The afternoon is busy, full of phone calls and meetings with other pack matters. I was placed in charge of identifying medics and locating the required medical equipment and supplies. I spent the majority of the afternoon meeting with the pack doctor.
At 6:00, I'm standing in front of my father's suite, which is soon to be mine. I'm holding a bottle of whiskey in one hand as I raise the other to knock. I would normally bring wine, but I have a feeling that I'm going to need the hard stuff by the end of the night.
Father answers the door, his face troubled and pale. A small smile alights on his face when he opens the door and sees that it's me. "Come in, son."
"Father, are you ok?" We aren't very close, haven't been since the deaths of my mother and sister. But I dare you to see your father upset and not worry.
"Yeah." He runs a hand through his hair, looking anything but ok. "That was just a lot of information today."
"You can say that again." I give a little forced laugh, walking past him. I hand him the bottle of whiskey. "I thought that after today, we could use something to help us forget a bit."
"Thanks, Brandon. Definitely needed." Father leads me into the dining room. Like I said, I don't spend much time with him. After Mom and Candy died, I moved out. At first, I stayed in the barracks with the other warriors-in-training. When Charlie and Zak mated, I took over her old Delta suite. I haven't stepped across the threshold of my old home since moving out. Father has changed everything about the old suite. The rooms, which used to be full of floral prints, brightly colored paint, and feminine touches, are now covered in hardwood floors, shades of gray and white, and pictures everywhere. Pictures of my Mom and sister, Father's friends, landscapes of places Father has visited, and...me. Almost an entire wall is filled with pictures of me as a baby, a small child, and through high school. My awards, from perfect attendance to track medals, are on shelves and in frames.
I stop and stare at the wall. Various emotions swirl through me: pride, grief, confusion, astonishment, and, above all, pain. Why had Father done this?
He walks over to me and hands me a glass of whiskey. Some of what I'm feeling must be showing on my face. He turns to the wall, smiling softly. "I've always been proud of you, Son. I've always loved you. So much. After your mother and sister died, I just didn't know how...how to bridge the gap."
I drink my whiskey in one shot, using the action of my hand coming to my mouth as an excuse to surreptitiously wipe my eyes. I wince as the fiery taste of the liquor rolls down my throat.
I turn, not looking at my father, heading to the dining table and pouring myself another whiskey. "It's alright, Father. I know that you blame me for their deaths. And honestly, I blame myself, too. There's really no way to cross the bridge after that." I gulp down the whiskey, the taste a little smoother this time.
"Brandon!" He grabs my shoulder and turns me to look at him. "Is that really what you think? You think that you caused their deaths? That I blame you?" Father sets his glass on the table, whiskey untouched. Tears blur my vision of him, but I can see the sincerity in his eyes. He puts his hands on my shoulders, making sure to look me in the eyes. "Brandon, I have never blamed you! Ever! The guy in the semi was drunk off his ass. There was nothing anyone could have done to save them."
The tears that I had been holding back fall. "She wouldn't have been out there at that time, if it wasn't for me. She might have had quicker reflexes, might have paid better attention, if she hadn't been so upset because of me."
Father pulls me into a hug. "No! No, Son! Witnesses literally said that the semi came out of nowhere. He was going nearly twice the speed limit around a blind curve. That's why the stop light was there in the first place. She couldn't have done anything. It wasn't your fault. It was never your fault."
I cling to my father, sobbing while he reassures me that it wasn't my fault. We finally pull away when there is a knock at the door. I pull away, wiping my eyes with the backs of my hands.
"Just a second," my father calls towards the door. He turns back to me, grabbing my face in both his hands. "I love you, Son. Anything that I did to make you feel that I didn't or that you were responsible for their deaths...I'm sorry. I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you" He leans in and kisses my forehead before hurrying to the door.
He quickly returns with two trays of food, obviously delivered from the kitchen. The smells of grilled steak and veggies, baked potatoes, and freshly baked bread fill the room. I grab one from him and we both set them on the table.
Before sitting down, Father turns back to me. His eyes search my face, which I know is red from my crying. "Are you ok?"
"Yeah. Thanks. I'm just going to go wash my face real quick." I turn towards the small guest bathroom down the hall. In the bathroom, I quickly turn the water on, filling my palms and splashing it on my face several times until I feel calm. I use the hand towel to dry off my face. When I look up, I see a picture of the four of us framed on the wall. It was taken the Christmas before my mom and sister died. We all looked so happy.
Normally, seeing pictures of my lost family makes me feel unrelenting waves of grief and guilt. But this time, I feel my father's arms around me, his voice in my ear whispering that he loves me. That this isn't my fault. It feels as if an invisible weight has been lifted from my heart.
I walk back to the dining room to see that Father has set out the plates with silverware and is pouring water into glasses at our places. We sit down and eat in companionable silence. Occasionally, we break the silence to remark on the food or to talk about my birthday tomorrow, but we mostly remain in our own thoughts.
