(Ophelia)
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[A/N: Keep in mind the time period of the piece as being roughly in the early 1800s. Heavily implied/referenced homophobia themes. Today and tomorrow's chapters are the only ones like this (or at least to this extent).]
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"You know, it seems like we always go forward and search for new things without looking back."
Koharu placed a finger under her chin like she was an ancient intellectual.
It wasn't that I was unused to the shockingly philosophical statements she mused about, but they always made me raise an eyebrow in a mix of surprise and suspicion.
*You act like we didn't just pass five trash bins. Why would I want to turn around?*
"Um, yeah?" I bit the inside of my cheek. "But we're still moving towards Flor, so I don't know where that came from all of a sudden."
***
We picked up our journey sometime after the violent incident in Hallisville since I could hardly walk for a while. Naomi had asked us to wait one more day beyond her checkup to ensure the healing process moved along without any complications, and we complied—certain it was for the better when I still needed to cross the threshold of wellness.
I had not expected such kindness from a stranger. No person ever afforded that to me in my earlier years at the local schoolhouse, so those early experiences fucked me up in a way.
Steps were still difficult, but they were at least bearable at snail speeds. For all I cared, I went slower than a snail, but progress was progress so long as we didn't head back or get lost. (Which pretty much contradicted everything Koharu said with her nonsensical ramblings about not wanting to go home.)
***
"Well." She pouted and poked her face with a knuckle. "I mean in a figurative sense. The reason we're here, anyway…"
She peered over to see me glaring at her.
"I shouldn't bring that up. We'd always look for novelties around the castle—new people and experiences to explore together." Puffing out her cheeks, she questioned, "But I wonder: What were you like before then? What'd you do before you were hoisted into a castle position?"
*Fight dragons, steal loot, and terrorize towns. Then, I got a boring office job.*
When I shifted my gaze to her again, I saw her from many months ago—jolly and cheeky across the table from me—and the better part of me sobered up to give her a proper response.
"Ah, we've never talked about it?" I asked casually.
Surely we had discussed such stories before, right? It would have been idiotic to not take advantage of all this "free" time. (Though I supposed that, in the future, I needed to narrow my definition of freedom to one where I wasn't dumped in another kingdom.)
*I guess I know a lot more about Koharu than she knows about me, but her past is pretty straightforward compared to her personality.*
She shook her head. "Like, what's school like? I've always had a private tutor. She was a kind lady, though I haven't seen her in several years." A grim expression covering her features, she stared at the sky in thought. "I hope she's doing well these days."
I didn't even have to come up with some elaborate set of words to use as descriptors.
"Hell, if you'd like a short answer."
"And the long one?"
I thought of the most visceral, evocative phrases to make her spine tingle.
"Imagine you're a piece of parchment on the ground, and you're stuck there, whether by adhesive or gravity." I tilted my head gently as the breeze we faced brushed against my skin.
"Imagine you're stuck in the middle of the road while it's rush hour, and the horses come trampling upon you with their heavy, hooved feet while the townspeople flit between stores. Imagine that feeling every day."
Glancing off into the distance, I remarked, "That's what I think school's like."
Sunk into the depths of her brain, Koharu's gaze became listless. "Are the playground fantasies and schoolyard games fake then?"
Without hesitation, I nodded. "Definitely."
"Father always told me schoolhouses were quite nice sometimes." Her face scrunched up. "I think that's because Dad was always around, though, and nobody wanted to anger a prince of the Galaxy Kingdom. When Dad was away, though,"—she grimaced—"Father told me people were pretty mean to him. They ignored him entirely and spat at his feet like he was scum."
She nearly growled, and I was ready to take a few steps away from her. "The most fucked up thing was when a teacher asked if he had any diseases, so he threw a sharpened pencil at the old man."
*Good for King Hikaru! Though…*
"I don't think that's the sharpest way to please a teacher."
She snickered. "It's certainly a blunt way to get paddled! Those borderland schools *adored* corporal punishment."
Closing her hands in aversion, she shuddered. "I'm thankful Dad outlawed it once he got into power. It sounds awful!"
"Totally. Still,"—I tilted my head as my tone dropped into something stoic and dark—"I can't decide if a mental or physical punishment is worse."
"What do you mean?"
I sighed. "A lot. Loaded question."
"Story time?"
Her eyes widened in curiosity, and I giggled at her interested demeanor.
She waved her hand around like the autumn breeze seized it. "Damn. I forgot I don't have any magic. I wanted some snacks and candy."
I chuckled once more. She was still as cute as ever, but her attitude wasn't always the most pleasant when she deviated from how she acted then.
