From then on, my heart pounded. Yes, I kissed her—multiple times, actually. Yes, I confessed, but what was I supposed to do with this knowledge? After concluding my mission in spectacularly misdirected fashion, I realized I never had a definitive goal in mind. I sought to pour my heart out to her—was instead drowned by her feelings—and I got around to making out with her.
But what *exactly* did I want to come from it? I told myself it was a relationship, but if the astronomical change made us distraught, I would back away before things turned bitter to preserve our amiability.
Courtship in, well, an actual castle court (close enough) wasn't the same as dating outside. It came with a level of secrecy, and perhaps we sealed that fate with the kiss, unspoken that we dare not discuss such matters away from our haven of the dining room.
That stood if we even discussed them in the first place.
The room felt eerily quiet, and I imagined I listened to the ants drumming their feet against the carpet.
*Isn't this supposed to be happy? We kissed! Why are we acting like someone died?*
I always thought such a confession was the hallmark of blossoming feelings. That would have meant, thereafter, all walls were broken down, and everything just… fit into place magically—no pun intended.
My cheeks burned flaming red—redder than the cherries on the table, redder than Koharu's lips after we kissed. I envisioned their glimmer after we broke away, feeling the slight chafing of dry skin. We calmly smiled at each other as the emotional tension finally resolved itself. She looked so happy and sweet beside me, but something was missing from her features as she ceased to shine in her usual manner.
Then, I experienced a bout of paranoia; it seemed I heard footsteps dash in panic after we kissed, and I thought beady eyes would pry into our personal matters any second.
*I'm still high off nerves from before, though. I'd mistake a stomp for a bullet.*
Koharu smirked off to the side. At least, I thought she did until I heard a faint noise. It started as a peep, but it drew my attention when it grew louder. Something shimmered across her face, but it wasn't the kind of glow I usually saw. It was a tear, and it elongated that path of light. My expression became torn and shocked.
How badly had I messed up, following along with passions and emotions? How badly was she hurt? I reached out to her, wiping the liquid with the cuff of my outfit.
*Did I act too brashly? Did I push things too far?*
"Koko, what's wrong?" I asked as I stared into her reddened eyes. I didn't intend to sound as if I was in a frenzy of panic, but it likely seeped through my voice. I merely wished to calm her, but my nerves became exposed like the ground after winter.
She grabbed the hand near her cheek and kissed it lightly. My face was warm from both worry and tenderness.
"Please calm down, Lia." Her voice was soft and solemn as I inhaled. "I assure you it's neither a fault of you nor a fault of myself. It's a fault of the universe—of my circumstances in the first place."
*There you go again with the elusive speech… Did you get that from Inei?*
"May I ask what it is?" I intertwined my fingers with hers, wishing to soothe her aside from my irritated confusion.
*I want to understand you better, but you're never clear.*
Shaking her head, she tried to smile as rivers sparkled down her face. Somehow, they reassured me she wasn't lying. It (probably) wasn't my fault, but seeing her distraught tore me apart. Sunlight reflected into my eyes off the puddles on the glass table and blinded me momentarily.
"I can't tell you," she began. "I can't let anyone hear me."
*It's not like you have a bodyguard or something…? Huh?*
I kept my tone calm and hoped it would provide her with some comfort. "Then, where? I'll come with you anywhere. I don't want to see you cry."
*Well, don't drag me into the middle of a jungle or ocean, but I doubt you mean *that* far.*
"I'll visit you myself tonight. Bring Leo."
That was all that was said before the metal doors announced the arrival of our main dish. We didn't speak much for the rest of my visit as she sniffled and cleaned up her face to pretend things were normal when they were anything but. When the cook left, she laid her head against my shoulder, and I quietly fed her spoonfuls of a creamy soup.
***
"Dear Lia,
I sincerely apologize for my little… meltdown? I don't know if I'd call it that. Tears certainly didn't fall from my eyes like they were ice under the desert sun, but they were still there.