Towards the end of the meal, another knock comes at the door. I answer for Father, who had just gone to the bathroom. An omega male is at the door, covered dessert plates in his hands.
"Come on in. We were just clearing up the dinner plates," I say, grabbing the dessert plates from him.
"Thank you, future-beta." He walks in, a smile crossing his face.
I lead him to the dining room. I smell the plates in my hands. "Omega Maisie's peach cobbler? Damn! She has always had the knack for picking the best peaches. I'd love to know her secret."
"The peaches are super firm," the omega says and something in his voice makes me look back at him. He has his gaze firmly glued to my ass, his lower lip between his teeth.
I chuckle to myself and he looks up, his face flooding red with embarrassment. "Thanks, man," I say, giving him a smile to show that I'm not offended. "I work hard for those peaches."
The omega coughs out a laugh and hurriedly grabs the trays of dirty plates. He scurries back to the front door. I follow him to open the door. I try to think of something to ease his embarrassment, but in the end decide to just let it go. I'd probably end up just making him feel more self-conscious.
When I return to the dining room, Father has a can of whipped cream in his hands, squirting dollops onto the cobbler. "I can't believe Maisie sent these up without whip cream. What was she thinking?"
I laugh at him before grabbing a fork and digging in. Again, we eat in silence. We take the dishes to the kitchen, putting them in the dishwasher. Father had linked down earlier that he'd wash them and bring them down in the morning.
We settle in the living room with another glass of whiskey.
"So, Father, I'm glad that we talked earlier about everything with Mom and Candy, but...I don't think that's what you wanted to talk to me about."
Father's face instantly turns apprehensive. His hand runs through his hair and he doesn't look at me. "You're right. I called you here to talk about...about your mate."
My posture instantly straightens, my breath coming out quicker. What did he mean? Had he figured out what I figured out during our meeting this afternoon? Did he know that Zak and Charlie thought that I was their mate, a part of their trio?
I don't say anything, just wait for him to go on.
"Son, I know that you are gay. I know that...I freaked out on the night that we found you. I...I obviously handled it really badly and probably made it really hard on you." HIs eyes finally look to me. "I'm so sorry. I feel like all I've done tonight is apologize to you tonight for being a shitty father - "
"Father, no. I get it. It must have been shocking. And knowing that if I'm gay, I won't be able to carry on our bloodline. I should have told you and Mom. I should have - "
"My first mate was a male," Father blurts out.
There are several beats of silence after his statement. I must look like a fish the way I am opening and closing my mouth in search of something to say.
Finally, I respond, though it's more shrill than I had intended. "What?"
"My first mate was a male. It was...I was mated to Richard."
"You're gay?" I can't seem to get the shrillness out of my tone.
"Bisexual."
"What...what happened?"
"You know that Richard and my birthdays are on the same day. We have always been best friends. The night before our birthday, we decided to go camping. Alistar had just found his mate and was busy and Jared was away on pack business. He wouldn't return until the next morning. So, Richard and I went out alone. We woke in the morning and figured it out." Father's voice becomes more and more choked, as if he is holding in a lifetime's worth of tears. "We were together that morning, but we stopped short of marking each other. We knew that we couldn't. You know how it is in the pack hierarchy. We have to continue the bloodline. We wouldn't have had such a big blow up about Xander and Devin if it wasn't for that." Almost to himself, Father adds, "I think that's why Richard freaked out with Xander and Devin's marking and mating. His son acting on something that he gave up."
Father took a breath, continuing his story. "We decided that it was for the best for the pack that we reject each other. So, we did. The pain was excruciating for both of us. We both fell to the ground and couldn't get up for several minutes. It felt like I had literally had my soul ripped from my body. And the bond did get weaker, but it never went away."
Tears begin to leak down my father's face, though he doesn't seem to notice. "We told everyone that we hadn't found our mates and then we were inducted as Beta and Gamma of the pack. We worked with each other everyday. Can you imagine having your mate right there, right next to you everyday, and not be able to do anything about it? Every touch sent the mated sparks through our bodies. Every look was so filled with longing that it had to be plain to anyone watching that we were meant to be. We weren't able to fight it all the time. We met in secret many times, needing to be together. Needing to share our love. We couldn't understand why the bond didn't stop. Why we were still drawn to each other.
"Then, Richard went on a visit to the Lone Wolf Pack. Their Delta had just died in a rogue attack and his daughter was too young to take over the position. Richard went to help out until she was ready. When he returned, he had Lauren with him. She was mated and marked by him. He had called me to introduce her to me away from prying eyes. He had told her about us and he wanted to help me get over the shock before he introduced her to the pack. Imagine our surprise when we found out that Lauren and I were mates as well."
"A trio…" I sigh out.
"Yes." Father runs his hand down his face. "We're a trio. But we didn't know that they were possible at the time. And, of course, the urge to mate and mark was so strong that we ended up, well you know."
I know and I definitely didn't want to hear exactly what happened. I mean, Zak, Charlie, and I had been together enough that I could fill in the blanks.
