I were his. He nervously tapped the pencil against his chin obviously confused about the assignment we were stuck doing as I continued staring at him, just like I always found myself doing whenever I was around him. "Darcy, you're staring at me." He murmured, a smile making a way onto his features. 

[...]

It was a long and exhausting day, the only thought in my head was to go home and take a three hour nap, that all changed when a familiar pair of arms wrapped around my shoulders. "Hi Darcy" he said as I turned my head slightly to catch a glimpse of his wide smile and red cheeks. I couldn't help containing my smile at the sight of him so happy, or at least happier than usual. What could've happened in those last 45 minutes to make him so....happy? 

"What's got you so happy?" I asked as we reached our lockers, I put my combination as I continued to stare at his smiling self. "You know that girl in our grade, Crystal Henderson?" He asked opening his locker. I nodded, a lump rising in my throat from what I knew was about to come. "Well," he said continuing, "she asked me out last period while we were working on our project together. Isn't that great?" He finished, his eyes sparkling with a new sense of excitement, the kind he never possessed while I was with him. 

The thought of losing him to Crystal almost made me lose it, my knees were weak and the lump in my throat continued to grow until I was sure something was going to break, tears welled in my eyes, but I could never let him see them. Maybe one day I'll be at their wedding, maybe in the crowd or if Crystal is nice enough maybe one of the bridesmaids. All I knew was I wouldn't be the one walking down the aisle while he watched. 

"That's amazing! I'm so happy for you." I said with faux enthusiasm 

"Thanks Dar, now I need to go meet Crystal for lunch, I'll text ya later" he said as I nodded refusing to say another word in fear I would break out in tears. He smiled as he kissed my cheek but was soon out of my sight when he ran out of the halls to to meet his new girlfriend for lunch. The halls were practically empty now, the last last students filling out on this Friday afternoon. I slammed my locker shut throwing my backpack beside me and sliding my back down on the locker. I stopped at the bottom, staring blankly at the granite halls. 

There were only a handful of times when I cried. Most of them were alone in the comfort of my room while I listened to sad music with the thought of death inches away from reality. I knew this was an illusion, how dumb was I to think that a boy this amazing and smart as him would ever fall in love with a girl like me, his best friend? I was a fool to think that even one person would love me the way I loved him. 

I didn't know how long I sat there crying, but it was long enough for me to reevaluate everything leading up to this very moment. I stood up from the floor brushing my black skinny jeans off before walking home. 

[...] 

No one was home, I was left all alone once again, I had this house all to myself, I could do anything, but I decided to cry alone in my room as my heart ached at the thought of Luke and Crystal together. This was the reality I had to adjust to but couldn't all because of the unrealistic expectations and realities I made up for myself.