It's a strange situation. I think a lot of things in my family are strange. For one, my parents are a bit bizarre, and they're the first pair of kings in the history of the kingdom. Then, there's my brother. Ah, I don't think it's best to discuss certain details of him, but he's certainly eccentric—not always in a good way. I guess what I mean to say is—with all that—I come with some peculiarities out of my control, too.
Now, that's done. I think I'm quite satisfied. I had been meaning to confess for a while now, but nerves, fiendish rascals that dictate the subtleties of actions, kept racking my brain. I am content—no—absolutely ecstatic that went the way it did. My first confession and first kiss."
*Shit! That was your first? I should have made it better for you.*
"I didn't expect it to happen like that, but really, nothing could make me happier. I had expected the arrangements and trials that most castles I heard about as a child put in place as substitutes for marriage and love. My parents always resented those who walked into the castle in pursuit of such rituals. I suppose I can thank them for that as it came from their own experience. Their love story always sounded remarkable to me, but it's a long one.
I shall see you earlier than usual today. I need the fairy's help if I want a lick of privacy to speak with you about a certain matter. Of course, I know he'll tag along—at least in spirit—because of his nosy nature. I'm surprised he doesn't look like Pinnochio with how much he enjoys sticking his nose into others' business and twisting it to follow his agenda. I can't blame him; he lacks friends in the Galaxy Meadow, and he follows a legion of aristocrats around daily.
Regardless, I hope you do not worry about me (too much). I will be fine. I'm just embarrassed I never brought this up before we started getting involved. Until then, have a wonderful day, my lovely girlfriend."
*You're going to leave me on a cliffhanger like that? No clues? How can I not worry? But—ah—you calling me your girlfriend makes me elated! Would you continue?*
"Love,
Koko <3
(P.S. As embarrassing as I find it is to talk about, you are quite a wonderful kisser. I'm entranced. Perhaps again when I see you? The fairy's eyes be damned.)"
*Sure, but preferably without the chapped lips next time! At least I don't have to worry about having been unimpressive despite that…*
***
The letter remained in my pocket all day. Whenever I was bored at the meetings or feeling down, I opened it to read the last lines, which both flustered me and cracked me up due to the sheer bluntness and implications of them. I avoided the center of the paper, attempting to follow through with Koharu's wish for me to not worry. (Which was impossible. I tapped my fingers so much from nervousness that Jisoo handed me a piece of fabric to muffle them when Inei whined.)
Leo caught on (of course) and pestered me about the letter in the morning.
"Whatcha smiling at?"
He leaned over my shoulder and smugly grinned, attempting to read the paper. I quickly folded it up, but he seized it from my hands. I shot him the stink eye. At the bare minimum, I was thankful he didn't rip the sheet.
*Isn't there a law against reading somebody's mail? Can I sue a fairy?*
"Hey, that's not meant for you!"
He flew up in the air and laid on his side. Akiyoshi walked by as I feverishly paddled my hands through empty space in an attempt to grab the fairy and pull him back to the ground. The prince simply shook his head in disappointment and continued on his way.
Leo's head fell back until he hit a wall in his uncontrolled laughter. The blow didn't faze him, so he kept rolling around with his wings against his body.
"When I made a joke about going for the prince or princess, I didn't mean to jinx it like that!"
"Shut up!" I grabbed a flower from a vase and threw it at him, which—in hindsight—was a pretty useless move.
*This thing doesn't even have thorns! I hope he gets a paper cut instead!*
"*'As embarrassing as I find it…'*" he began in a mocking tone.
"Leo!"
"Fine, fine. There's someone who would have my head off if they heard about this," he mumbled. His face became serious, and he handed the paper back to me.
I took it from him roughly before examining it for any damage. "Huh?"
*How many death threats do you get? And over what?*
"Nothing!" He waved his hands around and grinned like he had an idea up his sleeve. (Never a fun sign.) "I'll accompany you and *lover girl* simply so that I can tease her and get back at her for her comments about me."
*Oh. Yeah. That solved that problem.*
It wasn't worth acknowledging the sarcasm in his statement. "I was just about to ask about that, but thank you, I guess?"
"Of course, Fifi!" He gave me a thumbs-up.