"After, I tried to get Lauren to reject me. I rejected her, which nearly killed me. It even seemed to affect Richard. But Lauren refused. To this day, she hasn't rejected me. Based on what Lucille said today, that is why we still feel the pull to each other."
"Wait, so was Mom your second chance mate?"
"No." He faces the floor, lost in thought. "She was my chosen mate. For three years, I looked for my second chance mate. But I knew that I'd never find her. Lauren hadn't rejected me. When your mother moved to our pack after hers disbanded, we became good friends. She was a year older than me and had never found her mate. She knew everything about Lauren, Richard, and me and was ok with it. We decided to become mates. She was such a good woman, such a wonderful mate to me for 17 years. But I never loved her the way a mate should. And the pull to Richard and Lauren never went away. I don't think that it ever will."
We sat in silence for a long time before Father spoke again. "I freaked out on you because I was scared for you. I didn't want you to go through what I've gone through all these years. Of course, I didn't know it was because of the trio thing. I thought it was the Goddess torturing me because of my sexual orientation. I should have known better. She would never do something like that. I'm sorry, Brandon. I'm sorry that my reaction pushed us away from each other. I love you so much. I just never knew how to fix it."
I walk to him, pulling him up and into a hug. We stand like that for several minutes before I whisper to him, "I love you, too, Father."
"Please, Brandon. Please call me Dad like you used to."
"I love you, Dad."
The tears drip from his eyes and onto my shoulder. But it doesn't matter. All that matters is that I have my dad back.
"Four years. Four long years we've wasted. I've missed you so much, Son."
"I've missed you, too, Dad."
After a few minutes, we move back to our seats. "The reason that I called you here tonight was to let you know that I want you to be happy. I know that since you're gay, your mate is going to be a male. I want you to know that I'm fine with that. I honestly just want you to be happy. Don't throw away your love like I did."
"But what about our bloodline?"
"I don't care about that - "
"But our family has been betas in this pack for generations. What will happen?"
"Charlie and Zak's second born will take the position. Or someone else will be elevated. It's fine, Brandon- "
"But, how can it be?" I was standing by this point, my hands clenched into fists. I don't really understand why I was fighting my Dad on this. This is what I'd always wanted, right? To be allowed to be who I was, to have a mate that truly fit with me. But I had resigned myself to the fact that I would never get that. I had already made up my mind that my mate would be female. My guilt and self-hatred had pushed me to accept that. How could I suddenly change that?
"It isn't fine! I've grown up my whole life knowing that I would have to provide an heir. And now, especially since Candy is gone, it is solely up to me. I can't have a male mate!"
"Brandon!" Dad grabs me by the shoulders and gives me a little shake. "I'm telling you it's fine. I don't care about that. And based on the fact that Xander and Devin are still Gamma and Delta, you'll still be able to keep your title. You could take your position. Hell, you could even adopt. Then at least our name will continue, if not our blood." I begin to relax in his hold, but my mind is still racing when he continues. "And I hope that you understand that I'm going to be with Richard and Lauren, if they'll have me."
I can feel the blood drain from my face. "You know what that'll do to us in the war? How many allies we stand to lose?"
"Brandon, I have loved Lauren and Richard for 20 years and haven't been able to be with them. I won't wait any longer. Now that I know that our union is blessed by Selene herself, I won't stay away from them, unless they reject me. I'm prepared to become a rogue"
I pull away from him, stumbling backward and falling back into my seat.
"I would never do anything to endanger you or this pack. If Lauren and Richard accept me, we will stay to help you prepare and then leave. I have the feeling that the Diana pack would take us."
"You just got done saying that you missed me for these past four years." My voice starts as a whisper, but grows in volume as I speak. "You said that you wanted to fix us! That you love me! And now, you're saying that you're going to leave me! For something you aren't even sure if it is going to happen!" I'm screaming by this point, but I can't stop it. He has to see that this can't happen.
But Dad is calm in the face of my anger. "I'm saying that I love you and that I want a relationship with you. But I'm allowed to be happy, too. And Lauren and Richard will make me happy."
That deflates me a little. He's right. He does have a right to be happy. But I can't think about that for myself. I was raised to do what was best for the pack. And what was best for the pack wasn't necessarily what was going to make me happy. War was already coming to our pack. I didn't need to make it worse with adding another homosexual mating to our ranks. It was my duty to carry on our bloodline.
"Dad, I'm happy for you. And I hope that it works out for you, that you find your happiness. You've done your duty to the pack. But now it's my turn to do my duty."
Dad tries to interrupt, concern and pain warring on his face. But I hold my hand up. "I respect your decision. I hope that you can respect mine."
Dad sighs, his concern evident in the way that he continues to rub his hands through his hair. "Son, I'll do whatever you want. But I hope that you'll reconsider."
I give him one last hug. "I know, Dad. I love you."
As I'm walking away, Dad calls my name. I turn to him.
"It's midnight. Happy Birthday, Brandon."