She turned her head around abruptly, glancing in every direction. I was afraid she would get whiplash, and we didn't need another medical emergency. Then, she met me dead in the eyes before closing them and stealing a chaste kiss on the lips.
*Stop doing that so randomly!*
"Hey!" I yelled after the split-second gesture of affection. "Someone could have seen!" I said in an equally urgent but much more hushed voice.
My cheeks were crimson from embarrassment, fear, and love in amounts mixed like tea leaves, sugar, and water.
Winking, she replied, "That's why I checked. Now I got my sweets."
She giggled, and as much as I wanted to smack her, I couldn't control the bubbling happiness inside me that transformed my tense expression into a half-smile.
"Anyway," I said while grounding myself, "I kind of get what King Hikaru went through—"
"Oh, sheesh, just call him Father or Father-in-Law already!" She flicked her wrist. "He'll be the latter soon enough to you!"
I grinned. Something about that felt like skipping steps, but the proclamation in itself made me feel oddly secure.
*The way she reacted to that… I can't help but feel hopeful about the distant future.*
I spoke quietly, scratching the back of my neck, "You're not wrong that that's something I'd hope for one day…"
"See!"
She was cocky but seemed pleased about my muttering.
Holding her hands up and kicking aside a large twig, she said, "Anyways, continue. Sorry for interrupting."
She moved her index finger over her lips to show they were closed. I stood closer to her so that her warmth radiated through the chilled air, but I remained far enough away to not arouse any suspicion.
*From what people, though?*
"King Hi—"
I cleared my throat. "*Father* had to go through a lot of things for being gay—for being different—it seems like." I nodded. "I get him, though people weren't always as blunt about it to me. They didn't know for a while since I also like guys."
As I shrugged, I added, "I didn't see the point in choosing by gender if the person was someone who I enjoyed being around."
Koharu unconsciously gave me her snaggletoothed smile and ushered me to continue, strolling quieter than a prairie mouse on the soft dirt.
"Nobody bothered me when I was young, actually. I would have said school was better then because it was just… really fucking boring." A sharp snort emerged from my nostrils. "I'm sure you and your brother own more than enough books to know about students complaining—as if words will change anything without concrete actions."
"That's profound of you," she joked.
I rolled my eyes and made an airy noise almost like a chuckle. "Maybe. They say you act lots like the people you're around the most."
I met her oblivious gaze, hoping the sentiment was conveyed.
*A.k.a., you're a bad influence on me!*
This was confirmed when she blushed slightly despite her shameless demeanor. She glanced away and shrugged innocently.
"Pardon if this bothers you," I continued, "but I had relationships with boys for a while and whatnot."
Koharu complained, "Why the fuck would that bother me? You're not dating them anymore since you're with me. That was forever ago."
She tugged on my arm possessively before releasing it.
"That's… comforting to hear. For real."
*You could have reacted much worse since I know you're a lesbian and might not understand.*
I swallowed, proceeding with my story. "It didn't feel wrong being with them because they were dudes; it only felt wrong being with them at the end because I knew I hadn't found the right person. Or they cheated."
I played it off as a joke, snorting.
"That spiel. Nobody bothered me about it because it was expected of a teenage girl to ogle at boys, anyhow."
Frowning at the ground and nearly stopping, I lamented, "But then I dated a girl a few years ago."
Gulping and sighing before I continued, I noticed worry made itself present in Koharu's eyes while she remained uncharacteristically silent. She held onto my words—so invested in them that she was eager to flip the pages by herself.
"I know other girls got called slurs for even being *thought* to like girls, and they were mocked for acting too masculine. Though I didn't fit the stereotype, I was so scared every day because my ex-girlfriend did in other people's eyes, so we always tried to avoid secluded areas because I couldn't confront a situation that felt too imminent."
A dark chuckle came from my mouth.
"Guess that sounds paranoid. But I wondered when I'd become a sacrificial lamb like some of my classmates who dared to speak up, so I kept quiet, even though I knew I had it easier because my dad was a politician with power.
"I heard casual comments from teachers gossiping—pregnant ladies speaking of disowning their unborn children for being gay or men threatening to teach their kids a 'lesson'. Any public expression felt terrifying. There was a huge pressure on my shoulders—thinking someone would cut the hair by which my happiness hung to drive a sword through my skull."
Staving off tears, I had to take another deep breath before continuing. Koharu sensed me getting emotional and hugged me around the waist, perching her head on my shoulder as we slowed to a stop momentarily.
*Whew, it felt good to get some of that out, but that's not even all.*